#ep 37

I know very well what you want. You torture me because you want to see me beg for mercy on my knees, to see me beg you like a wretch. Keep dreaming.

ling buyi wants closeness, love, trust from cheng shaoshang

of course, really this question should be turned around! doesn't he always act on his own? tell her to stay out of the politics instead of explaining everything to her? how can she feel like part of a partnership when she isn't treated like a fully contributing partner? how can she act according to her best judgment? can trust go only one way?

but because shaoshang's feelings are hard for her to understand, she has no reciprocal demand of having *his* full trust, of being someone he shares his burdens with, of being his partner. instead, she tries to defend herself rationally - and i think fairly!

she is absolutely on the money that she has to earn her own influence, power, and fear in the inner court because zisheng can't always just be conveniently hanging around. and logically, her enemies already know that ling buyi will take serious revenge on anyone who hurts her - they simply either are too stupid or too crazy to take consequences into account. so even if she were to trust him fully, e.g. tell him about what happened, she would still need to be able to save herself, not hide behind him, i.e., the consequences her enemies suffer for attacking her should be something that comes from her, not from him.

but ling buyi is trying to have a conversation about whether she cares for him, so he can't interact with the logic of her statements at all. everything she says is being filtered through his understanding that he fell first and harder, that he is waiting for her to reciprocate his depth of feeling, that he forced her to marry him. he is constantly trying to figure out how much she really cares, after a few back and forths, he ends up here:

we should note that he is, in fact, being extremely clear! he openly says that what he wants is for her to regard him as someone close to him, that is, that he wants her to act in ways that make it obvious that she needs him. he wants that because he knows he needs her.

which, of course, because she has been unloved her entire life, she hears as, i can't love you when you behave as you are:

And his umbrella is visibly shaking the entire conversation