#entry 42

Day 121, and I’m 22 feet, 3 inches now. Evan’s come now, and turns out his hands can still do the trick for me, though it’s a lot more than just his hands now.

I’m not sure what I’m feeling

I feel dizzy and wrong and I need to sit down

I have my friends and I’m happy that I have my friends

I know they’re my friends. Am I losing myself?

I need to get out more.

At least I have my friends. I know I don’t benefit them in any way but I need and love them

It’s a little unfair how they help me and I never help them

I think ██ thinks I don’t care about h

No that’s wrong █ doesn’t at all █ loves you █ told you that

(OC: Date [19-08-2016] Day[Friday])

Dear diary… .

Ara’ni made me realize a good point in the last few days. Why do I write these diary entries? She does it to draw or remember things because she is forgetful. I started doing these because at the time, I wanted to leave something behind if I passed. But who for? I am nobody special to where my diary would be anything important. And I have nobody to pass it down to once I am gone. Anyway it’s a habit I like so I will keep it. Even if I don’t really have a reason for it.

Anyway, my day started off with a talk with Ten’ji. We spoke about the defenses and how the wards were broken. He also apologized for me having to pick up the book. After that some more people started to show up. I had a brief conversation with Sarues before something he said made me think about the prior day’s events. That and Graularr irritatingly wanted to know how it went. This didn’t leave me in a mood to converse so I stood by and listened.

After a while and a new troll showing up, Graularr offered a spar. So I left to find some gear to do so. Remembering Sylvarys’s request, I made sure to bring out a training axe knowing Graularr probably did not have one. Once outside, Graul asked about rules. I was about to say training gear only when Zulago said no weapons. He didn’t want to see us fighting with a missing arm. I thought I knew what he meant by this. No lethal weapons because its unsafe. So I gave Graul the training axe knowing there was no risk of losing limbs to such a blunt tool. Obviously I mistook what Zulago was saying because he thought it appropriate to head butt me in the face. This didn’t impress me. I tire of being attacked by people who are supposed to be my allies. I explained how I misunderstood his directive. He then tried the same trick of –play nice and then attack me-. This time he tried to slap me. I grabbed it but he kicked me anyway. I will admit that I lost my composure. But current events didn’t exactly leave me all happy and cheery either. Having had enough I almost yelled at him to stop. To which I was removed from the warband. To think Zulago would be so hypocritical to question Ara’ni who acted violently the day before, to then act violently against me today.

So I left. I walked back to the city to almost have a demon invasion land on my head. I fought that off only to have the new recruit stalking me. I don’t know what it is about that troll but something seems odd. Ara’ni followed him shortly behind. She then told me we have all lost things and to suck it up. Assuming that what has happened to me over last few days is effecting my ability to do my duty. If I let my personal problems effect my ability to do my duty then I would never be able to get out of bed in the morning. I fight to ensure the things that have happened to me do not happen to anyone else. My father’s death is sad but I would not insult him by spending the next few days doing nothing but cry.

For the moment it seems I am stuck in the city training. I would find a way home and rejoin my place in the order but I made a promise to protect Taryane. And that is what I shall do. I will need to get back into the shadow so I can do that. I follow orders. I show respect. But I will not stand there and be assaulted and be ok with it.

*The writing stops abruptly before resuming*

Another attack happened. I found Graul fighting amongst the others. I saw him fall in combat as we cleared off the last of the demons. He took a wound to the chest I helped him with before making my way back inside the city. Well, trying to. A demon hit my leg and did some damage, but I managed to find somebody to help me. I am exhausted. I will need to try some of this Inns food before I rest. In fact… I think I will do that now.

 Yours faithfully

Today, the Design Lab class focused on testing our prototypes. Each group had to present their solution to the teachers by actually acting out according to their solution. For us, we had two members taking the role of pregnant women and another member taking the role of a narrator (who was the one explaining our project to the teachers). As for me, I took the role of a health worker who would initially go into a community to recruit a pregnant woman to be the first Big Mama and facilitate the first few meetings. Our teachers were invited to take the role of pregnant women and were free to ask us any question they had. It was quite interesting how it went! They gave us a lot of useful suggestions that we cooperated into our project and made it better.

Entry #42 Siem Reap, Cambodia – Bangkok, Thailand – Just a Thought

I’m on my way back to Thailand. This is nearly the last leg of transit disregarding the grueling flight back to the States. At this point, the steps ahead were only routine. I was going to meet Paul at the BTS station on arrival into the city. Then Cassio, Walter, and Rafa get in the next day for a bit of fun. I should be excited, but a disheartening reality came crashing in. The days were…