#end notes

Rafayel: listen, I love Rafayel. That's my guy, alright! But there's something to be said about making his relationship with non!MC be platonic rather than romantic. He met MC first, had the canon interactions of her being his bodyguard and him helping her into the N109 zone. Past lives and fate tie them together. He can't resist her, he's spent his life longing for her. And then comes in this random person who Talia befriended, who snarks back at him and is fun to talk with and there's nothing tying them together. They just click. He understands her loneliness, even if she'll never understand why. There's no destiny that pulls them together, but there doesn't need to be. They choose each other, over and over again, not because they're in love, but just because they like to spend time together. He wants nothing but her company and vice versa.

So when he sees that one of the childhood friends that left such deep emotional scars on non!MC is his fated bride, he makes a choice. And that choice is non!MC. As he said, MC has others. She's not alone. But non!MC is, in comparison. He'll have other lives with her. But he's only got non!MC in this one. Platonic soulmates by choice is something so important to me, actually.

Zayne: he brought non!MC in but after his accident with his EVOL that sent MC to the hospital, he focused on her more due to the guilt. He figured non!MC was always fine and didn't pay much attention to her because she was always there and quiet and steady. He missed a lot of signs until it was too late to do anything, and he carried that regret for many years. He used that regret as a motivation to never dismiss his patients and what they say/feel, always advocating for them, doing the best he can to grow and be better not just for his own or his patients' sake, but for non!MC reader too. He never gives up hope that he can one day speak with her again, but he doesn't push. He goes at her pace, because she needs him to listen to her, so he will.

MC & Caleb: from the beginning Caleb's favored MC more. He didn't put as much effort into being friends with non!MC because she was brought in by Zayne. Even so, over the years she became a part of the group and Caleb took her presence for granted. It was only when she left that he saw how the absence was affecting MC so much and wanted to fix it for her sake. Caleb prioritizes MC always and buried his own hurt and being cut out so suddenly under the anger he felt at her hurting MC. These two are definitely a little co-dependent and what upsets one upsets the other until it's a terrible feedback loop. They wouldn't be able to properly face non!MC reader and come to terms with their actions since they think of the other so highly.

I’m tickled by how much the plot is surprising people. Unfortunately I have a bad case of ‘must plot and world build’ and all my fics suffer this fate. The goal is to get them to confess their devotion to each other, but I need to give them an unnecessarily difficult task to accomplish that, of course. 

I struggled to find a good percentage of the star dimming. If I got the number wrong, basically, it is an alarming amount in such a short timespan but it’s not catastrophic. (Erid will be just fine) Realized I forgot to add the happy ending tag so that's there now! I need happy endings and I love the hope that Hail Mary leaves you with at the end.

I’m giving Grace more trauma, but I’m actually being super nice to Simon (sorta). He gets another chance to save the world! The longer I thought about the blackbox, the more sad I got because the only reason the black box gets to the COI is because the sub (welded shut) explodes and it floats to the surface. Without Simon exploding, the black box didn’t make it. I think that would crush Simon. All that suffering… for what? So to rectify this, he gets another chance at making a difference. Even if he doesn’t realize it, I think Simon’s got the ‘I want to save the world gene’ even if he had to be bribed by freedom in Iron Lung. Like Grace. They both have it inside them. They just need help finding it. Also, what's better than gay astronauts saving the universe?? 

I want to go more in-depth with Simon's pain because I don't really see a lot of how losing an arm would affect him in the long run. Balance, standing, and the pain that would form on his right side. I hurt my left shoulder, and now my right is fucked up from my body overcompensating. Simon needs to go to physical therapy.

I think it's funny that Simon is drawing conclusions that are pretty close to the truth and combining the science and knowledge Grace is explaining to him and then just… not telling Grace. Simon’s well aware of the blood eel dna in him and Grace is still stumped about the teeth. Because Grace teaches as easy as breathing and Simon keeps his cards close and information is practically currency where he’s from. Did you see the way his face changes when it dawns on him that he has information Ava needs? Information is the only thing Simon has as leverage.

It'd be cool to have Simon remember Mars or directly be from Mars, but if I want it to fit into the whole ‘astrophage is the reason for the great rapture’ thing, I think they need to be far removed from it. Mass can’t just disappear but the iron lung lore clearly states the planets disappeared. I’m still figuring it out. Turns out: It’s actually REALLY HARD to kill the whole universe. In PHM the star wouldn’t even die- just all life on other planets- because it's eating the stuff the sun gives off, but not its fuel. A problem for future Grace to solve. 

But I will say the more distance they put between the planets, the more knowledge they could lose.  Knowledge can get lost so easily and I really really believe that the stations would lose so much knowledge in the great rapture. I mean people still believe the Earth is flat with bounds of knowledge at their fingertips so I don’t think it's a far stretch to say that the space stations don’t know the exact truth of what happened to their universe. 

I really dislike the ‘Grace is a crybaby’ trope, but I love to write characters breaking down. It’s ugh. It’s a hard line to toe. But I think learning all your hard work is undone would be a good reason to cry. Grace is the epitome of ‘do it scared’. I also cried writing this, so. I think Grace gets teary and is emotional, obviously, but it’s a little overdone sometimes. I hope I’ve written him realistically and haven’t made him a crybaby. I also think he would hide this from Simon for as long as possible. Grace is guarded too, in a surprising way. He’s open and outgoing and awkward, but he’s also reserved and excludes himself and avoids talking about his issues. I think Rocky and Adrian have broken down his walls, but Grace isn’t going to show that side of himself to Simon yet. I also tried to counteract his break down with showing his more outgoing and even angry side. 

I saw somewhere that pretty emotionally mature people have quick outbursts but their emotions don’t linger. Idk if Grace is emotionally mature (I'm not a therapist), but all his outburst and anger in the film are sudden short bursts and he’s pretty chill after that. I wanted to see how Simon would react to him breaking equipment. Flip the bloodymary trope around, eh, eh? Instead of Grace reacting to violent Simon, it's Simon reacting to Grace’s anger.

Adrian Rocky queer platonic polycule. They’re important to me. They’re all he has, and he’s all they have. They’re everything to each other. You can rip them from my cold dead hands. Adrian is a peace maker. They have their work cut out for them. Internally Adrian is like ‘Rocky, I love you, but you are only making it worse’. I don’t want Rocky to turn into a point of conflict for Simon, mostly I just want him to be defensive and protective of Grace. I’m gonna slow burn Rocky and Simon’s friendship, just you wait. These two WILL bond. Eventually. 

I also have created some worldbuilding for Eden. They have a hierarchy based on religious importance and ‘roles’ or jobs. They get educated until age twelve, baptized at age eight to purify them of the sin of being born (taking up resources) and based on what their Teachers notice in them, they’ll get assigned a role. Simon got the role of soldier at age twelve due to being aggressive- but he was really just defending kids from bigger bullies and he’s a scrappy intense fighter. He had a bad teacher. A wayward is the role for children who are deemed useless. Kids who cause too much trouble, are too difficult to take care of, or refuse to believe in religion. Waywards are also ostracized adults who either leave the cult and refuse to participate or were deemed useless (injured too badly, sick, can’t work). I think that if kids who struggle now are failed by the system, the post apocalyptic stations would be even worse. Simon would come from a sad, sad world. 

I think Simon who just muttered “fucking aliens”  when he saw the monsters would definitely put off thinking about the weird voice telling him to do things. Also the voices were a trick and a trap in the iron lung so he’s taking what he’s gone through and applying it. 

I like to think the space stations had some advancements that were better than the Hail Mary, especially if they lived in space for so long, but with time, they became more run down. They focused their technology and engineering on living in space and colonizing mars in 1990s so that's crazy. Idk how realistic artificial gravity is but I think they’d figure out something else over centrifugal force. I dug deeper and it doesn’t seem possible to make artificial gravity as we know it right now. If they could figure out gravitons or if they exist (aparently currently up for debate in the science world) they’re set. It’d be so hard to permanently live in centrifugal force with so many people. What if it malfunctioned? How would they repair things outside? How would they navigate and keep everyday life running? It’s a headache. Let’s suspend our disbelief, yeah? We’ll all hold hands and pretend. Does the microbiology science make up for this? (pls say yes). 

Simon is just like me fr, leaving a cult and realizing there are actual answers to my questions with scientific evidence and answers. I think this happened on a minor degree in the COI, just him sorta realizing the world didn’t have to be like Eden and realizing how bad Eden was even though he despised the COI. And then he goes through that x100 with Grace. 

I’m also making Simon smart. He’s a navigator. I also like the idea that as a soldier part of his role was to pilot small flighter ships for raids. Eden sucks haha. But I also think Simon is good at math. Him and Grace can geek out about it once they realize. 

In any apocalyptic movie genuinely that thing that gets me the most is the amount of knowledge lost. It even makes me devastated to think about all the knowledge that humanity has lost now due to time and crisis and war and colonization. Never stop learning, never stop asking questions my friends. I kinda have some baggage over the ‘world ending’ idea from yk the whole cult thing and it sometimes messes with me and there's this learned helplessness that I think Simon demonstrates when he tells the COI that there’s no point in trying to fight extinction- but he still find himself trying anyway: ‘its bigger than me’. I think he outwardly is like ‘what’s the point?’ but still tries and fights anyway.

Imagine for me, Simon looking at Ryland tilting his head to the side like a dog trying to figure him out. Like ‘does it make more sense at a 45 degree angle, bud?’. Thank you. I release you now.