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He was shocked to see another red suit in the airlock of Hail Mary.
“Simon?”
An arm waved aggressively at him. Grace shook himself out of his shock and pressed his radio.
“Simon, what are you-”
“Are you out of your mind?!”
Grace winced, but tucked the black box close and then, with one arm, grabbed his tether, intending to pull himself back to the Mary.
Simon grabbed the other end and yanked him forward as he ranted, “You turned off your radio in a highly dangerous fucking blood-infected submarine that's still alive. It attacked you and still you-!”
“Grace is stupid!” Rocky’s robotic voice crackled.
“Yes! Grace is stupid!” Simon ranted, tugging Grace closer until his EVA suit bumped into him. Grace probably should be offended, but he was just glad to have someone there to catch him. He hated jumping between two space vessels. The infinite yawning all around him.
Grace gently clunked his helmet against Simon’s with a breathless smile. Simon abruptly stopped his rant.
“I got it.”
Simon’s eyes were wide behind the thick glass.
“You... got it.”
He caught his breath for a second, feeling Simon’s arm clutching him tight even through the EVA suit. His chest was overflowing with warmth. Simon came out to rescue him. Simon was terrified, and still, he was going to go get Grace without knowing if something bad had even happened. Grace knew he was in trouble, but he couldn’t really let the shame sink into him, just yet. He was sure it would hit him later.
Shaking himself from his wide-eyed stare, Simon pulled back and slammed the button that closed the airlock with an air of aggression. The air hissed as the airlock acclimatized.
“You were coming to save me,” Grace said, stupidly. Whoops.
His back turned to him as he stiffened. After a moment he growled, “You’re too reckless. We had no idea if you were dead or being overrun by the fucking-”
Simon was breathing harshly as he cut himself off. Mary beeped at them to indicate the pressure and atmosphere were stable. Simon struggled to twist off his helmet, his breath fogging up the plastic.
Grace immediately went over to help and twisted the helmet enough that Simon could yank it off his head. He immediately glared at Grace.
“Do you have any idea how stupid that was?” Simon demanded as Grace twisted off his own helmet. “Do you have any idea what those things could do to you?”
Grace immediately thought back to the arm, welded to the pipe, covered in gore and dangling.
“Yeah,” Grace murmured. He looked down at his hand, covered in crackling tendrils. Simon flinched back.
“So you know, and you still did it? I told you to retreat,” Simon's voice was hard, and Grace frowned.
“I’m not a soldier in your army, Simon,” Grace said, and Simon stiffened. “I had to get the black box. It was too important. I was careful.”
Simon scoffed and gestured to his arm covered in agroglobin mess.
“I was! They die within seconds of exposure, so I cut small pockets into them and then-”
“I don't care how clever you think you were- you still could have died. You’re in space, Ryland. What if it cracked your helmet? What if it tore your suit? You’d be dead in seconds.”
“It was worth the risk-”
Simon made an aggravated noise and started to wrestle himself out of the suit.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Grace said, “I got the black box! Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that the reason you- that you-”
Simon glared at him, daring him to finish his sentence.
“It… it was too important to you for me to give up,” Grace admitted. “It was the first thing you asked for when you woke up and I… I didn’t even think to try and get it. I had to make up for that.”
Simon’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and then he was back to glaring.
“Don’t tell me you were willing to risk your life just because it’s important to me. That’s stupid.”
“I mean, that was part of the reason.”
Simon’s face loosened slightly from his glare, but he shook his head as he finished pulling his suit off, leaving him in the casual clothes he was wearing before, without the protective suit underneath it- like he rushed to get to Grace. His chest hurt.
“I don’t get you,” Simon huffed and then pushed himself toward the Hail Mary interior.
He pulled himself through the opening door as Grace called back, “Well, I don't understand you either!”
Grace huffed as Simon disappeared down the hall out of sight, and he was left facing two Eridians staring straight at him.
I love bloodymary as a ship because the origins of the concept is really sweet.
Like it's really a ship that started in an attempt to give these characters (mostly Simon but in some minor facets Ryland as well) a happy ending. To give them a new connection that will make them happier. Like there was legitimately no other reason to put these two together beyond that + "bc it sparks joy" + the fact that the respective movies were released close together. I'm well aware of crack shipping and how wacky it is, but it's still a wild connection to me, sure it makes sense in hindsight but at the beginning?
People looked at Simon in Iron Lung and his very human plea of wanting to live, and was like 'y'know who understands the horror of being the sacrificial lamb and also happens to have a high-tech spaceship? Ryland Grace. He and his best friend are on their way to save you now. You're gonna have a life, and people that love you like you deserve.'
And people looked at Ryland, who has a loving family (Rocky and Adrian), and a happy ending by all definitions of the word and thought, just in case you ever feel this primal dread knowing you'll never see another human as long as you live, just in case it keeps you up at night that the very last time human hands touched your skin it was so terribly violent, here is a potential human connection for you. One that doesn't replace Rocky or Adrian by any means, but adds something newly valuable to your life. Gentle hands for both of them, when they had so little of that previously.
And I adore the fact that bloodymary doesn't have to be romantic. Like I love the romantic stories, don't get me wrong, but I love the queerplatonic ones too. It's called a ship but it's not 100% about finding either of them a romantic love interest, not really.
And it actually baffles me how well these two universes fit together, like puzzle pieces.
They each have their trolley operators, Eva and Ava, who want to treat Ryland and Simon with humanity, but knows they cannot because of the number of lives that rest solely on their shoulders.
The will to follow through on the task that would save humanity despite being hurt so badly by other people (Ryland Grace continuing his mission until the end even after remembering, Simon retrieving the black box knowing he won't make it out alive).
They each have the religious - specifically Christianity related - symbolism present in their stories. Hail Mary, full of Grace (which is a concept that still makes me giggle btw). The reference to the garden of Eden, with the spaceship name, the cults (unfortunate) beliefs in sacrifice and sin, and the last tree. The incident being called a rapture. While still not being a religious movie, and still being rooted in and true to their respective genres (sci fi vs horror).
The stars dying out vs the stars and planets disappearing. There is so much you could play with in that concept. There's of course the parallel universe thing, the "Simon comes from a future where they failed" thing, and even 'Simon and the other ships did end up in a pocket universe with nothing' thing, like Simon had wondered about. Explanations about what the Light Simon saw might be and how it could be connected to astrophage. So much possibility.
Simon died in a universe that got an unmerciful and indifferent entity pulling the strings, and people outside the story gave a shit enough to create the potential for a gentler ending. One that opens up a world of possibilities for both characters. (Also to be clear I'm not dissing the canon ending to either movie by any means. I adore how Iron Lung and PHM was written - and fanworks don't overwrite that at all).
It almost reminds me of that one quote from Brennan Lee Mulligan, y'know the one. It's somewhat stupid to apply it to a fictional ship but it comes to mind nonetheless.
"In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't."
It's just. Sweet. And kind. Such a fundamentally kind ship.
Where Simon challenges The Father. Because!!! It shows he is smart, he’s always been smart. He challenges authority when it he doubts what they are saying.
Do you know how dangerous a doubting child in a cult is??
The Father laughs like he likes the question and that’s the trick because Cults hate questions and doubts and independent thinkers- but they pretend to love questions.
Especially from new members. Simon is a new member (came from Mars- that one conversation with his mother “I don’t want to go- Simon don’t be like that.”) They love to answer questions from new members because it offers them a chance to nip any doubt in the bud, answer with absolutes and half-answers and usually end in humiliating or tearing down the person who asked the question. Not to get personal on main but trust me. You just see their teeth sharpen when you admit to a doubt or ask a question as a kid. They’ll make you feel stupid for asking and if you keep not understanding their half answers (asking more questions) they will get angry at you for persisting.
That’s why I headcanon that Simon has always been a doubter- especially with his monologue later about “what’s more likely? The stars disappeared or a few space stations?” (Paraphrasing) but it’s a very difficult and painful life for a doubting child growing up in a quite literally inescapable cult. But doubting doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t listen. Doubting doesn’t mean he didn’t fall for the dogma. He can still doubt and be their Butcher. They made him a solider, they made him loyal, and just because he privately thought it was all horse shit doesn’t mean he didn’t learn to not to challenge authority (that he still struggles with). That the belief sank into him like thorns, that he can’t help but feel a religious reverence for the seed despite hating what they did in the name of the Last Tree.
Religious trauma is just so complicated and especially cult trauma because they are literally masters of manipulating large groups of people and they have systems in place to keep their members there even if they don’t believe and even if they do escape, they leave lasting gashes.
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not to say that i disagree with this hc because i don’t, but is there an in-canon reason so many people hc simon as an engineer besides that it makes a nice adrian/rocky parallel (when you hc adrian as a scientist)? i’m trying to remember if he did anything engineering-y in the movie but the most i can think of is him unsuccessfully taping down the camera button LMAO
giving simon wormhole-opening powers so grace can send an instant probe once they're on erid and inflict more psychic damage on the og petrova task force
The attention to pen nibbling did not go unnoticed. Codependency for the win!!! I am also a lover of trauma bonding.
I adore how you've kept Simon's need for conserving resources and assumption that he will be denied the basics. Too often, I've seen writers let him forget those habits immediately after meeting Grace. The way you've kept it and tied it to his deep set religious trauma... Perfection. From a fellow victim of organized religion, thank you. You've made him nearly painfully relatable in his desperation to be absolved and conflicting refusal to submit himself under another in order to be forgiven. Aauuughhhhhhh
Thank you! :D
Hahah I wish I had more room to tag “Grace’s oral fixation” lol (I hit the 75 tags limit) for the pen nibbling
If they’re not trauma bonded what’s the point???
I honestly think Simon will never truly get used to it! My great grandma lived through the depression and she really hammered in the ‘you cannot waste food’ survival trait into my family that is still present years after she was gone. So I imagine it will continually shock Simon that he has access to so many resources and his behavior will likely still reflect that even after he accepts that he is safe.
I’m so glad you found him relatable. I’m always worried I’m projecting too hard and not accurately reflecting his character so I’m glad to hear it resonated.
Him wanting to be “absolved but refusing to submit himself to be forgiven” is a PERFECT description of Simon ahhhh yes you get it.
I have actual brain worms and I love the bloodymary reverse au's where Grace loses a leg instead becuase his fear response is FLEE and now he just cannot run //
It's such a perfect switch because most people interpret Simon with a missing arm and his fear response is, can you guess it?? FIGHT. His dominant hand is gone he can't fight-
Like good LORD that is devastating and I'm staring directly at the thematic possibilities
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I'm going to figure out the part 1 thingys where people can click through! But here we go.. my bloodymary au of sorts of the fic I am writing. Just the entrance of our one and only SIMON!
First part / Next (not yet)
I tried to make his fins vaguely hand like..
I love horror so much so I will be trying to include many themes of that, and in part two, you guys will learn more on how I am connecting the two. And once I finish chapter one of my FIC I'll link it, as it will have a lot more details and hopefully answer more details. But feel free to question!!! I love answering questions to help figure out my universe more. But yes yes! Anyways enjoy.
I wonder sometimes what kind of person Simon would have been without the Quiet Rapture. He’d probably have moved back to Mars from Eden when he was a teen, or an adult, because he’s got more opportunities there. I don’t know if deep space would have particularly appealed to him, but who knows! Maybe he would have liked to be a navigator because he’s got such a knack for it, and have interned on some deep space trips before returning to Mars in his early 30s.
he’s really smart, and good at picking things up. He’s got a good head on him. He could have done anything he set his mind to, really. And he’s got a hell of a will, so I think if he found something he liked he’d have pursued the hell out of it
he could have been a pilot, and engineer, a doctor if he wanted, a botanist or a librarian, an architect or a cartographer, a scientist in any field he wanted, or just… anything. He’d have made a good activist. He could have been anything he wanted. He would have had a million hobbies, and he’d probably have a knack for embroidery. He might have written a book! He’d be good at that. He’d probably be in a book club for a bit, just for the hell of it. Maybe he’d like racing, or pick up some sports. I don’t know what opportunities he’d have on Mars 300 years from now, but they were probably endless.
one thing he’d never be is a soldier, though. He was never built for it. He’s too headstrong, and questions things too much
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your leftover light fic is genuinely so good I'm so obsessed. I read all of it in one night. I'm at a loss of words I'm trying so hard to compliment you but I'm fumbling so badly
LL is the BEST bloodymary fic I've EVER read. The characterizations are literally perfect. The romance isn't the center. The research is insane. The two characters have so much chemistry yet are too traumatized/busy to acknowledge it. I'm in love with the way you write Simon. I love the whole "what mind games is this blond bitch playing" he's got looping in his head + Grace just being genuinely confused as to why this guy won't accept his help normally.
Thank you for making Simon a tree mutant and not fish. Accurate! Rocky is also sufficiently sarcastic, I love it. I adore Simon being all traumatized yet still high functioning and on high alert. I think you strike the perfect balance between completely losing his shit and being too busy analyzing everything to properly lose his shit. He's a ticking time bomb and I think you've written it perfectly. I thoroughly enjoy reading Simon's perspective.
I adore your fic. I'll come back and compliment you more once my thoughts become more cohesive. Please never stop updating I am obsessed.
(i'm so braindead I sent this to the wrong person so take that as you will)
Sorry this took me so long to respond to! I’m so happy you’ve enjoyed it so far! Hopefully I’ll live up to expectations.
There shockingly little of plant Simon! I love a big ol fish plant human mess mutation for him. I can’t wait until we get further and I can share more thoughts about the plant mutations.
It’s funny bc every time I write them doing something maybe romantic I think “am I going to fast???” But then I just realized it’s been 115k words and they aren’t even friends yet ahaha. So hopefully you continue to like the slow burn because it is definitely slow!
“What mind game is this blond bitch playing” literally made me laugh out loud. That’s exactly it lmaooo. Simon’s trust issues are my fav thing to write. He’s doing emotional calculus while Grace is struggling not to be on the brink of tears at all times.
Thank you for your asks! Gave me the motivation to stop procrastinating and get to work on the next chapter haha
