About First Date-- lets say, the series:
😥: He tries not to read too much into her question, but doesn’t quite keep the bitterness from his voice. “That we’re taking a walk in the park? No, I didn’t.”
“It’s not that I’m embarrassed,” she says quickly, “but who knows if—”
—if this will be a one-time thing, he hears, even if that’s not what she was going to say.
aww thank you for asking! 🥰
😥-Leave your favorite angsty scene in the ask and I’ll tell you what I was thinking.
this is why i love writing from a close-in pov of one character! we’re stuck with the perspective of his assumptions -- because i don't think that's what she was going to say. he's worried she's going to back out, so he's listening through that lens. she, most likely, doesn’t want the crew to gossip about this tender new thing while she and chakotay try to figure themselves out.
in some ways, janeway and chakotay have had a long-distance relationship while sitting right next to each other -- for all these years, they've both been spinning fantasies and having imaginary conversations with each other and assuming the other person thinks or wants certain things, without really talking about it. they’re going to have to learn to communicate with each other -- not just with the version of each other in their heads.
⛰️- What was the hardest part?
i struggled with middle of “low tide.” there were a few lines i wasn’t willing to part with, and i was trying to touch on a lot of different unwritten scenes without going too far into any of them, and i didn’t want to tip over from maudlin nostalgia into real angst because i just want them to be in love, okay!! i rewrote these five paragraphs like 90 times (and by “rewrote” i mean “retyped” since i was basically just moving words around 😭):
Since New Earth, he thinks, deliberately, in the face of his well-worn pattern of avoidance. It came up sometimes on Voyager, in a light-hearted way—haven’t I had this dish before? at dinner, or a shared chuckle when an away team encountered a native primate—but he never let himself think about it, because he couldn’t do that casually. If he dwelled on the life they almost shared, he’d drive himself mad.
They’re poised to share a different life now—at least, they’re sharing the better part of a week. Kathryn issued the invitation to Pacifica but left the details to him, and he spent hours on that civilian transport poring over maps and brochures, planning, imagining. He chose this cabin for the hot tub on the deck, knowing it would remind her.
He planned to let her discover it herself, but ultimately couldn’t wait, and showed it to her first thing. When long seconds passed without her saying a word, he felt a rush of worry that he’d overstepped, that he’d made her uncomfortable.
It’s a familiar fear, and one that’s been difficult to shake: If he gets too close, wants her too much, she’ll pull away from him.
When she finally turned around, her eyes were bright with unshed tears, and she brought both hands to his face. She kissed him, so sweetly, and said: “It’ll never replace yours.”
i'm still not sure i nailed it, but sometimes it can't be perfect, it can only be done. (and usually “done” should be like four to eight days of copy/pasting sooner 😔)
☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?
i like the idea that janeway hasn't fully unpacked her home or decorated her office after returning to earth, because they aren't quite landed yet in their new lives. and then in “low tide” i hint that she's inviting him to help her nest decorate :)
in “low tide” there's an ongoing thread of water and gravity, and then i couldn’t resist:
“I love you,” he whispers. He feels it in his chest like he always does, like a whole ocean trying to fit in just a few words.
and ok i’ve been dying for an excuse to talk about the ~symbolism~ in the title, because low tide can have a sense of emptiness and lack but also it's how you get tide-pools, which is where life begins!
i think the next fic in this series will be in between the other two, from her point of view. :)
