#embarassingly

so he gets wine and we're drinking it in bed watching tv (clothes on, totally platonic seeming, etc.) and then he moves his leg against mine and that's when i know what's going on and i'm like yeahhh but then i'm like noooo

and then he pulls me closer and slides his hands down the back of my pants and grabs my ass and starts playing with it and i'm like yesss please god but at the same time i'm like noo

then he pulls his dick out and the rest is history like i was so determined not to fuck him but fuck he like makes me so vulnerable and i'm so attracted to him

and i'm literally the biggest baby bottom like if there's not a gallon of lube on my ass and his dick then sex is not happening but he didn't even HAVE lube, he just had a condom and used his spit and it was still somehow some of the best sex i've ever had like we just have such good chemistry and it kind of hurt so i tried to pull away and push him out but that made him hold me down and push in deeper and i love when he does that it literally makes me so horny so i'm like FUCK yes ugh

and then AFTER we're laying in bed and i'm on instagram and he grabs my phone and just plays with it for like 5 minutes and plays it off like it's nothing

and then i get home and i want to text him and be like "wtf why did you text me out of nowhere you basically just cheated on your boyfriend etc" and i go through my text messages (bc he texted me & i didn't save his number cause tonight was the first night we'd texted with his new number in months) and he deleted his number out of my text messages

and now i just feel absolutely worthless like. you pretend to go through my phone just to look at my pictures when in reality you want to delete your number so you don't seem like a cheating bastard if i ever hit you up when you're with your boyfriend and like