#ellen shh

Since the Big Day of Dan’s coming out video, I’ve gotten a lot of questions from you all about whether or not I’m going to continue to be active in the phandom, and whether I’ll still be writing phanfiction. I know, of course, that Dan’s coming out was a huge turning point for everyone that supports him (and obviously for him as well), but I have been especially conflicted in the aftermath for a number of reasons. Suffice it to say that, after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to step back from writing fanfiction about Dan and Phil for the time being. This is not to say I will never return, because honestly I feel we are all floundering right now, nobody knows what the future of being a Dan and Phil fan will be; their content could remain relatively the same, or it could drastically change. I would like to wait a while and see where this new information and possible rebrand takes us. 

To explain myself a bit more, the reason I feel that I need to stop writing phanfiction for the time being is this: it is obvious to me since Dan’s video that Dan and Phil are currently, and always have been, romantically connected. Until now, I realise that I didn’t honestly believe that to be true. I really, really hoped it was true, and I used this blog and my writing to fantasise that it could be true, because their relationship (regardless of romantic overtones) is absurdly, wildly beautiful in a soulmate kind of way - which is why they are so amazing as a duo. To find out that the things I have been writing about - essentially my own prettily worded daydreams - are real is shocking and bizarre. It’s like finding out the dreams you’ve been having for years are really happening somewhere on the planet. Knowing that their relationship is genuine completely transforms my attitude to writing about them, particularly as I respect the two men so much, and would never want to accidentally cross any boundary by speculating on something that as Dan said they prefer to keep private. You could argue that I was doing this anyway of course, even before Dan admitted the truth, but my justification for writing the stuff I write has always been that on numerous occasions, both men have said they don’t mind fanfiction being written about them, and have even read certain stories aloud during videos and livestreams. 

I no longer feel that this is a good enough reason to continue. It seems, what with everything Dan has so wonderfully shared, that he would prefer to continue a relationship with fans that is both non-invasive, and more open and honest than the one he had with us before. 

Don’t get me wrong, knowing that Dan and Phil’s relationship is not pure phandom-hive-mind fantasy is absolutely amazing. It makes be absurdly happy to know that they do really have each other in every respect, as best friends, as business partners, and as life partners as well. I am so so glad for them, and I do not regret a moment of this blog and the support I have given them, as I truly feel everything we do as a phandom (aside from the old sucky invasive stuff) has led to building Dan’s confidence enough that he could share his true self with us all. I have no plans to leave the phandom entirely at the moment, but I do think I’ll be taking a significant step backwards, mostly to allow Dan space to put forth his intentions as a creator moving forwards, and to establish what sort of fan I should be in order to give him the best support and encouragement that I can. 

I hope you all understand, and I love every single one of you. 

Ellen xxxx

P.S. This is my opinion alone. I have no qualms whatsoever about anyone else’s decision to continue writing about phan. In fact, if you feel comfortable with it, I’m a huge supporter of fanfiction as a creative outlet and Dan has, as far as we know, stated that he is too.