Jul 11
Very poignant indeed
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Very poignant indeed
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This sentence is highlighted from the first time I read this book and I think this paragraph in particular holds a lot of weight to Elishās character and his thought processes even if itās spoken from the mind of a child. Given what ends up happening to Cristo (which is obviously such a big turning point in Elishās life and shapes the way he trusts and views the world) just the knowledge that Cristo was so important to his early childhood development and Silas is such a jealous and sadistic monster that heād take away someone Elish cares for so deeply in such a brutal way in front of him is also a stark reminder of how strangely Silas views his chimeras. As his property to do with what he wants. And itās also a good view into how much Elish has been beaten down by Silas when you view his early childhood thoughts through the lens of what heās like as an adult.
Bro this weirdo. āYouāre so mature for your ageā oldest line in the BOOK BUDDY!!!! GET FUCKING REAL LOSER!!!!! And elish falling for it hook line & sinker because heās been so severely socially isolated up until this point in his life & Silas genuinely did not teach him fucking anything about staying safe and actually thinking with your top head & not your bottom head & how thereās predators in the world who will target you even if youāre super special and a princeā¦.like ohhh I got feelings about this situation in regard to Silas but Iāll refrain from speaking about that for now until we get to that part (genuinely the most fucking angry I ever got in these books with Silas is how he reacts to elish getting groomed LOL)
Posting my ship thoughts here because I literally just want to Get It Out
Obvs Elish/Killian is my favorite noncanon ship like I feel like it was veeeryyy intentionally set up so that freaks like me would flock to it but unfortunately I seem to be the only freak drawn in to the deliciousness that this ship is. Whatever. The way they were written in AGAI was hot as hell even outside of the best sex scene in the entire series belonging to these two their dynamic (even though it was influenced by the worms) was hot as fuck and I enjoyed the way Elish acted with Killian and the way he became very protective of him. Elish/Jade is very freak4freak and I adore that so much but something about Elish and Killian together really brings out an entirely new flavor in both of them thatās super unique and special to only them together. And even after the (hot as fuck) cheating sex after theyāre all awkward and shit Elish is STILLLLL protective of Killian and omg itās just really good. Really really good. Idc if the worms ruined whatever friendship they had. In my heart they eventually move past it and become besties again because even outside of their fucky forced-sexual relationship they just are so good together as companions and they both love other people but also understand each other on a level their partners donātā¦.ElishKillian forever and ever #imtheonlyonewhoshipsthis #andidontgiveafuck #peaceandloveforever
I think the progression of Elish being raised from birth to everyone telling him heāll rule as king beside Silas one day -> Elish believing he will marry Silas one day -> the ever-growing resentment from Elish when it comes to Silas -> the eventual spiral of Elish resenting Silas after his proposal was rejected all works very beautifully as a specific facet of Elishās character. Of course if you have always had it drilled into your head that you will be king one day, is that not what you will latch onto and try to make happen regardless of means? Especially for someone so goal-oriented like Elish. He justifies to himself in the later years while heās stewing in his resentment for Silas that heās trying to overthrow Silas for the greater good and I think he really does believe that but the core of his drive to get to the top of the hierarchy is rooted deep inside of him from what heās been told since he was a baby. Youāll be king someday. Youāll rule with Silas. And then itās youāll rule next to Silas. Conditioning like that doesnāt go away especially considering the way he was raised (in regard to the abuse and the high standards Silas had for him as a child). Also add on the fact that I donāt believe Elish is very self aware at all. He thinks he is but heās an extremely unreliable narrator and despite how strong he presents himself in the current-timeline books itās proven in gos/hof/agai1&2 and tvorar that he really can snap so easily and he doesnāt have much control over himself when he does. All chimeras are fucked in the head thanks to nature AND nurture and Elish is able to hide it pretty well and present a strong and unshakable front but I really think the root of his āI must be kingā shit probably is less to do with Silas and more to do with the conditioning he went through as a kid coupled with his need to control every aspect of life. Him hating Silas is just a convenient excuse to use to overthrow him since the āruling beside himā plan did not work.
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Just read the cristo scene. Let me break it down okay.
First we have Silas forcing Elish to watch the torture and murder of someone Elish considered a guardian and a friend. Someone who has been there for Elish since birth and taken care of him his entire life. Silas explicitly forces this 8 year old to watch as it happens. Not only does Silas personally torture Cristo in front of Elish, Silas makes Nero, Elishās brother and also someone Elish cares deeply about, make the killing blow. And all of this is made out to be a public spectacle in front of thousands of people.
Iām not sure what Silas was hoping to achieve with this. Silas is super hard for me to understand on a good day but when he acts like this itās just baffling to me. My personal interpretation is that his feelings were hurt over him thinking Elish loved Cristo more than him, and the whole kidnapping thing pushed him over the edge to the point where he wanted to punish Elish as well as Cristo. Punishing Elish because he loved someone who wasnāt Silas. Itās hard to imagine what goes through Silasās head when he does stuff like this, but I think he doesnāt have any sort of ability to understand how his actions might have consequences outside the short term of when heās acting. With his rule of āonce the punishment has been given, youāre forgivenā it seems to me like heās just incapable of understanding that other people might be hurt by his actions past the time that he wants them to be hurt. Because Silas very much wanted to hurt Elish when he did this. He was very much punishing Elish for the crime of having emotions.
And when the chapter ends with this:
Itās just hard for me to picture what other outcome Silas could have expected from such a malicious thing done to an 8 year old.
Silas is so interesting idk Iāll post more about his baffling mind and how I interpret his actions as I read this book because man he does some seriously fucked shit to Elish. Elish perfect torture boy forever.
ALSO this is definitely The Catalyst for Elish. Heās shaped by this event so deeply and everything else that happens to him in this book + others just compounds on the trauma he gained from this event and reinforces his idea that everything he loves gets taken by Silas. I also just want to throw in a mention of how much I love the parallel between Silas killing Elishās caretaker in Stadium and Silas killing Jadeās mother in Stadium, both times forcing the victim to watch (and Elish having to be there while Jade watched his mother get killed - like thatās gotta do something to Elish even if he pretends he isnāt affected)
The way Silas reacts to Elishās love for Cristo in this scene is super interesting. Here Elish is at 8 years old and he just had a panic attack and Silas goes on a monologue about how much it sucks Elish doesnāt love him as much as he loves Cristo. Which to a normal person youād be like well why is my child attached to someone like this who isnāt me and how can I do better. But to Silas he genuinely doesnāt understand how he cannot be the center of the world and therefore blames Cristo (who yes for all intents and purposes DID raise Elish and Nero and Garrett and Ellis) and also blames Elish for not yet understanding the all-consuming jealousy that Silas often feels.
Itās also just crazy because. Hello. This child just had a brutal panic attack why are you concerned about who he loves more. Thatās a baby and youāre older than old
This hits me hard for some reason and I think itās because regardless of what Elish is, at the end of the day heās still mostly human and as Silas says this to him heās a little 8 year old boy who just experienced something extremely traumatic and is about to experience something even more traumatic, and after that something even MORE traumatic and after that horrors beyond comprehension and I think the way the trauma shapes itself in Elish is the most poignant exploration of nature vs nurture and how every monster was at one point just a little kid. Like this kid is 8 and starting to realize the world is evil. This kid is 8 and starting to have suicidal thoughts and starting to question the legitimacy of life itself. And he grows up to be a monster that rapes and kills and manipulates his family to a degree that it almost destroys the entire world. And yet at one point he was a happy child who loved his father and his siblings.
God I love Elish so much & I love Garden of Spiders so much for the tome of character exploration that it is.