I had a dream a few nights ago. Lord Donald Trump had come to my familyās house where the entire neighborhood was gathered to give us names. Because you couldnāt have a name unless it was given to you by him. Everyone else was bowing and accepting their names, when I jumped up from behind the couch and shouted that we, the [my Last Name], would never accept him as our ruler and we already had our names.
Then my family and I grabbed the cats and ran to the car.
We drove as fast as we could, aided by my water powers (because apparently I had control over water, like a waterbender, so I summoned the groundwater and used it to propel us forward in the car.) Donald Trump, who was an earthbender, kept using his powers to destroy the land around us to try and stop us from fleeing. Thatās all he ever did with his earthbending - destroy the earth.
Other things happened (like Spiderman showed up, we took him into our car, my sister thought she was a zombie, she kept biting me. Then I made out with Spiderman), but those werenāt important.
Yes, this is a political post, not a dreamblogging post, though the dream was real.
When I told my dad this dream, he laughed and said,Ā āWhat are you going to do if he gets re-elected?ā
I said,Ā āI might kill myself.ā
I wasnāt joking. I never joke about suicide. Iāve been suicidal enough of my life to know what it feels like to be so hopeless that you think thereās no way out.
Iām not suicidal right now. I havenāt been since...February? Ish? Itās progress.
But Iām afraid if Donald Trump gets re-elected, all that progress with go down the toilet.
He wants me dead, as I am a queer person. He wants me dead, as I am a disabled person. He wants me dead, as I am a Jewish person (and donāt you dare sayĀ ābut his daughter is Jewish!ā because yes, she is, but he is still anti-semitic. You can have a Jewish person that you love and still be anti-semitic for lots of reasons, just like you can love a black person and still be racist.)Ā
On the one hand, if I kill myself, then he wins. On the other hand, Iād rather die by my own hand quickly than slowly under his regime of terror.
Iām scared. Iām very, very scared. Iām scared because my dad voted for Trump last election, and is considering doing so again, even though he likes Biden better, because heās afraid of what Harris is going to do. Iām scared because my sister said, in a serious tone,Ā āI need to talk to you,ā and then told me she was considering voting for Trump, becauseĀ āBiden is a racist,ā andĀ āTrumpās racism is in the past.ā (Google! Just google! Yes, Biden is also a racist, but heās a racist who doesnāt understand that what heās doing is racism, because he thinks heās being equal. Heās wrong, but heās trying. Trump is a malicious racist. Both are bad, but one is worse.)
My family thinks Iām a crazy radical leftist. They donāt listen to me when I talk because they think Iām unreasonable, and that Iām not listening to them. They donāt listen to me because Iām emotional, and I cry when I talk. They think Iām getting hysterical. I think I canāt control my emotions because I have a mood disorder that makes me cry all the time, and Iām loud because I have trouble moderating my volume even in a non-emotional situation. Iām not unreasonable. I will listen to what they have to say. But they talk down to me. I think they lack empathy, which scares me. I am a leftist, but I am much less radical than so many people out there, and Iām certainly not crazy.Ā
My cousins think Iām posting things on Facebook that are radical and anti-semitic. The most recent political things Iāve posted on Facebook are tweets that have said,Ā āCops shouldnāt kill criminals either,ā and other things about how cops need more training and arenāt the arbiters of life and death.
Iām just tired. And Iām scared.
If Biden gets elected, thereās still a lot of work to be done. None of these problems will be fixed, but we will have a leader that is open to fixing them. We still have to do the work, and we still have to protest and contact our legislators and do everything we can.
But Iām afraid if Trump gets elected, we will die.
My dad identifies as a Libertarian. But he also trusts the checks and balances system implicitly. I said to him,Ā āFor someone who dislikes the government so much, you put a lot of trust in it.ā And he replied,Ā āBecause thatās the only thing we have.ā
A fascist doesnāt care about checks and balances. And if thatās the only thing we have (if the judicial branch comes under his control...if the legislature remains under his control...) we have a problem. We already have a problem.
Iām fighting. But I donāt know how much more I can (personally) take.
Iām not suicidal. Not right now. Iām not going to kill myself, donāt worry.
But ask me again in November.
