AIO - Boyfriend Elbowed Me
I don’t know where to start so I’ll start here - I have a mental health condition that I believe I have under control but sometimes I do not understand if I’m the problem.
Oh and TLDR! And obviously this is a throw away account.
A couple of days ago my boyfriend came home from work and he seemed really stressed out and cranky but as the day went on, I thought he was doing better. We were being playful, flirting, etc. To make a long story short, I was still being playful and didn’t realize he was getting mad… I honestly thought we were still joking around. We were getting our 2 year old ready for the fireworks and I had lost a flip flop and searched high and low for it and it was underneath the stroller that my boyfriend had control of. I looked at it, sighed, looked at him and laughed. He said something like, “How was I supposed to know it was there!” And I replied back like, ‘Try moving the stroller!’ Still with a smile on my face. I can’t remember what he said but I asked him if he needed a hug and he said ‘No, don’t come near me.’ I thought it was all a joke, apparently reading the room isn’t my thing, so I stepped closer to him with my arms out. That’s when he put his elbow up and said if I come closer he was going to elbow me in the face. I laughed, got closer and he elbowed my neck fan which in turn hit me in the jaw. Which immediately REALLY hurt my feelings because… what the fuck? (It wasn’t hard enough to bruise but hard enough to let me know it happened) So, I walked out of the door ahead of everyone to collect myself and try to make sense of what just happened. We eventually got back close to each other for our walk but I stayed ahead of him because he ‘needed space.’
We didn’t talk much the walk up, during, or back. Pretty much came home and went to bed. Next day I wake up, he’s at work. He gets home and says ‘I’m sorry for what I said to you yesterday.’ SAID TO ME??!!! So, I started crying and when he asked me why I was crying I told him because his words aren’t what hurt me, him elbowing me is. He then proceeded to tell me that he did nothing wrong, he told me he was going to do so if I got closer. Absolutely refused to apologize for physically hurting me. I tried to explain to him that I read the situation wrong but that didn’t justify him being aggressive/abusive with me. He just shrugged and sat down. We didn’t talk again for about 4 hours.
I also tried to get him to understand that I’ve been in an abusive relationship before that I have trauma from and I didn’t want to not feel safe with him every time he has a stick up his ass. How did I become the problem in this scenario? Am I overreacting? Should I let it go?
Update or whatever: After reading a bunch of the comments, I do absolutely realize that I’m to blame as well. Though I never physically touched him, I should have understood that he was irritated. I can say it till I’m blue in the face, I didn’t know but that’s my fault for not reading the situation correctly. I don’t agree that it was a valid reaction, I wouldn’t have reacted the same. Also, I’m not a bot. Real situation. Real people. Thank you everyone for your input. This is the first time anything like this has happened between the two of us so my thoughts are a little jumbled. I suggested to him that we work on communication and understanding each other better so that nothing like this happens again. I asked him to please tell me when he’s frustrated by saying that he actually is so I don’t misunderstand the situation. I still fully expect an apology which I will probably never get. But no, I never touched him. He elbowed me when I was about a foot away from him. It didn’t hurt as much as it shocked me and I definitely was not trying to play the victim. Like I said, sometimes I have a hard time realizing that I’m the problem. I’m a work in progress lol But this has given me some insight. I am part of the problem for sure. Thank you.
Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (83% confidence)
Top comment: “NOR - what are you doing? That’s the end of it, right there. You’ve been down this road before. Most people don’t do this. Walk away.”
Notable comment: “NOR - The first time my ex hit me, I was six months pregnant with our son. I had jokingly hit him in the shoulder, and did not understand the response. He was instantly pissed…and in front of his friends and our roommates at the time, he punched me back so hard I flew across our kitchen and into the countertop. Then he left the house completely. When he returned it was all my fault and made me feel like crap for making him hit me.
I hope you reread that sentence, cuz I totally believed him. The joys of growing up abused, it can be hard to see when it’s happening to you directly.
The last time he hit me was 9 years later, when he broke my ribs in front of our kids on Mother’s Day because he didn’t get to sleep in.
You are on a very slippery slope considering he doesn’t see what he did as wrong. I’m not saying it will escalate to this level, but I sure hope that you can make some safety changes to make sure it doesn’t. You never deserve to be with someone who can’t control their emotions and actions because of that. Please stay safe.”
Do you agree with Reddit’s consensus?
Voting ended onJul 12
Originally shared by Ok_Cake_142 on r/AmIOverreacting on July 5th, 2026 at 4:18 AM UTC. Credit to u/molly_danger and u/AtmosphereOwn2389 for the quoted comments.
