#eidolonpop

"Lady Luck is just another dumbass." finally, we know what she is "Listen, Sloan, this is a mechanically-incentivized intervention." oh Cumeye's got the batman voice "because he's been drinking, step one he's gonna take his shirt off" "Man, this is a weird fuckin' episode!" "I'm trying to think, does this guy have blood or does he have something cooler?" "Double blood!" damn he bleeds cum too "You think you're safe now? Just cause I don't have legs? You think I can't get more of those?" I cannot stress enough how little concept I have of how hard it is for him to get more legs just kind of a nice drunken execution "My name... is Raphael Hubert. And I... am hungry like the wolf." I get it, like the song "One Take Luke, that's what they call me."

"I thought the other campaign was the one with the casino stuff in it?" The Gambler himself is here, he sounds pretty rough though, like he died in his sleep "I need to do a bonus episode where the Gambler and the two-headed bellboy from ROCK like, do a movie commentary together or something." that will need to be the last episode of eidolon playtest, because it will permanently destroy your voice "I should not say that out loud, I don't want to record that." "Mr. The Gambler, could you recite some of my favorite lines from the video game series Kingdom Hearts?" "No." tenure's definitely worth a lot, people love to have tenure, I'm not like completely sure what tenure is though "All of you, despite not really following what the hell Quentin was talking about, do feel emboldened to gamble against Lady Luck." "We are bonding, we are bonding you to our will." damn got her girlfriend's name in one "Quick question, Lady Luck?" "Mm-hm?" "What are your thoughts on the Bible?" damn Sloane's about to tell her the good news Eidolon ROCK is all about meeting the primal forces of the universe and annoying them a lot "Roman empire, slayers of Christ. I'll take that one." "Alexis, is it time for another funny meme?" "Yeah, sure, sure. Why don't you show me that cool cat pic?" "Okay, I shoot him." it's like this whenever it seems like the pop team has the situation pretty much in hand "My clock just hit midnight." again this is how it always is with them "there is a white gooey fluid coming out from under the eyepatch" Ol' Cumeye they call him

"Give me a second, because I have been preparing for two weeks to play depressed Ursa." "I try calling her." "Straight to voicemail." alright well that doesn't mean anything, no one answers the phone, that's the entire point of eidolon pop "Hey, this is Sloane. Why are... why." "Why are you familiar with the Adam Sandler comedy Click?" "I mean, it's one of the most popular movies of all time, of course." click is this world's borat "It sounds like saying a really bad cuss to your mom." "though I will say, an eidolon powerful enough to do this is... unusual." "Hell yeah it is." "'Hey Ursa, you doing okay?' I say putting my pants on." "Don't yell at Kane to do fanart for us." "Did you just say 'holy cow' and then 'fuck?'" "I guess everyone's alive now, except for James and Ursa who still don't exist kind of?" "So I've been asking myself, what would Sloane do?" "Oh, buddy, no." now that Sloane's having some character development, we need a replacement bad decision maker "I'm going to need all of you to try something risky, and fail." finally, something they're good at making a pull in granblue really is the ideal way to do that "I've been saving my crystals for armsfest but let's go." "I gotta admit Lady Luck, it's a bit tacky for the god of luck." "We playing blackjack or something, you fuckin' stereotype?" "Yeah, it's blackjack-" "Yeah of course it is."

"Alexis, what is justice?" damn that's a tough question "She's a zoomer making a phone call, of course it's important." "What are the chances that Sloane would cause more trouble in the 24 hours that we leave her alone?" "Unfathomably high." "I scrap with the firefighter." "For the record, I am flipping off the firefighter as we run away." "Wow, you think I'm useful?" "Status?" "A bunch of fire emojis." "Alexis, I made a mistake." "That's okay, we made it together." "Inside each Sloane, there are two dragons." "They're both idiots." "This is gonna go bad but I want to do it" that's the eidolon pop way "The thing is that like, rocket jumping doesn't work." okay that makes sense alright they have dealt with the second dragon that they created for no reason "Please call me 'boss' from now on." "Do you like to converse, Sloane Parker?" "No." "You shouldn't have died. You should have never been born." well that's mean "Eidolon POP: It will make you feel bad."

"I have not died yet, therefore I am immortal." "I'll see you in.... fuckin' whenever the next evil deity summons us at this point, I don't care." "You don't even have any apps installed, it is like it's a brand new phone." eidolon pop's always finding new avenues for phone horror "My Granblue progress......" okay first of all there is an app but people usually play that in the browser, "Can I roll to see if I have leftover Chinese food?" "Who are you?" "Fuckin', the ghost of Christmas past, suck my dick." "Alexis, this seems like a really bad idea." "DO IT!" "For some reason, you have a hard time paying attention when James is talking-" "What else is new?" "Who's this guy, Jarm?" yeah his name's probably jarm "It's so hard to keep these kids alive!" "It is fun to play! For me!" "Listen, you could just look at anybody with a leather jacket and a vape pen and pretend they're a Sloane cosplayer." "Listen, being a real person is overrated, you're really better off this way imo" "Now Sloane and Harvey in ROCK have been confirmed Granblue players, and I like to think that they have somehow interacted without knowing each other." I'm sure they've used each other's support summons once or twice "I got a Lamretta." oh hell yeah, I guess if you think about it Lamretta is kind of the Sloane of Granblue "I still don't have all my memories, but at least I exist!" me coming out of a depressive episode "Quentin I have spent the last five years editing this book as you were writing it, and you're telling me you didn't write it." hate it when that happens "You gotta learn the difference between colons and semicolons, you're a professor." "Semicolons look cooler." well that is true, he's right "We've opened up way too many questions about how the universe works to bother with church at this point." "Are you familiar with the concept of racism?" "What's that all about?" "Oh, racism." "Oh, I hate that stuff." Sloane's so excited about the idea of learning a new cuss of course Sloane maxed out the dissonance clock trying to talk to herself "Wait, have you been naked this entire time?" "Yes." "What's better than a nice naked breakfast with friends?" "All of the misused semicolons in the book are actually a form of code" perfect "The entire world will be burned until there is nothing but Sloane Parker."

"Ursa is so needy and lonely that I don't have to worry about her finding other friends" jesus christ oh the paperwork department, I saw that in the gm notes "Quentin, my old friend, you're all on team expendable." "Good luck." "Don't need it." "No, we do. We super need it. Don't say that." "I'ma take a picture of this elevator in case we need it again." "Just having a real regular one in the Undertow." "I'll tell you what. After you've finished your paperwork for the eon, why don't you see me in my office and we can talk about a mentorship program?" "It's a miracle, for once, the POP group followed my fuckin' GM notes, I'm so happy." "Hey, Alexis." "Yeah?" "Why do you have 'hog' written on your hand?" "Honestly, this bureaucratic hellscape puts the natural splendor and infinite complexity of life to shame." "We don't want to collapse into dead." "Alright, clearly you have more leverage in this situation here, as all workers do over their bosses, a lesson I have learned today." damn that's one of my favorite lessons for people to learn "Remember, unionizing is about collectivism, we're talking about all of humanity." "Like this guy, and I pull up one of the skeletons." "I was thinking, three nanoseconds." "Mmm, no. No." "No, that's not gonna work. We can't even perceive time that short." okay so James is not a 60fps kind of guy "Can Ursa tuck into a spinball?" "Yes. 100%." all furries have this power "Total Eclipse of the Heart!" so here from the future, I'm almost positive that's right "It's some really old song for boomers." "It's a good song!" both true "and I found that the most effective method, was brutally murdering the unionizing employees." yeah it's always like that "It was a C- performance, but hey, that's not an F, right, professor?" "Cs get degrees." "Cs get degrees." "Within seconds you are all just, in a puddle of bus slime" "I throw bus slime at James." "There's always gonna be a little bit of slime in the Undertow."

"You are really going like a mile a minute, man, I cannot keep up with your train of thought." you know Stapleton being annoyed about not being able to get a straight answer to his questions is beautiful actually oh right I forgot the party is split up in a way that will probably not cause any problems "I think it would be way, way, way easier, and would just solve a lot of problems, if we just start burning things." "Sloane just senses that someone, somewhere, is in a position where she can call them a dumbass." "Beep beep, motherfuckers." "Sloane, you're very easily manipulated." "$3 subscribers to the patreon will know I've been trying to fuckin' funnel you people into that hedge maze for a month now." "Wow, that seems like a menagerie people worked a long time on to make as good as possible, but let's enter the building." "You're in a house, and you sense something below you, and what do you think? Oh, maybe we should find that elevator and go down, maybe we should look for a staircase, no, let's dig a hole right through the floor!" "I'm gonna scrap with it, I'm gonna suplex me a train!" "This is not what heists look like!" well there's a train, it's a heist to me "Eidolon POP: four players destroy one man." "This is the worst iteration of the trolley problem I've ever seen." "The things I write in the POP GM notes will come up eventually in this podcast, God damnit, I promise." "Sloane..." "Yeah? What?" "I blame you." "The phone you used to call the limo is used exclusively for limo callin'" "What's gonna happen to ligma?" "I said what's gonna happen to ligma?" "No I heard that, I don't understand what you said." ah you hate to hear the badass music stop playing "I can't believe Luke decided to do a ten hour recording of us in real time disappearing." "Piano lady, why don't you help us or shut the fuck up?" "Can you be more specific about the job, please?" "No." "Who fucking cares about the universe? What has it done for us?" "Didn't you pay attention to Helmut Bakaitis?" "Okay, piano lady, but I just have one question: what about bofa?" that's the cliffhanger for this episode, the next one will open with us finding out what about bofa

"Crystal's microphone, um... exploded?" oh my god the piano lady from Rock is here "She winks and vanishes, but the piano doesn't." "Did we do more underage drinking?" "You are the closest to an animorph that has ever existed." "I am an animorph." "Hey, what's your name again?" "Uh, I'll tell you as soon as I open up the random name generator!" "James is just going to text the word 'piano.'" "We should name this diner that we're all going to." "Yeah, what's the diner's name, Luke?" "Rewrote the universe to have more friends and then just, burning those bridges." "You're not getting out of this with cheese fries." "Hey, what's your name, guy?" "Uh, you know, of course I have a name." "Shoving origami eggs into my mouth, grimacing as I chew." "If you wanted to, we could offer her to crash in our place." "I mean, you would have to sleep on the floor then." "Hi there, I am so sorry, I didn't hear the bell ring-" "FUCK OFF, CRAIG!" "Every moment they are down there, they are fuckin' shit up, I guarantee it." "Is there just a way for us to get to the Undertow?" "No!" well this is going great "I'll fuckin' fight this bus." Quentin pretending to be Ronnui is great "So, soundwaves are basically patterns, right?" okay now here's some jojo science "you're deepfaking Ronnui's voice to say whatever you want to" "It's my bus now!" if they just gave this bus to Alexis to replace her van it would solve this whole thing "This is an aural nightmare."