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If I appeal to you for emotional connection and you respond intellectually to a problem, rather than directly to me, on an attachment level I will experience that as “no response.” This is one of the reasons that the research on social support uniformly states that people want “indirect” support, that is, emotional confirmation and caring from their partners, rather than advice.
Dr. Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight (83)
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7 Conversations of EFT
1.) Recognizing the Demon Dialogues:
Identify the damaging dance the couple get into, when this dance happens, and how each partner’s moves escalate their confrontations.
Once they are aware of their negative steps, I ask them to dig beneath the destructive remarks and to figure out what they are really saying.
2.) Finding the Raw Spots:
Understand their own and their partner’s reactions and that the drama here is all about the safety of their emotional attachment. Each partner starts to look beyond immediate reactions.
We begin to plug into the deeper current of softer feelings, feelings connected with attachment needs and fears.
3.) Revisiting a Rocky Moment:
Couples replay a time when they got stuck in a demand-distance loop, acknowledging the steps each made and the emotions each felt.
These first three conversations de-escalate tension in the relationship and prepare the couple for the next dialogues, which build and strengthen the bond.
4.) Hold Me Tight:
This is the exchange that moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.
WILL UPDATE AS I READ FURTHER.
Taken from Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson (51-54)
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) MN
Rebuild emotional bonds with Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) at Insights Psychology. EFT is a science-based method proven to improve relationship satisfaction by creating secure attachment and resolving emotional distress. Our expert therapists help you break negative cycles and foster deeper connections. Discover how Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) at Insights Psychology can transform your relationship from conflict to connection.
