this is part one! once again, tumblr destroys the quality
so yeah!! the relationship was nowhere near happy for a while and was probably about to end when pj pulled up. still formed from a fight, i tried to keep her canon close here! i hate some of these panels tho
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error-centric, going into detail on how he tries to hide symptoms of bpd and depression even when he knows his family loves him. pjâs 17, gradiâs 14, pal is 7.
tw: medications and mentions of potential overdose (but there are no self harming thoughts!!), mentions of nausea, dissociation, auditory hallucinations, paranoia, there is a meal in the story so i should say food! should be it, pls comment if there are more.
also i would like to be clearâ error is an unreliable narrator. never does his family hate him, he just thinks they do. if you see yourself in these symptoms, and think you are hated, i love you!! have a great day, everyone. error gets better after this fic and i promise anyone reading this will feel better too.
Error woke up normallyâ with the blankets too rough and itchy (hadnât he told Ink to get new ones next time he was out??), the window left WIDE OPEN, and Ink right beside him. Well, one major thing was off. The artist had turned around in his sleep, facing away from the bedâs pillow barrier, and by the transitive property facing away from Error. The glitch must have done something Ink didnât like, he decided, before sliding off the bed and shuffling over to his partnerâs side.
Inkâs morning did not begin normallyâ being tapped out of his sleep (stasis?? pause?? It wasnât the same thing Error did.) by shaky hands, only to see those familiar red-and-yellow eyes just centimeters from his. He opened his mouth for a startled greeting, a smile tugging at his cheeks, but Error pushed right past even the beginning of a pleasantry.
âWhat-at didd I d-do.â
A brow bone arched, eyelights turning to cool hues and swirling shapes, Ink sat up. âNothing, unless this is some kind of backward confessionââ
âDo y-you want me-e to havvve done ssometh-something?
Ink frowned, scooting toward the pillow-barrier to make room beside him for the glitch to curl up. âIâm kinda lost here, glitchy. If you think you did something wrong, just tell me, Iâm sure itâs not even that bad.â
Errorâs eyes darted up and down Inkâs form to look for any tellsâ not that the artist had any. He was quite a good liar, actually, and itâd take some digging to figure out if he was really mad or not. Hesitantly sliding under the covers, Error leaned his headâ stars, he felt so, so tiredâ against Inkâs chest with a sigh. âI can tell youâre mad at me. Why else would you sleep facing away from my side of the bed?â
The ribcage under his skull shifted, although not quickly enough to raise suspicion. âRu, I told you years ago that if I was ever mad at you, Iâd just say it. We did that even before we had PJ, for crying out loud.â
It was⌠compelling, and the artistâs hand rubbing sleepy circles into his shoulder was almost as persuasive as his words were. Sinking under the blankets up to his nose, he stayed curled against Ink, eyes drooping. He had just woken up, he didnât have any excuse to be tired now, did he? Yesterday had been normal too, if not a little stressful with paperwork for Gradientâs online high school, but that was just sitting on the couch and signing things. He didnât need more sleep, he knew, but stars above did it feel good to just lie here for a bit.
That was, until the doorknob turned (with a little difficulty) and a very excited Palette scrambled in, socks sliding on old wooden flooring. âDaddy, Papa, I had a dream you let me have a pie witâ water in the middle for breakfast!! And it was kinda jelly-ish so it was extra good and thenââ
His seven-year-old rambling faded into a hum of quiet, but constant, berating from the Voices. It was always there, even if Ink tried to tell him that the Voices werenât the ones insulting him, that was âhis own self-hatredâ⌠or whatever bullshit Dream had probably told him to say. Occasionally a good one would come through with normal stuff, âAre you still friends with Blue?â âDo you and Ink ever wanna have more kids?â âDo you like that you look just like Gradi? I look just like my niece and I love it and blah blah blah blahâŚâ It got annoying, yes, but was always a nice respite from the hum of criticism. He knew they werenât his own thoughts, they were real Voices that just hated him, and Dream was just trying to catch him off guard. Speaking of the Guardian, his tiny lookalike was tugging on Errorâs sleeve again.Â
âPapa, your eyes got all funny lookinâ.â Papa. Did the kid ever want to accept that Error wasnât his real parent? The glitch settled for a nod in place of anything verbal. âWill you tell Daddy to let me have water pie?âÂ
Error scrambled for an answer, still not trusting himself to fully interact with the kid. âUh, yeah, sure, just⌠wait, no. You donât even know how it works, you have to bake it so it doesnât make you sick. Donât do that.â
âNo, Papa, itâs water.â He stuck his little tongue out, snickering, but completely ignoring the crucial factors of raw eggs and raw flour andâ
âPfft, yeah, Error, itâs just water.â Ink tried not to snicker over his sarcasm and gave the tiny skeleton a noogie, completely missing the way Errorâs face twisted briefly.
They were all blatantly disregarding their own safety, and nobody even cared. Did he really have to be the voice of reason here? âNo, you have to cook things to make them safe to eat, a water pie wonât work if itâs too wet and youââ
Or, he realized after receiving two puzzled looks, they were kidding, and he had just been an uptight dick to his seven-year-old. They not only hated him for being rational, but for ruining a joke, now. The day couldnât be going worse.
He trudged down the stairs behind his partner and youngest child, trying with every ounce of his will to just be normal. He couldnât handle any more of those stupid looks, couldnât handle such a blatant reminder of their hate for him. When he grabbed a chocolate bar and a leftover baked potato for breakfast, sliding into his beanbag at the low dining table, Gradient gave him a little âgood morningâ wave and a soft smile. He offered him a grin and added in a little huff of amusement for good measureâ it seemed to quell any suspicion.Â
Quickly, however, conversations begun. Pleasantries, small talk, Paletteâs adorable awe surrounding high school⌠it all faded into the background, little whispers of doubt and hatred creeping back over the sounds of his family. When his input was prompted, he nodded or hummed in vague responses, but it didnât seem too necessary anyway. It was only as Ink began to tap on his head, half-playfully, that he tuned back in.Â
âCome on, Ru, youâre like a robot today. You wanna answer Gradientâs question?â
Blinking away the dead pixels in his vision and waving bewilderedly at error messages, he made eye contact with his near-identical son. âRight! Ri-ight.â Gradient blinked expectantly and it felt as if Error had swallowed a golf ball. Naturally, he doubled down. âY-you lefttt your glass-glasses on the ki-kitchen counter.â
Everyone went quiet. Gradient, glancing into the kitchen doorway, smiled. âUm-m, yeah, I g-guess I ddid, but I was ask-asking about waiving-ing into honorsss English.â
Oh. Error giggled almost involuntarily, swallowing stress back down. Great, now his son thought he didnât care enough to listen to him. Maybe he thought his dad didnât even expect him to get into an Honors classâ god, he was just one big fuckup. âO-oh, I a-assumed ittt w-went without-out saying. Y-yeah, Honorsss is perf-perfect.â
Ink shot him a look, almost prohibitory. Did he not think Gradient should waive in? Did he fuck up again? Stars, now he even looked out of touch with his own kidsâ lives. He was about to keep talking, too, to just make SURE everyone knew he had been listening, but slow, sloshing footsteps down the stairs alerted everyone to their eldestâs awakening.
Palette scuttled over to the stairs, giggling and waving like a cheerleader as their older sister shuffled around (not unlike Error, Ink always loved to note) in an early-morning fog. With a squeal, the little boy was hoisted up into PJâs arms and swung around, a privilege reserved only for the eldestâs good days.
âOof, youâre a freaking meatball,â the skellinkton complained, poking at the youngestâs tummy. It earned her a giggle from Pal and a âleave him alone!â from Ink, but only one reaction seemed to matter in her mind.
Plunking down onto their old inflatable inner tube (no one in this house used dining chairs) and grabbing a pencil out of the jar on the table, she sighed. Palette squirmed from her arms and scrambled back over to his little yellow rocking chair, smiling brightly⌠but wilted ever-so-slightly when he looked at Errorâs face.Â
Error simply looked away. He wasnât the biggest fan of Dreamâs emotion-reading, and the idea that his kid had it too felt⌠invasive, somehow. He felt himself cheerily greet his eldest, then mindlessly finish his baked potato.
âIâm g-gonnaa go cr-crochet now!â he updated Ink, âR-rain finallyyy giv-ives me an excuse-use to ssstay inside.â
Ink gave him a little nod, still shocked at his apparent optimism, and asked him something, but it was quickly drowned out by PJâs moan of despair. âRAIN??âÂ
Pushing himself up from his bean bag, he stumbled out of the room, almost immediately diving under the blankets on the living room couch. Cocooning in them, completely separate from the world, the Voices roared their disapproval. His family was giggling in the other room, Ink accusing PJ of sneaking out to meet a âhot dateâ, and the skellinkton having a disproportionately explosive reaction. What if he sat up and they were gone? What if they were all talking about how much they hated him? That probably was it, huh. He did everything wrong anyway.Â
The blanket near his face lifted, and a little hand pushed a crumpled napkin into the darkness. Error managed a halfhearted âwhatâs that, buddyâ before wanting to be swallowed by the couch cushions again.
âI folded it into a rose, to make you happy!â He could hear the boyâs chubby cheeks squishing into his speech as he smiled, feel the way he gripped the little napkin flower in hopeful anticipation.
ââŚI am happy-y, buddyyy! Ev-everythingâs great, I jusssst got-ot tired.â He pulled the blanket away to cup the kidâs face with one hand, his tone flawlessâ the boy backed off, suspicion melting away. Error knew he had nailed it, andâ
âNo, youâre not.â
He felt his eyelights shrink briefly and his yellowed smile twisted. âWhat-at do youuu m-mean, of course I am-m happppy.â This time, the pat he gave his cheek was a little more like a gentle push to look away. It was going so well, Error could hardly believe he didnât get away with lying more often.Â
It all crumbled when the boy glanced back toward his father. âBut youâre all heavy.â
Error started, wondering why the hell his kid had chosen NOW to comment on his weightâ but it was clear as day that he wasnât being literal. His emotions felt heavy when the kid tried to tell what they wereâ he just didnât have enough experience to give them names. He knew what emotions were bad and which were good, though, and it was evident that Errorâs were on the âbadâ side. He had to fix that one, quick.
âOh.â Error laughed. âUh, n-no, sssssilly, the heavy em-emotions justttt mea-mean theyâre⌠um, s-strong. Like Iâmmm real-really happy.â
Pal stared up again, still not fully convinced. âAre you sure?â
Error offered his pinky and a grin. This kid was working so damn hard to stay on his good side, as if he was⌠stars forbid, afraid of him. Was Pal so desperate to be on Errorâs good side that heâd try to keep him âhappyâ?? Oh, oh, no. These kids would be better off without him at this point.
âError, PJ, you both forgot to take meds, come here,â Ink hollered from the other room.
Eager to step away from the bewildered seven year old, Error practically slammed into the kitchen counter to grab the six little orange bottles, pouring out one of each pill, grabbing a water⌠until his hand was plunged into what felt like warm Jell-O. Paperjam had grabbed his hand.Â
âDad, you grabbed like three of one pill.â
Staring down into his shaking palm, he counted six pillsâ but only four kinds. âO-oh.â
She released her grip on his wrist, still staining his little friendship bracelet a dull purplish black. On good days, she was mostly solid, but it didnât mean every piece of clothing she owned hadnât been meticulously lined with plastic so it didnât stainâ courtesy of Error. The little ink splotches she left behind on laundry were pretty endearing to everyone, though, so it was never much of an issue. That bracelet had taken quite a few hits over its 14 years of life.
âJeez, you even there today??â She waved in front of his eyes, frowning as his glare delayed. âMaybe have Pops take your temperature.â
He held his mismeasured medication dumbly, screaming at himself internallyâ his 17-year-old had just saved him from a Poison Control call, most likely. And he was too out-of-it to even thank her. She shoved the correct pills into his hands and filled the water for him, eyeing him suspiciously. âYouâre okay, right, old man?â
God, she must hate this. Having to take care of him, practically. âThe-they all-l look ssso sim-similar. E-easy to ccconfuse.â
Paperjam nodded slowly, squinting. âSure, yeah. Theyâre just different colors, whatâs the difference? Really, what the hell is up with you today?â
His smile wavered. âIâm a litttttle ti-tired. Noth-nothing serious. Y-You canât seriously thhhhink thereâs s-something wrong-g. Right?â
She nodded and left. Error threw himself against the side of the counter, sinking into the fetal position. Gradient was upstairs. Hiding from his emotional mess. PJ had wandered off, stuck inside because of the weatherâ the only reason she was still anywhere near him. Ink was mad at him for⌠something, and Palette was terrified of him. He didnât deserve to be around them, the voices roared inside his skull, his hands shook and his stomach churnedâŚ
And then one of those people, one of those wonderful people whose air he did not deserve to breathe, kissed the skull that was so loud, wrapped an arm around the stomach that hurt so badly, held the hand that shook. He stared up, incredulous, as Ink rubbed circles into his side. He was saying something, something he most definitely did not deserve to hear going by the look in his husbandâs eyesâŚÂ
Paperjam stood near the doorway, annoyance plastered thinly over concern. She had undoubtedly reported his latest fuckup to Ink and they had decided to kill him or kick him out or something. It was like holding someoneâs hand as they died, Ink was being kind one last time before the final goodbye. It made him shudder. Nausea crept back up his pinhole of a throat. He could barely breathe anymore, if he ever needed to in the first place.Â
All he could hear as it all came crashing down was âitâs okay, itâs okay, itâs okayâ.
He scrubbed at the tears in his eyes with a tiny napkin rose.Â