Update:
I’m done with running away. I’m done fighting against the process of recovery. I’ve been struggling with self harm and I am DONE with it. I gave the counselors all the sharps I had last night including the mirror I broke. I had them search my entire room (because they missed the shit the first time omg) and had them check absolutely all my belonging’s. The only way I’m going to get the cigarettes back is if I stop self harming. I think this is just what I need to motivate me right now. I won’t be able to be on Level 2 just yet but hopefully in two weeks I will be since I’ve been completing 100% of all my meals and snacks the past two days. I am so so scared but I NEED to let myself feel everything. I need to let myself heal completely--work through the Traumas and Losses and just fucking get through this shit. I need to eat and cry and sleep and journal and eat and cry and cry and panic and breathe and just let myself FEEL. I am choosing to let myself FEEL.
