Do you know if there’s a term for a gender that like— affected by trauma, but In a way that you cannot pin it down for long? It’s really complicated... I’ll try and explain better. My gender was altered by trauma, specifically abuse. When I realized I wasn’t Cis, I couldn’t comfortable pin down what my gender was. I can get comfortable for a short while, but then I get incredibly uncomfortable, and look around again. I know I have a gender, and it’s non-binary in some way, but I can’t explain 🌺
🌺 it any further than that, despite that I’m either completely apathetic to my gender, or incredibly happy and embracing it. Does this sound like anything? And if there isn’t, I’d be glad to make my own, - Hanahaki [BE] 🌺
first off i’d like to say that i am so sorry you had to go through what you did. i hope that you can/are recovering well and that the future treats you much kinder than the past has.
now, as for genders, i think there are actually a lot of various trauma-esque genders and genders which are hard to pin down as you’ve described now that i’m looking. here are a few that i thought might fit, but please let me know if they aren’t right for you and i can keep looking or we can assist in coining something new!
Traumatagender/Traumatgender/Trautgender/Trauatgender: A gender that varies; it can change a lot, it could be unknown, it could just be there, it could be nonexistent, etc. Whatever it is, it was based from intense trauma. Should only be used by those who have experienced or are going through what they consider intense trauma.
Ectogender: A gender identity that is elusive, constantly out of one’s grasp, and/or hard to pin down.
Genderflight: A fluid gender that feels fleeting, that vanishes before one can define exactly what it is.
these are just what i’ve found that i feel sort of fit with what you described. you could always use more than one of them at once too!