#dysfunction junction

I’m always the little brother to them. Welcome to dysfunction junction.

(NB: This evaluation will follow the CQL/The Untamed canon, as that is the version that I am familiar with.)

To recap, the Five Love Languages are as follows:

- Words of Affirmation - Acts of Service - Gifts - Quality Time - Physical Touch

I believe that all three Yunmeng Siblings have a primary love language that is distinct from the others, but evaluation is hard because of the A++ parenting of Yu “Tiger Mom from Hell” Ziyuan and Jiang “Ancient Chinese Mr. Bennett” Fengmian throughout the trio’s formative years at Lotus “Dysfunction Junction” Pier but I’M DOING MY BEST OKAY??? ANyhoo, here are my conclusions which very well might be incorrect!

Jiang Yanli - Acts of Service

I’ll start off with the easy one; it’s fairly self-explanatory. Yanli demonstrates her affection and care by cooking for others. She peels lotus seeds for Wei Wuxian in the middle of a tense family dinner. She is ultimately convinced of Jin Zixuan’s love for her when he plants a lotus garden for her with his own hands. She never leaves the bedside of an ailing loved one. Even her heart-to-heart talks with her brothers are delivered, not bestowed as heartening words, or gifted like trinkets, or provided like time. They are a response to a NEED she sees. (I adore Yanli, but sometimes I feel as if she too displays a slight favoritism towards Wei Wuxian over Jiang Cheng, and that is totally understandable if she was strongly shaken by his neediness as a starving orphan and his shaky position within the family. Such things would render Wei Wuxian as in a greater need of service than her privileged-heir-to-the-clan brother.)

Jiang Cheng - Physical Touch

Our boy just might be THE most messed up of the siblings, though he’s in a tight race. (Yay for him coming in first, for once?) And it really could go a lot of ways for him! He is CLEARLY starved for positive reinforcement (words of affirmation), works hard for his loved ones and/or those under his care (acts of service), and resents the attention Wei Wuxian gets from the distant Jiang Fengmian (quality time).

However, I keep coming back to the line “his own father had held him less than five times in his entire life.” (Or whatever the exact wording is.) Most of us probably don’t remember how often a parent held us; many of us were no doubt more concerned with squirming OUT of our parents’ arms so that we could go play. But there are more hints to this being Jiang Cheng’s love language than one line- a line from the novel, when here I am saying that I’m drawing from CQL canon! 

To quote an earlier post of mine: Wei Wuxian is constantly draping himself over Jiang Cheng, shoving him with his shoulder, slinging an arm around him, even punching him and getting into physical scuffles. Jiang Cheng is constantly hearing his brother say “hey I love you hey I love you hey I love you!”, and with all of that unspoken evidence poured over him almost every waking moment of his life, the poison from his mother and the ice from his father just... doesn’t stick. Even when he’s frantic and beside himself with grief over his parents’ deaths, accusing Wei Wuxian of being the source of their misfortune, Jiang Cheng is still is grabbing him, shoving and shaking him, even choking him- still actively seeking physical touch to process his grief. It’s when Wei Wuxian starts to physically pull away and avoid physically engaging with Jiang Cheng (”What? You want to fight?!”) after the Core Transfer/Burial Mounds that Jiang Cheng starts to panic and doubt Wei Wuxian’s love for him, thinking that Wei Wuxian doesn’t give a fuck about him or their sect family anymore.

“But what about all the times he shoves Wei Wuxian away?” you ask. Well, even THAT is an indicator, thanks to Wang Zhuocheng’s stellar acting choices. Look closely the next time you watch; Jiang Cheng’s shove offs are less “don’t touch me” than “you don’t REALLY mean you love me, if you REALLY meant it you’d listen to me and/or not get me into trouble, don’t [love language] you love me if you don’t MEAN it...”

Despite near-constant threats, Jiang Cheng has never once lifted a hand against Jin Ling, because doing so to the person who is his sole reason for living would be a complete betrayal of how he loves. And of course, when Jiang Cheng hugs, he throws his entire body into it, clings like an octopus, and does. not. let. go.

Wei Wuxian - Words of Affirmation

This was the hardest one for me to decide, and I only did so when I came to the conclusion that our Problematic Fave actually only receives said affirmation when it is... wordless.

Bear with me here.

This is NOT the same thing as acts of service! Acts of service anticipates or responds to a NEED out of love. Words of affirmation are a message that one IS loved, is WORTHY of being loved. There is nothing that Wei Wuxian needs more of believes less than confirmation that he is loved. He has been admired often, as a prodigy often is, but that admiration is shallow and fickle. Madame Yu’s poisonous words not only tear him down, but her own son too... a son that resembles his mother so much that he shares that vice. Thankfully, Wei Wuxian learned early on that Jiang Cheng’s words are not how he communicates, and learned to read the message inside-- the message that screamed “I’m sorry” and “I didn’t mean it” and “I’m just scared for you” and “don’t abandon me.”  

If one alters this love language title as “Messages of Affirmation”, the issue becomes much clearer, I think. Wei Wuxian knows all too well that words are cheap and often cruel. He craves that affirmation, that validation and celebration of his existence and intrinsic worth, but is often unable to process his own love language through speech alone. This is why Lan Wangji’s stand with him on the stairs of Koi Tower moved him to tears; it wasn’t an act of service, but a declaration that Wei Wuxian was worth trouble and damaged reputations. And of course, That Scene post-resurrection when Wei Wuxian is nursing Emperor's Smile outside the Jingshi as it starts to snow, and he's spiraling down remembering all these bad things and how little has changed and how everyone still hates him... and the sound of a guqin playing their song starts from inside. That beautiful, BEAUTIFUL moment of Lan Wangji silently saying "I love you, I'M glad that you're here, I think you're worthwhile"... but with music, not with actual words.

It’s worth noting that Wei Wuxian DOES still use and value words from the people he loves. It’s why he so easily showers compliments, and why he counsels Jin Ling to actually say “I’m sorry” and “thank you.”

I think, to be honest, Jiang Fengmian’s last words to him had much deeper resonance than one might realize because of this love language. His Jiang-shushu favors and spoils and praises him endlessly for years... only to have his final words to Wei Wuxian be an order that prioritizes his biological children’s safety (a.k.a. worth) over Wei Wuxian’s. The lengths to which Wei Wuxian goes, his icepick-through-Jiang-Cheng’s-heart words of “I did it to repay my debt to the Jiang”, are all a an echo of Wei Wuxian’s fear that if he does not honor Jiang-shushu’s last words then he was never really loved in the first place...