#dumbbirds

✅ LAST CHANCE TO VOTE IN THE FINALS! ✅

🗳 Voting for the Goodreads Choice Awards Finals closes 12/4 – If you haven't yet voted in the final round, why not VOTE FOR DUMB BIRDS in the HUMOR category?

It’s spring and we all know what that means. That’s right—the goddamned scrub jays are back.

California Smug Jerk Common Name: California Scrub Jay (formerly Western Scrub Jay)

Due to climate change, this smug son of a bitch has expanded its range from California up the western coast of the U.S. into Washington State, and is now regularly disturbing the peace in my back yard with its fucking loud, harsh call. 

It used to be called the Western Scrub Jay, but some scientists got bored and decided to divide them into two separate species (California Scrub Jays in coastal areas, and Woodhouse’s Scrub Jays in the interior). Both are still smug fucks.

Bird Region: North America. West Coast. Definitely in the author’s trees.

🦅🦅🦅

Read all about this and other asshats from around the world in my latest book:

Common Name: Boreal Chickadee

This brown capped member of the Tit family is brown and dull. It lives quietly in the forests of the far North American continent and is non-migratory, so unless you’re unlucky enough to be in Alaska or Canada you probably won’t have to see one. Not that you would probably notice it if you did. It happily visits backyard feeders within its range, but there’s no compelling reason to bother looking. 

Fun Fact: Canadians are so bored with this bird that they have tried making it more interesting by inventing fun colloquial names for it, like Chick Chick, Tom-tit, and even Fillady. This doesn’t really help.

Bird Region: North America

🦅🦅🦅⁠

⁠Read all about this and other asshats from around the world in my latest book:⁠

🦅 DUMB BIRDS MADE IT TO THE FINALS!! 🦅

Holy Woodpecker! Dumb Birds has made it to the @GOODREADS Choice Awards Final Round!! PLEASE HELP DUMB BIRDS FLY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!

Final Round Voting closes Dec. 4 – give birds the finger and CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE FINALS TODAY!

I’m so incredibly grateful for all of your support. Thank you all! 

Yes, birds still suck. But THIS doesn’t:  

DUMB BIRDS HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST HUMOR BOOK IN THE 2022 @GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS!! 🦅

Please help the Dumb Birds of The Whole Stupid World fly straight to the top by casting your VOTE today — help Dumb Birds make it to the finals! 

https://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-humor-books-2022 ✅✅✅

Yellow Bastard Chat Common Name: Yellow-breasted Chat

This obnoxious shit can never be serious. He may look pretty, but he’s a goddamned clown. He’s the kind of bird that’s always chuckling. Or gurgling. Or making various squeaks and squawks. He gets a real kick out of hiding in hedges and mimicking a crow or maybe a car horn. It’s pretty much impossible not to hate this bird as soon as he opens his fucking beak. 

Color: Bright yellow and whatever. I hate this guy.

Bird Region: North America

🦅🦅🦅

Read all about this and other avian asshats from around the world in my latest book:

Feel like some quality audio entertainment? 

Listen to my interview on The Cabin Country Podcast, where I chat with two swell fellows from Minnesota about dumb birds, cabins, art, and the trials of being in the 4th grade.

Cabin Country - Ep. 35: Dumb-Ass Birds - A F@*!#ing Hilarious Field Guide!

Ps. Do yourself a favor and follow this podcast! It’s quality entertainment with that rich, smooth midwest flavor that will leave you feeling good.

I knew the Buttigiegs were cool.