“Steve’s not gonna stop,” was the voicemail Nat left, following the fight at the airport. You knew what that meant. You were never going to sign the accords or fight in this no matter how much both sides asked but you weren’t going to stand idly by while they killed each other either.

You had followed Stark to the location, hanging back but even farther back when you saw some guy dressed like a giant cat.

When you finally intervened Bucky was on the ground visibly unconscious and his Vibranium arm across the room.  Your eyes quickly diverted to Steve and Stark battling it out. Stark was on the ground with the Iron Man helmet smashed off his head you knew it was time to step in.

Just as Steve moved to slam the shield against the Arc Reactor you brought your hands on the sides of the shield standing above Stark’s head. It took all your superhuman strength to keep him there, a mere inch from the chest piece but your strength would not hold up to Steve’s.

“You can’t fight him Steve, please” you voice barely above a whisper. Steve’s eyes widened and you could feel his pressure against the shield falter a fraction. It was enough for you to shove the shield down on the ground.

“Even the golden boy’s girl knows what side to be on. Nice to see you finally picking a side and step out of the side lines,” you grimaced. You wanted to explain that was not what was going on at all but this was not the time.

“You don’t understand, he’s going to kill Bucky.” Steve looking at you desperately as you both remained above Stark.

“No it’s you who doesn’t understand Cap, he killed my mom. He won’t walk out of here.” Stark responded quickly. There was so much pain and malice.

You shut your eyes tightly, just then you heard Bucky groan out in pain.

The sound plasma hand cannon readying was the only warning you heard and before you could intervene Steve had the shield back in his hands deep in Stark’s chest piece. The hum of the suit dying was chilling enough to bring tears to the corner of your eyes.

Steve breathed heavily and looked up at you as you loomed over them both. His eyes pleading you to understand or forgive him, you weren’t sure which. You did understand, it was Bucky how many nights did he stay up telling you stories about the two of them.

It didn’t matter how many times they brainwashed him, he was still Bucky. You couldn’t abandon Stark just like you couldn’t betray your love to Steve.

“Don’t make me choose,” you took in a ragged breath trying hard not to break down. He closed his eyes for a moment then stood up, pulling the shield out of the Iron Man suit as he did.

He moved over to Bucky, helping lift him up to his feet and began to walk away.

“That shield doesn’t belong to you.” Stark called out as he tried to get up right.

“Tony,” you scolded him. That was Steve’s more than it was anyone’s but he ignored you and continued.

“You don’t deserve it, my father made that shield.” Steve looked at you and then down at the shield. Without a response Steve dropped the shield and continued to walk off with Bucky leaning on him.

It hurt seeing the bruises forming on the sides of his face. You were forever grateful to Stark but could you really just let Steve leave without talking? Turning to Stark you helped him get to his feet within the dying suit.

“Who do I need to call?” you asked, making it clear you weren’t going to help him get back home.

“If you go with them you’ll be a wanted woman.” He warned.

“I already am, remember I didn’t sign.” He grunted. “Oh yeah, you and your ‘I won’t sign and I won’t fight’ bullshit. See what happens? Capsicle can’t think right without you.”

“Tony, who do I call, Rhodes?” He looked away and tried to stand on his own but the weight of the suit was off balance from all the damage and he faltered. You quickly helped him stay upright and then guided to a wall he could lean against.

“Does anyone know you are here?” He bitterly chuckled and that was enough to tell you clearly no. What a mess this had turned into.

Shaking your head in disbelief and pain at how it had all turned out you pulled your phone out and speed dialed.

“Nat? Yeah… No things did not go well at all… they’re all 3 alive,” You looked at Tony and frowned at his bleeding face. “…not without damage though.”

“Follow the gps on the phone, come get Tony and keep it discrete.” Nat disconnected after your instructions and you handed to phone off to Tony. He looked down at your hand then back up, dazed.

“I’m not staying here, and I’m not keeping that on me. You know you mean so much to me and saving me from…you know.” A deep sigh escaped your lips and he glared at you. You sat the phone down on the ground.

“You are going to go after him?“ He called out your name when you turned your back to him, "After what you just saw him do to me, to us, and protect that Hydra Murderer! He killed my parents! My Mom!” Stark’s voice rose with each word as you ran off.

By the time you caught up they were already at the Quinjet and the cat guy was talking to them both outside the jet.

Bucky was the first to notice you, the other two looking your way to see what he was looking at. Steve sucked in his breath through his teeth with wide eyes. He did not expect to see you again, honestly that stung.

The man in the Cat suit had I his mask off, it was T’Challa. You cocked your head to the side, this situation was all sorts of fucked up. Maybe one day you’d get all the details but now you had to talk to Steve.

Bucky lifted his arm out from around Steve’s shoulder and T’Challa helped him get inside the jet as Steve walked towards you pulling off his helmet. You speed walked towards him, slamming your body into him not caring about the painful grunt he made, he was a super solider he could take it.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, almost bone crushing as you wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled him down to kiss you. It was rough and full of the need you two always felt for each other. It was a few minutes before you both pulled away from such a tight embrace.

“I won’t ask you to come with me,” he spoke softly against your lips. You almost wish he would but you knew he would never ask more of you than you could give. He kissed you again but it was softer this time. You pulled away.

“Is that how you kissed that Sharon girl?” his cheeks flushed and muttered “Sam,” under his breath. You smirked.

“I intended to tell you before Sam… It was to get the suits, she was doing a favor and there was a sense of duty to-”

“To kiss a girl who you had been leading on? Oh okay.” you teased him as he fumbled to explain. You weren’t the jealous one out of the two of you.

“Stop playing with me. I have to get Buck somewhere safe.” He stressed and you nodded in agreement.

“You have Bucky, get him the help he needs.” You kissed him again but he frowned.

“I want you too.” he pulled you away from his embrace, his hands resting on your shoulders looking you in the eyes. His swirling blue eyes held so much pain, desire, guilt, anger…there was too much as always.

“Then ask Rogers. You just gotta ask.” The hum and heat of the Quinjet starting up pulled you out of each other’s gaze. “Times up,” you smiled at him as you removed his arms from your shoulders.

“I’ll find you,” the confidence and unsaid meaning in those words sent a chill down your spine.

“I’m counting on it old man.” You watched him walk into the Quinjet, turning around to look at you his mouth opening as if he would ask. You knew better, he was always too late. You started walking away to make your own escape from the chaos that had ensued.

8 months later

You stood in front of what had to be at least 1980’s A/C window unit. You hated the heat. You let out a groan as noise rose from outside the bustling city street of Agadir, Morocco.

The motel wasn’t the worst you had been in so far while on the run. Mercenary work was giving you extra cash to move up from D Grade motels to C Grade. It was certainly easier than your earlier years.

Shaking you heard trying to cool down you knew you just needed to get out of the room, maybe the beach?

Your eyes narrowed while looking at the people on the street then nodded your head agreeing with that idea.

You looked around pretty sure you found the least crowded part of the beach. Walking towards the shore a gentle breeze blew your hair and long thin robe you wore over your bikini. You used to care about showing this much skin, the scars and all imperfections would have made you self-conscious but that was before Steve. Before he instilled in you the confidence and encouraged your self-discovery.

Setting your bag down as you neared the shore you sighed; you missed Steve, desperately at night. Giving him space with Bucky was more important to you than having Steve between your legs every night.  

You were pretty sure he was in Wakanda but getting there was proving a task given it was only you. Stark spoiled you with all his means and connections over the years. You looked out, the light blue of the ocean reminded you of his eyes, those eyes that would burn with desire and need for only you.  

Cool ocean water brushes back and forth on your feet took you out of your thoughts. That’s what you needed, this was better than that ancient A/C. You began to walk further in pulling the bottom of the robe up however yelling started behind you.

There was panic and pointing to a young gentleman running with a floral bag in his hand, as he came across your bag he grabbed it. “SHIT!” you were too trusting or as Steve would say “Head in the clouds”. Without thinking you launched after the guy not caring about your lack of shoes or clothing.

The man looked behind him and his eyes widened, you were gaining on him and fast. He ran into the street dodging cars, you followed ignoring the gravel and fiber glass your bare feet picked up along the way. When he saw you were still following he quickly turned down a side road leaving the main road facing the beach.

You kept at him and your feet kept picking up more but you pushed through, you needed your bag! You smiled when he ran down a small alley way, fool.

When you turned down you saw him get closed lined by a large arm falling to the ground and slamming his head against the pavement. You looked at the man who had helped you, he had a ball cap on with sun glasses and a short full face beard.

“Thank you,” you said slightly winded as you walked up to get your bag, starting to really feel the pain in your feet now that you’ve stopped running.

“Your feet,” the man muttered pointing behind you to the bloodied foot prints you left. The voice it was so familiar…

As you got closer you starred at his face intently and it clicked.

“Rogers?”

No sooner the words left your mouth he had you up against the alley wall holding your cheeks and kissing you with fierce abandonment. You pulled his hat and sunglasses off let them fall to the ground.

It caught you off guard, the force and wildness as your lips crashed and his tongue demand entrance to your mouth which you gladly allowed. As he was mapping your mouth his arms began to trail down gripping your ass roughly. On instinct you wrapped your legs around his waist, he gladly held you up.

You pulled away to catch your breath and the moment you took another breath he was on you once more, biting your lip pulling a soft gasp from your mouth. He groaned grinding his pelvis into you, both you feeling the dampness in your bikini bottoms.

You could feel him against you, hard and hot. Just as you started to feel dizzy from his demanding kisses he kissed his way down your neck, biting then gently caressing the bite mark with his tongue only to then suck on the same spot. His beard rubbing against your skin in just the right way, you couldn’t help but whimper and dig your nails into his deltoids.

He called out your name, voice deep and gravelly against your neck.

“Please,” you gasped out, not sure what you were pleading for, more or less? His touch was so rough, so much more forceful than any time before. His hands were continuously kneading your ass and helping roll your hips into him with great force.

You felt his breath against your neck, it started shallow but you could feel it begin to slow, his hands just holding you.

Finally he pulled his head out from your neck and looked you in the eyes. There was an unsettling darkness in his look, something unfamiliar to you.

He opened his mouth to say something but a groan from the man he knocked out stopped him. You both looked toward him, his eyes remaining closed but head moving a little. Steve let you down to your feet. Once on them you gasped at the forgotten pain from glass and gravel in your feet.

Steve glared at you, “How could you chase after someone without shoes on and in only a bikini?” sounding like a parent scolded a child.

“My shoes and clothes were in the bag. Might I add I have a robe on!” you matching him with tone of a petulant child.

He rolled his eyes “See through robe,” he picked up the side of you robe to make his point, “What do you think was going through those men’s minds as they saw you chase after this thief?”

“Look at that girl run?” You tried to joke but it was met with a seething glare.

“They were looking at what’s MINE and ogling it.” You could feel the bass in his voice, it scared and excited you. What was going on with Steve?

Before you could vocalize your thoughts he put his sunglasses and ball cap back on, then grabbed both bags the thief had and held them out to you. You took both and squeaked when he lifted you up with one arm under the bend of your knees and the other under your upper back. You placed both bags in your lap and wrapped an arm around his neck.

He began to walk further in the alley way shadows before you spoke up “These aren’t both mine!”

“You’ll have to get the other one to its rightful owner after you’ve put some actual clothes on and I’ve treated your feet.” You nodded silently, his tone still rough.

He took you back to your motel room, how he knew it was yours was bothering you. What was even more bothersome was his silence as he sat you at the edge of the bathtub, robe tossed on the floor and he began to run water while sitting on the toilet seat adjacent.

“Steve…” you broke the silence.

“How long have you been following me?” He cleared his throat and focused on cleaning out your feet.

“How long have you been trying to…” you winced as glass was being pulled from your feet “…find me?”

He pulled the last of the glass from your left foot and looked at you directly.

“You made it hard to find you, never staying in one spot for long,” he went to work on your right foot avoiding your gaze. “I was impressed; you never lost your edge for hiding huh?”

The implications related to your past were not lost on you. A past you worked hard to keep from most, but not him.

“I’m not as good as Nat but I certainly can stay hidden until I want to be found.” Silence encased the bathroom as he worked on your foot and you worked hard to ignore the feeling.

“8 months.” He spoke so softly you almost missed it. He had finished cleaning your feet and started wrapping them in gauze.

“Hm? 8 months?” He didn’t respond until he finished bandaging your feet and pulling them in to his lap.

He stared down at your feet, caressing your ankles. “We got to Wakanda,” you were right, “and Bucky wanted to go back under while they worked out how to reverse the effects of Hydra’s brainwashing.”

He raised his head to face you. “I started looking for you the moment he went under. I regretted not asking you to come with me.” He leaned forward placing his hand against you cheek, you immediately nuzzled into his hand keeping eye contact.

“When Nat heard about mercenary for hire making way along the coast of Morocco I had a suspicion it was you. I found you here a week ago, checking into this motel.”

“Why did you wait so long to talk to me?”

“Things have changed, I have changed. I’m not Captain America.” You slid into his lap, his hand gripping our thighs as you steadied yourself.

“You never were Captain America to me…” You push his hair falling onto his forehead to the side. It’s so disheveled; it was weird seeing him without it in perfect condition but you liked this more.

“We’re meant to grow Steve, it’s okay if you changed.” You kept gently caressing his face.

“I almost fucked you in that alley way. I would have too had that thief not started to wake up.”

You gasped at his words as he moved his hands to your hips sliding you closer to him in his lap, pushing you pelvis against his.

“In fact I think I would have liked him to have woken up, seen my cock buried deep in your tight pussy.” you whimpered as you grinded on him, his words scaring you as they were not him but excited you none less.

“Know this body belongs to me,” his hands smacked both your ass cheeks and pushed you flush to his hot confined throbbing cock. You gave a startled yelp that turned into a moan.

“That YOU belong to me,” he stood up, your legs wrapping around his waist again.

“You belong with me, by my side, forever,” the last part he spoke with hope, as if he wanted you to agree.

“Just ask,” you implored as he laid you on the bed, your knees bent and legs spread to make room for his giant body.

His eyes narrowed at you.

“I’m way past asking permission,” he growled and ripped your bikini top off, you moaned as you felt the fabric tighten then snap against his strength.

“Steve,” you tried to get him to talk to you more but he ignored you in favor of pulling his own shirt off then attacking your neck as he was in the alley.

This time instead he was roughing sucking on your neck while his hands roughing massaged your breasts.

You responded by wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling his hips down to grind against you. His rough attention was driving you insane.

To be without him for so long and come back with this force, this possessiveness nearly made you cum.

He continued to suck on your neck working to leave a mark, a reminder of what he told you. One of his hands moved inside your bikini bottoms.

Slowly rubbing a few circles around your clit you gasped and dug your nails into his shoulders, the sensation was too much. Just then he plunged two of his fingers inside you and curled up, continuing to rub random patterns against you clit with his thumb.

You lifted your upper body up, mewling at the sensation.

“Look at how responsive your body is to me, your pussy aching for me.” he growled into your ear, stopping his ministrations on your neck.

“Tell me, have you been taking care of yourself while I’ve been gone?” He lifted his head up looking you in the eyes a darkness there that was daring you to lie.

Your cheeks were already flush with arousal but you could feel them warm even more with embarrassment. “Ye-yes.” you got out meekly.

He chuckled, it was a dark chuckle, something you’ve never heard from him before.

“Did you think of me nightly doll face?” he continued thrusting his fingers into you at an increasing pace. You cried out gripping his forearm, it was almost too much.

“Oh no no,” he growled and increased his pace, curling his fingers ever so slightly reaching for your special spot. “You’re so tight around my fingers,”

“I missed feeling you wrapped around my cock.” He began to unzip his pants while speeding up his rubbing of your clit and adding a third finger inside your dripping pussy.

“Yes, you know what I want,” your finger nails dug into his arm. “You’re going to give this to me.”

Your eyes widened as you felt the pressure build up inside you. It was too much, this was nothing compared to what you could do for yourself. It was almost better than how it used to be between you two.

“Steve,” you gasped out the pressure building up at a scary pace.

“Yes doll face? What do you need?” A smirk played at his lips.

“Please-” but you couldn’t finish as you felt the dam release. It was over powering as your eyes rolled into the back of your head your hands going limp against his arm.

You could feel the wetness seep out of you.

“Fuck, you’re always so good for me.” you barely heard Steve’s words as the blood was rushing loudly through you, your body not able to come down as he continued to rub your clit but remove his fingers from inside you.

“Too much!” You gasped out, your hands trying to pry his hand off you. Your legs start to flail.

“No!” He ordered and you stilled. He pulled his cock from his pants, it was red and you could almost make out the throbbing veins from above.

You knew after 8 months without him it was going to be a bit of an adjustment given how long and thick he was.

“8 months you made me search for you,” you felt the head of his cock pressing against your opening. His words full of frustration and indicating he had been thinking about the time between as well.

Before you could express your concerns he plunged in. When you both felt him bottom out a mixture of moans and gasps were released between the two of you.

His fingers stopped rubbing you clit letting both of you revel in the feeling of finally being together again. He shifted his hips and you moaned out his name.

“That’s it, you know who you belong to.” he pulled himself out until just the tip was inside you.

You wrapped your legs back around his waist trying to pull him in. He made a sound of disapproval and pulled both your legs from around his waist and in front of him bending you in half.

“This is how I’ve wanted you,” his voice was graveled again, you saw the darkness in his eyes as he starred down at you. His body completely covering you.

“Helpless beneath me, all mine, and not pushing me to ask for it, but letting me take it.” He plunged back in at that, you cried out at the force of his thrust.

“Not too loud doll face, you don’t want to cause any concern have someone see you like this,” he smirked again, “or do you want someone to see you like this.”

You whimpered at the thought, finding it scary and turning you on even more at the same time.

He started a punishing pace, staring right into your eyes, as you held your legs together to the side of your face. His look was relief mixed with anger and that raw desire you were used to from him. You were trying to hold back your cries. He placed his hands on the back of your lower thighs, using it as leverage to continue his pace.

“Please,” You whimpered out, “Steve.”

He looked down at you raising an eyebrow.

“Come on,” he spoke your name tauntingly, “All you have to do is ask right?”

You groaned out, using your words against you. With every moment you were seeing a different side of Steve. You weren’t sure yet if it was good or bad but it certainly lead to a lot of pleasure.

“Cum, I want to-” you gasped out as he started rubbing you clit.

“Do it, cum on my cock,” his force was wearing down the bed frame, it began to creak and shake with each thrust.

You closed you eyes the intensity too much for you to even look at him, this was four times as intense as the last one. You tried to grasp anything you could to ground yourself.

You opened your eyes as he grabbed one of your hands, pulling to his face he kissed the back of your hand. Never breaking eye contact as he continued to thrust and rub your clit through your orgasm.

“Be good for me now, I want to feel you cum on my cock again,” Your eyes widened as you tried to shake your head no but it was too late.

“Remember I’m not asking,” he warned.

Another orgasm crashed over you unexpectedly from all the over stimulation.  Suddenly his pace picked up with urgency.

“I’m gonna cum in you doll,” you shook your head no. You knew it wasn’t safe.

“Steve, wait I’m-” he kept his pace up.

“I know, and I don’t care,” you felt yourself edging towards another orgasm at his words. What was wrong with you?!

“I’m going to fill you up with my seed,” he groaned at the image in his mind. “Your stomach round with OUR child. That’s what I want.”

You came again, it was too much, HE was too much, you felt your vision swirling.

“No, stay with me.” He quickly pulled your legs back around his waist. His hips movement becoming erratic and desperate.

He groan out your name as he came inside of you just as he said he would. His hips jerked as he continued to cum in you.

When he was spent, he didn’t pull out. Still hard he remained inside you.

“Steve, I can’t-”

“Sssh, I know I know.” He rolled over pulling you with him, staying inside of you.

A soft whimper escaped your lips as you sat up, feeling him shift inside you. He groaned and griped your hips.  

He bent his knees behind you and you leaned back on them. He thrust upwards once, watching your breasts bounce with the movement brought a smile to his face.

You giggled softly at his actions. The sensations making you giddy from all the endorphins running through you.

He felt like a drug induced dream almost. You frowned slightly, what if he wasn’t real?

You bent down towards him and kissed him hard, running your fingers through his hair.

“Please don’t disappear on me,” you pleaded against his mouth.

He looked at you in shock.

“What are you talking about?“he sat up pushing you up with him.

"What if they find you? Or Bucky again? You’ll go off and I don’t want to come between you two but-”

He kissed you gently, his hand caressing your cheek.

“You are mine and I am yours.” he flexed his hips proving his point and causing you to let out a moan.

“Prove that I’m yours,” he goaded you as he laid back.

You smiled at him as you placed you hands on his chest, and started to move your hips back and forth. The groans he emitted empowered you to speed up your movements.

Even with your current speed it wasn’t enough for Steve. He started thrusting upwards, you gasped in shock, everything was still so tinder.

With his feet planted flat on the bed and knees bent he started thrusting up into with precision. One of his hands shot up to grip your neck gently and the other began rubbing your clit.

You started to squirm and moan on top of him. It overwhelmed you but you didn’t want it to stop.

He tightened his grip around your neck, you went almost limp letting your weight fall on it and he smiled.

“Someone likes to be choked?” His words were accusatory but his tone was pure desire.

You meekly nodded your head followed by a struggled moan as he quickened his pace on your clit.

“Please, please,” you hoarse out within his grip.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you that baby,” he started pounding into you from below.

“I can feel you tighten around me at the thought, I’ll give you my seed, but you have to be good.”

You immediately started cumming, pulsing around his cock as he continued his brutal pace.

“You really want it don’t you?” his hand left your clit to rub your lower abdomen.

“Do you feel me right there?” He pushed down and you flooded his lap cumming again. He groaned not expecting you to spasm around him again, he could take no more and with one final thrust he filled you again groaning out your name.

This time as the darkness began to swirl your vision it embraced you fully.

When you came to you first felt a warm damp feeling brushing over our inner thighs and groin. You slowly opened your eyes to see Steve still naked wiping you down with a warm wash cloth.

He looked up and smiled sheepishly when he saw you were awake.

“I may have treated you too roughly,” he admitted remorse clear in his voice.

“I’m sorry I lost control, after I kissed you the first time I could think of nothing but possessing you in every way possible.” He looked down as he continued to clean you.

“We can shower in a little bit once your energy is recouped.” He set the wash cloth on the bedside table and crawled up next to you and pulled you into his chest.

You curled up into him enjoying the rhythmic beat of his heart.

When you awoke again it was dark. Steve was walking about into the room, fully clothed and with food.

You smiled at him, sitting up in the bed causing the bed sheet that covered you to slip down. He hummed when he saw your chest.

You went to pull the sheet up but he spoke up “Don’t cover up, I love to see what is mine,” he growled.

“You better feed me before you start that up again.” He chuckled and sat the food down on the bed.

You two ate in silence, enjoying the food and each other’s company.

Once you were both finished it was time for a much needed shower. You wanted to shower together but that tiny bath tub proved to be ill accommodating to a super solider plus one.

You lay in the bed satisfied watching Steve put on his boxer briefs and get into bed with you.

“We’re heading to Wakanda tomorrow, any loose ends you need to tie up here before we go?”

You looked at him scandalously; did he just TELL you what you were doing?

“Steve, I have a few things may take a day or two-”

“Find a way to do it in one, our rendezvous is at 1900 hour tomorrow,” he looked at you with a stern gaze.

You went to voice your protest but before you could he shut it down.

“I’m not leaving you behind, I’m not asking either.” He laid back and pulled on top of his chest.

The plan had been made, find Thanos, take the stones and bring everyone back but it didn’t go according to anyone’s plan. Thor left with his people as they settled New Asgard, Tony on a lake preparing for fatherhood, and the rest of you trying to find a sense of normalcy by going back to the compound, doing whatever any of you could outside of the one thing that was needed.

You turned to you side, the Egyptian sheets on the bed a welcomed luxury, facing Steve’s back the muscles tensing and relaxing sporadically giving away that he was awake. You watched his muscles dance while the same words repeating over and over in your head from the space ship months ago.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn’t.”

You were both left with people you didn’t know anymore. The space between the two of you full of failure, loss and uncertainty. You went to reach for him but paused, the distance kept growing, both of you hurting but unsure how to piece each other back together, unsure it was even do able. He hadn’t kissed let alone touched you since it happened. Yet you both slept in the same bed, held shallow conversations, neither of you trying to push the other, afraid it’d all break. You were both so desperate for the habit you brought each other. You couldn’t live this way anymore though; either you broke and fell apart or you broke and built each other back up.

Without thinking it over much further you place your hand on his shoulder pulling him gently towards you. Within moments he was over you, with the offending wrist in his hand above your head, the forearm of his other arm pressed against your larynx. He his eyes wide but there was an unsettling vacancy in his eyes.

“St-Steve,” you gasped using you free hand to slap his forearm. The pressure on your larynx increased and you began to truly panic, your legs flailing on attempt to buck him off. This brought him back, he moved to his knees looking down at his hands in disgust.

“Steve,” your voice scratchy from the pressure, you slid your hands into his large palms. His head snapping up to look at you but he never wrapped his hands around yours. You went to entwine your fingers with his, so desperate to feel close to him. He pulled away and stood up from the bed, heading towards the door.

“Steven Grant Rogers do not leave me.” You tried to sound stern but it came out more of a desperate plea. His body stilled facing the door, silence reigned between you for far longer than you liked.

“I can’t,” his voice was gruff from disuse “I can’t fight anymore.” You felt your heart break at his words. You moved to stand behind him embracing him, pushing the side of your face into his back.

“You don’t have to fight,” you felt him turn in your embrace but you wouldn’t look up, you couldn’t see the look on his face. Burrowing your face into his chest this time you held him, unwilling to just let him walk away without talking.

He called your name out so gentle it was almost like a prayer. You shook your head not wanting to look up, but he called your name once more, taking a hold of your chin lifting your face up. You tried to blink away the tears threatening to spill unsuccessfully.

“I love you Steve, I need you. I need you to touch me. I need you to love me.” You were willing to let it break but you believed in all your heart you would build each other back up. He just had to know there was still something left to feel, something left to get up for.

His face contorted and the look his face took on made you increasingly uncomfortable, sliding your arms out from around him placing them at your side. It was predatory look that held no kindness, you took a few steps back, and he mimicked each one towering over you. There was malice and pain etched in that furrowed brow.

“You need me to touch you?” He sneered gripping your throat, titling your face up to him at a drastic angle, his head bent down to keep direct eye contact watching his pupils widen and the blue recede.

“You want me to love you?” his lips pressed against yours unyielding. He bit your lower lip using your gasp to his advantage shoving his tongue in your mouth. Taking command of you with every touch and swipe of his tongue, his aggressive touch awaking something within you as you dug your nails into his arms. His eye stayed open looking at you with a level of desire and intensity you couldn’t handle closing yours eyes you shivered.  

“Let me show you how I can love you,” he shoved you onto the bed eliciting a gasp from you when he pulled you legs apart and held your hands at the side of your head.

You became increasingly aware at your lack of clothing, his hardening cock in his pajama pants pressing against your underwear while your night shirt rode up your stomach. He returned to kissing you roughly pinned beneath him, you attempted to soften the kisses wanting to break though this rough exterior.

He growled at your efforts and ripped your shirt from the collar down for punishment. Your look of surprise was met with a devious smirk, both of his hands griping you exposed breasts roughly. Pulling and pinching your nipples, he continued his assault of your senses, biting at your neck harder than ever before. You were expecting to taste blood when he took your lips once more. Unwilling to be a bystander and letting this continue you slapped him, the force enough to pull his lips from yours, a red mark blooming on the offended cheek. The breath he heaved out was gurgling, his hands stilled on your breast and you began to panic.

He sat up between your legs and pulled your torn shirt off you, he ripped it completely in half. He took both your hands and placed your arms behind your back causing you to lie on your bent arms, using half of the tattered shirt he wrapped it around each wrist and tightened it with a well made military knot. Pulling on the fabric he grinned down at you satisfied with his work. “That should keep those hands to yourself.”

Without another word he flipped you onto your stomach and pulled you up to your knees at the same time, leaving you face down in the bed, completely exposed to him. You turned your head to the side, struggling against the bonds earning you a hard slap on the ass stilling you at the sting. He jerked your underwear down your legs, stopping at your knees. You heard clothing rustle behind followed by the warmth from the tip of his cock prodding your entrance. “You’re scaring me, please stop.”  

A dark chuckle fell from his lips “Oh, now you want me to stop?” he replied while dragging the head of his cock up and down your slit; pressing against your clit then dipping down to your unprepared opening but going in no further.

“I thought you wanted me to love you?” He trails the head back up to your clit, circling around arousing you despite your fear. Your body on auto pilot; only knowing to respond to his touch with arousal despite your growing fear.

“Make up your mind, doll face,” the normal term of endearment full of sarcasm and dark intentions. He continued rubbing your clit with the head of his cock, causing an unwanted moan to pull from your lips. You couldn’t control yourself; he chuckled once more at your response.

You wanted to tell him no, you wanted to plead with him that this was your fault for pushing him and he could stop before. Your words failed you. He moved the head of his cock back at your entrance spurring you to struggle again, rocking your body side to side in attempts to delay him. He took one hand and gripped the back of your neck, the other held the make shift rope around your wrists pulling your arms up to almost painful stretch stilling your movements.

“This is all I can give you but you,” his voice was deceivingly soft and you squeeze your eyes shut trying to will this whole mistake away. He began sliding in and it burned the little arousal he gave not enough to prepare you for his size. “You will give me everything.” he pushed the rest of the way in without any pause pulling a cry of pain from your lips.

Your body went slack, only being held up by his grip. He let out a hiss as he slowly pulled back. “You’re so tight,” he gritted his teeth, and then slid back in faster provoking a moan from your lips. Despite the pain, the feeling of him inside you always felt so good, that stretching and sense of full that he gave you.

He removed his grip on the back of your neck, you could hear him lick his fingers then felt them on your clit with soft gentle movements at first as he slid in and out at a slow pace. You lifted your head up moaning out, all your weight bearing down on your shoulders and knees. He chuckled deep in his gut and used your tied hands to pull you back and forth faster your growing arousal easing the movement. The sound of your skin slapping against one another increasing in tempo, he quickened his ministrations on your clit causing the pressure to build up faster than you anticipated.

He leaned over your body, caging you beneath him, his other hand letting go of your tied hands to support his weight on his bent elbow. He slammed into you so rough, the pace unforgiving and force punishing.  It was suffocating, in a way you had never felt with his hand around your neck. He was taking possession of you, commanding your body out of desperation instead of love and you would give it to him, give him everything just as he demanded.

Before you knew was happening you felt the snap, crying out in pleasure into the mattress, you could faintly hear him talking to you as his pace became erratic. You could feel that telling sensation of him swelling inside of you. Both of you chasing a feeling that felt foreign now. His cum rushing into you pushed a whimper past your lips, the feeling of it leaking down your thighs as he flooded you a welcoming familiar sensation.

Steve sat back up on his knees, remaining inside you, still hard, the lack of intimacy between the two of you leaving him ready once more. You whimpered this time in fear instead of pleasure. You weren’t sure you could take the brutality again. Without a word he laid you both on your sides, pushing your back and tied arms against his chest, never leaving your tight heat. You whimpered as the pain radiated in your arms, you wanted to ask him to untie you but he hushed you and quickly untied your arms. The release of your muscles in that uncomfortable position ached relentlessly.  

You pulled your arms in front of you trying to soothe the ache around your wrists by rubbing them. He gave you this moment so he could pulled your underwear completely off your legs. You tried to curl into yourself but he quickly slinked his arm underneath you and around your neck keeping the pressure gently but pulling your head up. His other hand took your top leg and brought it backwards to wrap around his thigh, giving him the advantage to piston into you once again, the force still rough but with a languid pace.

The slow pace was dragging you into sensory overload, your body trying to come down but he sought to keep the pleasure coursing through you. Not willing to fight the pleasure any longer, as it was inevitable you grinded back into him, his breath hot on your face as he groaned out your name.

“That’s it,” he murmured into your hair, rubbing his face into you inhaling your scent deeply as his thrusts jarred your body, his hand on your neck keeping you in place. You closed your eyes tightly, chasing the growing feeling inside you; you didn’t care anymore if he didn’t want you, if he didn’t love you. You were his. Reaching a hand back you gripped the back of his head pulling his hair. He growled and returned to his punishing pace. You began to slam your hips back into his and he surged forward each time. You knew you were moaning too loud by now, too far gone and hurt to care you pulled at his hair more, trying to will him to give you what you needed. You didn’t know where you would land once this was over but one thing was certain, you finally found out what Steve would do if he failed to bring everyone back.

The grip around your neck tightened and he began to rub your clit, pulling you from your thoughts back to him. It was always him. You cried out around his hold, his attention wearing your body down and keying it up all at once. You could feel his grin against your head, his brutal stride continuing to batter and satisfy you all at once.

You felt the coil snap inside; you couldn’t and didn’t care to stop the scream that tore from your lips at its intensity. This felt better than anything in the past five months. You convulsed and his grip around your neck lessened, Steve continued his pace as he neared his own end. He was whispering something over and over; you could barely make out his words as you slowly came down.

“I love you, I love you,” he was chanting it into your hair only to stop and pull you back into him with his hand while thrusting into you one final time, he flooded you once more. You let go of your hold on his hair and began to gently pat his head. He convulsed around you this time, softening inside you but not pulling out. When he curled up he pulled you deeper into him enfolding you around his arms. The warmth of his body and the exhaustion setting in lulled you to sleep quickly as he kept murmuring the same words into your hair.

-

Staring in the distance of thick forest beyond the compound your arms wrapped around yourself trying to fight off the dusk chill setting in. You didn’t know how long you had been sitting on the bench in front of the lake staring off into the distance. All you knew was you couldn’t go back to that room.

There had been that growing darkness in him since Siberia. His touches rough, trying to imprint something on you, there had been that desire to impregnate you for a while which brought on a hard pill to swallow when you both learned your chances to conceive were slim. He had continued though, convinced he could do the impossible. You had worried back then he was trying to use a child as a tool to keep you by him always after he lost himself following the Accords fall out. He anchored who he was on you, and if you weren’t his or him yours who was he, who were you for that matter? Bucky being around had helped but he was gone, so many of them were gone.

You sneered as you realized you got what you wanted, you two certainly broke.

You heard foot steps behind you, dread set in. You weren’t ready to face him yet, not after both of your actions last night. The footsteps stopped beside the bench; weakly you turned your head trying to prepare yourself to face him and the consequences of your actions.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips, it was Rhodey. Without thinking you jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck hugging him, needing some kind of gentle touch. It took him a few seconds but he wrapped his arms around you one around your back the other patting your head.

“Hey, it’s okay,” his words hushed trying to calm you down, when did you start crying? It didn’t matter anymore as you felt your body convulse in sobs.

It was a bit until you calmed down enough to let go of him. Rhodey smiled at you wiping your cheeks. You both sat on the bench, leaning your head on his shoulder he patted your hands in your lap. You could feel a small sense of peace taking you over, crying helping you release some of the pain over what had occurred in the past 12 hours.  

“Let’s get you back to your Cap, I think you need that golden boy treatment.” The words were a slap in the face but you worked hard not to express it outwardly. You wouldn’t let anyone know what happened last night, not sure if that was more for Steve than for you. Refusing to go back to him would raise suspicion but could you see him again so soon? What would you say to him? What would he say to you? You left before he woke up, and hadn’t been back inside since, spending most the day walking around the compound grounds or just staring. You hadn’t eaten since dinner last night. The thought of food made you nauseous however maybe you could use this an excuse to not see Steve just yet.

“You know,” you paused and clear your throat as your voice was rough from being silent all day. “I think I’ll get food first. I suddenly have a big appetite after that good cry,” you pushed forth a smile, keeping eye contact hoping Rhodey would buy it.

“Oh-okay.” He sounded half convinced but unsure if he should press you further given your delicate state. You wanted to frown at that, most men really couldn’t handle the intensity of emotions whether theirs or others. You hugged Rhodey one last time before thanking him and walking back to the compound.

-

You sat at the kitchen bar, picking at the plate of leftovers in front of you. Natasha’s voice could be heard muffled in the back doing some kind of debriefing. Natasha had taken lead, Steve unsure of returning to a leadership position of any kind since the Accords. Given his behavior last night that might have been the smartest thing he had done in the past 2 years. Shaking your head to push away the reminder of last night you took small bite of food, breathing deeply to keep it down. You would stay there all night slowly eating if it meant you could delay the inevitable.

Unaware of how long you had been sitting there Natasha pulled you back to reality calling out your name.

“Hm?” You looked towards her with a soft smile, but she gave you a concerning look.

“I was saying that I was disappointed it was a left over night and not a fresh cooked meal from our own personal chef.” You blushed at the compliment of your cooking skills. You were certainly not a chef but definitely the only one who could cook anything beyond macaroni and cheese at the compound. You had taken upon yourself as people came and went to cook, and keep leftovers in the fridge of home cooked meals.

“Oh Sorry Nat, I just wasn’t feel myself today.” She nodded in agreement.

“Yeah you were outside all day, I didn’t even see you give Steve the signature kiss goodbye when he left,” your eyes brightened at this thought, he was gone. “Oh Steve left?” Natasha’s eyes narrowing at the joy in your voice.

“Yeah…” she leaned over the kitchen bar across from you staring intently. “He’ll be back soon, so if you’re trying to avoid a certain super solider you better make yourself scarce quick.” A forced laugh came out trying your best to play the part of what you thought would seem normal right now.

“That’s funny Nat, why would I be hiding from Steve?” Looking down at your food and picking at it again hoping against all hope to have convinced even the best human lie detector if not then at least yourself.

“Why indeed,” she muttered before going to the fridge for her own dinner. Just then you heard a distant door opening, you scrunched your eyes shut knowing who it was.

“Nat I barely ate any of my food, why don’t you finish my plate? I think I’m going to go-” before you could finish your sentence he was there, walking to the kitchen dressed in civilian clothes, always the damn checkered button ups. Natasha looked between the both of you, sizing up the situation.

“Go do what?” Nat turned to you raising her eyebrows in expectance of an answer. With him near you, any lies or convincing fronts were lost to you.

“Just going to go,” you nodded your head quickly and began walking out of the room purposely the opposite direction Steve had come from. You heard him call out your name but you just shook your head and kept walking.

“I don’t know what you did Cap, but you better fix it,” you could hear Nat scolding him but his reply barely registering as you began to run. How could either of you fix what happened? You had pushed, broke the both of you, and he took everything as the pieces of you two fell on the floor.

Before you knew it you were back outside, running and running. It felt liberating, the cold night air pushing against your skin so much that it almost hurt but it didn’t stop the freeing feeling. As the forest came in your eye line you picked up your pace with determination, you just wanted to feel this freedom a little bit longer.

-

It was late when you finally came back to the compound, no late wasn’t right, it was early. You could hear the morning birds beginning their songs while making your way inside. Being so deep in nature had let you look back with a clearer head. You walked up to the door of your shared bedroom, the light  shining out from under the door signaling he was awake in there. You could feel your body shake lightly, adrenalin beginning to surge through you as you prepared for whatever would come between the two of you after this.

Squaring your shoulders with a deep breath in through your nose and out your mouth you opened the door. When you entered he was sitting in on the bed, his legs stretched out, hand over his face. You cleared your throat causing him to sit up straight in shock looking at you with blood shot eyes, your name fell from his lips so softly that it almost hurt to hear. You took a step towards the bed but kept a safe distance from outside of his direct reach.

“I’m leaving,” he inhaled sharply eyes full of agony. “And you aren’t coming after me and you sure as all aren’t going to look for me. I need to know that you understand.” You could see him start to stand up, you quickly moved to across the other side of the bed near the closet and a window, tears threatening to spill. Your plan of exit already calculated if he tried anything.

He stared at you, with that hurt puppy dog look he was so good at. The look that normally would make you run to him and sooth his pain but you couldn’t do that for him, not anymore.

“I-I found a group therapy meeting, I listened mostly,” you waited for him to continue. If he was talking he was within the realm of reason still. “I talked a little but not about us.” You nodded your head.

“I’m glad you found that, I hope you keep going, maybe it can help you with whatever I clearly couldn’t.” you tried not to sound bitter but it was hard. He let out a small laugh looking down at his feet.

“You always did help me though, it wasn’t until after…” the silence was resounding, you wanted him to say it wanted him to acknowledge what happened. “After I forced myself on you that I realized all you ever did was try to help me and I just kept taking.” You nodded your head. While he had given everything of himself to the world, in return took everything from you to make up for his loss. It wasn’t hard to see, but you were glad he could see though it now but it didn’t change what happened. It never could.

“I’ll never ask you to forgive me,” he looked up at you, there were tears in his eyes, had he been crying just as much as you had? “But I will apologize and try to make amends in whatever way you will allow me.” Your hands balled up into fists at your side, how dare he think he could atone for this?

“What kind of man loves like this, Steven?” Your voice was forced even tone, trying so hard to not let yourself cry in anger or worse in pain. “What kind of man takes everything a woman has and what’s left after that too?” He takes a few steps towards you but you put a hand up, and as if you had some kind of physical force he abruptly stopped.

“A lost man, a broken man, a man who can’t love them self let alone someone else.” You answered your own question. “You were my habit and I was just as much yours but after Thanos,” with your eyed closed tight the tears started to fall, matching the ones continuing down his beautiful face. His stupid beautiful face. You sniffled and opened your eyes once more.

“After Thanos the habit didn’t work anymore so I’m leaving. I’m admitting I’m addicted to you and I am leaving that addiction because that’s what healthy people do Steven. They heal.” You walked up to him, framing his face with your hands you began wiping away his tears with your thumbs you couldn’t help the sob that escaped your lips watching his face softens with content at your touch. You pulled his hair back from his forehead, his hands gently holding your bent elbows, you were grateful he didn’t touch you anywhere else, not sure you could handle it.

“I love you Steve, more than I ever thought possible but we got lost along the way and there’s no way back to each other. So let’s say goodbye, okay?” His brows lifted in panic and he tried to shake his head no but you held his face still, petting his face again trying to calm him down. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is,” you choked out, feeling your strength cracking at the raw emotions unrelentingly swirling within you.

“I don’t know if I can let you go,” his voice wavered more tears trailed down his cheeks. You wiped them away too; you always wanted to wipe away his pain.

“It’s okay, because I can do it for both of us. This is the last thing I can give you Steven.” You lifted up pressing your lips to the corner of his mouth, tasting the saltiness of his tears. You pulled away, and dropped your hands to your sides, his hands lingered on your arms for a moment but he soon after they fell to his side as he sniffled.