#drunk roy

Dick : *hears laughter coming from the living room*

Dick : *finds Jason and Roy laughing it up on the couch*

Dick : *takes into account the two bottles of Tequila on the coffee table and variously colored shot glasses*

Dick : where’s Bruce ? 

Jason : AYE ! LOOK WHO’S BACK ! IT’S SEXY ASS !

Roy : HEEEY ! MR.SEXY ASS !

Dick : *rolling his eyes* that’s Mr.Sexy Ass Officer to you two

Jason : daaaamn girl, kinky

Roy : *holding his wrists out* officer, i’ve been naughty as hell. please. cuff me then ride the shit out of me

Jason : *laughing too hard*

Dick : I’m gonna ask again. where’s Bruce. doesn’t this sort of drunken party usually happen hidden away in the Lounge Room ?

Jason : *head lolling back* yeeeaaah but B is outta Gotham for a few days, an’ Alfred ain’t around, he’s on vacay visitin’ some folks er some shit. soooooo, I mean damn, why not bring the “drunken party” to the livin’ room?

Jason : *takes another shot* 

Jason : *glares at Dick* AND I AIN’T FUCKIN’ DRUNK for yer info ! I’m tipsy. NOT drunk. I can handle my liquor

Dick : mkay. 

Roy : join us, Dickie

Dick : god. i don’t wanna drink with you dumbasses, who knows what i’ll be roped into....but it has been a stressful week, and, i feel the peer pressure

Dick : *taking a seat across from them*

Jason & Roy : *cheering happily*

Jason : *pours Dick a shot* here ya go, Luscious

Dick : *takes the shot*

Roy : *already holding out another for him* here ya go again, Tasty Vixen

Dick : whoa, already again ??? I haven’t even recovered from the first shot ! slow down shit

Jason : lightweight ass

Dick : no. I’m just not an avid drinker like you two

Roy : *nudging the shot impatiently towards Dick*

Dick : *takes the shot*

Jason : *holding up another*

Dick : shit. stop. what are you trying to get me wasted or something ?

Roy : *smirks at Jason*

Jason : *smirks back*

Jason : *sarcastically* noooo baby, I’d never do that to yoooou. especially with Roy here. what ever on EARTH would we dooo ?? a THREEsome ??? ewwww. . . .

Roy : *just as sarcastically* OMG ! groooosssss. . .

Dick : get me lit enough and it just might happen

Jason & Roy : *hopeful little puppies clumsily pouring more shots for Dick*

Dick : NO ! STOP ! I WAS KIDDING !!

Roy : don’t just go messin’ with my soul like that baby

Jason : yeah. shit, doll. got a mother fucker all excited’n shit....damn.

Dick : hm. sounds like a personal problem to me

Jason : *stares offensively for a second before sitting back dramatically and crossing his leg*

Dick : *sensing some bullshit coming along*

Jason : got a question for ya, sweetcheeks

Dick : oh yeah ? and what’s that ?

Jason : why you not lemme smash ??

Dick : . . .

Dick : excuse me. but what ?

Jason : why you won’t lemme hit it an quit it ??? 

Dick : *blinking*

Jason : ejaculate and evacuate, rock your box and then change the locks, shoot my jizz and then out I is-

Dick : yeah yeah I fucking GET it !

Jason : then if ya get it, darlin’ *leans forward* why haven’t ya lemme in ??

Dick : excuse yourself but i’m not just some item on a shelf. you can’t just casually pick me up and then take me home. I get to chose who I sleep with as well, and let me tell you something, I don’t just choose anyone

Jason : oh really ? ‘cause I can name at LEAST 6 son’s’a bitches that don’t even PAAAAAAAASS grade A fuckin’ rank in my books

Jason :  NUMBER 1; SLADE Yes I Kill For Pleasure WILSON !!! NUMBER 2; WALLY Horny Ass Air Head WEST !!! NUMBER 3; BRUCE I’m A Brooding Janus-Faced Crackpot With Unresolved Emotional Instability Who Likes to Put Boys In Green Panties And Then Send Them To Their Deaths WAYNE-!!!

Dick : *blushing* OH. MY. GOD. that’s enough Jason. shut up

Jason : *smug as hell* now tha’s what I thought

Roy : whoawhoawhoa 👐 hold the fuck up. you fuckin’ The Bat ?? for real for realz ?

Dick : that’s none of your business

Jason : sure as fuckin’ HELL was MY god damned business every fuckin’ night I heard that headboard hittin’ the wall in B’s room with ya sobbin’ his name like--

Dick : --okaysoumYEAH !! NEXT conversation PLEASE !

Jason : considering the fact that YOU have suuuuch poor selection in dudes....imma ask again *sexy smirk*....why you not lemme smash ??

Roy : yeah dude; knick knack patty whack let my man bone

Dick :

Dick : . . .

Dick : *pours himself another shot*

Dick : *stands up*

Dick : *grabs both bottles of Tequila*

Dick : mkay, this parties been officially canceled due to apparent derangement 

Dick : *leaves the room*

Jason : . . .

Roy : . . .

Jason & Roy : *exchanging glances*

Jason : *gets up and casually saunters after Dick*

Roy : *gets up and casually saunters after Jason*

*Eventually*

Dick : *upstairs* OH MY GOD GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM YOU WEIRDOS I’M TRYING TO CHANGE !!!!

Jason & Roy : *getting their drunk asses thrown the fuck out of Dick’s room*

Roy : shit, he really knows how to tease a guy

Jason :  tell me ‘bout it 

Roy : ‘an he took our Tequila

Jason : baby boy really knows how ta hurt a brotha too

Jason : *turns to pound on Dick’s closed door* YER BREAKIN’ MAH HEART, BABY !!

Roy : *starts singing Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart*

Damian : *comes out of his room at the opposite end of the hallway*

Damian : *starts throwing hangers at Jason and Roy*

Jason : DIIIICKIIIIE !! OPEN UP !! WE FORMALLY REQUEST SANCTUARY !!

Roy : YES ! AND WE SWEAR THAT WE WONT TRY AN’ FUCK YOU !

Jason : *looks blankly at Roy*

Jason : . . . .speak for yourself

Damian : *coming at them with a sword and Titus hot on his heels as back up and noble steed* you immmoRAL BASTARDS BETTER KEEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM GRAYSON !!

Jason & Roy : AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH--!!!

Damian : LAY A FINGER ON HIM AND YOU ARE DEAD ! DO YOU HEAR ME ?! D-E-A-D !

*Meanwhile*

Dick : *laying across his bed with his earphones in/sipping Tequila and catching up on Real Housewives*

BunnyEars - Roy and Gage