#drunk logan

"Woahwoahwoah, easy there, Drunky Brewster," Wade attempted to steady his stumbling friend as they walked down the sidewalk from Logan's favorite bar downtown, "I'm not carrying your heavy metal ass all the way back home again."

Logan laughed and gave Wade a hard shove away from him.

"Hah! As if I'd....As if I'd give you the pleasure," he slurred a little before gulping down another sip from the bottle of bourbon in his hand, prompting Wade to just shake his head at him in unconcealed amusement. 

"Yeah yeah, this way, goofy," Wade chuckled as he grabbed Logan's arm to pull him in the direction to cross through the mile long city park that they commonly used as a short cut back to their apartment.

"Where ya takin' me?" Logan's eyes drifted around as he leaned into Wade for support, his question causing the other man to sigh loudly.

"For the love of fucking Go-.....This is like dealing with a big, hairy toddler. Home. For the billionth time, I'm taking you home," Wade stated firmly as Logan suddenly frowned and pushed off of him.

"Who said I was goin' home with you? You're not gettin' to third base on the first date, bub."

Wade just stood there looking at him with a resigned smile and his fists on his hips.

"You know if you weren't so charmingly ridiculous, I'd dump your drunk ass into one of these bushes and come back for you in the morning. Now listen up because I'm only going to explain this one more motherfucking time.....WE LIVE TOGETHER. My home is your home so that is where we are going. Un-der-stand?"

"Oh.....," Logan was silent for a few moments with a blissful look in his eyes before a grin split his face again, "Well I fuckin' knew that, Wade. Still doesn't mean you're gettin' in my pants though. Can't get me drunk enough for that." 

He then broke into a giggle fit that made Wade instantly forgive every stupid thing that had come out his mouth that night. He wished Logan could be this laid back all of the time.

Still he truly treasured the fact that he had a live-in roommate and best friend that he could hang out with, even if Logan was currently a bit incapacitated. But now that Logan was in this universe and some of his more depressive thoughts had eased off, he wasn't drinking as much to drown out his feelings. 

However he was still a liquor connoisseur and enjoyed going out for drinks more often than not. Only now when he got drunk his mood was much lighter than it used to be, and Wade found he was a lot tamer in that state. It was much more fun to mess with him because his inhibitions were loosened enough for him to give it right back.

Wade would normally have a drink or so, but he wasn't into such heavy drinking and was typically the sober of the two. You would think that with at least him being clear-headed that the both of them would manage to stay out of trouble, but Wade was an instigator of chaos through and through.

Drunken brawls were all too common on their nights out together with many started from Logan hitting on too many redheads while that woman's boyfriend was sitting right next to her. Other times though Wade would want to liven things up and just get crazy urges to do things like throw a chair out of nowhere or even start running his mouth with intentions to piss people off and get them to throw the first punch.

Though on nights like tonight when Logan had consumed entirely too much alcohol he became more of a liability in these situations, leaving Wade to handle most of the dirty work.

"All I'm sayin' is that guy was askin' for it," Logan muttered when Wade brought up the scene they had just departed from, "So sue me for, ya know....bein' the stand-up guy that I am.....defendin' your honor and shit."

Wade chuckled before he looked at the other man in astonishment.

"Logan, all he asked me was if I knew what time it was."

Logan was now the one looking confused as Wade could see him trying to focus inside his head and recant the night's events.

"Ya mean he didn't call ya a 'loud-mouthed shit-for-brains with a face that looks like a shriveled nutsack'?" He asked with his head tilted and receiving a hard stare from Wade, though after a minute he started to break into a grin, "Oh yeah, now I remember.....that was me." 

Wade just sighed with his own amused smile while Logan was now having trouble walking with how hard he was laughing.

"Yeah, well his friends didn't appreciate you throwing him over the bar, and I was then obligated to cover your ass," Wade gave him a soft punch on the arm, "And if I have to be honest, I think you were slowing me down back there. If that one guy hadn't broken his fist on your face, then I think he might've had the upper hand on you."

Logan immediately calmed down and scoffed, feeling insulted.

"Pffffft...Bullshit. Ain't no one got the upper hand on me. I coulda took 'em all with both arms tied behind my back."

"Riiiiiight. That's a cute little fantasy. I'm pretty sure even a baby kitten could take you down right now."

"Oh yeah? Ya wanna-*HIC*-go, bub? Maybe ya don't know who you're messin' with, but I'm the fucking Wolverine," Logan swayed as he got into a sloppy fighting stance though his claws seemed to get stuck coming out of his knuckles and were only protruding a small amount, just like the time when Wade had first met his drunk ass, "Trust me, you....you don't want to take on me."

Wade simply stared at him blankly for a few moments before taking a step towards him and giving him a firm push backwards. Logan's reflexes and sense of balance were completely obliterated by all the alcohol he had drank, and he barely even flailed as his rear end hit the ground.

"Oh how the mighty have fallen," Wade just looked down with mock pity, shaking his head at the giggling man below him.

"And I didn't even spill my drink," Logan declared proudly with his drunken grin, toasting his bottle upwards before finishing it off and dropping it onto the grass.

"Well that is the important thing now. God forbid you don't get that last drop into your already overloaded system," Wade chuckled as he looked around the area that they had stopped in, not surprised to find it deserted given the hour of night it was.

He figured it wouldn't hurt to rest here for a while to enjoy the peace and maybe give Logan a chance to sober up to make it more manageable in getting him home. He plopped down onto the ground next to Logan who then let out a grunt of discomfort. 

"Goddamn it's hot out here. Right? Is it hot out here, or is it just me?" Logan asked while he crudely fumbled to undo the buttons on his flannel shirt as Wade watch intensely with his eyes locked onto his chest.

"No, pretty sure it's just you, Mr.Jackman," he was disappointed to see that Logan was wearing a fitted, black undershirt below that one though, "You need some help getting out of that next one? Yeah c'mon, let's get you nice and cool and comfortable..."

Wade eagerly started to reach for him but just ended up with Logan's flannel being roughly tossed at him.

"Nah, this is good. Feel better already," Logan groaned in relief as he stretched out his arms, pulling the shirt tight against the muscles of his upper body and nearly giving Wade a nosebleed from the sight.

"Suit yourself....Fucking tease," Wade muttered as he folded up Logan's flannel shirt to set on the ground beside them before looking up and finding a perplexed frown now on the man's face.

"The fuck is that sound?" He grumbled as Wade listened to the array of chirping noises coming from the nearby pond.

"Frogs. Probably mating season. Beautiful, isn't it? You're currently experiencing the wonders of nature and the sounds of a bunch of frogs fucking each other's brains out."

"Well it's annoying. Do somethin' about it."

Without another word Wade pulled out a gun and fired it in the direction of the pond, instantly halting all noise and now making the air around them eerily quiet. Logan looked at him in surprise for a moment before breaking into a grin as he chuckled and allowed his body to fall back into the grass.

"Thanks, bub. Much better not havin' to sit here listening to that shit," he sighed in contentment as he folded his arms behind his head, the sound of silence literally music to the ears of a man with a heightened sense of hearing.

"Frogs need love too, you know? Just like people. Though I don't think frogs feel that sense of love like humans do, but we are the higher life form after all. Just the need to feel that connection and acceptance from another human being is the greatest thing we can share. I think everyone deserves that."

When Wade wasn't babbling nonsense, he could actually say some thought-provoking things that could get Logan's mind to reflect on. He had said some regrettable things in the past that had likely caused Wade to consider his own worth and thinking about all of that immediately brought a sense of guilt.

A sobering look came over Logan's features as he stared up at the clear night sky from where he lay before his voice broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, ya know."

Wade immediately turned to him with a confused expression. That was the last thing he had expected to come out of him in this moment.

"Huh? The fuck are you talking about? You're sorry? Sorry for what?"

Logan cleared his throat and shook his head, trying better to gather his thoughts.

"For the way I blew up on you.....Ranted at you.....In the van, remember? Saying what an annoying moron you are.....That I wished you'd die alone. All that."

Wade's face softened. He hadn't held a grudge from that fight they had had and had never once wished for Logan to apologize to him. 

"Ah that's all water under the bridge. I deserved it any how. Besides, you and I are cool now! Totally inseparable. Two crazy peas in a sexy pod called life. The best of friends, right?"

A small smile flickered across Logan's face as he nodded, doing his best to speak clearly despite how the booze was fogging his mind.

"Yeah, we are. But no....No, you didn't deserve that. I crossed a line that I shouldn't have. Was just so angry at what a piece o' shit I am that I took it all out on you. So I just want you to hear it from me....I'm sorry and I didn't mean anything I said," his eyes went down in shame and Wade leaned towards him to pat him on the thigh.

"I know you didn't, pal. And let's get one thing straight, I don't think you're a piece of shit. You proved that to everybody, including yourself. Now let's keep a positive mindset here, I don't want to hear you ever refer to yourself that way again, got it?" Wade playfully scolded but also Logan could sense that he was serious.

"Yeah, alright, I'll try. It's hard to imagine myself as being anything better. I guess thanks for thinkin' I'm not a piece of shit."

Wade gave a nod of acknowledgement before looking away to process that interaction. Logan wasn't much to overshare like Wade and could be very hard to read at times, but every day that they spent together it seemed like the clawed mutant would show him a little something new of what went on in his mind. 

Drunk Logan had proved to be the most revealing, but he had his other sober moments too. It was a slow process, snail pace even, but Wade was still more than happy with the progress that he was making with him and vowed to never give up on him no matter what.

"But let's get one more thing straight, I still think you're an annoying moron."

Logan's asshole comment had broken the silence of Wade's personal reflection, triggering him immediately back to his normal character. He quickly turned back to him with a playful glare to rival the proud smirk displayed on the other man's face.

"Ah ha, there he is. I knew that prick was still in there. The snarky little honey badger that I know and love. You know you're pretty lucky to have someone like me around who puts up with all of your shit," Wade grinned as he reached down to begin teasingly poking at Logan's ribs, not expecting anything out of it. 

Much to his surprise the normally gruff man instantly shot his arms down to guard his sides and started to squirm and even giggle from his actions.

"Hehehehe-Ya knew whahahat you signed uhuhup for, bub," Logan did little to stop it as his arm just pitifully made attempts to block out the merc's finger.

"Oh I'm not complaining. I will gladly take all of it like a good boy. Though now I'm curious as to why you're so twitchy all of a sudden. Is it epilepsy? Some form of Tourette's? Tell me what ails you, my precious," Wade teased, waiting on the excuses that Logan was sure to come up with because God forbid the Wolverine admit that he's--

"You're tihihickling meheeheehee, idiot," Logan growled half-heartedly between endless giggles, writhing about as the lone finger poked and wiggled into his side without pause.

Wade's mind nearly exploded, not expecting Logan to outright admit to any kind of weakness so easily as small as it may be. The alcohol definitely had to have played a part in him being so open and not trying to hide it.

"Get the fuck out of here. You're actually ticklish? Just when I thought you couldn't get any cuter, you go and drop this bomb on me?"

"I'm nohohot cute, ya crazy fuhuhuhuck," Logan chuckled with his face all scrunched up in a blissful grin while he squirmed in his submissive position, indeed looking absolutely adorable to the merc.

"I hate to break it to you, but yes you are. Look at you, you're the epitome of the tough, stoic manly man but yet here you are giggling without a care and completely helpless to the soft touch of just one little finger. They go crazy on Tumblr for fan fics written about that kind of thing, ya know."

"Wha-Whahahahahat?"

Wade always got a kick out of all the times he was successful in confusing Logan. Which was literally dozens of times per day, but it really wasn't hard to do so considering the man rarely used the internet in his lifetime.

"I'm just saying you're a hot topic online. Even all those people know your potential for being adorable."

"Do thehehey know your p-potential for bein' the mohohost obnoxious mahahan alive?"

"Pardon? I didn't quite catch that. Care to say that to my face?" Wade stopped for a minute to give him a chance to reply without struggle as Logan blinked up at him.

"Love to. But I'm afraid I couldn't tell your face from your ass if you put a gun to my hehehehead," he started to laugh again, reflexively curling half-way up as Wade returned to poking at his side.

"Well that wasn't a very nice thing to say. I think a little payback is in order. Now what would be a suitable punishment for that? Hmmm, I'm sure it will come to me," Wade smirked and introduced the rest of the fingers on his hand as they pried deep into the muscles to access the ribs beneath, increasing the volume of his friend's laughter.

"Ohohohoho fuhuhuck, Waahaade. Ahahahahah-C'mohohohohooon. Don't dohoohoo thahahahaat," Logan chuckled helplessly and rolled on his back, swatting with very little power behind it at Wade's hand.

"Don't do what? Oh, you mean this? Why not? Is da big, mean, tough guy Wolverine a wittle ticklish?" Wade's speech dwindled into baby-talk with intentions to embarrass and fluster his friend, but Logan was too drunk to feel any shame.

"I ahahaha-already tohohohold you I ahaham. Ahahare ya deheheaf? Open your fuhuhuhuckin' ears why dohohon't yaHAHAhAhahaha!" Logan yelped through his laughter once Wade tickled momentarily harder into his upper ribs.

"You are such a sassy mister. Definitely not a smart move for a ticklish person in your position. And you're not even putting in much effort to stop me. IIIIIIIInteresting.....," Wade mused aloud while Logan shook his head.

"I'm druhuhuhunk. Whahahah-Whahahaddya want frohohohom mehehehehe?"

"I don't know, I was just expecting a little more protest from you. The Logan I know would have skewered me immediately!"

Suddenly Wade pulled his hand back as he scooted closer to hover above where Logan lay.

"Come on now, let's see you defend yourself," Wade grinned as he began waving his hands in random and erratic patterns over Logan, pretending to reach in to touch him only to change direction at the last moment, "Oooooh look out! Ol' crazy Wade is gonna get you! But 'where' is the question! Should we go for that tempting tummy of yours? Or perhaps another rib attack? I'm sensing those armpits may be a killer spot."

Meanwhile Logan was just giggling uncontrollably the entire time from the anticipation while batting at the threatening hands, his body jerking away every time it looked like Wade was actually going to touch him even though he hadn't yet.

"Fuhuhuckin' knock that off. Someone's gonna seeheehee this shit."

"There's no one here but us, buddy. No knight in shining armor is going to bust out of the trees to save you like in the movies," Wade grinned as he transformed into his best Don LaFontaine impression, "In a world where dangerous mutants roam the Earth one man known as the Wolverine risks his life to save all of mankind. But what happens when he has to go up against his greatest foe? Don't miss the heart-stopping blockbuster movie of the summer, 'Wolverine Vs. The Tickle Monster'."

Wade beamed with pride when his words managed to make Logan start to laugh harder, though he knew that feat was always a lot easier when the man had been drinking. Still, he was going to take this as a win.

"Fuhuhucking idiot.....Ya tihihickle mehee and I'll kihihill you," Logan tried to growl as he grabbed at Wade's wrists but was too uncoordinated to hold onto them while Wade continued pretending to tickle and poke at him.

"Ahhh, some of the usual generic threats of death that I hear on a daily basis. Fake yawn. Any other cliche phrases you care to throw at me before I call your bluff, handsome?"

"I'm gonnahahaa hand some of theheeheese fihihists to your face!" He sputtered out as Wade's eyes widened in surprise, always finding joy in whenever Logan made a joke using a play on his words.

"Good one, Peanut. Looks like my humor is finally starting to rub off on you."

"Ya know whahat else ya can rub ohohoff? Thihihis dick!"

Oh, how Wade wished he had been recording this moment.

"No take backs! Full disclosure, I'm so going to remind you later that you said that, but for now I've got just one thing to say to you," Wade's grin grew as he leaned in closer to whisper to his quarry, "Hey Logan..."

"Whahahat?"

"Coochiecoochiecoochiecoo!" Wade belted out as he launched both hands onto Logan's waist, scratching and scribbling his fingers like crazy into the sensitive flesh. 

With that Logan completely let loose as his head flung back and his mouth opened into a wide grin, releasing the heartiest laughter that Wade had ever heard.

"BwahahahahahaahaaNooohahahahahaha!"

Wade's mind reeled, not expecting that glorious of a reaction and he decided to see how much farther he'd be able to take this unexpected scenario.

"Holy shit, you are ticklish! Even more so than in all the fics I've read written by the illustrious fluffyficsanddreams!" Wade turned towards the audience, "Seriously folks, go read them, and also check out their cute Poolverine art. They're fucking so adorable."

"Quihihit tahahalkin' to yoursehehehelf, ya nuhuhut johohob!"

"Oh, if you only knew, Peanut. There's so much in this world that you have yet to learn. Oh! I suppose this is the part where I should offer you the chance to beg for mercy now?"

"Fuhuhuhuhuuuck yoooooouuuu!"

"Fuck me? I'm not the one who is fucked here, bucko. You're the one whose adorable weakness has been found out by someone with a black belt in tickling," Wade demonstrated with his fingers buzzing and vibrating up and down Logan's ribs while the man futilely clamped his arms down, unable to stop him.

"A blahahack behehelt in beheehehee- bein' a pahahain in my ahahahahass!" Logan let out a snort amongst his laughing; the sound causing Wade to beam down at him in adoration. 

The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy with how Logan had literally surrendered to this without incident. 

"I can tell you that smart ass remarks are just going to entice me to keep tickling you. Unless of course that's been your plan all along. Is that it?  You wanted me to tickle the ever-living fuck out of you this entire time?! Well why didn't you say so?! Of course, I'd be honored!"

His hands forcibly shoved their way deep into Logan's armpits, making him arch his back off the ground and roar with booming laughter.

"Nooooohohohohooooo! I-I swehehear I dihihidn't plahahahaaan thihihiis! Hahahahaahaa!" 

Wade chuckled, not expecting him to take his obviously joking words so seriously.

"I'm just teasing you, big guy. Besides I'm not letting you take credit for the best idea I've had in a long time. Hehe, pretty ticklish in the pits, aren't you? Just listen to that laugh of yours. Super cute! Though at this point I'm convinced you would laugh no matter where I tickled you."

"Prohahahably!" Logan shrugged, not denying anything while helplessly kicking his feet against the ground and writhing from the intensity of the relentless tickling, "Nohohow fuhuhuck ooooff!!"

"No can do. I guarantee you're waaaay overdue for a good tickling. It's a crime that you've gone so long without. So buckle up, cutie, and get ready to laugh like you never have before," his fingers wriggled even faster under the feral man's arms as Logan spasmed and howled, knowing that this wasn't stopping any time soon.

"Ya bahahahastard! Eeeheheheheheehee! Gehehehet outta theheheheere!"

"Awww, but I like it in here. You're absolutely right though. Let's move on and see if there are any other spots that can beat this one," his hands pulled free from the armpits as they scraped down his sides to now start to claw into his lower abdomen.

Logan let out a surprising squeak and instantly curled up, bringing his knees nearly to his chest as he blocked Wade access to his stomach. The grin on Wade's face quickly turned even more mischievous, knowing he'd just hit the jackpot.

"Oh no no no no, you're not keeping that juicy little spot from me....," he grabbed Logan's legs to shove them out of the way as he quickly jumped on top to mount him and pin him down. He didn't miss a beat as his hands immediately flew back to the man's belly and resumed furiously tickling the newfound hyper-sensitive spot.

Logan couldn't stop the embarrassing squeal that exploded out of him as he laughed hysterically, thrashing with what little strength he had left to try to get away.

"WAAHAAHaHAhaHade!! Dohohohohoon't!! AhahahahahaFuhuhuhuuuck! Nohohot thehehehere!"

"Awww what's the matter? Are these ridiculously muscly abs of yours not doing anything to keep the big bad tickles out? Oh, isn't that just terrible," Wade smirked big time and pushed Logan's shirt up to get a look at how the hirsute muscles twitched and spasmed under the assault of his fingers.

Logan frantically shoved at Wade's arms as he bucked underneath him, but he was too weak from laughter and the alcohol still in his system and couldn't budge the merciless merc. 

"Pleeehehehehehehease!" He snorted incessantly between giggly shrieks and wheezes, "Stohohohooop! I'm- I'm gohohohohonna diiiihihihiiiieeeehehehehee!"

Wade couldn't help laughing not only at the absurdity of that coming from a mutant whose powers prevented him from dying, but also because he could have never imagined in a million years getting Logan to beg even in the slightest.

He had never seen Logan so overstimulated like this before other than when he was in one of his berserker rages while attacking an enemy. His anger was clearly on the opposite end of the spectrum of whatever this would be considered though, and it was so refreshing to be able to see him in this new light.

The best part was that Logan hadn't even tried to really stop Wade from doing any of this to him. Naturally Logan had blamed it on his current intoxication, but Wade got the feeling that it was something else.

Normally if Logan didn't agree with something then he would let you know it, drunk or not. Wade glanced at his roommate's hands to see his adamantium claws nowhere in sight and still safely concealed inside his forearms as said hands pathetically tried to block Wade from getting at his super ticklish stomach.

Wade could only smile as he gazed down at Logan's face, completely flushed red with tears squeezing from his eyes and his mouth open wide in a crazed grin that was releasing the most adorable sounds that Wade had ever heard him make. Wade had tickled many people before and the face he saw here wasn't the one of a man who was suffering.

It was all too clear to Wade now. Wolverine was having fun.

"Technically speaking, we're all slowly dying every day, but alright, I suppose one needs air to breathe," he ended up removing his hands from Logan's sensitive tummy, giving him a satisfied smirk, "So you had enough, tough guy? Have I got you thinking about being a little nicer to me now?"

Logan panted and gasped for air before finally looking up at Wade with a glimmer in his eye as a defiant grin spread across his face.

"Fuckin' never.....happening....I ain't....that drunk."

Wade decided that in no universe would he ever let such a cocky response like that slide and came to the conclusion that Logan more than deserved what was about to come next.

"I knew you were a glutton for punishment, Wolvie, but I don't think you realize what you've just gotten yourself into. Now I didn't want to have to do this, but you've forced my hands. Or should I say....," Wade hopped off of him to the side and yanked Logan's shirt up more before burying his face into his hairy stomach as he started blowing the loudest, wettest sounding raspberries imaginable.

Logan had tried to prep himself for more of what Wade had previously done, but this new technique made all of that look like child's play. It overwhelmed him to the point that he literally saw stars for a moment as he opened his mouth to scream from the first blow, but it had completely taken his breath away and not a sound came out. 

After what seemed like an eternity he frantically sucked in some air until finally he begin laughing at the top of his lungs.

"AaAHAhAhhaHaah! Hahahahahahshihihihiihiiiiit!! The fuhuhuuck ahahare you doohoohoooing?!?"

He had zero defense as Wade laid across him to hold him down on his back and continued his quest of covering Logan's entire stomach and sides with the ticklish blows against his skin.

"They're called- PBBBT- raspberries, you poor- PBBBBT- sheltered man. They're a very- PBBBBBT- powerful weapon. PBBBBBBT! And I wasn't- PBBBBT- serious, by the way. PBBBBBBBBT! I totally- PBBT- wanted- PBBBBT- to do this- PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!"

Each and every blow sent a shockwave through Logan's body that made him want to jump out of his own skin. It was literally the most unbearable thing he had ever endured in his life, which was saying a lot considering all that he had experienced.

Though as desperate as he was to get away, in the back of his mind he didn't really mind if he was unable to either. He couldn't recall the last time he'd ever laughed even close to this much and it just felt........good. Really good.

Even with his face burning and the tears leaking down his cheeks from all the hysterical laughter he found himself feeling more than content. The whole situation was completely harmless and good-natured, and he could smell the immense joy Wade was getting out of it too.

As it had progressed, he felt his remaining burdens becoming insignificant as he literally laughed his cares away. He just let it all go, and his mind felt completely free for the first time in as long as he could remember.

And he was grateful. No one had given him the time of day in what felt like forever nor had put such effort into his happiness except for Wade. He would never be able to fully express how thankful he was that this idiot had barged into his life and gave him a reason to carry on.

Despite all that he realized though, the raspberries tickled like fuck, and he couldn't stop himself from begging for mercy.

"Fuhuhuhuhuck! No mohohohohore! AAhahahahhahahahaah! Wahahaaade! I caahahahahahaha- I can't tahahahaake ihihiiit! Pleeheheheheheeease!"

Of course, Wade acted as if he didn't hear a word he said and just carried on with his teasing.

"Do you- PBBBT- have any idea- PBBBBT- how many people- PBBT PBBBBT- would kill to be in my place? PBBBBBT! Your sexy abs and I- PBBBBT- are practically making out," he paused to give him a slight breather, but also to marvel out loud at his next target, "Ohhh, what have we here? What an adorable little innie you've got! That deserves some extra personal attention, don't you think?"

Logan's eyes went wide as he pleadingly and vigorously shook his head, anticipating that this was about to be the most ticklish part of all.

"NO! For fucks sake, please! D-Don't do it! I'm begging you! I'll do anything!"

Wade absolutely relished in hearing Logan plead for his life, but his chaotic mind had already made its choice. It also didn't help Logan's case that he had a giddy smile on his face and was giggling between his words the whole time he was begging for leniency.

Wade was all too happy to oblige and not disappoint him. Displaying the most evil grin, he took a deep inhale before planting his lips right onto Logan's navel and blowing with everything he had in him.

Logan could only desperately wheeze for a breath to even make a sound that resembled a laugh as he weakly smacked at Wade's head while even more raspberries sounded off circling all around his navel. He barely managed to whisper out what Wade translated as a "Stop", but other than that he just laid their quivering in his silent, blissful agony.

However, in that moment he decided that if this was how he died it wouldn't be the worst way for him to go; with a trusted friend at his side and the happiest he had been in a long time. He was too out of it to realize that the sensations had finally stopped until Wade's voice snapped him back to reality.

"Alright relax, you big lug. We're done. Look...I stopped," Wade began gently rubbing his belly to try to calm him down, but Logan was far too sensitive for that as he curled up and kept giggling uncontrollably before Wade finally removed his hand entirely.

The drunk and giggle-filled daze overwhelmed him, though the tickle attack had sobered him slightly, as he laid back and tried to shake some clarity into his head. Finally after a few moments he was able to regain his bearings as he looked up at Wade with a lopsided grin spreading onto his face.

"Fuckin' prick. Why'd ya do that?"

Wade returned his smile with an exaggerated shrug.

"Because sometimes opportunity knocks but once. The last thing I ever expected was for you to be so ticklish and there was absolutely zero fucking chance that I was going to pass that up. You totally asked for those raspberries though. I was all ready to cut you a break and you just had to rile me up some more," he playfully ruffled the other man's already unruly hair as he managed to sit up.

"You're crazier than you look if you ever thought I'd let ya get the last word in," Logan shook his head as he gave Wade a light-hearted shove before fumbling with his shirt to pull it back down.

"Well I can attest that your stubbornness is no match for my crazy. You now know that firsthand so try me again sometime if you dare. I welcome it for the record."

"Consequences are the last thing I'm thinkin' about when I'm all boozed up, but shit, I wasn't expectin'....that. No one's ever done that to me before.....Tickled me like that."

"Well fuck me if I'm lying, but I'm not surprised. You are a little temperamental and most people probably thought you would make with the stabbing if they tried it," Wade regretted saying that instantly as Logan's face fell slightly.

"That's just what I've always been good at, I guess....Makin' people afraid of me and pushing them away. Look where all that got me."

Wade cussed himself out inside his head, always hating himself for the times that something that came out of his mouth caused Logan to feel down. He had to counter that immediately!

"No no no, we were doing so well. Don't you dare get sucked back into your depressive little cloud. I forbid it!" 

Before Logan could dwell in that feeling for too long Wade sprang back into action as he pounced and viciously tickled Logan's ribs, instantly breaking him into uncontrollable laughter once more.

"Wah-Waahaahaait! Okaahahaahaay! I'm sohohohorry! AhahaahahI'll do behehehetter!" Logan laughed as he struggled to push the other man off and ended up on his back again.

"Don't be sorry, just promise me. Promise me that you're not ever going to let those dark thoughts beat you. I'm not stopping until I'm thoroughly convinced. Go on, you have the floor," Wade teased, fingers drilling into his armpits now and making Logan spasm and squeal in an uncharacteristically high-pitched tone.

"Yes yes! I- Hahahaha- I prohohoho-promise! Ohoho shihihiit! I swehehehear-hehehehehehe! I'll wohohork ohohohon ihihihiit! Nohohow geh-get offa mehehehee, ya dihihickhead! Pleeheeheeheease!"

Wade laughed himself, still so charmed at the sight of seeing the fearsome Wolverine so helpless to simple tickles.

"Well that's all that I can ask is that you try. I have complete faith in you though," he halted his attack and backed off, "Alright, now don't let that smile leave your face because I will not hesitate to tickle you until the sun comes up."

"Heheheh, you're fuckin' out of your mind, Wilson," Logan chuckled and pushed himself up off the ground back into a sitting position.

"Have we just met? You love me and you know it. I can see right through you, my little Loganberry," Wade gave him one last rib poke, drawing out a snort as Logan swatted his hand.

"Alright alright, enough with that shit. I'm gonna piss my pants if ya keep that up."

"Sorry Gramps, I forgot you old geezers have weak bladders. And I noticed that you didn't deny that you love me in any of that," the merc probed, wanting to see what his friend's response would be as Logan took a moment to think before replying.

"Well I wouldn't use that word, but.......something kinda like that, I guess," Logan tried to hold back his smile from growing any larger as Wade just beamed, knowing that was probably the best answer he could ever hope to get.

"I accept your profession of your love. Or maybe I'll see if I can get a better confession the next time that I tickle you."

".....What do you mean 'next time'?" Logan glanced over warily, though not sounding as concerned as he tried to be, which Wade latched onto immediately.

"Oh my little naive Wolvie, you know that there's no way this was just a one-time thing. The way you laugh is so motherfucking cute and I need to hear more. Especially those piggy snorts of yours."

"You really have such a simple mind," Logan rolled his eyes, though turned his head slightly to hide the blush on his cheeks, "Just go easy on me, huh? I am a senior citizen, ya know."

"In mind yes, but in body......," Wade lifted Logan's shirt for another peek as his eyes hazed over and scanned up and down the muscular wall, "Ohoho mama, absolutely prime and delectable..."

"You're still not getting in my pants, Wade....," Logan snorted and slapped Wade's hand away to release him, making the merc groan.

"Hey Mr. Buzzkill, a man is entitled to his own flagrant fantasies, thank you very much."

"Sounds like an uneducated wish if I ever heard one," his smirk was overbearing, and Wade had to hold himself back from physically retaliating.

"I'll warn you, just know that I am this close to wrecking your holier-than-thou ass again if you don't tone it down a notch."

"Fair enough," Logan chuckled as he got to his feet, picking up his flannel shirt on the way, "Whaddya say we head on home now. I'm about ready to crash out for the next two days."

"What a grand idea! Now why didn't I think of that?!" Wade sarcastically replied and followed suit as they started to walk, "See if you would have just cooperated and let me drag you back home in the first place then your ticklish secret would've still been safe for another day."

Logan shrugged unapologetically.

"Wasn't trying to hide it. Like I said, I never been tickled much. Didn't know it could be that intense," he let out a nervous laugh and shook his head a little.

"I thought you deserved the full experience, and out of the kindness of my cancer-filled heart I was more than happy to oblige. So what did you think, huh? Did you like it? You liked it, huh? Don't try to lie," Wade teased and poked at his side, causing Logan's smile to stretch out a little further while his arm moved to guard himself.

Strangely he did enjoy it on a certain level, but there was no way he was going to fully admit to that even if he was still feeling pretty buzzed. Wade would never leave him alone if he did.

"Wouldn't say that, but it was.......tolerable, I guess."

"Well I'm glad you didn't hate it. You don't laugh like that very often and you didn't seem upset by it so I took the liberty. I wasn't trying to torture you though. I mean, if it looked like you were in true distress I wouldn't have pushed it so far," Wade explained, hoping he really hadn't done anything to cause his friend any grief.

"Yeah, I know. I could hardly stand it towards the end, but I ain't laughed that much in a long time so.......wasn't all bad," he nodded while Wade's heart swelled at having received some form of gratitude from the usually gruff man.

"It was totally my pleasure. And I really hope you have this same energy later, starting with when I give you a wakeup call this afternoon," he grinned impishly as Logan turned to give him the sternest look he could manage in the moment with his trademark brow raised.

"Don't make me lock your ass out of the apartment again. At least lemme sleep until the sun goes back down again," his eyes squinted as he glanced at his watch to see it was around 3:45am now.

"It's a deal. You will be entitled to pure, uninterrupted sleep until dusk. No bullshit. Hmm, now here's a totally unrelated question, but you usually sleep barefoot, don't you? You know, without shoes or socks or any protection on your feet whatsoever?"

Wade couldn't hold back the rush of pleasure he got when he saw Logan's body tense up before attempting another half-ass glare towards him.

"Wade no. I will knock your fuckin' teeth into your skull if you go anywhere near my feet. That's a promise," he managed a growl this time though it lacked its usual ferocity behind it.

"Whaaat? It was just an innocent question. You think I have some kind of ulterior motive behind it? Haha, don't be silly. I am insulted by your lack of trust in me," he made sure to take a more than obvious glance down at Logan's boot-attired feet while they walked along, knowing it would keep him on edge.

"Motherfucker.....Have I ever told ya how much I hate you?" Logan just sighed as he walked ahead a little, not wanting Wade to see the small smile that he was trying to fight down.

"Only about twenty-two times today! But the one time you admitted that you actually kind of sort of love me cancels all of those out. Mic drop! Game point! In your face, bub!" Wade caught up and threw an arm around him to pull him close so he could plant a loud smooch on the side of his head.

Surprisingly Logan didn't push him away in disgust nor try to deny anything that Wade had just said. Maybe it was just the alcohol influencing him, but he just went along with it all and accepted that this was his life now. And truthfully, it was the best thing to ever happen to him.

Every day that he spent in this universe would bring about something new and positive. He had a home again. Friends that he could turn to. A completely new beginning, and a far cry to the life he had left behind him.

And then there was Wade. The crazy lunatic of a man that gave him all his undying devotion and support for absolutely no reason that Logan felt that he was deserving of. He had only shown him the smallest vulnerability of his inner mentality that made Wade instantly fall head over heels and ultimately decide that Logan was worth caring about.

Wade was slowly picking him apart and then putting him back together to make him better than he had ever been. He made him feel okay with opening himself up more without judgement because like it or not Wade was honestly one of the few people in existence that could understand where he was coming from.

Sure Wade was always turning most things into one big fucking joke, and despite how much the merc could get on Logan's last nerve he did understand when certain things needed a more serious approach. And really Logan couldn't fault him for being the way that he was for he had come to realize that that was Wade's unique way of coping with his own trauma and instabilities. 

Secretly, he admired that Wade was able to still find humor in life despite his rough past and that gave him hope that maybe he too could learn to shut himself off like that once in a while. The booze always helped him loosen up and be closer to that state of mind, but he'd like not having to rely on that bandaid for the rest of his life.

For whatever it was worth, he'd make the best of it and not let these short moments of levity go to waste.

"Are you paying attention? Hey Lo! I'm still talking here!"

Playful fingers briefly clawing into his stomach brought him out of his head as he barked out a laugh and tried to squirm away, but Wade held him close. His eyes then looked up to meet the grinning face of the other man.

"Sorry, was spacing out. Still a bit drunk, ya know," he smiled a crooked grin that revealed one of his enlarged canine teeth on the side of his mouth.

"Oh, I'm very aware. Even with your healing factor I know it takes a while to run all of that alcohol out of your system. You were being pretty quiet though."

"I was just thinking, is all,"

"About what? Was it me? I'll bet it was me. Tell me it was me," Wade jokingly nudged him, not expecting the nod that Logan gave.

"Yeah, actually I was,"

"You were....- Huh?!" Wade exclaimed as he did a double-take, "The- The fuck did you just say? You really were thinking about me? Don't lie and toy with my emotions like that, it's not funny."

"Ain't lyin' though. You've honestly helped me a lot, Wade. More than you'd ever know because I never told ya," Logan paused as he tried to recollect his thoughts, "Mmm, I'm not really that good with words as you're familiar, but you're the closest person I've had to a friend in a long time. And I don't know if you can tell but you've genuinely made me feel really happy and I just wanna- "

"I do," Wade blurted out, cutting off Logan's speech as his face instantly went sober and stared back at him in total confusion. Several long awkward moments passed until Logan was able to even respond.

"....What?"

"Oh uhhh....Hehe, was that not the start of a marriage proposal? I guess I read that situation all horribly fucking wrong as usual. My bad. Sorry, please continue," Wade sputtered out, but was pleased to see that instead of rolling his eyes Logan was shaking his head in amusement.

"Weird ass motherfucker. I'm kinda scared to know what other crazy fantasies ya have about me in that messed up head of yours."

"Well if you ever get the proverbial nerve, I'd be more than happy to act them out with you," he still had his arm around Logan as he put on his best sultry voice while giving him a suggestive wink, "Interested? At least a little curious? It's not gay if it's with your best friend."

"Like I said before, no amount of alcohol," Logan laughed softly and finally pushed Wade's arm off of him.

"Never say never. Now what was it you were going to tell me before my intrusive thoughts interrupted you?"

Logan thought about it quietly but only ended up shaking his head.

"Ah, nevermind. The moment has passed."

Wade dove into instant protest mode.

"Noooo! No, it hasn't. Just say it."

"Nah. It won't have the same effect. Just forget it."

"Aww c'mon! Tell me! I don't want things to have to get messy. Need I remind you that I now know exactly how to get you talking...." 

Wade didn't have to demonstrate his intentions. Logan knew what he meant as a tingle ran up his spine before he looked sheepishly over at the other man.

"It's gonna be like that, huh?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely. So you've now got five seconds to spill it before I get you pinned back down on the ground and laughing those gorgeous, big, bouncing titties off. Hurry now, you don't have much time.....Five....."

"Shit," Logan chuckled and rubbed a hand over his face, "It's gonna sound pretty fuckin' lame though."

"I'd never refer to anything sentimental coming out of you as being 'lame'. Whatever it is I will hold it near and dear to my heart forever and ever. Now quit stalling. My patience is running thin, and my fingers are itching for some action. Four....."

"Fucking Christ.....Alright, ya win. I was just gonna say.......Ya know with all the effort ya put into a piece o' shit like me I- "

"THREE-TWO-ONE!"

The next thing Logan knew he was tackled onto the grass with Wade wasting no time in pulling up his t-shirt again to home in on his exposed stomach and start tickling the life out of him.

"Hehehehey! Whahahat the hehehell?!" Logan yelped in surprise through his laughter and fought to push his tormentor away, "Aahahahahahah! Fuhuhuhucker! I was- was gohohohonna tell yahahaha!"

"Don't you remember back at the beginning of this fic when I told you never to refer to yourself that way again? As a piece of shit? Obviously you need some persuasion to not think like that. By the way, this totally has nothing to do with me just looking for a reason to tickle the shit out of you again," his fingers scribbled all over the formed ab muscles and dug into his lower ribs, making Logan arch his back and squeal like a little kid.

"I'm- hahahahaha- I'm sohohorry! It's a haahaahaahabit! Gi-heeheehehehee- Gimme ahahahanother chahahaahaance!"

"I forgive you, of course. But since I'm here I might as well check something out that I was eyeing earlier....Wondering if you're just as sensitive in the old dick root," Wade moved his hands lower and pried his wiggling fingers into the creases of the V-muscle on Logan's lower abdomen with first contact instantly driving the man wild.

"SHIT!! SHITSHITSHIT!! NOSTOP!! STOHAHAHAHAHHAHOP!!" Logan shrieked in laughter and bucked frantically in trying to dislodge Wade's hands while they remained in place and just continued gently squeezing and massaging into the areas.

"Well that answers that question. I'm very tempted to see where these inviting paths will lead down to, but we're trying to keep it more PG-13 here. Damn, it looks like that tickles pretty bad, huh? Did I just find your ultimate weak spot?"

"FUHUHUHUCK! HELP! HEHEHEHELP!" Logan suddenly squealed in desperation while Wade just laughed at his uncharacteristic reactions and secured his grip on the thrashing mutant.

"Silly boy, I already told you, no one is going to save you. You belong to ME, mwahahaha! Now I'm almost certain that you were just about to tell me something?"

"I-I CAHAHAHAHAHAAAN'T!" Logan wailed as he shook his head, losing his mind to the unbearable tickles and frantically trying to wriggle away.

"You totally can. I believe in you and so does the audience."

"STAHAHAHAHAAAP!"

"Talk!"

"WAHAHAHAADE PLEHEHEHEHEEASE!!"

"JAMES LOGAN HOWLETT YOU SPIT IT OUT RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR ON JOHNNY STORM'S GRAVE THAT I'M GOING TO LITERALLY TICKLE YOU TO DEATH!" Wade took a deep breath as he eye-fucked Logan's navel and started to lean his head down towards it.

"TH-THANK YOU!"

The tickling immediately stopped as Wade stared down at the other man in astoundment while Logan tried to catch his breath and repeated his words more clearly.

"Tha....Thank you. I was just.....gonna say....thank you......Fuck."

".....Thanks? To me? Errrm, I know you were starting to say earlier, but maybe you can tell me again what you could possibly be thanking me for?"

Wade was still confused and feeling in denial that anyone would find him helpful as Logan put a hand up and laid his other on top of his chest, taking deep inhales.

"Gi-Give me....a minute.....Ya almost....killed me..."

"Sorry about that, but for the record I'd totally do it again," Wade couldn't help snickering at the thought, "Take your time though."

It was another minute before Logan finally got his breath back and his eyes cleared to focus on the man patiently hovering over him.

"Alright, here it goes. I might be forgettin' a few things, but it's things that mean a lot to me actually. I just wanted to say thanks for being my friend. For looking at me as a man when no one else would. And believing in me. For pullin' me out of the grave I'd already dug for myself and forcing me to face the world again. For making me realize that my story isn't over yet and giving me hope for the future. For showing me what it feels like to be happy again. For making me laugh, and not just with the stupid tickling torture. Either you're dumbing me down to your level or maybe you really have just been funny this entire time."

"I assure you it's the latter, but.....Wow, holy fucking shit. Sorry, not many people ever speak about me with such regard. Usually people are just angrily yelling at me to 'shut the fuck up'."

Logan winced slightly as he sat up, knowing he had been one of those people.

"Could I apologize for that?"

"No no, it's fine. I know I'm annoying and talk way too much so sometimes you have no choice. Undiagnosed-ADHD, ya know. So let me get this straight, are you saying that you actually.....like me? Like as a person? Because I'm not beating around the bush when I say that I genuinely do care about you. That's something I would never joke about," Wade's expression grew serious as he put on a shy smile and looked away, feeling Logan's big hand land gently on his shoulder.

"I know, Wade. So if you're ever gonna hear me say this now's the time.....I love ya, bub."

Wade's eyes immediately darted back over as a big smile slowly started to spread across his face. Logan may have still been a little under the influence, but he felt that one from his heart.

"I- I love you too, Logan. Feels nice to say that without it being one-sided," Wade shook his head in disbelief, receiving a reassuring squeeze from Logan's hand.

"Yeah well, I mean it, ya know. It's not an easy task, but you've more than earned my loyalty. I'd follow you to Hell and back, pal," Logan's eyes were soft as he smiled back at Wade and it was only then that Wade realized how close they were sitting and couldn't resist breaking the comfortable tension.

"So.....Are we going to kiss now?"

"Platonic love, ya fucker," Logan chuckled and pushed him away so he could get up off the ground, "You never give up, do ya?"

"They say you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. You never know, one time you might just give in," Wade booped him on the nose as Logan grinned and smacked his hand away.

"Fat fuckin' chance. Now that ya got me to throw my bleeding heart on the ground, can we please go home so I can sleep?"

"We're already on our way. I'll even carry you still if you'd like," Wade offered as Logan chuckled and shook his head.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I gotta try to scrape together what little dignity I have left after all this shit."

"That's okay, you can have some of mine. Oh wait, I forgot, I never had any to begin with. Don't worry, once you're back to being totally sober and your normal ornery self you won't remember any of this," Wade assured him with gentle pats on his back as Logan snorted a laugh.

"I somehow doubt that. But maybe you can remind me every now and again," he smirked over at Wade who now had pure glee all over his face and looked like he was about to explode from the thought.

They continued walking for a while with satisfied silence between them until Logan had a stray thought pop back into his head.

"Hey Wade, just one more thing. Something ya mentioned earlier that I wanted to ask you about...."

"I'm all ears, buddy. Helpful Wade here is ready to answer any question you could ever have. Just lay it on me," Wade smiled encouragingly as Logan then turned to him with a questioning tilt of his head.

Then he wouldn’t have to remember the looks on his coworkers faces when he storming into the office less than fifteen minutes after initially leaving for lunch and demanded that Beatrice turn in her overdue spreadsheets in twenty minutes or he’d have her fired before slamming his office door hard enough to crack that frosted glass, or the look on Remus- fucking- Prince’s face when he tried to act like everything that had happened was not his fault and that Logan had taken the game to far by himself without any sort of prompting from Remus, or the look on Virgil’s face when Logan lost his self control.

Like an idiot. Like an asshole. Like someone who doesn’t think before he acts.

Like someone who should be alone for the rest of his life, because he can’t seem to get a hold of those useless emotions of his. 

And Logan wanted so very badly to blame Remus Prince for this whole endeavor, the whole production, the whole catastrophe. He wanted to say that without Remus he never would have gotten that angry, wouldn’t have had that conversation, wouldn’t have even gotten Thai today. 

Logan wanted to say that, but really it's his own fault. If he had just dismissed Remus’s rumor in the beginning, if he had just told Jen and Quin that his personal business was his own, if he had just ignored the urge to get coffee and finished the spreadsheets without getting up that last night.

His fourth finger itched around the base, the area where that little silver ring had been sitting for less than a day. It was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous, because Logan had never worn a ring before and now suddenly the absence of it caused his skin to crawl in a most unpleasant, unproductive way. 

Distantly Logan realized that by gifting Remus such a wonderful present, he had also thrown away four hundred dollars. And perhaps ironically Logan noted that he feels annoyed about it-- four hundred dollars had been sitting in a pocket of a dress jacket in the corner of his office for over nine months and he had tossed it aside in a fit of impulsive anger.

Logan had not been hurting for money recently, with how decently he was paid, and the amount of overtime he worked, and how little time he had taken off since that disastrous night.

But perhaps he might have been able to return it to the jewelers and weathered the terrible, awful pitying looks they would give him when he requested about their refund policy or a location where he might be able to sell it himself. It was a ring that was worth four hundred dollars and he had given it to Remus, and isn’t it funny that that’s farther than he got with the one for whom the ring had been originally intended?

And as Logan downed his next rum and coke of the night, he hoped that Remus found a better use for it. Newton knows it hadn't done any good for Logan. 

(Its stupid, Logan knew, to blame a ring for the way that he had screeched “He’s not and never will be our son!” Its stupid, Logan knew, to blame a ring for the way that Remus had hummed mischievously “I think I enjoy being fake-married to you, Logan." Its stupid, Logan knew, to blame a ring for the the way his last partner had said “We should see other people”. Its stupid, stupid, stupid--)

“Hmmm,” A voice behind him said, “I thought I would find you here!”

Logan didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until he heard the voice and felt every atom in his body figuratively threaten to combust. He wasn’t drunk enough to be thinking about him, and he most certainly wasn’t drunk enough to turn and look at the incessantly, perky man that had decided to sit down next to him.

Logan waved at the bartender and ordered another rum and coke and watched his freshly emptied glass disappear like the handful of others he didn’t bother to keep count of.

“And I’ll have two waters, please!” Patton Hart added with one of his peppy, happy, insufferable laughs, before turning to face Logan. “Hiya, Lo! It's been so long since we’ve seen each other!”

“Not long enough,” Logan disagreed, with a rueful smile that should very clearly, very precisely detail how much he does not want company at the current moment. “Don’t you have things to be doing tonight, Mr. Hart?”

Patton hummed, pressing his lips together as he thought-- a monumental task for someone like him, surely. Logan was partially convinced that if he removed his glasses he might be able to see the squirrels beginning to run on that rusted wheel in the other man’s brain. If Logan was of a less logical mind he might even be brazen enough to call this the first time Patton had used his brain all week.

“Well,” Patton said, carefully settling himself on the stool next to Logan. “I was graciously informed by my son that he would be enjoying the perks of being a teenager with no bedtime tonight and along with where exactly I could shove my homemade lasagna.” He laughed lightly, “Kids, these days! He really does keep me on my toes!” 

Logan did his best not to roll his eyes. “I do not know the whereabouts of your son, Mr. Hart.”

“Patton,” He said easily, “And I’m not here for my son. I’m here for you, Logan.”

“If this is about the glass in my door, you are very capable of taking that out of my paycheck.” Logan told him.

The bartender placed Logan’s new rum and coke in front of him and he reached for it almost immediately, only stopping when Patton’s hand landed on his forearm.

“Mr. Hart--”

“Patton,” Patton corrected with that smile that Logan suspected was the worst thing in the world. Worse than Virgil’s blank expression when he told them to get out, worse than Remus’s smug one when he suggested that Logan did indeed enjoy the ability to manipulate his coworkers, worse than Beatrice faulty excel sheets, than broken glass of his door, than a ring he never wanted to see again and yet he still felt like it was missing from his finger.

“Mr. Hart,” Logan said again, “I am going to get horrifically drunk tonight, and I will be calling out sick tomorrow, regardless of what you say. So my advice to you is, say anything of importance now, before I am too incoherent to register and respond accordingly.”

“That doesn’t sound too smart there, kiddo!” Patton said, like he was any older than Logan was.

“I do not feel like being smart right now,” Logan said snippily. Because being smart involved thinking, and Logan had done quite enough thinking for the day. He was tired of thinking, tired of memories, tired of the lump in his chest that had formed during his lunch break and hadn’t dissolved in the eight hours since. He was tired.

“Would you like me to be smart for you?” Patton asked.

Ah.

Yes, Logan remembered suddenly with just a few words why he hated Patton Hart so much. Why he hated those too-wide brown eyes, those stupid freckles, that soft smile. Why he hated the way that Patton had tracked him down despite the fact that he had turned off his phone, the way that Patton had ordered two waters, the way that he hadn’t taken off his jacket. The way that he had taken out his keys and put them on the bar counter between them and Logan could pick out his own house key from the jumbled mess of bits and bobs.

“I heard something pretty interesting today,” Patton said, when Logan didn’t reply because he was too busy remembering why he hated Patton so much.

“Please don’t pretend like you didn’t know about my so-called affair before I did.” Logan snapped. “Honestly, Patton!” Logan dropped his arm from the glass and instead pressed his knuckles to his forehead. “Playing dumb about your own company is my least favroite thing about you.”

“I thought you hated my laugh the most.” Patton looked at him, letting the smile slip into something more serious.

“I hate everything about you.” 

“Pay for the drinks, Lo.” Patton told him, “And I’ll take you home. We can have some of my lasagna and watch a space documentary, like we’re twenty years old again.” 

Logan hated Patton and hated the way his chest ached at the offer. His knuckles bore into the side of his head, jabbing the frame of his own glasses into this temple. He hated the way that Patton was looking at him, soft and sweet and naive.

He hated the way his fingers itched to take Patton’s hand and go home.

“And after all that,” Patton continued so lightly, “You can tell me all about how Remus Prince got under your skin.”

 Logan’s hand slammed on the counter, so suddenly he surprised himself. Patton, however, didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink, didn’t react other than to hold that smile. 

“I am not drunk enough to be talking about Remus Prince,” Logan spat. “Especially not to you, Patton.”

Patton was quiet and at first, Logan really had thought that he had won something-- he thought that perhaps Patton would grant him mercy and let him drown his sorrows alone and miserable in a bar until he forgot his own name. But Patton was too good of a friend and Logan really should hate him less for that.

“You know,” Patton said with a cold type of humor that doused Logan with awareness. Bad awareness. The type of awareness that sunk it’s metaphorical claws into Logan’s chest and pierced straight through his heart before Patton finished what he was saying. “I think….yeah that does sound familiar. Do you remember the last time you said you weren’t drunk enough to tell me something?”

Logan did.

Logan couldn’t forget if he tried. 

And he had tried so very hard for so very long-- except that Remus Prince had waltzed into Logan’s life, had called him a Robot, had smirked at him and run their coworkers around like cattle with pretty little words. Except that Remus Prince had gotten bored and decided that the only logical next course of action was to mess with Logan’s personal life. 

Except that Remus Prince had played along with the rumor game, and smiled at him, and kissed him, and---

And Logan had started thinking---

And Logan’s mouth had started moving--

And Virgil face had--

Logan reached for the glass in front of him, reaching for the cool ice and the spritzy carbonation and the burn of the rum.  

Patton watched him, blinking in the long, slow, dumb way of his that had fooled just about every person that he had come in contact with. With the goofy smile and the habit of deliberately misunderstanding key phrases and making puns and jokes when things were tense, it was hard to see him as anything other than a rich son who became CEO via thinly veiled nepotism. 

Logan knocked back the drink, blinking back the burn behind his eyes that were from the alcohol and definitely not from the lump in his throat that had started dissolving.

He didn’t want to close his eyes, because he knew what he would see when he did: a nice suit, a fancy dinner, a walk to the bridge dotted with fairy lights of all things. He’d see that stupid ring, that stupid face, that stupid end of the night that everyone had told him would be nice, and perfect, and everything he would ever want! 

And he didn’t want to think about how it had not been nice or perfect or anything either of them had ever wanted!

He didn’t want to think about how years ago he had come to a bar just like this, and tried to get so drunk he could pretend that it hadn’t happened, and Patton had shown up then and offered him a job and--

“He wants to go by Janus now,” Patton said, picking up one of the waters and taking a sip.

Logan squinted at him and tried not to be happy about the distraction from his own thoughts, “Who?”

“My son,” Patton said, like it was obvious he had switched back to a neutral topic. “He told me earlier during our phone call he wants to go by Janus, now. He said he’s hated the name Dante for forever. Can you believe it, Lo?”

Logan couldn’t actually. Because he had known Patton since they themselves were teenagers, since before Patton had brought up how empty being a CEO was without anyone to come home too, since Patton had first invited him to Sunday brunch and introduced him to the child he called “son”. Logan had babysat Dante when Patton had business trips and Dante had always been proud of himself, of his better-than-the-status-quo lifestyle, of his name that held power and prestige and weight.

Dante had been practicing saying his name in the mirror since before his voice cracked. Dante Hart, future CEO. Dante Hart, son of Patton Hart. Dante Hart. 

“He’s a teenager,” Logan said, “He’s rebelling.”

“Maybe so!” Patton laughed, and it dwindled down to something that was easier felt in the air than definable in terms Logan was familiar with, “Gosh, I love him so much, Lo. My baby! He’s growing up so fast now! The other day he told me he had a boyfriend. He’s at that stage where he doesn’t want me to help him anymore!”

And despite the buffoon having not had a single drop of alcohol, Patton was tearing up. Logan gritted his teeth at the implications of a weepy, teary, so-full-of-emotions Patton. He had spent enough time in college trying to console him as he figured out the whole “Why does it always have to be about sex? Why can’t I just love hugging someone, Lo? Why does everyone make me feel so broken?” Logan hadn’t been any good back then, and he definitely hadn’t gotten better with time. 

After that disaster with the last guy, Logan had decided that feeling things, frivolous things, emotion-like things, were not something he was into anymore.

Logan learned from his mistakes, after all.

Even the mistakes that started with “R” and ended in a $400 ring being thrown away.

“Is that why you’re here, Mr. Hart?” Logan asked, in that way of his that told even Patton with his squirrel run brain that it wasn’t actually a question at all. “You can’t baby your son anymore so you’ve moved on to the next best thing?”

Patton stuck his tongue in his cheek and set his water back down. “Patton.” He stressed. “And I’m not here to baby you, Logan. I’m here to be your friend.”

He said “friend” like it was a word in the dictionary Logan didn’t know. It was infuriating: the insinuation that Logan had never cracked open a dictionary before, that he was so unknowledgeable about the concept of a friend that Patton was about to show him the online Oxford dictionary definition, like someone who played dumb all day and peppered his windows with sticky notes in the shape of a game of Frogger knew more about something than Logan who had clawed his way up from nothing and was constantly needing to prove how he earned his position.

Patton nudged the second water in Logan’s direction.

Logan stared at it, at the condensation on the glass, at the ice cubes, at the refraction of the low lights from the bar counter. He stared at it like it was a portal back through time that would allow him to slam some sense into poor, pitiful twenty-one-years-old Logan before he let himself fall in Love.

Before he bought a ring or stopped taking days off unless Patton tromped down to his office himself. Before Remus Prince borrowed his cup and before Logan got it in his head that he was serving revenge rather than idiocracy. Before he let himself think too little and say too much and hurt a kid that had never deserved to be upset before in his life.

“If my son wants to be called Janus, I’ll call him that,” Patton says softly. “Because even if it doesn’t make sense to me, it means something to him. And even if my friend is struggling with emotions that don’t make sense to me, I’m still gonna try to help him, Lo.”

Patton ducked his head just a little, just enough that he managed to catch Logan’s strategically averted gaze and make something out of it: a swell of guilt, a sense of hope, a pinch of safety and unadulterated kindness.

His throat was dry, but it was the type of dry that couldn’t be fixed with a glass of water.

“I made a kid cry,” Logan said, because self loathing is a coat he had thought he’d outgrown but he can still fit his arms in the sleeves.

Patton nodded. “Yeah, I heard about that.” He sipped his water. “I think we all have at one point or another.”

“See, the distinct difference that you are missing here, Patton, is that you are a father.” Logan snapped, “And your son will cry at the drop of a hat if he thinks he can get something out of it. And you would never harm a child! Not for any reason in the entire world!”

“And you would?”

“I did.” Logan felt himself sink into the chair, sink like an anchor in the ocean, sink like the floor below him had turned into a blackhole. “I did, I did it. What type of person does that make me?”

“I hate to break it to you, Lo,” Patton said, as kindly as he could, which Logan knew was truly, sickenly nice. He wanted to choke on the sentiment but he found that he couldn’t quite make his chest hurt the way he wanted it too when it came to Patton’s pity.

 “But that just means you’re a normal person.” Patton smiled dumbly, tilting his head and shrugging. “Everyone says things they don’t mean sometimes.”

“You don’t.”

“I do,” Patton countered gently, “Like when I hired Beatrice before realizing that she had lied about knowing how to use Excel.”

“Fuck, Beatrice,” Logan agreed, because if he closed his eyes too hard he thought he might still see grid patterns as much as he might see Virgil’s hurt expression and he hated it so much. So much. 

“I also told-- Janus once that I would get him anything he wanted for his birthday, and he asked for a snake.” Patton shuddered, almost comically, “And you saw how that turned out.”

“I’ve always been impressed with his ability to sneak things into the school buildings,” Logan sighed. “I doubt anyone has ever forgotten that Show-and-Tell.”

Patton chuckled quietly. It was almost lost in the buzz of the other patrons in the bar. He drew a smiley face in the condensation on his glass and Logan reached over to wipe it away, like he had done a hundred seventeen times since college.

“So….Lasagna?” Patton offered. “We can make some garlic bread too.”

“I regret ever meeting you,” Logan said, even as he picked up the keys on the counter between them. He wished that Patton didn’t look so self satisfied, so pleased, so smug when the words tumbled from his lips, but Patton had never been one to pertain to the wishes and whims of Logan like that.

Settling his tab was quick; a pile of bills from his wallet that he didn’t actually check, but decided the bartender deserved anyway and then Patton linked their elbows together so that Logan couldn’t walk off the way that he used to when he would agree with Patton just to get him to shut up. Logan snagged Patton’s glasses from his head and fogged them up with his breath, before taking on the tedious task of cleaning the fingerprints off the lens meticulously while walking in a wobbling straight line. 

Patton laughed like silver bells and it alone brightened the entire street with a type of magic that Logan had long since given up on trying to scientifically explain. The poet in him that Logan had buried under Calculus classes and Statistics courses and a Business degree and only let out when the alcohol out weighed the blood in his system, whispered that it was because it was Patton and his aloofness, and his kindness, and his generosity that never made any sense, and wasn’t that reason enough for the universe to lighten up?

It was drizzling outside, scattered raindrops and dark heavy clouds that whispered of a thunderstorm later. Patton skipped, Logan rolled his eyes and let himself be dragged towards the familiar pale blue punch buggy. It was the same exact car from their college time together, if one ignored the frankenstein replacements of just about every single component in it. Patton clung to the car the same way he had clung to the delusion of Logan being a good friend; sticking close through every breakdown, excusing every letdown, and spending far too much money on it when economically it would have been more beneficial to just let them go.

A wave of self loathing wrapped over Logan again when he pulled on the car door. Patton was genuinely a good person, a good friend. He was stupid at times and he made decisions that made Logan was to strangle him, but he cared so much more than other people. He offered fourth and fifth chances when Logan would have stone-walled his offender at one. 

Not to mention, he had come out in the rain to find Logan specifically, probably traversing through three other bars to find the one that Logan had chosen to be his misery echo chamber.

By some sort of lucky happenstance, Logan had originally walked far enough to hail a taxi  to get to this bar, leaving his car in the safety of the parking garage where Patton’s company paid a nice sum for security. Logan had tried to argue about that expense with him back in the day, but Patton had pulled out a picture of his toothy grinning son-- Janus-- and said “Lo!! What if my son comes to visit when he learns to drive?! I don’t want to worry about him getting attacked in the parking garage!” 

Logan had brutally pointed out that his son would never visit him during work, and so far he had been correct in that assessment, but that didn’t stop him from feeling the slightest bit guilty about his bluntness even so much time later.

Patton had always looked for the best in people, had more strength than most of humanity, had more hope in happy endings that Logan had trust in fact and numbers.

“Is your son okay with me calling him Janus? I’m unsure of etiquette on this. Should I wait until he tells me his preference or should I just make the switch and not bring it up to him?” Logan asked with a sigh as Patton pulled out of the parking spot and set them towards Patton’s house on the other side of town. Unobstructed and following the driving laws, it would only take them about fifteen minutes, and yet Logan wondered about the possibility of Patton having Advil in the car.

The back of his head was already aching from the days events: banging his head on the keyboard all morning leading up to his disastrous lunch date, Remus, Virgil, squinting at spreadsheets until he couldn’t make out the numbers anymore, and the of course stumbling his way to the bar and dealing with Patton.

Patton giggled. “Oh yeah! I asked him earlier if it was okay to tell you. He said he wanted you to call him Janus now. He also said to tell you, you can take a hike.”

Knowing Janus, it was probably something more volatile than “taking a hike”. Most likely it had been something that might have required him to put a full five dollars in the swear jar that they kept on the counter next to the cookie jar. Not that it would matter much. Logan had stayed over at their house dozens of times and every single time he had come across Janus taking that money back out of that swear jar.

As far as Logan was aware, the swear jar had never actually been full. Patton must have noticed at some point-- probably that very first time Janus had taken the money back out-- but he was irritating insistent that he play dumb about it. Thus, Janus continued to swear in excess, Patton continued to make him put money in a swear jar for no real reason, and Logan continued to never understand either of them.

The radio in Patton’s car had been broken fifteen times since Patton had gotten it, but Logan assumed from the silence of the drive that it was now sixteen. He rested his elbow on the window and watched the drizzle turn into a steady rain and the windshield wipers flutter across their vision to occasionally bring them clarity.

The night life was somewhat dreary. The driving pace was slow, and they hit every single stop light in the city because that was just Logan’s luck. There were a few people running around in the rain: a family with a small child who was jumping in every slowly forming puddle on the sidewalk, a couple sharing an umbrella walking so close together they appeared as if to be one misshapen form, a group of friends chatting outside a 24 hour dinner in raincoats, and a few smokers huddled under an alcove with embers burning just enough for Logan to make out their forms through the downpour. 

Logan realized almost immediately that the pit in his stomach was much more bearable if he instead focused on the raindrops on the window that are much easier to look at, much less representing something that Logan had always expected he might one day have, much less accusatory in wondering what is wrong with him that he can’t act like a normal human being, this isn’t working, who wants to marry a robot like you--

That was the reason why he wasn’t expecting the sudden jerk of the car coming to a hard stop at a yellow light that they absolutely could have made. 

“PATTON!” Logan yelled.

The car behind them blared it’s horn and Logan rubbed his neck and reset his glasses from the sudden movement, ready to question what exactly Patton thought he was doing, because truly of all the things Logan was not in the mood for, this was one of them. 

Except that before Logan could get any words out, Patton had put the car in park and whipped off his seatbelt to kick open his door. A wave of rain came pouring into the car as the man threw himself from the driver's seat like there was something wrong with the car, and for a second Logan entertained the absurd idea that they were going to blow up.

Which truly, would have just been a fitting end to his horrific day.

“Patton!” Logan hissed, grabbing after the other’s coat to pull him back inside before the rain soaked into the seats. “Get back in th--”

The other man ignored him, frantically waving to someone in the rain. “REMUS!! MR. PRINCE!! OVER HERE!!”

If Logan knew slightly less about human biology he might have been inclined to say that his heart jumped straight to his throat and climbed its way up his esophagus to strangle him. He wouldn’t have recognized the figure on the street corner on his own: Remus Prince was wearing a black leather jacket and jeans with holes in the knees. He was soaked to the bone, without an umbrella, and his usual bouncy brown curls were matted to his head, as if he had been walking out in the rain for much longer than the rain had been sweeping through the city.

He was standing with the smokers under their minimal tarp, although he, himself, was without a cigarette at all. When he turned at the call of his name, there was only confusion and exhaustion in his face. None of the smugness, or the ego, or the energy that he usually had.

Logan didn’t know why that bothered him. He was hurting from earlier; that was good. 

After all, it was Remus’s ridiculous game that he had dragged everyone else into. 

((Logan’s finger itched and he dug his nails into his skin so deeply he was afraid to glance down in case there was blood pouring off hands.))

Remus ventured out to meet them, dodging across the lanes of traffic without a care in the world, or perhaps with a death wish. Remus didn’t seem particularly like he would mind getting run over by the way that he opened the back door, climbed in, and shook the excess water out in the interior of the car like some type of undomesticated dog. 

“Is this a kidnapping?” He asked, rain dripping down his face. “A murder? Do I get to know your name before you dismember me, cutie?”

Patton laughed joyfully, even as Logan felt his face screw up at the sound of Remus calling their boss “cutie”. It was beyond unprofessional, even if Remus was apparently unaware that his career hinged entirely on not insulting Patton. It took a lot to make Patton angry enough to fire someone-- his patience was the best and worst thing about him, as Logan had been reminded every time they interacted-- but once Remus crossed that line, not even a cockroach like him would be able to drag himself out of the metaphorical wasteland Patton would make out of his life.

Cutie, honestly. Who calls anyone they’ve just met cutie. Logan could understand Remus having called him Lovebug and Lolo, but cutie? 

For Patton?

Patton climbed back into the car, snapping on his seatbelt and managed to get out of park at the very same moment as the light turned green. He wiped his sleeve along his glasses, and brightly said, “I’m Patton! And you already know Logie here!”

“Logie?” Remus repeated, sitting back against the seat taking in Logan for the first time. “Oh shi--”

“Do not call me that,” Logan said. “Patton, you can drop me off at the next corner. I will walk home.”

“Don’t be silly!” Patton said, in the same tone that he had used during their college days to coax Logan into driving him to the nearest grocery store after he had successfully managed to pull two all nighters in a row. Logan hated that tone, and Patton knew that well.

“If you do not stop the car, I will throw myself from it while it is still moving.”

“I can get out, actually!” Remus said far too loud for the small car. Logan resisted the urge to turn around and scowl at him. Surely, his pea-sized brain had managed to figure out that he was the point of contention here and that his best move would be to shut up, so why had he decided to open his mouth? “I need to get home anyway. Big day tomorrow and everything.”

“Oh?” Patton said delightedly because Logan would not ever play into subject changes willingly. “What’s tomorrow?”

“I’m getting fired,” Remus said with a nonchalant shrug.

Patton blinked for a moment-- his squirrel-run brain jamming at the sudden twist of the words because whatever he was expecting from his visitor it was not that. Logan resisted the urge to reach over and give him a shake at the shoulders: of course he wouldn’t be able to expect anything with Remus Prince. The man was insufferable and illogical and he wrought chaos for fun. 

With everything that had happened, did Patton really think that there was an exaggeration in there?

Remus wanted attention. And he said whatever he needed to in order to get it: a fake affair, a fake divorce, a fake child-- Of course he would say he was getting fired tomorrow if it got Patton to have to use all of his meager brain cells to figure out how serious he was.

“Is that something to celebrate, Mr. Prince?” Logan cut in coldly. “Getting fired?”

“And here I thought that you would be happy, Ackroyd,” Remus said. “Unless you think you’re going to miss me.”

“If only I would be so lucky,” Logan said, digging his phone from his pocket, and turning it back on. The screen was blindingly bright and Logan’s eyes ached just glancing at it in the corner of his vision. “Patton, pull over. I am not doing this tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever again.”

“I’m not going to let you walk home after however many rum and cokes you had, Logan.”

“Patton,” Logan snarled. “If you continue to treat me like you treat your son, I will tender my resignation tonight. Pull over now.”

Patton opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say was swallowed up in Remus’s empty voice speaking. 

“You went drinking?”

“Do not talk to me, Mr. Prince.”

“You’re not even yelling.”

Logan wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, which may have irritated him more than the fact that he was so insistent about continuing to talk when Logan was liable to push the car to crash and kill all three of them. Remus was already staring at him, his expression dark and serious in the passing car lights and somehow Logan thought that he looked vulnerable. 

Logan gritted his teeth as his headache pulsed behind his eyes. 

“Shut up,” he said. “And put on your seat belt.”

“Or what? You’ll divorce me?” Remus pushed forward between the seats until he was just a few inches from Logan’s own face, grinning with all his teeth. It was at once the same smile that Logan had catalogued through every week of working with him and also something completely foreign.

Remus had pulled him into a kiss earlier that morning, and Logan remembered the taste of pickles on his lips just as well as the smirk he kept as Logan walked away. But this expression is somehow inverted, somehow shifted, somehow a weapon more than a challenge.

“Boys,” Patton said. “Please don’t fight in my car!”

“If you did not want us to fight, why did you invite him in this car?” Logan asked. “You, of all people, know my opinions on--”

“Logan, you’re drunk.”

“What does that have to do with this?!” Logan bit out. He glared at his phone: there were three missed calls from Patton and a handful of text messages from him that Logan couldn’t actually read in the combination of the bright phone light and darkness around them. His eyes were blurry even with his glasses on and the frustration of not being able to read only heightened as he made out the notification for his email which meant that Beatrice had managed to finish her work (allowing Logan to be able to go fix it) or that news of him yelling at a child made it around the office and now he was going to harassed by them as well.

All because of Remus Prince’s inability to shut up. 

 Patton threw a hand out and grabbed Logan’s phone from his hand and carelessly tossed it over both their shoulders to Remus.

“Patton!” Logan hissed, rubbing the irritated tears from his eyes. “Remus, give it back!”

Remus, however, was just staring at the phone in his lap like it was some type of bomb. Logan’s phone locked itself and the screen went dark, and still Remus sat inhumanely still in the seat, staring at it, with a type of blank expression that Logan oftentimes related to their coworkers when Logan asked them to perform any sort of math without a calculator.

“Remus,” Logan said again.

Remus jerked at the sound of his voice, snapping out of whatever fit the phone had put him in almost meekly-- if Logan could describe anything Remus did as meekly without it being a blatant falsehood. “Meekly” itself had never seemed to be a word in Remus’s vocabulary which was another irritating fact about him that made Logan break out in figurative hives.

Logan knew how Remus was.

He knew Remus.

It didn’t matter that he had never talked to Remus before today, that his thinly veiled contempt for his coworkers kept him from being willing to stand in their presence more than he was being paid to, that this fake affair was the first stupid relationship of any kind he had gotten outside of Patton and his son since his last boyfriend had dumped him on the night he was going to propose and hadn’t he thought he’d known him too? Isn’t that what led to all this? 

It didn’t matter. 

Logan was smarter, now. Logan was better now. Logan was--

“I don’t…” Remus said, trailing off as he stared at the messages popping up on Logan’s phone and Logan wondered why it felt like his lungs had shrunk right in his chest. “I don’t think you should be reading these right now.”

“He definitely should not!” Patton said, with a very convincing amount of forced happiness. “Hold that for him will you, Remus? Oh and why do you think you’re going to get fired tomorrow?”

Remus looked up at Logan and then at Patton and then back at Logan, like Logan was supposed to know what that meant in addition to every other stupid look he’d given Logan all evening. Logan shoved his glasses up to his hairline and rubbed his aching eyes, and yet somehow that still didn’t fix the pounding in his head or the exhaustion hollowing out his bones. It also didn’t make Remus disappear from the backseat, which was equally annoying, even though Logan hadn’t truly thought he was a shared apparition for him and Patton.

“You didn’t mention anything about today to your… what are you a fuck buddy?” Remus said.

And Patton laughed. 

Logan grabbed the door handle and yanked on it, but of course the ridiculous safety locks were engaged, and Logan had spent far too many sober years getting locked in this car to try to puzzle out the broken locking system in order to drunkenly throw himself out of the car. He was not in the habit of wishing for miracles, or even believing in deities, but he imagined that some powerful entity was finding ruining Logan’s life to be semi enjoyable.

“See this is why I can’t fire him!” Patton said through giggles and Logan thought maybe he was being addressed for this. Patton met Remus’s gaze through the rearview mirror and shook the last bit of water from his damp hair. “You make everything so entertaining!”

“What?”

Logan grit his teeth and yanked on the door handle again. “Remus, meet Mr. Hart, the CEO and your boss. Also put on your seatbelt.”

Remus blinked at them both, leaning between the seats and definitely not putting on his seatbelt. Logan counted backward from ten, reminding himself that one of the hiring requirements for Patton’s company has always been must be the stupid beyond belief. He’d known for a while that his coworkers were idiots on a good day, hazards to his health on bad ones, and yet somehow in the whirlwind of the day he’s had, Logan had forgotten that Remus counted as a coworker still.

“I’m not… getting fired?” Remus said, acting much like a computer after being turned on. “Why do you know my name then?”

Patton shrugged, flicking on his blinker to change lanes before the next light. “You have interesting ideas for your advertising strategy! Of course I would know your name! I’m sorry about vetoing that last one. I know Logan liked it, but I wanted to stick to the family-as-a-whole angle.”

“Patton,” Logan warned with an edge.

“Logan liked…?” Remus echoed, before turning towards Logan with a look of bewilderment that annoyed Logan far more than it had any right to. “You actually look at my shit?”

“Put on your seatbelt, Remus,” he said, because wasn’t it obvious that Logan looked at his things? Before the whole Robot incident Logan hadn’t had a problem with Remus at all: he was effective and efficient and the rumors were irritating but below him to indulge in. Before Remus had dragged him figuratively kicking and screaming into this mess, Logan approved the budgets that came with the projects Remus created.

He still did that, just with more anger than before. Petty feelings for Remus himself aside, his work was objectively good. 

Logan knew that about him.

“So!” Patton said over both of them, with his signature grin that Logan suspected he would still be wearing even if Logan decided to kill him right now. It must be the by-product of being controlled by rodents running on a wheel. “How was your volunteer work Remus?”

Remus froze in the back seat, going unnaturally still again. “Are you some kind of stalker-- uh sir?”

“Will you knock that off?” Logan snapped, which only made Remus’s shoulders jump straight to his ears. “And put on your seatbelt.”

“Just curious!” Patton said, ignoring Logan entirely. “Darlene is a good friend of mine! I make sure to send monthly donations to the organization since I don’t have a lot of free time to jump over and help.”

Remus didn’t say anything to that. He swallowed audibly and leaned back against the seat, dragging fingers through his wet hair and then tucked his arms in his own armpits. Logan pressed a palm to his forehead watching the street lights bend from behind his eyelids because that was easier than staring at Remus act like Patton was trying to pull his teeth out.

“You actually do volunteer work?” Logan said. “You don’t seem like the type.”

“Ha,” Remus said without any inflection. Logan thought that was the quietest that he had ever been. Where was that stupid ass smirk? Where was the stubbornness that pushed back against everything? Where was that loud voice and that confidence?

“Put on your seatbelt,” Logan said again.

“Why do you care if I wear the belt or not?”

“Remus put on your seatbelt or, so help me Newton, I will climb back there and put it on for you, myself!”

The air simmered from the acid in his tone, making the silence figurative chafe against his ribs. Remus stared at him, blinking slowly, with the street lights casting roving shadows on his face. His dark eyes were just so-- so--

Logan dug his nails into his palm. Why was it Remus Prince could make him feel like this? What gave him the right?

“It’s okay!” Patton said, setting the car to park. “We’re here anyway!”

Logan reached up and pulled his glasses back onto his face properly, but it still took him a moment to realize that they were near a bunch of townhouses, double parked outside one that Logan had considered moving into all those years ago when he had first been looking for an apartment for after college.

Remus too, apparently needed a moment to recognize the area. “We… are at my apartment? Holy shit, you are a stalker.”

Patton giggled, flashing Remus with his blinding smile and reached back to pick up Logan’s phone from his hands. “Thank you so much, kiddo! We’ll wait until you get inside all safe and sound, and I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“You will not,” Logan said. “Tomorrow you have a business deal two hours away to complete and if you miss it--”

Patton stretched back in his seat and let out a hugely exaggerated yawn. “But they’re so boring! Maybe I should bring Janus with me. He always makes my business deals entertaining. I love when he sets his snake on people. He looks so happy and he laughs and--”

Logan squeezed his eyes closed and recited the first twenty digits of pi in his head to keep from grabbing Patton’s squirrel run brain and slamming it into the steering wheel.

“Homicide is wrong,” Logan said.

“I’ll help you vouch for insanity,” Remus said. “I mean, tied together through a murder, and possibly hiding a body is much more juicy than a fake marriage that’s falling apart. We’d be the talk of the office.”

“They would not find any body that I hid,” Logan said. “Nobody would.”

Remus opened his mouth to say something more, but whatever it is he decided against it. Instead he slid over the seats and kicked open the door right behind Logan and stepped out into the night air.

“Thanks for the ride, Mr. Hart, sir,” he said, strangely formal, then squinted and added, “Daddy?” 

“I’m not firing you, Remus,” Patton said. “No matter what you call me!”

Logan ran his tongue over his teeth counting each and every one. Remus looked at him but ultimately finally adhered to that whole shutting up thing. He closed the door to Patton’s blue punch buggy and started towards the door to the apartments.

“Oh,” Remus said, and turned back at the last second. He knocked his knuckles on Logan’s window a few inches from where Logan’s gaze fixed itself on a light. Patton apparently knew more about what to do than Logan because he pressed the window lowering button and Remus reached his entire arm into the window to drop a small object right into Logan’s lap.

Logan caught it mainly due to reaction rather than skill and his skin tingled at the familiar item. Even in the dark, Logan’s fingers roll over the shape of the ring that had always reminded him of the worst day of his life. It was still warm from being in Remus’s pocket.

“I think that should stay with you,” Remus said, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. “You know… for the next boytoy you take to your sex dungeon or whatever nerds like you do on weekends.”

And then he turned around and fled towards the apartment building. Patton turned off the hazard lights and slipped back into traffic and Logan wondered if he would be polite enough to not comment if Logan started crying right then and there.

His throat felt swollen, his tongue too big for his mouth, and the headache thrummmmmmed painfully. 

Logan knew Remus Prince.

“You know that Remus Prince isn’t gonna be like him,” Patton said to fill the silence.

“Remus Prince isn’t like anyone.” Logan didn’t whine. To whine would be unbecoming. And childish. And embarrassing.

So Logan didn’t whine and Patton mercifully didn't call him out on his not-whining.

And neither of them mention the choked tone that Logan had for the rest of the night.

When Logan had seen his boss after he made Virgil cry, he hadn’t expected it to end up with him clutching that ring like a lifeline, but as he ran his fingers around the rim, he wondered if it had fit on Remus’s finger at all.

“I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”

Virgil huffed and rolled his eyes, tightening his grip on the other as he felt him shift.

“You think, Sherlock?” he quipped back sarcastically.

Logan didn’t reply to this, letting the shorter male support him as they made their way slowly back to his apartment.

“You’re a lot more strong than I thought.” Logan slurred and Virgil let out a soft grunt as more of Logan’s weight fell onto him.

“I don’t think that’s proper english, nerd.” he replied, stopping briefly to get a more secure grip on him so that he wouldn’t fall.

Logan mumbled a few things at this, resting his head on top of Virgil’s as they continued walking.

Virgil sighed, questioning their choice to go out that night with Patton and Roman.

Usually, Roman is the usually the only one who really gets drunk and the rest of them are just there to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself by doing anything stupid.

However, at the party, Roman had bet that Logan couldn’t out drink him. Logan had been fairly certain he could, but also decided that there was no point in putting them both at harm just to prove himself.

Virgil wasn’t entirely sure when that resolve changed, but after a few hours he and Patton found them both arguing about who drank more whilst lying on the ground outside.

“Star gazing,” Logan insisted it was.

So Patton decided that he’d gather up Roman and take him home and Virgil could take Logan. Virgil had readily agreed, knowing that Logan, though tall and lanky, also had no muscle mass and would by far be easier to get back.

Logan also happened to live closer to their location, so Virgil decided that he would just take him back to his place and then leave him to his hangover.

It took a while, but eventually Virgil found himself shuffling into the elevator and straining to press the button to the 3rd floor without dropping Logan.

As the elevator jerked upwards, Virgil felt his stomach flip as he prayed that it wouldn’t break and drop them into an endless abyss of darkness and death.

Thankfully, they got off the elevator without a hitch and then began the long trek to the end of the hallway where Logan’s apartment sat.

Virgil’s body began to shake under Logan’s weight. Virgil wasn’t exactly the buffest guy in the world, and he had just walked 5 blocks acting as Logan’s walking stick.

He was gonna be sore tomorrow, but for now he was just trying not to collapse to the ground and get pinned under Logan.

“Hey, Lo. Where are your keys?” Virgil huffed between heavy breaths.

Logan grumbled and patted down his pockets with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Virgil’s shoulders.

“Mhmm.” Logan moaned, reaching his hand in his left pocket and fumbling as he tried to pass his the key to Virgil.

Virgil quickly took the key before Logan dropped it and sighed as he pushed the door open, leading Logan inside.

The door closed behind them and they slowly down the dark hallway as Virgil tried not to bash into anything.

“Son of a bitch!” Virgil shouted as he failed at this, bashing his knee into a table and knocking over a vase with a crash.

“There’s a… table there.” Logan muttered, only partially awake in Virgil’s slipping hold.

Virgil huffed and blew upwards at the hair falling on his forehead and then continued down the hallway until they came to the living room.

Thankfully, the living room contained some light due to the street lights and billboards outside so Virgil could walk freely without dying.

Bringing Logan around to the front of the couch, he leaned down and let him collapse to the couch with a soft grunt from both of them.

Virgil sighed and stood back up, stretching and cracking his knuckles and neck. He could count that as his workout for the day, right?

Now that he had been satisfyingly cracked like a glow stick and he could breathe normally, Virgil moved to leave, fully intending to go home and binge watch Netflix until sunrise, when he felt a pull on his jeans.

Looking down, he saw that Logan had put his fingers through one of Virgil’s belt loops with a surprisingly firm grip.

Virgil gave him a questioning look and, despite Logan’s eyes appearing to be closed, Logan softly said, “You can’t go, you know.”

Virgil let out a huff of laughter and put his hands on his hips.

“And why is that?”

Logan looked at Virgil through half closed eyes before sighing and leaning into the couch more.

“Science thingys. I drank a lot of alcohol, I could easily die if I’m not being watched.” he mumbled.

Logan’s grip loosened on Virgil’s jeans, allowing for him to easily pull away if he wanted to.

Virgil looked down at Logan and then back to the door and sighed.

He couldn’t just leave Logan, even if he really wanted to just go home.

Plopping down onto the couch next to Logan, he felt his annoyance slowly leave him as Logan gravitated towards him and latched onto him.

Virgil huffed out a laugh and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer.

In the morning, Logan would justify his actions with a red face as being purely logical as, “alcohol leads to lower core body temperature and body contact is the best way to maintain warmth.”