#drunk johnny

Meeeeenaaaaaa…

Ya can’t leef me alone wif this grumpy spike-monster anymore… I fin’ she’s plannin’ ter kill me.

Oh God she’s comin’ over 'ere. Save meeeee.

Yo Pretty Boy what are you doing?

I’m talkin’ ter me angel gumdrop. Go away!

Your angel gumdrop….oh Meena! Let me talk to her!

The sounds dissolved into the sounds of a scuffle as time ran out and Meena giggled helplessly into her pillow. She had seen videos of funny drunk voicemails but she had never received one herself. This was going to be good. She got comfortable on her bed, clad in her fuzzy socks and a thin nightdress, and pressed play on the second message.

*BEEP*

'Ave I ever told ya that you’re the sweetest candy fin’ in aw of the universe? Ya smell loike sugar on me taste bumps.

When ya come back from war I’m gonna take ya aht ter get chinya- chinalo- special food.

*knock knock knock*

Johnny get your butt out of the bathtub. I know you’re hiding in there!

…Johnny’s not 'ere wite na. Please leef a nice message at the beep… BEEP!

Johnny you idiot it’s Ash. Let me talk to Meena… call me back. BEEP!

I got rid of 'er sweetcakes. Cakety cakety cakie cake. Ooo I want cake.

Do yo fin it’s stealin’ if it’s cake?

Imma become the famous cake burglar! 

And I won’t discriminate on types of cake either. Cupcakes, bundt cakes… aw cakes ’re created equal. Except for banana, I ‘ate banana.

The message cut off as Johnny began ranting about his hatred for banana and Meena found herself laughing hysterically into her pillow. She was trying hard not to make enough noise to wake her sleeping family members but it was hard with her boyfriend ranting so drunkenly in her voicemail. Once she had calmed down enough to hold back her laughter she reached forward and pressed play on the final drunken message.

*BEEP*

Meena Meena Meenaaaaaaa!

Won’t ya please come home-aaaaIf ya do I’ll kiss yaaaaa

And make ya dinnaaaaaaaah

Cause I loooooove yaaaaaa.

Ok I’m gonna sleep in me tub boat. I’ll chat ya up in the mornin’. 

Brin’ donuts.

And cake.

*mwah*

Meena quickly hit the save button when she was prompted, archiving those little gems so that they could serve as blackmail later on. She then turned off her lamp and settled under the covers. She drifted off to sleep quickly, but not before shooting off a short text to Johnny. 

When Johnny woke up the next morning, curled up in a ball in the porcelain tub with a pounding headache, his phone screen lit up, indicating a message from Meena. He opened it, groaning slightly when the brightness of the screen made his head pound harder. She had simply written: