so we all know the trope of Danny going to Gotham getting sprayed by joker venom or fear gas and instead it works like laughing gas, truth serum, or doesn’t affect him at all because ghost metabolism. Well riddle me this, what if fear gas and joker venom were ghost alcohol.
So we know that in the Dp universe some ghosts feed on emotion, and fear gas and joker venom trigger certain emotions. So what if in the ghost zone fear gas and joker venom are rare sought after alcohol, that is only sold in the top ghost zone bars.
Just Imagine on day Danny decides to visit Gotham wether it be a ghost attack or him trying to take a vacation, anyway Fenton luck hits and the city gets doused in fear toxin because scarecrow is testing out his latest batch of fear toxin on the people of Gotham. Danny seeing everyone scared jumps into action and defeats scarecrow. While getting shot in the face with fear toxin witch is like tossing back 5 vodka shots.
when the Batfam arrives they see a twig of a boy tying up scarecrow and his goons. So naturally Batman asks what happened.
Batfam: what happend did you do this
Danny drained of adrenaline: Nnnooooo???
Batman: who are you
Danny drunk of his feet: I am the night, I am vengeance, I am bat babe
batfam: *snort* been a while since we heated that one
Danny: wanna see a magic trick *hick*
Danny stumbling into a wall: tada I walked right through. Hehehe
Batfam watching in disbelief: is he drunk
Everyone looking towards Black Bat:…
Black Bat: 😡😤😒 *looks towards Danny* you okay??
Danny blushing brighter then a tomato: *hick* your so pretty, will you marry me?
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To not turn into a giant raging asshole hell bent on murdering people and destroying the world after everyone he loved died, Danny had ran from Amity with his chosen vice.
A bottle. That’s right. Even after Jazz’s talks about alcoholism as a poor coping mechanism as a form of self harm, he still chose alcohol. Or maybe that’s why he picked it, because it reminded him of her, right before the booze took the sting of grief off of her memory. He was never really all that good at listening to Jazz.
And now she’s gone, so it’s moot point. Danny really hated Nasty Burger.
Danny made it all the way to Gotham, bottle constantly glued to his hand. It’s better than Vlad’s creep-o-self looming over him all of the time. He bummed out on the streets, fitting into crime alley like a native. Danny learned to pickpocket. Not much, just enough for a bottle when his ran out. He stayed human. At first he tried to convince himself that it was because he didn’t want to be perceived as a meta in a city where Batman notoriously disliked metas. Then, as he sunk deeper, he admitted to himself in a shameful curl of a whisper that it was really because alcohol affected his human side much easier.
Ghosts need an ungodly amount of alcohol to even get slightly buzzed. Danny’s human side? Only one full bottle the shittiest tequila he could find could even hope to be more than buzzed. It sucked.
He’s spent two years being an alcoholic that didn’t actually get that drunk. Technically, underage drinking was a crime. But then again, so was being a vigilante ghost. So, whatever. He does what he can to dull the grief. Mostly, he slept on covered and hidden nooks on top of Crime Alley’s roofs. Gotham city had taken pity on him and cleared her smog clouds when he was awake at night. Stargazing helped, at least. It gave him a little hope. It gave him a little wish to change and better and live like he wants. But then the night ends and when the day comes, Jazz isn’t there. Sam isn’t there. Tucker isn’t there. His mom and dad are not there.
Danny always went back to the bottle, in the end. Not that it did much.
Which was why, when he saw three looming figures over a tiny child, Danny’s saving people thing flared with a vengeance and his surprised ectoplasm burned what little buzz he had achieved by downing most of the bottle away, leaving him stone cold sober and pissed.
Danny sighed, dumping the rest of the nasty tasting liquid out. There’s no point drinking that little.
He approached the trio, who were beating up an actual child. Ancients, he hated Crime Alley sometimes.
“Give me your shit, you little punk!” Asshole 1 decided to say like a typical mugger, raising his leg to kick the curled up kid below. Danny doesn’t let him land the kick, smashing the bottle on the asshole’s head before any of them clocked his presence. He pivots, pushing a bit of that extra strength he normally keeps on a tight leash into his hands, and punched the other two in a quick fashion, knocking them out.
With that taken care of, Danny turned back to the kid who was still curled up. Danny sighed again, the trembles in small shoulders plucking on his heartstrings.
“You okay, kid?”
The kid uncurls, and Danny stared. Holy shit, is he looking into a mirror? Blue eyes, black hair, and tanned skin. Holy shit, he’s even got similar jaws to Danny.
“Huh.”
The kid flinched.
“Y-y’er the drunk,” the kid flinched again, eyes darting to the broken bottle still clenched in Danny’s hand. “I- I ain’t got money, honest. Please-”
Danny blinked down at the kid, brain connecting the dots after so long without actual interaction. He’s panicking and staring at the bottle in Danny’s hand like it’ll kill him. Danny raised the bottle and the kid closed his mouth with a click, terror worming its way into the kid’s eyes.
“I wasn’t going to mug you myself, kid.”
“But- y’er the- the Alley drunk.”
Danny blinked. Did he get a reputation without knowing again? Goddammit.
“I guess. Am I famous or somethin’?”
“Nobody- nobody fucks wit’ ya.”
“I also don’t hurt kids.”
“…”
The kid stared at him dubiously and with a sinking feeling, Danny realized that maybe the kid already had some terrible experiences with a heavy drunken hand. He promptly chucks the bottle further into the alley.
“I drink, yes. But I’m also not the kind of scum that would lay hands on a kid, let alone anyone that didn’t provoke it first.”
“Oh.” The kid uncurled more, looking at Danny warily, more at ease now that the bottle has left the chat.
“Yeah. I’m Danny. Stone cold sober, right now.”
“…”
Danny waited.
“Peters.”
“Okay. Peters, do you wanna take their shit?” Danny pointed a thumb at the knocked out would-be-muggers behind him.
“Y… yeah, sure. What’s my cut?”
“All of it.”
Peters stared.
Danny shrugged and started looting.
"Y'er so fuckin' weird."
----
See, the thing is, Danny hadn't anticipated saving Peters- "'s actually Jason"- would result in having a duckling following him around. The kid, Jason, glared at everyone who even looked at them wrong. But that's not the problem, because Danny could take anyone who took issue with Jason's looks, it's more like there's a child following him around now and Danny doesn't want to be the reason Jason turns into an alcoholic. It's- well, it made him cut down on the drinking. He even got jobs- legitimate jobs that sucks out his his poor ectoplasmic soul.
Why? Because Jason's apparently homeless. While that's something Danny's okay with for himself, he can't ever condone that for an actual child. Jason's walking around in threadbare clothes and thin soled shoes in the middle of Fall, for Ancient's sake.
Danny grumbles as he piled a bunch of clothes into the shopping bag as he checked out. Gotham's Walmart is a different kind of hell, but Danny feels right at home.
Sure, the work might suck out his soul and he might hate being sober, but Jason's face every time he comes home to an actual place to live, warm clothes, and food was worth everything.
Alhocol does have effect on Danny, contrary to him saying one can't get dead drunk, when they're already dead. In reality, alhocol influences him a lot more than normal people.
So obviously when he gets black out drunk from one little sip of beer, while he's watching Despicable me with Tucker and Sam, he has the genius idea, hey, why shouldn't he steal the moon? He likes space, and he's dead! He never got any compensation for that, and all the shit he has to deal with, so little compensation wouldn't hurt right?
That's at least the last thing Danny remembers thinking. But now that he's awake with a killer hangover, his sister screaming at him and showing him the news about a new rogue who stole the moon and caused all the shitty consequences that come w that. Like the tide being gone. Oops
“But, Sam. Someone’s wolf name was Moon Moon. Like, why did the creator of that chart use Moon twice? They knew there was a possibility of Moon Moon! How could they create such evil?”
The trio laid in a circle on Danny’s roof, watching the stars each with a bottle of liquor.
“Dude, I think calling that an evil is a bit of an over-statement. You’ve fought Vlad and Pariah Dark.”
“Tucker….someone just allowed people to have the name Moon Moon… It’s so ridiculous…”
Sam and Tucker shared a look. It was always a bad idea to drink with Danny because his ghostliness made him more susceptible to the alcohol. They each stood up, turned to Danny, and Sam grabbed his bottle of vodka while Tucker helped Danny stand up.
“Come on, bud. It’s time for bed.”
At that moment, Danny’s ghost sense went off. He pushed Tucker’s arm off his shoulders and transformed. Sam pulled out her ecto-blaster, and Tucker grabbed a Fenton Thermos. Danny would not be able to handle this fight alone, no matter who the enemy was.
“I am the ghost of all things cubed and cardboard, BEWARE!” the box ghost yelled. He shot boxes at Danny, who blasted them immediately and started laughing.
“It’s just Boxy! Hey! Boxy! Do you remember your initials when you were human?”
“What? Why? That doesn’t concern you!”
“Please, Boxy! I just want to know!” Danny pulled out the puppy-dog eyes.
“P.W…”
“Oh my fucking God! Guys, guys! Boxy’s wolf name is Moon Moon! He’s fucking Moon Moon! Oh, I can’t handle this…” As Danny floated back down to the roof laughing hysterically, his friends took care of the Box Ghost. “Guys, I just can’t handle it. His name would’ve been Moon Moon. Of course, of all the ghosts, it’s Boxy…”
Sam shook her head and grabbed Danny’s hand. He stumbled to his feet as she abruptly pulled him towards the rood door and brought him back to his room. She attempted to put him in his bed, but he refused. Then his ghost sense activated again.
“Oh, come on!” Sam yelled. Vlad passed through the outer wall and settled to the ground. “What do you want?”
“I’ve just come for a chat with the Little Badger, no sense getting all up in arms. If you two wouldn’t mind leaving the room…”
“No! Okay, just no! Danny is drunk out of his mind. No way in hell am I going to leave him with you. He needs to transform back to human Danny and go to bed. If you would like to talk to him, you can do so tomorrow,” Sam concluded as she raised her blaster to Vlad’s head.
“Oh, dear… Doesn’t he know ghosts are more susceptible to the poisons of the drink?”
“Yes, Vlad. That’s why he does it. How would you feel being a teenage half who feels the need to protect your whole town? Wait, you can’t even imagine since you feel the need to make his life harder!” After Sam’s outburst, Vlad flew away rather abruptly.
Danny finally returned to his human state and settled into bed. Sam pulled his desk chair next to the bed and gathered water, pain meds, and a garbage can. Tucker made himself a bed on the floor and quickly fell asleep, leaving Sam alone to care for Danny.
A few hours later, Vlad returned. “Here, give him this. It will help with the horrible hangover in the morning.” Then he left as rapidly as he arrived. Sam studied the vile to determine Vlad’s motives but decided to trust him after seeing the pure worry on his face.
She eventually managed to catch a few hours of sleep herself, but Sam was awakened by Danny’s vomiting. She sat up and rubbed his back as he continued to retch. Once his stomach was empty, Danny fell back onto his pillows.
“I feel like shit.”
“Vlad brought you a ghost hangover cure. He seemed genuine about it, but I guess you can decide for yourself.” Danny grabbed the vile and analyzed it. He saw it actually had a label and a list of its ingredients. He opened it and gave a quick sniff. After deciding it was okay, he took a sip. Immediately, he felt a thousand times over.
“That vile is a miracle and we’re keeping it. Now, please never let me get so drunk again that I start ranting about Moon Moon,” Danny told Sam with a chuckle. While laughing herself, Sam agreed.
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So imma share my kinda weird DP dream from last night
So the entirety of Amity went on a trip to someplace called Marven Wood and lived in a park for twelve day’s and six days in all the birds in the world get weirdly sick and start flying around at ground level but really fast like they were tiny feathery torpedos of doom. And if you got cut by their beaks or breathed air touched by their feathers you straight up died and started clipping through the ground or objects.
So obvi an emergency is called and everyone in this huge ass park where the Amity Parker’s are living for some reason, are told to bunker down in two buildings called The Boy Band Bunker and Bathroom 3 (which is just a big red dining hall, not a bathroom at all). But Danny, the dumbass, was getting wine drunk on seven dollar sangria in an two stall outhouse and whispering sweet nothings into the wall (“you’re the greatest ‘cause you make me feel like I know what catfish feel like”), when the emergency was broadcasted.
And for some asinine reason this outhouse, even though it’s a fucking outhouse, has some intense ass soundproofing, so Danny can’t hear shit. But eventually he claps his thighs and decides he wants to crawl up a tree to sleep. So he opens the door and sees all these fucking birds acting like darts and just nopes out and closes the damn door. But before he does, some adult in Bathroom 3 spots him through a window that magically disappears later on. So this adult gets on some speaker that somehow surpasses the outhouses soundproofing and tells Danny to stay put because trying to get to either ‘safe’ building is too risky.
So Danny now knows there’s a ‘problem’ and ‘danger’. So he shoves the nearly empty sangria in a locker for safe keeping (because apparently lockers exist in out houses in this universe), goes ghost, and phases out. But dunk Danny has enough of a brain cell to stay intangible as to not get impaled by the murder birds.
He duplicates twice, sending two duplicates to fly aggressively and protectively around the safe buildings. While main him searches Marven Wood for people, surprise surprise, he finds a little girl under a literal pile of benches and takes her intangibly via a third duplicate to The Boy Band Bunker. But then, oh no!, one of the torpedo birds breaks through Bathroom 3’s wall and Danny has to phase in and take it down with a sleep ray (because apparently he can do that now) and traps it in a garbage bag (which logically would suffocate it, but that doesn’t happen) and yeets it back outside.
So now Danny’s faced with the fact that these death dart birds can damage the ‘safe’ buildings and there’s this fucking tubular hole in one. So he starts legit defending the buildings by blasting birds with ecto-blasts because he apparently forgot that he has a sleep ray now. Not even ten minutes in, he starts crying, because he’s hurting the birds and his Obsession is having a few issues with that.
Then original Danny finds his mom, of course, outside shooting birds with an ecto-canon like a badass. But there’s this intense ass scene where there’s just too many birds and Danny’s racing against them to get to her. Dramatic music and whooshing noises included. But he makes it in the nick of time and turns her intagible.
Then they have a cute little heart to heart that consists of ‘please trust me so you won’t straight die’ and ‘this is your faul-Phantom, why are you crying?’. Which devolves into Maddie realising Phantom literally can’t harm people or things but his Obsession just screams OBJECTION! So she starts calming him down and telling him the birds are gonna die anyway and he’s just putting them out of their misery while helping to stop the spread of infection.
Danny’s okay after this revelation and Maddie ties herself to him so he can keep her intagible, while the two blast the bird bastards to high Hell.
Eventually all the birds are massacred, Danny still with watering eyes the whole ass time because he’s sad and kinda drunk. So then the biohazard guys come in, in their over the top hazmat shit and Danny fucks off back to the outhouse. Course the outhouse is fucking trashed and there’s one bird that’s just imbedded in the wall. Danny curls up and pretends to be hiding right next to said wall bird, for some imperceptible excuse or another.
Half an hour later three hazmat dudes full on kick the door in, action movie style, and get Danny into a hazmat.
Then there’s a black cut out/scene fade to a close up of a squirming black garbage bag before that one fucking sick ass bird busts out and caws ominously. This is the only bird sound the entire time (which startled me enough to wake up apparently)
◙ INSTAGRAM: Daniel Anderson uploaded a new photo:
Dannyboi: Come for one of us then come for all of us. I never really say it out loud, but I fucking love my brothers. I’m really lucky to have such a cool set of guys in my life. @woodyanders you crazy bastard, I fucking love your face man. @drxanderson thanks for stepping in when dad fucked off. Hope I make you proud @eddienotscissorhands Thanks for stepping in when mom fucked off and reminding me that people do care. @mackenziexlightwood literally the angel to my devil, I swear in a past life we were twins. #drunkinstagramming #lovemyfam
