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I stepped off the spaceship into desert heat. “Bluh. That’s horrible.”
Beside me, Paint spread her scaly arms and beamed, a happy little lizard in the sun. “This is great!” she said. “We haven’t been anywhere this warm in a while.”
Mur said, “Nope, it’s bad. Gonna dry up into some of that fish jerky you like so much.” He held his tentacles close, several of them pressing the fins flat on the sides of his squid head. As I watched, he turned and scrambled back into the airlock. “I tried it; it’s just as bad as I thought it was. Best of luck.”
I waved goodbye as the door shut. While Paint just shook her head, I said, “Can’t say I’m surprised. This really isn’t the place for him.”
“Good thing this delivery doesn’t need three people,” Paint said, hefting the bag of small packages. “Let’s be off and enjoy the sun!”
I followed her, squinting at alien buildings that wavered in the heatwaves. “Hope it’s not enough to give me a sunburn.”
“Oh, we should have brought stickers, so you can make those patterns you told me about!” Paint exclaimed. “It’s such fun that your skin changes color like that.”
“It hurts when it changes fast, though,” I reminded her. “I’d rather have sunscreen than stickers.”
“Aw, boo. Is there sunscreen that makes it only change color a little?”
“…Yeah, probably. But it’s hard to calibrate.”
“We should do that next time we go somewhere sunny!”
“I would much rather draw on my arms with pens.”
“I guess that’s fun too.”
---------------------
I stepped off the spaceship into stifling sauna humidity. “Wow,” I said. “That’s like getting hit with a wet towel.”
“It’s so nice and warm!” Paint said, surprising no one.
Mur said, “This place does have a proper moisture level; I’ll give it that.”
“You say proper, I say excessive,” I told him, flapping my shirt. “I’m already sweating through my clothes, and the sweat does nothing.”
“Must be nice, being able to self-moisturize like that,” Mur said.
“Sure, when it works,” I said. “The whole point is evaporation so I cool down. That’s not happening with air this wet.”
“At least it’s not too dry!” Mur said cheerfully, slapping a tentacle against the box strapped to the small hoversled. “C’mon, let’s get this delivered before you drip all over it.”
“The sooner the better,” I said.
---------------------
I stepped off the spaceship into a pleasant afternoon: cool and breezy with the air full of alien birdsong. I took a deep breath. “Ah, that’s nice.”
Paint said, “Bit cold.”
Mur added, “Bit dry.”
I shook my head. “It’s a wonder we ever agree on anything.”
Mur said, “The ship’s environmental settings are a good middle ground; we agree on that.”
Paint put in, “I mean, it’s not awful. Not cold enough to really need a heat scarf, but I wouldn’t say no to one.”
“I could do without the wind,” said Mur.
“This barely even counts as wind,” I told him. “A gentle, playful breeze at best.”
“Playfully dry.”
I sighed theatrically and pushed the hoversled. “There’s no pleasing some people.”
“Lemme ride on the sled and I’ll be pleased.”
“Fine, there’s enough space. Climb on up.”
---------------------
I stepped off the spaceship and shivered as cold wind sliced through my jacket. Over the gusts, I said, “Good thing this is a quick trip!”
Paint clutched a heat shawl tight around her shoulders, head tucked in close. “Yes! What horrible cold!”
At the second hoversled, Mur covered his fins and twisted the rest of his tentacles into a spiral. “Dry, too! I thought this place got regular rainstorms, but this is the exact opposite!”
Zhee stepped up beside him on many bug legs, exoskeleton glossy and his antennae at an angle that looked pleased. “I don’t know what you’re all complaining about. This is lovely weather.”
Paint shook her head in disgust. “You are welcome to it.”
Zhee set his pincher arms against the hoversled and pushed it forward at a leisurely pace. “Very lovely. A fine cleansing wind, suitable for washing away all specks of dust.”
I pushed the other sled and had to free a hand to brush tendrils of hair out of my eyes. “At least someone’s appreciating it.”
“Oh yes. A pity the walk isn’t longer.”
Mur said, “You are the only one who thinks so.”
The edge of the spaceport was just up ahead, with low-lying shrubs shuddering in the wind, and a few locals visible through the windows. Everybody else had the good sense to be indoors, I saw.
Then the wind changed direction, blowing hair into my face anew, and I saw something else. “Mur, I think that’s one of those rainclouds you wanted,” I said, pointing behind us.
“Hooray, moisture!” Mur said at the sight.
“Oh no, cold!” Paint said with honest concern.
To my surprise, Zhee hissed in irritation and walked faster.
We all hurried toward the biggest building where we’d been instructed to take the delivery. I asked Zhee, “What have you got to worry about? A bit of rain is just going to make you even cleaner and shinier.”
“Droplet blindness,” he snapped.
“What?” I asked, before immediately realizing what he meant. “Oh right, you don’t have eyelids!” His eyes were faceted and huge, with a great range of vision, but no rain protection whatsoever.
“My eyes are nowhere near as fragile as yours,” he said scornfully. “But I do not enjoy having my vision blocked with water.”
“Yeah, I’d hate that too,” I said, then ran faster. “C’mon! Last one there’s a rotten egg!”
That was something we could all agree on. Nobody wanted to be a rotten egg, or more importantly, doused in cold rainwater.
~~~
Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
“We’re not even leaving the planet?” I asked. “Just going a little bit to the side?”
“That’s right,” Captain Sunlight told me with a wave of her scaly hand up at the cargo. “Packaging this to the point where it would survive local transit was apparently not worth the effort.”
I gazed up at the giant metal statue that was currently the only thing in our cargo hold. “Yeah, I can believe that.” It was an armored figure that was vaguely humanoid — weird proportions — frozen in a kind of kneeling victory pose that looked like a weightlifter without the barbell. Forty-five degree angles for every limb, palms up. I asked, “Is it supposed to be holding something?”
“No, I understand it’s from some fictional story,” said Captain Sunlight. “I honestly forget which one. But there’s some complicated metaphor involved.”
I shrugged. “As long as they’re paying this much for a solo run, it can stand for anything it likes. Well, as long as it’s not bigoted or whatever. Nothing controversial, right?”
The captain shook her lizardy head. “No, definitely not. This is some fictional hero harnessing the goodwill of the people to defeat an invading evil.”
I smiled. “Oh, one of those stories. Gotta love a classic.”
Mur arrived to the slap of tentacles, followed by Blip and Blop. The twins each carried a bundle of cargo straps and other things. Mur announced, “Time for overkill!”
The captain thanked him and gave detailed instructions about where to put the pads and anchor the straps. I helped, using my long arms to hold things in place while Blip and Blop put their muscle to work in tightening the straps. Mur untangled them and handed out more. Captain Sunlight supervised. By the time our ship was ready to take off, the statue was securely fastened to anchor points all around the room. No gravity fluctuations or other hiccups were going to shift it an inch.
“Good enough,” said the captain with a nod. “Let’s be off. I honestly don’t know whether to suggest everyone stay out of the room, or stay to keep an eye on it just so we can say it was under supervision.”
Mur made a burbling snort. “If it spontaneously melts or something, that is NOT our fault.”
“No, but I have Wio capturing the security footage from the moment it entered the ship, just in case the client wants reassurance.”
I asked, “They’re that bad?”
Captain Sunlight shook her head. “I’ve never met them. But I’m not taking chances with this kind of money.”
“Yeah. Rich people.” I nodded, then casually used a sleeve to wipe away a couple fingerprints. Judging by the feel of the statue and the echoing sounds it had produced when we placed straps across it, the metallic sheen was a layer of paint on top of industrial plastic. Possibly the kind used in spaceports. Durable, but still vulnerable to weak points in shapes like this. The statue was NOT going to tip over and test how much impact those elbows could take.
“The artist said it’s for a business,” Captain Sunlight said. “Something to put on display in relation to the things they make or sell. But yes, significant wealth is involved.”
Mur said cheerfully, “Hooray for spending it on offplanet couriers as well as ostentatious statues. I’ll dig up some fresh cleaning cloths so we can give it a once-over when we take the straps off.”
Captain Sunlight agreed and shooed us all out, having decided that an empty cargo hold was safest. Blip and Blop volunteered to stand in the hallway guarding the door while Mur got the cloths.
A few other crew members wandered by to take a look through the window. I considered finding something to do during the trip, but really, it was like ten minutes. Spaceships are fast, even when navigating local air traffic. I ended up standing in the hallway and chatting while the engines changed pitch several times.
Soon enough, we were back on the ground and removing all the careful fastenings we’d just placed. Mur’s cleaning cloths were just the thing for fingerprints and dust. By the time Captain Sunlight told us the customer was approaching our spaceport berth, the statue was all set.
Shiny and impressive, if you’re into that sort of thing. If it wasn’t clearly an expensive decoration, I would have thought it would make a decent playground accessory. Put a slide against one of those hands, and kids of many species would be lining up for a go.
Well, I thought, Mostly one species. Though Farsight kids would probably love it too. They’d probably hang a swing from the other arm.
My thoughts were interrupted by the bay door opening. I took up a position standing respectfully back, alongside Blip and Blop who were ready with the hoversled. The client probably had their own, since they had to get it home somehow, but it wouldn’t have been the first time that didn’t occur to somebody.
And with the kind of money this person was shelling out, they probably wouldn’t bat an eye at reimbursing us for a hoversled that they could take it back with.
The person who waited outside the doors with a beaming smile cut an interesting figure. She was a Frillian like Blip and Blop, with faded blue skin and the same beefy bodybuilder type, but very old. She wore enough fluttering red silks to make a dozen human-style outfits, almost obscuring the classy cane she leaned on. And she looked delighted.
“Ah, there it is!” she said, waving a gnarled hand at the statue. “A thing of beauty. They’re going to love it.”
Captain Sunlight stepped tactfully forward with polite greetings and the payment tablet. The client signed for it readily, talking all the time about her plans to display this fictional character in the front lobby of her business. Or outside. She hadn’t decided yet.
With a glance at the shiny finish, Captain Sunlight suggested, “I daresay it will retain its luster better indoors.”
The client waved a hand, brushing away the thought. “Oh, who cares? That scene looks better in the unrestored version where the armor is all beat up anyway.”
“A valid point.”
“We’ll get it out of your frills either way,” the client said, then amended the statement. “Not frills. You don’t have those. Some of you do!” She waved at Blop and Blop, who smiled and waved back from their position at attention. Then she caught sight of me and smiled anew. “Oh, and some of you have hair! How perfect. Tell me, do you think this will be a hit with any human visitors? They come in all ages, especially the young ones. Shiny is good, yes?”
“Uh, yes, definitely,” I said, glancing at the statue that gleamed in the lights. My earlier thoughts caught up to me. “Say, is it going to be somewhere out of the way, or in easy touching range?”
Her blue forehead wrinkled in thought. “I wouldn’t think that’s much of a concern. Too much touching will just make a Season Three patina.”
I shook my head, stepping forward to wave at it. “Not touching; climbing. Given a chance, a significant portion of human children will want to climb this immediately.”
Her frills fluttered in surprise. “Really? They haven’t climbed anything else on the premises.”
“Are there easy handholds and ledges?” I asked, pointing at the statue’s prominent knee, which was sticking out as if just begging for someone to use it as a step up.
“Hm. No, I don’t suppose there are.” She tapped her cane to her chin, glancing at the captain then back to me. “Can’t say that’s something I considered. I suppose I’ll have to account for it now. How significant of a proportion would you say?”
“Probably most of them, and some of the adults too.”
“Seriously??”
I pointed at a series of handholds. “I can tell you exactly where I’d start.”
Captain Sunlight asked tactfully, “Is there somewhere you can display this where it will be off-limits? Perhaps on a platform or behind a barrier?”
“Hm.” The client looked sad as she frowned about it, clearly not liking her options. “It feels wrong to separate him from the goodwill of the people. That’s the opposite of what he stands for.”
I said, “Well, you could always go the other route.”
“Eh?”
“Reinforce a few joints and put something soft on the floor,” I said, pointing at the elbows. “Maybe put up a sign about very young children needing an adult’s help before climbing on the hero of the people.”
The client smiled at that, laugh lines spreading in cheerful wrinkles like everybody’s favorite grandma. I remembered suddenly that the big Frillians were traditionally the ones who raised the children. When she said, “Perfect,” I could tell she meant it.
She turned in a whirl of silks to wave her cane at someone outside. “Let’s get this masterpiece out and ready for action! The kids are gonna love it. Get me that architectural genius who fixed the broken things last month; tell him rush fees are fine. We can’t have the hero of the people breaking an arm, now can we?”
Several younger Frillians hustled into view and did as she said. I was glad to see that they did have their own hoversled, naturally with the best lifting platform money could buy. They didn’t even need Blip and Blop’s help in getting the statue into place and out of the ship.
The client made a silk-fluttering gesture of respect at Captain Sunlight, then waved at the rest of us, still smiling. “Thank you for excellent service, and advice as well! Feel free to stop by at our grand opening next week to give it a climb.”
Captain Sunlight said, “We might just do that.”
Down at elbow height, Mur snorted. “One of us might.”
I grinned at him. “I’d be happy to give you a boost if you like.”
“I do not like.”
“You sure? The view from those hands is probably great.”
“Great and not worth it.”
He continued to grumble while I told him everything he was missing out on, exaggerating more than a little. The bay door closed, and everyone filtered out of the empty cargo bay. I hoped that we really would be in the neighborhood for the grand opening. I’d have to look up that TV show or whatever, so I could properly appreciate whose armored shoulders I’d be sitting on.
~~~
Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I apologize for the lack of posts! I am still updating the series over on Reddit, I was just too scared to open Tumblr for fear of Deltarune spoilers. Here’s the past few chapters!
how do you even search for super ancient posts on tumblr argh
can't find FOR THE LIFE OF ME a post about human endurance.
an alien and a human not really(?) stranded on an alien planet, in a jungle/forest ; their space jeep just took off without them and... started "hunting" them down ?
Basically, the vehicle had gone rogue to the horror of the alien, and they started running for their life with the human. the alien was kinda proud of being part of a species who could run very fast, but they had to take breaks in between sprints. But they were worried about their human buddy because the dude was kinda super slow compared to them.
Eventually, the alien (bird-like, possibly ???) managed to climb to the top of a tree to escape the car. They discover that their human buddy is also alive and caught up to them pretty easily : they're shocked to learn that their buddy just never stopped running ????
But the alien is on the verge of dying because, like the human, they tried to never stop running too but THEIR SPECIES IS **NOT** DESIGNED TO DO THAT so their body starts breaking down in the tree. The man, worried about his friend, decides to track down the jeep in a last ditch effort to save them and disappears into the night.
He comes back the next morning, INSIDE THE ROGUE CAR. He manages to get his buddy down and into the vehicle as well.
Turns out : the ai of the car was just bored out of its mind (ahah) and decided to go on a stroll in the woods, by itself. When it returned, the alien freaked out or something and ran away. The car wasn't hunting anyone down : it was just worried about the healt of the alien since they weren't supposed to run for such long distance without rest. It just had no way to communicate its concern.
The human kinda figured out that the jeep wasn't hunting them from the start, but I'm not sure about that part.
The story concludes with the human taking the alien back to their ship on the jeep to get treated for their injuries, while explaining that the car needed to be taken out sometimes or else it'll get bored again. (Yeah, the human and the car had a long "talk". They're buddies too I think ?)
And I can't find that story ANYWHERE.
it was tagged with either #hfy #humans are space orcs #humans are deathworlders #humans are space australians #humans are weird
Nature of Predators is really interesting because it’s a setting you could actually do a lot with and explore a lot of uncomfortable and complex themes with, and the guy who made it Doesn’t
