#drug problems

Chapters: 13/15 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Du Bois & Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois & Kim Kitsuragi & Judit Minot & Jean Vicquemare, Kim Kitsuragi & Jean Vicquemare, Cuno & Harry Du Bois, Harry Du Bois & Judit Minot Characters: Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois, Jean Vicquemare, Judit Minot, Cuno (Disco Elysium) Additional Tags: Kim Kitsuragi Embarrassing Situation Simulator, POV Kim Kitsuragi, Kim Kitsuragi joins Precinct 41, Loneliness, Internalized racism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Could it be one of my fics if no one cried, Sober Harry Du Bois, Relapse, Health Anxiety, Depression, Depersonalization, Eating Disorders 

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star

Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Characters: Carlos Reyes, TK Strand

Goodbye to the pills

Tk finds some pills Carlos is taken after a leg surgery. Bad memories are back

A very long day, a very long week, the whole month I could say. First that fire and the two children that his father and his team had not been able to get out in time, then the damn migraines for which he refused to take pills, that made the pain last three days longer than he could avoid taking a damn pill and then the icing on the cake. Carlos had been wounded, nothing serious they had said, the bullet had gone through the femur, no major damage, but they had had to operate.

TK felt that he stopped breathing during those hours. It was harder to be in the waiting room than on the operating table. On the table you don't realize how terrified the people outside are. But being on the other side, things are no different and the panic of losing the person you love most in the world becomes a normality that lasts beyond when you come home from the hospital.

Carlos was fine, but he had been told to take pills because his leg would hurt for a while and it seemed easy for him. He took his pills three times a day as if nothing had happened and they just sat there in the bathroom cabinet. For Carlos, as for all other normal people, it was no problem to have pills of some kind on hand.

Normal people didn't think all day long about the idea that he had pills on hand.

But there I was, looking at them, I had the bottle of pills in my hand. He shook it like a baby would shake a rattle. Because it was fun, because he liked the noise and because it was the only thing he could do without taking the final step and taking them.

She breathed hard and feeling her legs shaking, she sat on the edge of the tub and almost left the canister in the sink, but she held it in her hand, she couldn't stop looking at it without feeling like the world would fall apart if she let them go.

"What are you doing" He said to himself and smiled sadly. "You have everything you could possibly want, a job you love, a family that adores you and Carlos...you're engaged, Carlos asked you on the most romantic date of your entire life."

From the bathtub she could see herself in the mirror, half a face at least, and what was in front of her did not please her.

She wasn't thinking terrible thoughts; she'd already been there, she'd already come close to crossing over to the other side. He'd already given his father a couple of good scares; he had no intention of doing it again, he didn't want to take his own life or anything like that.

But the pills had always managed to take away any kind of fear, the pills had, in a way, made him strong and helped him. Maybe if he took one or two now, it would take away the fear of something bad happening to Carlos again or just to not be afraid to see him leaving on his way to the police station every day.

A pill couldn't hurt him and the simple touch of one of the pills in the palm of his hand, without taking it, just feeling it there, made him feel so much better than he was a moment before.

"Ty." Carlos' voice behind his back made him feel like hiding the pill and the bottle as if nothing had happened.

But Carlos had seen it, said nothing, there was no reproach from him. She looked him in the eyes; as only Carlos knew how to do. It didn't matter what happened between them, Carlos always trusted him, even now he was trusting him. But she couldn't hide the fear she felt at seeing him with the pills in his hand.

"I wasn't... I wasn't going to..."

"I know, I know, nene. Don't worry. Just give me that pill and the bottle."

"You're never gonna trust me."

"Don't say that." Carlos sat down next to him on the edge of the tub and wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him to him or as much as possible. "Actually, it's me I can't trust. I left the pills there and didn't worry about them being a problem for you. I've been stupid and I don't know if you can forgive me."

TK sobbed, it hurt so much to hear her fiancé say those things.

She was about to forgive him, but a moment later her body was pulled into the tub and somehow the two of them settled smoothly. TK so loved sleeping cuddled up to Carlos whenever he could.

Carlos entwined his legs with TK's, pressed a kiss to the top of his head and began humming a nonsensical tune, all the while pulling TK even tighter against him until he felt his fiancé's nose on his chest.

"I don't need no pills to feel good babe, you don't know do you?"

"I know and I'm going to stop taking them and they're all going to go in the trash as soon as you feel strong enough for us to move."

"But the pain..."

"It hurts me more to see you suffer because of an oversight of mine. The pills are going."