Yondu’s death flashes before his eyes, and he’s awoken with a start. He could feel himself visibly shake, breathing rapid and hard as he quickly shot up in bed. Eyes shoot over to the other side of the bed, and it was seeing Yondu’s form next to him, hearing the man sleeping beside him, a wave of relief washed over him. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until he wrapped his husband up in his arms, sobbing with inner happiness that the man was still alive. At least he hoped it was
YONDU IS PART OF THE STARS. He’s at peace with that. Death has never been something to be scared of; he’s always viewed it as another big adventure, something to look forward too. He would reunite with fallen friends, pass to the other side through a festival of brilliant colours --- a final celebration of his life. A bittersweet goodbye. & while he may be leaving people behind, he’s going somewhere new. This isn’t an ending. It’s the start of something.
And so here he is. Or here he isn’t. Not a ghost, not a spirit. Somehow he’s nowhere & everywhere at once, caught somewhere in between existing and not existing. Is he in limbo ? Is this where he’s supposed to be ? Yondu doesn’t have the answers, and somehow, he’s okay with that. He watches Merle. Impossibly, he shifts, curling up beside his husband but not really, because he isn’t actually there & nobody can see him & he doesn’t even have a physical form. But he’s there, in a way, doing his best to offer comfort to his grieving partner. Perhaps that’s the worst thing about dying; the things that happen to those you leave behind. In this odd, ethereal state, as he waits for something to happen --- as he waits to move on to whatever comes after --- he can do nothing but watch his loved ones mourn him.
Merle, in his fitful sleep, would feel a familiar hand stroking his cheek. He’d hear words of comfort murmured in a voice he’s terrified of forgetting. He’d see bright red eyes & a loving smile & maybe it would bring him comfort. Maybe, for just a moment, he would forget that Yondu is gone. He could pretend it’s all a bad dream, that he’s waking up to see his husband alive & breathing, that he had nothing to worry about after all. He’d tell Yondu about his dream through his tears, and Yondu would reply with soft laughter and a certain reassurance that I ain’t dead, babe. I’m right here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Merle would be comforted by that, and he’d smile, and they’d both drift off to sleep.
Then Merle would wake up to an empty bed. He’d realise that it had been a dream after all, that Yondu really is gone. And Yondu would watch him cry, helpless to stop it, helpless to do anything but watch, and he’d give just about anything to be back with Merle, if only to stop him crying. If only to see him smile one more time. For the first time since dying, Yondu feels something other than calm peacefulness. Looking at the love of his life absolutely torn apart by his loss --- it tears a hole in him, too. He feels anger, pain, sadness, guilt. He screams and fights and thrashes against the confines of his very existence, because he’d do anything to see Merle smile again, even if it means tearing a whole through his own reality.
Maybe the universe takes pity on him; maybe he’s tugged at a loose thread & fallen into a different world. Either way, he’s suddenly there. Really, really there. But there’s a transience to this existence that Yondu knows his temporary. He doesn’t belong here anymore --- he can’t stay. He has to move quickly, and so he does.
A familiar hand strokes Merle’s cheek. Yondu presses their foreheads together, eye contact unwavering. “Merle.” His own voice sounds distant, like it isn’t supposed to be here. “It’s me. It’s really me. I got... I got a chance to say goodbye, so you better listen, asshole. I love you. I always have an’ I always will an’ I know it’s gonna suck without me there, but you gotta keep goin’. Hannah an’ Daryl both need you. Princess needs you. Don’t let losin’ me be th’ thing that takes you down --- yer’ stronger than that.” An ethereal kiss is pressed to Merle’s lips, and Yondu says his last goodbye. “I love you. We’re gonna see each other again, but only when it’s time. Don’t let me see you too early, ‘cause I’ll be pissed. Okay ?”
There’s no gradual fade, no length goodbye. As soon as he’s said his piece, he’s gone. Merle is alone again, in an empty bed. & Yondu can finally, finally, see the path to the stars.
