If not (or youâve simply moved on) feel free to go on ahead and pretend you never saw this.Â
But, to the rest of you -- and in âyouâ Iâm addressing every single one of the wonderful, kind people whoâve reached out to me in private messages and/or have read and reviewed my fics on AO3...Â
Iâm starting over.Â
As in, almost every single one of my fics across all fandoms will be permanently deleted in one weekâs time.Â
The only fics Iâm keeping up on my profile are Wayward Souls (Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon), a drop of rosewater (Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â Before Midnight (My Hero Academia | BakuDeku), Shadow of the Day (My Hero Academia | BakuDeku), When the Sun Falls (Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon), and the most recently published work Fragile (My Hero Academia | BakuDeku).Â
This has been a huge burden on my shoulders and this decision in particular has been painful to think about.Â
The last thing I want to do is cause disappointment, pain, annoyance, hurt, etc. over deleting these stories. If this is the case for you, Iâm so, so sorry.Â
Even then... this is what I need to do. Selfishly.Â
Iâm simply not the same writer anymore.Â
I canât write when Iâm perpetually unhappy and loathing what I created years ago, in a different space, different mind, and different time.Â
Iâm not happy with the works Iâm about to delete. Years have passed, and I have been utterly silent without an update in sight for these fics. I would rather get rid of them than leave false hope in the air.
All that being said...
I want to make it clear that if any of you want to keep these fics around in your lives, Iâm giving you until next Sunday (July 25th) to download each fic as a PDF. That way, youâll have it in your possession for as long as you want after I delete it from my AO3.Â
I also may be changing my author name soon.Â
Iâm giving this another go, with an open mind, new ideas, and at a point in my personal life that allows breathing room for this space.
If youâre angry, upset, or simply donât care, I more than understand.Â
Your feelings are valid just as they always have been. Please understand that every single one of you are appreciated, adored, and treasured beyond measure. It doesnât matter to me if youâll swear to never read anything from me again; Iâm so grateful that youâve been around at all.Â
A firmer reminder: on next Sunday, July 25th, all of my fics except for the ones selected above will be deleted permanently.Â
As a recap, that includes the following:Â
from within these bonds of silk and gold ( BNHA | DabiDeku )
In This Eternal Reverie ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon )
Oubaitori ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
Lex Talionis ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
Where the Stars Burn Brightest ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
Synthesis ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
Alexithymia ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
Aphiemi ( BNHA | BakuDeku )
The entire Afterschool Library Chronicle:
Pedagogy ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â
Beleaguerment ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â
Punctilious ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â
Espial ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â
Safeguard ( Hunter x Hunter | KilluGon)Â
It will be hard parting with these fics, but this is a new chapter.Â
Thank you for understanding.Â
My DMs are open. Iâll be responding the whole weekend to inbox messages and direct messages.Â
Please donât hesitate to reach out.Â
Iâll answer any inquiries/questions you may have.Â
Thank you for being a part of this journey at all.Â
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Travelers, merchants, troupe members, servants of the castle, of the king, even, were often chosen to transport the most dangerous criminals from this very fortress embedded in the mountains, where guard dogs as large and menacing as dragons were stationed and guardsmen were armored to the brim with wits and intellect that outmatched any soldier.
Editing notes:
First, we have to deal with the length of this single sentence. A run-on sentence can bore or confuse the reader. Sentences longer than 20 words tend to create unease amongst the reader base. This sentence is 55 words long, and likely, you had to read it through two or three times to completely understand everything. This sentence can be fixed with some simple changes, and those will make it much easier to read.
First we should separate this sentence into two.
First:
Travelers, merchants, troupe members, servants of the castle, of the king, even, were often chosen to transport the most dangerous criminals from this very fortress embedded in the mountains;
Here you have options, you can either use a period (.) or a semi-colon (;) to separate the sentences. It is really up to author preference, however because the second sentence is continuing along the same vein of thought, Iâve added a semi-colon. This sentence also includes an interesting phrase that really catches the readerâs eye, and breaks up a monotonous list nicely, âservants of the castle, of the king, even.â I really appreciate this wording, as it allows the readers to take a break and think about the groups listed, and it is a nice transition to the second half of the sentence.
Second:
Here, guard dogs as large and menacing as dragons were stationed, and guardsmen were armored to the brim with wits and intellect that outmatched any soldier.
I changed âwhereâ to âhereâ to adjust for the new sentence, and to allow for a more immediate view of the guards and guard dogs. They are âhereâ and not just an unknown âwhere.â The comma after âhereâ is necessary because it is a clarifying word, and technically is not necessary. The sentence functions perfectly well without it. Lastly, the comma between the two dependent clauses eliminates a comma splice and allows the two subjects to have their own space.
Overall, this story is very well written, and is very engaging. I highly recommend it to anyone intereseted in the Killugon ship, or anyone who just wants a good read. You can find it here.
Thanks for reading, and I hope that these tips help you future writers out there. Feel free to message me about any questions you have regarding writing, or if you have a story that you would like me to take a look at!
Got commissioned by the nicest @killushawn to illustrate the âWayward Soulsâ fic by amazing @driftingglass
Seriously, Iâm the worst artist you can commission from but he patiently waited for it to be finished and I am so happy they liked the result!
Thank you so much! It was a pleasure to draw it!
Holy shit, that green check mark @driftingglass...I canât believe itâs finally done, and I donât think Iâve ever been more proud of you in my life.Â
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
@driftingglass is my favorite person ever. Sheâs just so kind and so talented and her writing is incredible. Her bkdk fics are some of my favorite in the fandom!
âWhat do you want from me?â Killua whispers as Gon continues to stare at him. âIâve already given you my Heart. You can do whatever you want with it- you can kill me, force me to do your bidding, use my energy as your ownâŠI gave you everything, Gon. What more could I possibly give you that you donât already have?â
Something unreadable flashes across Gonâs face. He takes two large steps, marching right up to Killua, and cups Killuaâs jaw in his warm, warm hands.
Killuaâs breath catches in his throat. He feels his eyes grow large as Gon leans close, and then all he can see is Gon's wonderful, perfect face.
Gon says, voice deep and rough, "I want this."
This was written @driftingglass, who is not only a super talented writer and amazing person, but also a good friend of mine on here! Iâve been wanting to write a fic for her for ages, and I loved this au idea, so thus this fic was born! I hope you like it my friend <3
This fic was betaâd by @killushawn, bc Kaz has been pretty busy lately, but he really helped me with editing and making this fic sound better so a super big thank you to him for all of his input!!!Â
And thatâs it. Please enjoy ^-^
Killua is in the sun-room when it happens.
âSir.â
Killua looks up, feeling his pulse skyrocket and his throat tighten until he can barely breathe. Thereâs a strange throbbing in the center of his chest. It swells and aches as Killuaâs guard approaches, dragging in a grizzly man by the collar of his dirt-covered green shirt.
âI caught this rat sneaking around the horses,â the guard snarls and tosses the captive onto the carpet. The emerald-clad man rolls over a few times before skidding to a stop at Killuaâs feet.
Killua doesnât move; he barely even hears what the guard is saying. He canât tear his eyes away from the all-too-familiar brown spikes as his guard continues to report in the background-
â- was sneaking through the luggage, caught him just as he reached the center carriage.â
Finally, Killua forces himself to raise his gaze. His guardâs expression is hard but his tone softens into something resembling reassurance when he says, âWe donât think he took anything of importance, sir.â
Killua swallows around the lump in his throat. âThatâsâŠgood to hear.â
He already knows nothing was stolen. Why would this seemingly apparent stranger take anything when he already has Killuaâs most valuable possession?
âSir?â
Killua blinks, refocusing on the guard. âYes?â
âWe wanted to know how his punishment should be carried out.â
Ice shoots down Killuaâs spine. Punishment? No, that couldnât happen- âThat wonât be necessary.â
The guard frowns. âMister Zoldyck, this man must be punished. Stealing from a Noble Star-born is-â
âI know the rules,â Killua says coldly and the guard shuts up. âI never said there wouldnât be consequences. Iâll be the one to deal with him.â
Shock floods the guardâs face, followed quickly by horror. âSir, no, you canât-â
âI can do whatever I want, whenever I want.â Killua lifts his hand and lets a spark of electricity escape from under his nails. The crackling light dances between his fingers, coiling over his skin like a snake. Fizzing spreads through the air and the room is filled with the smell of ozone.
âDo I need to remind you just who holds the power here?â Killua asks the guard softly, dangerously, and the guard visibly pales.
âN-No, sirâŠâ
âGood.â Killua snaps his fingers and the electricity disappears. His skin twinges and smarts but he hides it under the perfectly-encrypted mask his oldest brother so insistently taught him to wear like a second skin. It wouldnât be so difficult- or painful- to use his magic with a Heart, but some things canât be helped.
The guard is still standing there. Killua jerks his head towards the door. âYou can go now.â
âSir. Please. I canât leave you alone with him.â The guard keeps his ground. Killua is begrudgingly impressed, but-
This guard just picked the absolute worst time to push Killuaâs buttons.
âI said-â Killua snarls, lips twisting and eyes flashing electric blue, â-leave. Now!â
The guard bolts. He darts past the double doors in record time, slamming them shut so hard the windows shake.
For a few seconds, thereâs silence. The sound of crashing waves rolls in from the balcony, bringing with it a smell of sea-salt that is sharp enough to taste. Warm, golden sunlight drapes across Killuaâs shoulders and hangs gracefully down his arms.
Itâs only Gon Freecssâ light snickering that finally makes Killua look down.
âStill scary as ever-â Gon finally lifts his face, honey-brown gaze alight with joy, â-huh, Killua?â
Something hot coils inside Killuaâs gut at being the center of the other manâs shining gaze. Itâs strange, alien. He hasnât felt anything like it in the four years, not since he said goodbye to Gon under a canopy of stars.
Speaking of which.
âWhat are you doing here, Gon?â Killua asks sharply. He steps back as Gon braces himself against the floor and nimbly jumps into a standing position. He doesnât stare at the way Gonâs muscles glisten in the reflecting sunlight. He doesnât notice the strong curve of Gonâs jaw, or the broadness of his chest.
Killua definitely does not pay attention to the tiny sliver of bronze skin that appears above Gonâs waistline when he stretches his arms behind his back. Nope. Not at all.
A chuckle.
Killua darts his eyes back to Gonâs and flushes at the smug grin he sees there.
âWhat?!â he snaps as his skin prickles and burns. That bastard. He knew what he was doing-
âNothing,â Gon half-laughs, half-hums. âI just heard you were in the neighborhood, so I came to check the situation out for myself. Itâs nice to know the rumors were true for once.â
Killua grounds his teeth together. âYou shouldnât be here.â
Gon cocks his head to the side, throwing half of his face into the sunlight and painting it gold. âWhy not? If youâre here, then thatâs where I should be, too!â
And just like that- with a few choice words and that unique, one hundred percent pure sincerity that only Gon could pull off- the air is stolen from Killuaâs lungs. For a moment he is fourteen again, high on life and drunk from being in the presence of Gon Freecss for more than a little too long.
Killuaâs body tingles. Blood rushes through his veins and every part of him burns, aches, wants. Gon makes him feel things. And it is that reason alone that makes him dangerous.
âNo,â Killua says, forcing his hands to uncurl themselves from their claws. He chooses to ignore the darkness that enters Gonâs eyes as he continues, âItâs not where you should be. I said goodbye to you a long time ago, and-â
âThat wasnât a goodbye,â Gon interrupts, and takes a daring step forward.
Killua doesnât allow himself to tense at the close proximity. Heâs above whatever game Gonâs trying to pull. He canât- wonât- let himself be pulled into Gonâs gravity again.
âWe literally said the word âgoodbyeâ, Gon!â Killua snaps at him. âI was only staying in your area for one summer! That was it! We both knew it was the end, there was nothing-â
âThatâs funny how you say âitâ.â Gon smiles, all teeth and flashing eyes as he moves closer to Killua again. âThat means you admit there was something between us then, too.â
Killuaâs face burns scarlet. The sunlight that was so comforting only a few minutes ago is suddenly oppressing, hot and uncomfortable. âThere was nothing then, and thereâs nothing now, okay?!â
âWhy are you blushing, then?â Gon leans into Killuaâs personal space. Killua flinches, eyes clamping shut and squeezing tight. He can feel the heat of Gonâs body and smell Gonâs strangely pine musk. It makes his mouth drier than the underwater dessert in the South and his hands clench into fists.
Killua doesnât know what heâs expecting to happen. Gon is in control of the situation because Killua, apparently, lacks any sense of self-preservation around the bronzen male.
But the sudden lift of Killuaâs headpiece resting atop his hair was certainly not it.
âWhy were you wearing that for?â Killua hears Gon wonder aloud. Killua jerks as warm, gentle hand runs through his white curls. âYour hair is so beautiful, why would you cover it upâŠâ
A light fluttering comes to life inside Killuaâs chest. He wants to fight it, the bizarre sensation making him feel oddly giddy and weightless. If he was still an adolescent, maybe he wouldnât.
Heâs not an adolescent, though. And neither is Gon. Killua already gave Gon everything he could ever possibly want. He had given Gon all of him, had surrendered his very core to the person standing in front of him now. So why exactly is Gon here?!
âItâs a circlet,â Killua says and is proud at the steadiness of his voice. âItâs required for Noble Star-borns to wear them, and the number of gems in the metal indicates the type of Star-born you are-â
Gon makes a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. He leans back with a deep scowl and Killua can finally breathe again.
âYouâre still listening to them, huh?â Gon asks, expression hard as stone.
âWh-What do you mean?â Killuaâs caught off guard. Heâs not used to that look on Gonâs face- the dark anger there, the fury hiding in the shadows of those incredible gold eyes.
Gon snaps, âI mean, youâre still listening to your familyâs orders!â
Killua recoils. âI- I am not-â
âDonât lie, Killua!â Gonâs bark makes Killuaâs mouth shut with a click. âYou were always doing that, trying to convince yourself that you werenât following the path they were dragging you down even though you never bothered to fight back-â
âI didnât have a choice,â Killua hisses, practically spitting fire at Gon, who seethes in return. An image rises to the front of Killuaâs mind: a girl with Killuaâs eyes but a brighter, kinder smile. Sheâs free now, he reminds himself as his stomach lurches and rolls. He made sure of that at least. But he himself is not free, and he doesnât know if he ever will be.
He refocuses on Gon with narrowed, smarting eyes. âI never had a choice! You were always oh-so-conveniently forgetting that when we were together-â
âThereâs always a choice!!! I gave you one, but you turned me down!â
Killua throws back his head and laughs. There isnât any humor in the sound; itâs loud, unhinged. It echoes around the room and crashes back onto their ears. Someone will surely hear and come running soon. But Killua doesnât care.
âExchanging Hearts at the age of fourteen,â he finally gasps, still trying to catch his breath while Gon stares at him with bared teeth and shaking fists. âDoes not count as a verifiable option, Gon. How do you think my family wouldâve reacted if Iâd come back that last night with your Heart hanging around my neck, huh?â
He turns his back on Gon, on that gut-wrenching expression of pain that stabs straight through his chest. He doesnât need to see his own emotions reflected in his childhood friendâs face.
Killua lifts his gaze to the copper-etched ceiling and tries to breathe in deep. He has to regain some sense of control before his emotions swallow him whole-
âThey wouldnât have been able to do anything, Killua.â Gonâs voice is softer than before, closer too. Killua doesnât need to turn around to feel Gonâs heavy, larger-than-life presence at his back. Gonâs fingers gently brush his knuckles but Killua yanks his hand away.
âDonât,â he bites out before stomping out of the sunlit room and onto the balcony. The long fabric hanging from his waist billows in the sea breeze as he clutches at the balcony railing like itâs a lifeline and gazes out at the horizon.
The sky is impossibly blue here in the East and the water stretching out in front of him is bluer still. Waves kiss golden sand while crowds from the other domains snake between ancient buildings carved from hardened stone. The temperature is perfect; not too hot or humid, a taste of salt in the air and not a single cloud for miles.
Itâs paradise. Or it would be, if Killua hadnât come to this place on his familyâs request, at his parentsâ orders. And even with the heavy weight of the Zoldyck name on his shoulders this place might still have been paradise, if only Gon Freecss hadnât decided to crash headfirst back into Killuaâs life and torture him needlessly.
Said torturer steps quietly onto the balcony.
âKillua,â Gon whispers and Killuaâs fingers curl on rough stone.
He hates the way Gon says his name- part longing, part awed, part song-like. Gon says his name and Killua feels himself melt along the edges.
Gon has the power to destroy him. He always did. And if that fact hadnât changed after four years of no contact, it probably never would.
âWhat do you want, Gon?â Killua asks bitterly. He refuses to turn around, knowing that heâll lose himself in those honey-glazed eyes the moment he does. âWhy are you here?â
âYou mean, you donât know?â
Killua grits his teeth and keeps his eyes on the horizon, where the sky meets the sea. âDonât know what, Gon?! Spit it out before I tell the guards to come back in here.â
âYou wonât do that.â
Killua fights down the urge to grab a fistful of Gonâs green tunic and hurl him head-first over the railing. âWhat do you know?! You canât just go around making assumptions about me when we havenât talked in four years!â
âIâm not making assumptions. You havenât changed a bit.â
Killua canât stop himself from whirling around at that, a snarl on his lips. But he freezes in shock at the look in Gonâs face; Gon is gazing at him so gently, so tenderly and soft and, and, and open in a way that Killua could never be. Itâs a look full of longing, a look full of pulsing emotion that is nearly unbearable to comprehend. It makes Killuaâs breath catch in his throat and the aching comes back, twice as strong as before.
Gon, Killua thinks, full of yearning and a strange sort of pain. Every part of him wants nothing more than to fall into Gonâs arms and never leave. Gon is a sun, bright and mesmerizing, and Killua canât stop himself from falling into the freckled manâs gravity.
âWhat do you want from me?â Killua finally whispers as Gon continues to simply stare at him. âIâve already given you my Heart. You can do whatever you want with it- you can kill me, force me to do your bidding, use my energy as your ownâŠI gave you everything, Gon. What more could I possibly give you that you donât already have?â
Something unreadable flashes across Gonâs face. Itâs too quick for Killua to catch; he blinks and itâs disappeared. But by then Gonâs already taken two large steps, marching right up to Killua, and cups Killuaâs jaw in his warm, warm hands.
Killuaâs breath catches in his throat. He feels his eyes grow large as Gon leans close, and then all he can see is Gon's wonderful, perfect face.
âI want this,â Gon says, voice deep and rough, and crashes his lips against Killuaâs.
All thought in Killuaâs mind vanishes. Heâs responding to the heated, hungry movement of Gonâs mouth before his brain can catch up and his eyes flutter shut of their own accord. He opens his mouth, winds his arms around Gonâs neck, and presses his body flush against Gonâs.
The way Gon kisses him is fierce, aggressive, almost desperately so. He grips Killuaâs face so tightly that Killua wouldnât be able to pull away even if he wanted to. Itâs like Gonâs been waiting the last four years for this exact moment, like heâs been thinking about nothing except Killua since the day they said goodbye and he wonât ever let Killua go now that he has him back in his arms.
Killuaâs hands twist into claws as he grips the back of Gonâs shirt. He really wouldnât mind it if that were the case- heâd thought about Gon more in their time apart than he would ever admit. Heâd daydreamed about kissing Gon like this even back when theyâd still known each other, when theyâd been two reckless teenagers with an entire summer to waste falling in love.
Killua had loved Gon since the first day they met. It had been a fast and hard kind of love; heâd woken up one day and suddenly all he could think about was that freckled face, that wide smile. That was why heâd given Gon his Heart in the first place, because he loved him. He had wanted some piece of him to stay with Gon even after he left for good.
And heâd never once regretted it.
âKillua,â Gon murmurs into Killuaâs lips, tone awed and full of wonder, and Killua moans quietly. Gonâs fingers dig indents into his skin and suddenly Gon is kissing him harder than before, forcing Killua to back up against the railing with no room to escape. Gon doesnât give Killua the chance to catch his breath. He just keeps kissing him and kissing him and kissing him like the world is ending and Killua is the only thing keeping him alive.
Killuaâs so lightheaded that he doesnât realize how weak his legs are until his knees buckle. Gon swiftly sweeps him into his arms before Killua can even start to fall. He clutches Killua to his chest and presses his mouth to the curve of Killuaâs neck.
âWhy didnât you stay with me?â Gon says into his skin and Killuaâs head swims.
âIâŠâ He swallows as Gonâs lips move slowly, tantalizingly, along his bare shoulder. âI d-didnât want you to get in t-troubleâŠmy family wouldâve-â
âI didnât care about them.â Gon pulls away to look directly into Killuaâs wide eyes. âI cared about you. I still do. If youâd accepted my Heart back then like Iâd accepted yours, they wouldnât have been able to take it off you. Only the Heartâs owner or the receiver can do that. We wouldâve been together instead of me spending the last four years searching for you.â
Killuaâs body tingles where Gonâs touched him. His mouth is swollen and his cheeks are hot, flushed. Heâs still too stunned by their kiss to do anything but watch wordlessly as Gonâs hand reaches for his neck. Gon pulls at the silver chain resting against his bronze skin and Killua stops breathing.
The pendant hanging at the end of Gonâs necklace has changed since Killua last saw it. His Heart was smaller four years ago, a dull azure circle dotted with specks of white. It wasnât plain, but it didnât stand out either.
Now, though. Now Killuaâs Heart is a sharp, jutted shape. It zig-zags like a lightning bolt and glows with a brilliant shade of electric blue. It pulses in Gonâs palm and the strange emptiness inside of Killua throbs in kind.
Killua lets out a shuddering breath. âYou still have it.â
Gon smiles, bemused. âDid you think I wouldnât?â
âI didnât know what to think,â Killua says honestly. He almost canât believe heâs seeing his Heart after so long. He feels like heâs floating in a dream, but Gonâs other hand is hot on Killuaâs waist and Killua canât dream up the way his blood races from Gonâs touch.
âThis is your Heart, Killua,â Gon says. He curls his fingers around the lightning-shaped jewel and warmth spreads through Killuaâs limbs. âI would never take it off. I would never risk the chance of losing it.â
âOr letting someone else take it?â Killua says faintly and Gon shakes his head.
âI would kill the man who tried,â he says calmly. Heâs one-hundred percent serious- the flat, lifeless look in his eye is enough to convince Killua that heâs telling the truth- and chills race down Killuaâs spine.
Secretly though, heâs glad. Killua had chosen well in giving his Heart to Gon. It would be safe resting around Gonâs neck, even if it did look like Gon was sworn to Killua as a result.
Killuaâs cheeks prickle and burn at the thought. His pulse starts to race and he bites his bottom lip. People only exchange Hearts in rare circumstances, and usually only with those they intend to spend the rest of their life with. Itâs the highest form of trust, a bond that can never be broken. A personâs Heart is their lifeline, their energy, their very soul. Destroy a Heart and you destroy the person as well.
Heart exchanges are more common among Star-borns, of course, since exchanging Hearts gives them a boost in their natural magical abilities. Wearing anotherâs Heart doubles a personâs magical reserve and makes excellent fighting partners. Heart exchanges for Star-borns are encouraged even if the match is only slightly fitting; as long as it allows them to better serve the Four Dimensions at the end of the day, thatâs all that matters.
And Gon is Star-born, just like Killua. Heâd never been officially registered as a magic-wielder as far as Killua knew, but that technically made it acceptable for him to wear Killuaâs Heart without any marriage vowsâŠ.
But only technically.
Killua ducks his head to hide the scarlet tinge of his face, letting his bangs flop over and hide his expression from Gonâs strangely piercing gaze. He needs to stop thinking like this, seriously. It isnât like he ever expected that Gon would want to marry him, that was just the wishful thinking of a lovesick fourteen-year-old-
Gonâs hand disappears from Killuaâs waist and something drops around Killuaâs neck.
A sudden surge of pure energy rushes through Killuaâs core, and his jaw drops in a soundless cry. His lungs open and fill with fresh, salt-soaked air and his eyes bulge. Colors pop around him, ten times more vibrant and intense than before. His very skin burns and his blood sings in his veins.
Itâs like heâs been struck by lightning. He feels like heâs stepped into the sun after years of being trapped in the darkness, like heâs suddenly seeing the world for the first time.
Breathing hard, Killua drops his gaze. There, resting against his chest is a speckled, golden feather.
Killuaâs mouth turns dry. His mind goes blank as he continues to stare down at the feather. He knows what heâs looking at, but at the same time he doesnât because the possibility that Gon would actually want to give him- give him this, is justâŠ
Itâs more than anything Killua ever dared to hope for. To have Gonâs Heart given to him so willingly by the person it belonged to was more than anything Killua ever dared to dream for.
Slowly, Killua raises his head. He gazes wordlessly at the owner of the Heart that is currently hanging around his neck. Gon just beams at him, practically glowing with a kind of inner light, and Killua almost breaks down right then and there.
âGon,â he croaks, voice barely audible. âYouâŠwhy?â
Gonâs expression softens. He reaches out to gently tuck a stray white lock behind Killuaâs ear, saying, âI told you I wanted to give you this four years ago, Killua. Even though you left before I could, my feelings never changed. Everything is right, now; I have your Heart, and you have mine. This is how itâs always meant to be, donât you think?â
Thereâs a lump in the back of Killuaâs throat. He doesnât know how to respond to that even if he could talk. Heâs overwhelmed with emotions- more intense and bold now with the life of Gonâs Heart flowing through him- and he can barely nod. His vision goes blurry and his eyes sting.
Warm, calloused fingers touch his cheeks. Thatâs all the warning Killua gets before Gonâs lips are on his again. Killua submits to Gon easily, loving the thrill that rushes through his body at the way Gon drags him closer. He can feel so much more now with Gonâs Heart around his neck. Every sensation is multiplied by a thousand and heâs drowning in everything that Gon is; the calloused texture of his skin and the softness of his hair in Killuaâs fists, the faint taste of orange on Gonâs tongue. Gon clings to him in a way thatâs almost needy, a desperate want in the way his hands rake down Killuaâs sides and grip his waistâŠ
Killua is so overwhelmed that he doesnât even register the pounding of boots until Gon abruptly pulls back with a gasp. Killua doesnât have the time to blink before Gon is forcibly spinning him around to face his closed door. Killua hisses in pain as Gon yanks one of his hands behind his back, then goes still a second later when Gon presses a silver dagger to his exposed neck.
âDo you trust me?â Gon breathes in Killuaâs ear, chest heaving against Killuaâs shoulder blades.
Killua rolls his eyes Gonâs question. The dagger is cold on his skin but he pays it no mind. âDonât be an idiot, Gon. Youâre wearing my Heart, arenât you?â
Gonâs low laugh is lost in the loud BANG that echoes around the room. Soldiers pour into the room, each bearing different weapons ranging from swords to whips to axes. They all freeze the moment they spot Killua and Gon.
âHello, gentlemen!â Gon says cheerfully and Killua holds back a snort. âHow are you all doing on this fine day?â
One of the men steps forward- the head guard, the one with the real power here. His gaze slowly sweeps over them, eyes narrowing into slits when they land on Gonâs dagger.
âWe demand that you release Mister Zoldyck,â he commands coolly. âHe is our Masterâs esteemed guest, and we would prefer to keep him unharmed while he stays here.â
âOoooo, esteemed, huh?â Gon shifts behind Killua, loosens his grip slightly so Killuaâs arm wonât fall asleep. âFancy. Well, unfortunately for your master, Iâm taking Killua with me whether or not anyone âprefersâ it. So, if you could please just point us how to get out of this place-?â
The guard barks out, âWe canât allow you to do that. Mister Zoldyck is needed here.â
Gon huffs. His breath brushes the shell of Killuaâs ear and Killua fights down a shudder. He has an idea of where this conversation is headed, and itâs not going to be pretty when Gon finds out the reason Killua is here in the first place-
âAnd why is that, exactly?â Gon asks, voice hard, and Killua grimaces at his companionâs tone.
âKillua Zoldyck is promised to wed our Masterâs heir!â The guard snaps his fingers and one of his men swiftly levels an arrow in their direction. âNow, release him! I wonât hesitate to shoot you down!â
Gonâs breathing stills. Killua gnaws his bottom lip anxiously, stomach twisting into knots while he waits for Gonâs response. Blood roars in his ears as the heavy silence in the room stretches on and on, tension swelling until itâs nearly unbearable.
Killua forces himself to stay still even as his mind whirls. What is Gon thinking? He has to know that marrying a stranger was never Killuaâs choice. Like he could ever promise himself to anyone after meeting Gon-
Finally, Gon speaks and chills scatter down Killuaâs spine at his next words.
âKillua isnât marrying anyone,â Gon says and icy fear steals the air straight from Killuaâs lungs. Heâs never heard Gon talk like that before; voice low and dark, a slight growl underlying every syllable. Itâs menacing, dangerous. Itâs a blatant threat and Killua winces when Gonâs grip on his wrist tightens protectively.
The guard has enough sense to stiffen at the fatal warning in Gonâs response. A swell of nervous muttering spreads through the men but a single hand from the leader forces them to stop.
âThat,â he says and Killua is impressed once more at the firmness in his stance. âIs not up to you, young man. This is the last time Iâll say this: release Mister Zoldyck and step away-â
âI think itâs time we go, Killua.â Gon sharply tugs on Killuaâs arm and suddenly Killua is stumbling backwards. âEnjoy the rest of your day, gentlemen!â
The pressure on his wrist vanishes and a strong, muscular arm wraps itself around Killuaâs waist. A second arm sweeps his legs out from underneath him and Killua gasps quietly. Gon cradles him to his chest securely, skin warmer than the sunlight around them, then braces his legs.
Killuaâs eyes widen as understanding crashes over him. Oh, no. No, no, no, no-
The ground disappears and Killua yelps. He scrambles to grasp at Gonâs shoulders as the balcony shrinks below them to the size of his thumb. Wind tears through his hair, pulls at his clothes, and Gonâs melodic laughter is loud in his ears.
âGON!!!â he shrieks at the top of his lungs but Gon only laughs harder. Theyâre starting to fall now, gravity taking effect. Killua squeezes his eyes shut in a vain attempt to keep himself from panicking. âShit, fuck, shit-â
âYou need to calm down, Killua! Weâre going to be fine!â Gon says brightly and itâs only because Killua is terrified of splattering on the sand like an egg that he doesnât strangle Gon right then and there.
âDonât tell me to calm down!â Killuaâs voice is twice as high as it usually is and he canât stop the choking fear from crawling up his throat. âDo something, idiot, weâre going to die!!!â
âI thought you said you trusted me?â
âI do, dumbass! But crashing to the ground just because you couldnât keep your temper and dying in the most stupid way possible is a totally different matter!â
Gonâs chest vibrates with a low hum. The screeching wind dies down and the nauseating lurch in Killuaâs stomach lessons. Killua tightens his grip on Gonâs shoulder- he can feel himself shaking, damnit- before hesitantly opening his eyes.
It takes him a moment to realize what exactly heâs seeing. A few seconds passes and then Killua gasps, stunned.
âDo you get it now?â Gon asks, sounding like heâs trying to hold back another bout of laughter.
âYou!!!â Killua punches Gon in the chest and Gon makes an oof-ing sound. âMoron! Why didnât you tell me you could fly?!â
âIt never came up in conversation?â Gonâs feet slowly touch sand. The sound of crashing waves is all around them and the sunâs rays feel even stronger here than they did on the balcony. That does nothing, however, to melt away the irritated anger building up inside of Killua as Gon continues, âWe only just reunited, Killua. I couldnât tell you everything in that short amount of time, you know.â
Killua scowls and shoves himself out of Gonâs arms. He hates it when Gon is the reasonable one. âYou could have at least told me when we were falling to our death!â he snaps and brushes grains of sand off the weird half-skirt bottom heâd been ordered to wear here.
âMaybe. But we turned out fine, didnât we?â Gonâs fingers grasp Killuaâs chin and forces him to look directly into his eyes. âDid you really think Iâd let you fall, Killua?â he asks softly. Thereâs an intensity shining in those golden depths. It makes something hot burn deep inside Killuaâs chest and turns his legs weak and limp.
Killua swallows thickly. Shit. He couldnât do anything against that look, four years hadnât changed that. âN-NoâŠâ
Gon smiles. âGood.â He presses a light kiss to Killuaâs lips. Itâs over before Killua can respond, leaving his head spinning and his blood racing.
Gon slips his hand into Killuaâs. âLetâs get out of here, okay? We should put as much distance between us and those soldier guys as possible before the sun sets.â
Gon tugs him forward and Killua stumbles. âYouâre in a rush,â he comments between pants as Gon pulls him towards the townâs stone structures. Heâs winded and breathless, but he doesnât mind all that much; he has a feeling that heâll be like this more often now that heâs with Gon again.
ââCourse! Thereâs no way Iâm letting you marry someone thatâs not me!â
Killua almost trips. âG-Gon!â he shouts, flushing a deep scarlet.
But Gon just grins widely. His head is silhouetted by the sun, lighting up his skin like heâs made from gold and Killua feels a swooping sensation not unlike the one he had when Gon and he were falling through the sky.
A surge of happiness rushes through him and Killua smiles, letting himself feel every ounce of joy growing in his body. Gonâs Heart bounces against his chest and shines in the sunlight as Gon squeezes his hand tightly.
Killua had lost his Heart four years ago, when he fourteen years old. He gave it away- as a gift, as a promise- and never once looked back.
And now he knows he never will. His Heart returned to him under the most unexpected circumstances, but thatâs Gon, and Killua wouldn't have it any other way.
Like I promised, all selected works I announced on this post have been deleted.Â
There are 7 remaining works, with 6 completed, and one unfinished work recently published in October, 2021. Iâm considering that part of this ânew chapterâ phase of my fanfic authorship. Though calling it an âauthorshipâ seems kind of pretentious at this point...
Anyway. Thank you for understanding and being so supportive. The response has been full of kindness, patience, and gratitude that feels undeserved. Fanfic writers everywhere are lucky to have readers like you.Â
If youâre interested in the future of this blog, my AO3 account, and more to potentially come your way, read on...
Iâll be changing my AO3 author name and Tumblr username.
This one has been sort of a long-time coming. Iâve thought of a few names, but nothing has stuck as of yet. When that comes, Iâll announce what my new username will be on Tumblr, so that anyone who follows me knows that the name will change 24 hours after that.Â
The first new fanfic I will publish under this new name and phase will be a BakuDeku story.Â
The first chapter will be posted in September. Iâll be doing a week of announcements and plenty of teasers all throughout August regarding the summary, plot, etc. The outline is near-complete, and the story itself will end up around 20 chapters.Â
There will be an established publishing schedule to stay consistent.
I havenât decided yet if it will be a one week or two week turnaround. It all depends on my work schedule, my personal life, and my original writing projects. Iâll have a better idea when the time comes.Â
Yes, there will be one fic I work on at a time. This will prevent the issue of impulsively publishing fics that I love that get a lot of attention, but end up never finishing.Â
I will only be working on one fic at a time.Â
This is part of me learning how to handle my mental illness more responsibly so I can better respect your expectations as a reader. I hope you can understand.
So when that new fic is published in September, I will focus solely on that until itâs completed.Â
I may start a Patreon account.Â
BUT ONLY IF... readers (both old and new) are interested in this.Â
This is by absolutely no means a requirement. This is only if people are interested in a concept like a private Discord server (to ask questions about fics, chat, share ideas, etc.), a view into chapters a week before they publish (depending on the schedule), or anything else that may come as exclusive.Â
Iâm not even sure if Iâll do this, yet. Was just an idea that might be fun if readers want to feel a part of a community. We will see.Â
Let me know if this is of interest. If not, Iâll sweep it under the rug and never bring it up again.Â
Iâll be way more active on Tumblr to answer questions, talk to new readers, engage with communities Iâve left for a long time, etc.
Iâm still very much a fandom loner, but I want to be more open in engaging in conversations if thatâs something of interest.Â
Want to say another thank you.
To the readers, writers, and celebrators of storytelling who have not only supported me, but anyone else who has chosen to go through these tough decisions and are deciding to reinvent themselves for a new chapter.Â
I want to write better for you, and deliver stories that you deserve.