He’s been making his way forward because there’s nowhere else to go. He’s in the same singed and soot stained clothing, listlessly walking, his feet bloodied and scabbing over, his face dirty, burnt in places from remaining too close to the conflagration, frozen in fear, unable to move… He had been walking for days because there was nothing else to do. He didn’t even notice another person on the path until they spoke, and his dull eyes fluttered before looking up.

At once it’s as if the flames are coming ever closer, again, don’t look..his muscles tensed, feeling vulnerable, & he’s back at his burning town, sending a desperate plea that the man there, on the komodo rhino would not see him    (please please don’t let him see me)..but then the man had turned slowly and  ▉▉ ‘s breath caught in his throat, his heart hammering loud in silent terror, he was prey caught in the maw of the predator, about to be consumed…and the man saw him, he saw him, please please no..he locked eyes with him, a sharp gaze and he knows everything is over-- I’m going to die.

send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on

hoo boy you’re really making me work with this one.

So in his youth, Ozai was actually an incredibly active, hyper, and usually happy child.  To put it bluntly, he was a fucking menace for the servants to handle, almost always trying to get involved in something he probably shouldn’t be into, already showing signs of ambition and lack of empathy from a very young age. 

Unfortunately, lack of support, a generally dismissive environment, and growing fear quickly caused those negative traits to take root, slowly suffocating any joy the child felt, giving way to growing ambition and anger issues.  

Anyways.

Since that’s a cheap answer, I’ve been sitting on this a while.

I think the expected conclusion is that Ozai is not a happy man.

Pride?  Satisfaction?  Schadenfreude?  Arrogance?  All similar emotions that Ozai isn’t unfamiliar with, but also ones that don’t quite capture the true essence of happiness.  

Honestly?  It seems counter-intuitive, but the conclusion I’ve come to is actually that Ozai enjoys the simple things.  Which I suppose makes some degree of sense.  He grew up as a royal, he had wealth all his life.  It’s never really made a difference, so why would it make him happy now?

He enjoys the sunlight on his skin.

He enjoys the slight tension after a workout.

He enjoys the gentle warmth of a cup of tea.

He enjoys flowers (though would rather burn them to ash than admit this).

Sometimes, if he happens to like you, he enjoys just sitting quietly in your presence.  (In private conversation I once described trying to befriend Ozai akin to befriending a wild dog.  If he’s not actively trying to maul you, you’re doing fairly well.)

He enjoyed the vacations to Ember Island, away from the watchful scrutiny of his father and the all-encompassing shadow of his brother.  

In some way, he even enjoyed raising his children--in the way that these are his, he raised these, he did his duty in ensuring the future of the Fire Nation.

There are a few rare moments that he enjoyed spending time with Iroh.  He buries these memories deep into the recesses of his mind.

I don’t think this quite addressed the prompt, but I think pinpointing a specific memory is difficult given his nature.  

If you asked him this question, he’d probably claim to be happy with everything.

...

a hum while he thinks it over ( though, truthfully, it isn’t a hard question to answer about a boy he’s loved for years ), a finger tapping idly on the table where they sit. azula’s a tough one, a clever girl who expects nothing but the best out of her beloved cousin’s partner. and, as much as it intimidates him ( it’s been so long since a child could intimidate him. she’s such a marvel! such an intelligent, articulate young girl! ), iruka feels pride in being viewed as worthy enough of lu ten to have earned her questions. he suspects that, had he already been deemed unsatisfactory, he wouldn’t be sitting here with the princess at all.

“lu ten is someone i have known for what feels like forever. his companionship is so familiar to me, it’s as if i don’t know any other way to live. he’s courageous, he’s intelligent, and he challenges me in every aspect of myself, in ways that help me grow. he keeps me learning. and he lets me teach him, too. he’s receptive to what i have to say, he listens so fully when i speak to him. lu ten is kind, but he’s fierce, protective. he makes me feel safe, and that is such a luxury, i’m sure you know. he’s always near when i’m fearful or nervous. he likes to be near, even if i’m sad, even if i don’t want to speak at all. he still wants to be near me.”

“i’m protecting us both.” this is the closest they’ve gotten to putting into words what exists between them. this conversation is dangerous, and iruka speaks in a hushed voice, in vague statements, to keep it from spiralling out of control. like a carefully contained flame, they’ve danced around the subject for years. innocent ( or not-so-innocent ) glances and fingers intertwined underneath the table- it’s easy enough to hide, so long as they refrain from mentioning what it means. and iruka is content ( thought he was content, but his heart is in his throat, his stomach twists with fear, with longing, with something unrecognizable, and he’s suddenly not so sure ) to leave it unspoken. but the closer lu ten moves towards saying it aloud, towards recognizing their feelings and the problems these feelings bring about, the closer they inch towards disaster.

iruka swallows the lump in his throat; he can’t quite find the words. he’s never been good at ignoring his heart, which he wears so openly, shares so freely with others. but this is about survival, and not just his own ( though, he has to assume the fire lord would surely have his head for this; the commoner boy who’s been caught fooling around with the crown prince ). he’ll learn to swallow back those budding feelings for the sake of them both.

they’ve come for naruto, two men in black and red. he’s already sent the boy off and running, letting him slip out the back window and giving him firm instructions to head straight for the hokage’s tower. and iruka can take solace in the fact that, while he’ll most assuredly meet his end here, neither naruto or lu ten will be hurt by the akatsuki. not tonight, at least. besides, he’s determined to go down swinging, if only to hold them off from chasing after naruto. he wastes no time before lunging at the man in front ( the one not armed with a giant club ). the element of surprise is all he has to give him an advantage against these shinobi who’s skills far surpass his own, so he’ll make use of his speed, his fearlessness in combat. he’s wielding a kunai, charging, hoping he’ll be able to land just one hit before either of them gut him.

but it’s not the slash of a weapon that brings iruka’s movements to a halt; it’s a hand and two piercing red eyes. the man’s sudden grip on his wrist is more surprising than it is strong, and the shock of it, the confusion of how he could have moved faster than his eye could track, has iruka flicking his gaze up to his opponent’s face. it’s then, face to face with the sharingan, that he realizes who this particular akatsuki is. all he has time to say before he’s pulled under the influence of the genjutsu is “uchiha.”