#dr. steinwald

Flat fuck Friday

The stitches my surgeon (and I assume most, if not all others use) are dissolvable and are sutured under your skin. There are no visible stitches sticking out.

Yet, these clear stitches that are designed to eventually dissolve through a simple and natural process of being under your skin, sometimes poke through your skin and can't dissolve. After my top surgery and my revisions I had a couple lingering stitches that poke out and eventually I have to tweeze out like an ingrown hair

I had my revisions on November of last year. 7 months later and I just found a stubborn stitch sticking out under my right arm.

Yup. Best thing I ever did, but I put it off for YEARS because: 

1) I’m not really a man and I thought most therapists would only approve binary-identified trans men for this kind of thing. But then I actually, ya know, WENT TO A THERAPIST and it turns out she treated me like a person instead of like a category.

2) My dad asked me to wait for him to die before altering my body. He later apologized for this request.

3) Dollars. I work as a barista and surgery is by far the most expensive thing I’ve ever paid for entirely by myself. (College tuition cost more, but I had a lot of help with that!)

self-confidence is at an absurdly high level for the moment, even if my packer was up to some shit in this picture

When I went in for my consultation, Steinwald and I talked a bit about his accessibility as a surgeon willing to work with non-FTM patients, that is to say, any trans person that does not identify as female-to-male. His informed consent model, rather than the therapist letter model, opens the door to this surgery to any and all neutrois, genderqueer, genderneutral, non-binary, androgynous, Female-to-neutral (FTN) people out there that are seeking top surgery. He wasn’t fully aware of this, even though some of his patients have been neutrois. I gave him the blog name for neutrois.me, which is where I found (well D found) Steinwald in the first place.

After surgery, the day I got my drains out, we talked some more about his inadvertent contribution to the neutrois community. I suggested to him that if he advertised his informed consent model more and explicitly expressed that he would perform this surgery on not only FTMs, but on any trans person interested that qualified, then he would be getting quite a few more people interested in his practice. Not only does he use the inverted anchor style, which leaves the chest with more sensitivity, but it allows for the nipple to remain intact and with the possibility of nipple sensation in the future. Other doctors, such as Dr. Garramone, employ the nipple graft and double incision technique, which leaves the chest flat, but with scars that seem unnecessarily long and with grafted nipples instead of sensitive nipples.

He mentioned starting a page on his website devoted to neutrois or genderqueer individuals who had this surgery with him. After I explained to him the difficulties and price of traveling for this surgery he talked about traveling to a city/hospital on either coast every now and again, or maybe once a year, to perform a few surgeries for trans people who can’t afford the travel cost to Illinois.

Alright. I'm home.

I had top surgery with Dr. Paul Steinwald from Lake Forest Plastic Surgery on May 16, 2013. I am now 12 days post-op. I'm feeling pretty good. 

Here is the play by play of the relevant information that I can remember during the days immediately prior to and after surgery.

Night before Surgery: Since I had to travel a few states away for this surgery I didn't get to bring everyone with me that I would have liked. For instance, my significant other couldn't come with me for various reasons and the distance didn't help. So, as one would expect, the night before surgery was a little scary. I made a lot of phone calls and sent/received a lot of texts to/from people that I love and who support me. That helped, but really just trying to keep things normal helped the most. And also keeping my thoughts on what it would be like to be healed. 

Day of Surgery: So obviously I woke up early on the day of surgery. I got ready, had my bag of things ready, like my phone, wallet, stuffed animal, bendy straws, clothes, and paper work I needed. I put on some comfortable clothing and we headed out for the hospital. We being my mom, my twin, and my mom's best friend/my fake aunt sue sue. We came through the visitor's entrance and were directed by the very nice staff at the front desk where to go, actually a nice woman led us to the surgery floor. The staff fumbled a lot with the right pronoun to use, varying between her and him wildly, but I don't mind so long as they are kind, and that they were. So I signed my informed consent form (one of Steinwald's signatures is that he does not require a letter from a therapist for this surgery, he believes that adults can make choices and give informed consent on their own). After that they led me down to be weighed, get my bracelet, and I got my own room. They gave me a gown, a clothes bag, and hanging clothes  bag (that they let you keep). After I changed a nurse came in to get some autographs on some paperwork, ask a few questions about when I ate last, and things like that. They took my blood pressure, the "vampire" came in to draw some blood and that turned out to be the most painless blood taking I've ever experienced. I didn't feel a thing. Then another nurse came in to give me an IV, which was also a painless event. I felt the pinch of the numbing needle and then nothing  else. They are a well trained staff at that hospital. The anesthesiologist came in after that and he was a very pleasant man. He asked me a million medical history questions, had me sign another form, his nurse, Rose, came in, and then it was just the wait for Dr. Steinwald. Every single person was kind and patient and took their time with me and answered any questions I had, and made sure to ask if I had any. Dr. Steinwald arrived twenty minutes or so later, he marked my chest, got a few pictures of the old chest, made sure I wanted a completely flat chest and then left so that I could be brought back to the operating room. Rose came in with the Valium type drug, I said good bye to my family, she injected the drug, which hit fast, I felt calm, they wheeled me back, had me lay down on the surgery bed/table, and the next thing I know I'm waking up in recovery. 

I had a very hard time waking up after surgery. You know in dreams when your eyelids are too heavy and you have a hard time keeping them open? That was real life for me. I couldn't stay awake or keep my eyes open. My nose and eyes were super itchy, but they wouldn't let me scratch them because it's hard to understand pressure when you are in a post-anesthesia state. They said I had a anesthesia hang over, which means I'm super tired, nauseated, and slow. So after hours in recovery and draining 4.5 bags of IV fluid, I finally went to the bathroom and could somewhat coherently communicate with my family. The anesthesia hangover outweighed any pain or discomfort I felt in my chest, because I don't even remember that stuff very well. They let me go home, I threw up in the car (into a bag in the car), we got back to the hotel at a snail's pace to avoid too much jostling and I laid down and was pretty much out. 

The next day we went by the doctor's office to have the post-surgery check, everything was fine. He talked about drainage and when I should get the drains out and then we were gone. I had my first shower two days post-op, which was an ordeal, but not that bad. And four days post-op I had my drains out. It was all pretty quick and relatively painless. Of course there was a lot of discomfort with tightness and feeling sore, but really, with the help of Vicodin and rest, it just felt like I had worked out my pectoral muscles too hard doing the butterfly or something and then I put on a super tight binder. After the drains came out everything was a million times more comfortable.  

I'M GETTING TOP SURGERY.

I definitely haven't been great at keeping up with this tumblr. As you can see the last post was in November. So maybe I am understating the matter, but I will update as regularly as possible. I'm moving away from home this summer so I will try to keep up with my new schedule.

In other news. I am getting top surgery with Dr. Steinwald. I scheduled it for the beginning of May. Everything has been paid for, the surgery, the anesthesiologist  the hospital, the hotel, the rental car, and the flights. This is definitely not a cheap option, but the best option for me. 

Dr. Steinwald is a great surgeon, he doesn't require a letter from a therapist, and he the type of surgery he does gives you a better chance of retaining nipple and chest sensation. 

I went for a consultation with Dr. Steinwald in December. He is not aware that he is neutrois friendly by offering top surgery on an informed consent model, but he is and I pointed him towards the blogs of some of his patients. So, maybe in the future he will cater more openly towards not only ftms but neutrois and genderqueers as well.

So that is the update. I'm finally getting the surgery. I'm wicked stoked. My binder is starting to wear down, on a hot day it smells like a gym sock taped to someone's taint during a five mile run. So i'm very excited to get the surgery over with and burn this thing. I would donate it to someone else who needs a binder, but honestly this thing isn't workable for another person, I don't think. It's losing its "bind." I will probably just donate money to a trans person in need of a binder instead. It's been a great binder for the last year though, in case anyone wants to check this company out it's, Double Design Co., mydouble.net. 

I'm also really excited to experience summer without so much clothing on. I will get to sport just a t-shirt this summer. I can walk around shirtless when it's too hot. I can finally be shirtless with my partner in crime, which I'm over the moon about.

So that is actually my update. I can't think of anything else I need to convey. If anyone has any questions about surgery with Dr. Steinwald or My Double binders, just send me an ask box thing.