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we have a donnie. but hes not My donnie. hes not my twin and i cant express how like. sad that makes me. because he SHOULD be enough and i love him of course i do but he isnt my donnie and i cant explain myself
-🔷⚔🌌 leo (kin. the donnie is a fictive, if you wanna tag that mpc. its chill if you dont ofc)
x
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I think this ended up being mostly a vent.
It’s so strange being a rottmnt fictive who became a new host after the last host disappeared a few weeks ago, someone I never even met because I split after they left. I had a life before this. I remember my old life and none of this one. I don’t want this. I’m pretty sure I was split to be a host, but why me? I didn’t ask for this. How am I supposed to do this when I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be? I’m a ninja turtle stuck in this human life I didn’t want.
School starts soon and I’ve never even been inside a school. Family events are happening with people I’ve never met, who deserve to have their actual family member at their events and not a ninja turtle pretending to be their family member. I’m lucky no one heard me call our bodily sibling Leo without thinking. Only two of our friends know it’s me and not the old host. Otherwise, I pretend. I respond to their name and pretend everything is okay. How am I supposed to pretend to be someone I never met? How can I pretend everything is okay when it’s not and might not ever be again? How can I even look at the other system members, let alone speak to them or ask them for help?
I used to think I knew everything, but I don’t know anything anymore. The world used to make sense. I don’t know anything. All I know now is I’m here, practically alone, and I miss my brothers. I do everything with them in mind. I can’t help thinking of them. I can’t move forward. I can’t move on. I know none of it was even real, but still I wake up every morning thinking of them. I never thought I’d miss those guys this much with how much they drove me crazy, but I miss them. I wish I could see them again.
-a Rise Donnie fictive
🐸
We just discovered a ROTTMNT Donnie fictive (cool dude btw)
None of us have ever watched Rise.
=
I feel like I’m not me enough to be talking to sourcemates. Like I know that’s bull, but I constantly feel like I’m not canon enough cause I don’t act exactly like myself because they wanted to talk to their brother! But instead they get stuck with me, someone who looks and sounds like their brother but doesn’t act the same. Guess I just feel guilty. Like I ruined their expectations. Sorry sourcemates -Donnie fictive (ROTTMNT)
'
Ah man, I miss my battle shell. It would have been especially helpful now as a human with no shell at all. I'm trying to avoid talking much in general but especially on Discord with Leo's friends. I need to remain hidden until the time is right. I need to be safe and silent. It's not that I fear something.... happening with our friends but I need a sense of safety and being hidden and remaining where I am in the headspace is good for that. Plus the biggest reason is due to not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable. Mikey doesn't talk a lot either but I think that's from a "I have nothing to contribute and I'm fine doing my own thing" instead. There may also be a future leonardo here, timeline crossing is weird so we're still trying to figure it out. Could very well just be consequences of time travel shenanigans from Leo's timeline. Could be (as much as he hates me saying it) a subsystem between the two. Just because you're the host right now doesn't mean you can't be a subsystem. We are not all just a system deriving from you, in a sense. You may have control for now but you gotta admit as much as I do that that could very well change. It's scary, for sure, but there's nothing we all can do about it. At least you've got your brothers here in a sense. This is.... becoming incoherent to me i think the lack of sleepis catching up to me. - Donnie, rottmnt fictive
'
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It’s weird to be here, alone. Although it’s even weirder seeing myself on screen, that and, people making little edits out of me and my siblings. They are well made don’t get me wrong, it’s just strange, especially of moments in our lives I personally would rather never think about again.
- Donnie. (fictive)
MAN i miss being cold blooded. mosquitoes wouldn't give a fuck about me if i was still a turtle. nooo i just had to have god's hottest body temp, huh? now they all BITE ME.
-donnie (rottmnt fictive) #⏳🌻
w
the old host used to be really fascinated by mind control plots.
but now, i think if i tried going back through any of them, i'd probably break down.
i guess its just the fact that "im being mind controlled by an evil hivemindlike entity and its making me almost kill someone i care about" and "i was part of a hivemind and it was pretty awful" hits too close to home.
-donnie fictive (rise of the tmnt) #⏳🌻
deet
