#dolorous edd

The Night's Watch

I spent a lot of time drawing it, because I needed some meditation💙

DolorousEdd

IronEmmett

Satin

JonSnow

BowenMarsh

SamwellTarly

MaesterAemon

+Ghost

First, five of the brothers keep voting for Three Finger Hobb in all the rounds because they hate his cooking so much they rather have him out of the kitchen and as Lord Commander!

Tonight it was Sam’s turn to give his results first. “Two hundred and three for Ser Denys Mallister,” he said. “One hundred and sixty-nine for Cotter Pyke. One hundred and thirty-seven for Lord Janos Slynt, seventy-two for Othell Yarwyck, five for Three-Finger Hobb, and two for Dolorous Edd.” Sam was more relieved than disappointed. Even with Bowen Marsh’s support, Lord Janos was still only third. “Who are these five who keep voting for Three- Finger Hobb?” he wondered. “Brothers who want him out of the kitchens?” said Clydas.

Even funnier Three Finger Hobb is taking the election seriously and campaigning by cooking them food!

Three-Finger Hobb had promised the brothers roast haunch of mammoth that night, maybe in hopes of cadging a few more votes. If that was his notion, he should have found a younger mammoth, Sam thought, as he pulled a string of gristle out from between his teeth. Sighing, he pushed the food away

Three Finger Hobb also got more votes than Dolorous Edd! Which, I guess, is not surprising, considering Edd gives one of the most depressing campaign speeches ever!

Dolorous Edd got up, stone-faced and glum as ever. “I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others.”

So who is voting for Edd? Pyp just for fun!

Pyp and his stupid japes

Stannis really, really hates Janos Slynt and does some anti-Slynt campaigning before the team leaders...

“Your Grace, let me say how pleased we are to be summoned here. When I saw your banners from the Wall, I knew the realm was saved. ‘There comes a man who ne’er forgets his duty,’ I said to good Ser Alliser. ‘A strong man, and a true king.’ May I congratulate you on your victory over the savages? The singers will make much of it, I know—” “The singers may do as they like,” Stannis snapped. “Spare me your fawning, Janos, it will not serve you.”

Maester Aemon is dropping all the hints to Sam and going 'I can't be seen choosing any one candidate but someone else can...' Wink Wink!

“The choosing . . . Maester, isn’t there something you could do? What the king said of Lord Janos . . .” “I recall,” Maester Aemon said, “but Sam, I am a maester, chained and sworn. My duty is to counsel the Lord Commander, whoever he might be. It would not be proper for me to be seen to favor one contender over another.” “I’m not a maester,” said Sam. “Could I do something?” Aemon turned his blind white eyes toward Sam’s face, and smiled softy. “Why, I don’t know, Samwell. Could you?”

Cotter Pyke's description of the candidates is hilarious:

“Who? Bowen Marsh? The man counts spoons. Othell’s a follower, does what he’s told and does it well, but no more’n that. Slynt . . . well, his men like him, I’ll grant you, and it would almost be worth it to stick him down the royal craw and see if Stannis gagged, but no. There’s too much of King’s Landing in that one. A toad grows wings and thinks he’s a bloody dragon.” Pyke laughed. “Who does that leave, Hobb? We could pick him, I suppose, only then who’s going toboil your mutton, Slayer? You look like a man who likes his bloody mutton.”

Denys Mallister does a Joe Biden and is like I am old so it's my turn and I deserve this job and also engages in some old-timey classism.

Also everyone hates Janos Slynt!

And this so-called Lord of Harrenhal is a butcher’s whelp upjumped by the Lannisters. Small wonder he is venal and corrupt.”

Sam then does some garden variety electoral fraud and using Ned's philosophy lies to both Denys and Cotter Pyke that Stannis means to chose the other man if no decision was made by that night and setting a deadline. Poor ol' Ned must be turning in his grave knowing his 'some lies are honorable' teachings are being used to commit electoral fraud!

Another candidate then puts in Jon's name as a candidate!!

Maester Aemon answered, from the far end of the hall. “Your name has been put forth as Lord Commander, Jon.” That was so absurd Jon had to smile. “By who?” he said, looking for his friends. This had to be one of Pyp’s japes, surely. But Pyp shrugged at him, and Grenn shook his head. It was Dolorous Edd Tollett who stood. “By me. Aye, it’s a terrible cruel thing to do to a friend, but better you than me.”

Stannis' anti-Slynt campaigning works and Othell Yarwyck who was getting heavily courted by Slynt and Thorne then engages in a sudden twist, gives up his candidature and is like 'I support Jon, here are all his credentials' and does some light campaigning for Jon.

Othell Yarwyck stood up slowly, frowning. The big builder rubbed his long lantern jaw and said, “Well, I’m pulling my name out. If you wanted me, you had ten chances to choose me, and you didn’t. Not enough of you, anyway. I was going to say that those who were casting a token for me ought to choose Lord Janos . . .” Ser Alliser nodded. “Lord Slynt is the best possible—” “I wasn’t done, Alliser,” Yarwyck complained. “Lord Slynt commanded the City Watch in King’s Landing, we all know, and he was Lord of Harrenhal . . .” “He’s never seen Harrenhal,” Cotter Pyke shouted out. “Well, that’s so,” said Yarwyck. “Anyway, now that I’m standing here, I don’t recall why I thought Slynt would be such a good choice. That would be sort of kicking King Stannis in the mouth, and I don’t see how that serves us. Might be Snow would be better. He’s been longer on the Wall, he’s Ben Stark’s nephew, and he served the Old Bear as squire.” Yarwyck shrugged. “Pick who you want, just so it’s not me.” He sat down.

And then, AND THEN, frigging BLOODRAVEN turns up to do some last minute campaigning for Jon Snow that pretty much all but decides the election!

With a raucous scream and a clap of wings, a huge raven burst out of the kettle. It flapped upward, seeking the rafters perhaps, or a window to make its escape, but there were no rafters in the vault, nor windows either. The raven was trapped. Cawing loudly, it circled the hall, once, twice, three times. And Jon heard Samwell Tarly shout, “I know that bird! That’s Lord Mormont’s raven!” The raven landed on the table nearest Jon. “Snow,” it cawed. It was an old bird, dirty and bedraggled. “Snow,” it said again, “Snow, snow, snow.” It walked to the end of the table, spread its wings again, and flew to Jon’s shoulder.

The way Jon's Targaryen ancestors Bryndon Rivers and Maester Aemon came together to get their descendant elected is 🔥. Not to mention Yarwyck going 'Jon is Benjen Stark nephew!' which means his Stark heritage counted as well. Some Ice and Fire stuff in here.

And finally the election is over and Jon wins. Those poor five brothers will have to continue to eat Three Finger Hobb's food!