#sam tarly

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Your little brother, Simon had only just turned nine when he had been caught stealing fresh fruit from a stand in the market. Your village was overflowing with “criminals”, so many that there was no room anywhere to hold anyone else for trial. So the man in charge made the decision that some criminals would be kept to face trial or execution, and others would be sent to the Wall. Fortunately or unfortunately, it was decided your brother would go North to the Wall. To join the Night’s Watch.

You couldn’t allow him to go. Simon was small and fragile. When he was just a babe, he had gotten sick and never really made a full recovery. If he went to the Wall, you were sure he would die before he’d even get the chance to take his vows. So you decided that you would go in his place. You cut your hair and wore some of your father’s old clothes, your mother helped you pin and stitch them to fit properly all while crying. You reminded her she couldn’t stay, that she would have to flee the village. If they stayed, it would only take a few days before they were found out. After hugging both your mother and brother tightly, you bid them goodbye. You headed North, and they went further South.

At the Wall, you kept your head down. You made sure you did just enough so you wouldn’t be punished but not too much that you’d begin to stand out. You weren’t great with a sword but you were quick at least, you could dodge which was enough to keep you from scrutiny. That and the appearance of Samwell Tarly, he became everyone’s punching bag until he had been taken in under the wing of Jon Snow.

You weren’t quite sure how it had happened, but Jon had sort of taken you in as well. This unfortunately forced you to speak more as Jon has essentially assembled a group of misfits to be friends. You didn’t like to speak, you worried it would give away your identity. Grenn would bump your shoulder and joke about your silence when you would sit at the table for supper. Jon always glared at him in response and would tell him to lay off.

Currently the boys were boasting about their past sexual relations or, at least Grenn was.

You zoned out for most of the conversation, not caring to listen to them talk about brothels and breast sizes. You were completely focused on the warm soup in front of you when Grenn nudged you.

“What about you?”

“What?”

“C’mon now, you’ve gotta have a story. You’re scrawny, sure, but still a good looking lad. And you ain’t a Lordling like Snow, you’re common folk. You’ve had to have had your choice of women.”

“Oh,” you say, face heating up a bit, “No, I’ve…”

“Keep your secrets then,” Sam grins cheekily.

“No secrets,” you mutter, “just never happened.”

“I’ve never seen someone so desperate to prove they’re a virgin,” Grenn laughs before adding, “other than a woman.”

Your small group laughs at that, all except for you and Jon. You tense up momentarily and Jon watches you, watches your reaction, and his eyes narrow ever so slightly.

You thought you were going to faint when you heard your name called for the group who was to travel beyond the Wall. You thought you had done well at being mediocre at everything but clearly you weren’t mediocre enough.

If you got your blood moon beyond the Wall you wouldn’t be able to hide it as well or at all, and how were you going to pee? You could always just desert the watch, you could run but there was only a slim chance of freedom. More likely than not, you’d be caught and then executed as a deserter by none other than Jon’s brother, Robb Stark who was serving as Lord of Winterfell in his father’s absence.

There were only a few horses and you were one of the few granted one, due to your smaller stature when compared to some of the other men. Well, you were until it became clear that you had never ridden a horse before. Then you were made to walk again.

You only really began to struggle when you started to go uphill. Looking over the cliff side didn’t make it any better either, it just made you feel nauseous. You found yourself walking by Jon for the most part. He didn’t talk much but he’d look at you every few minutes. You were beginning to think he knew the truth or at least suspected something.

Neither of you said anything.

A howl in the distance made you jump, you knew Ghost had gone to hunt but you were certain that wasn’t the direwolf.

“Shit,” you mutter, pressing your palm to your heart.

“You scare easy, nearly as easy as Sam,” Jon comments, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

You roll your eyes, looking over at him and away from the path in front of you, away from the cliff side, “Shut up.”

Looking away from the path momentarily was all it took for you to lose your footing, for you to step on unstable ground. The ground cracks under you, and you grab the closest thing to you to try and stabilize yourself which just so happens to be Jon. But it’s hopeless because you’ve already gone over the edge and have pulled Jon with you. In a flash, you’re both laying in the fluffy white snow. It wasn’t that large of a drop but it was large enough that you wouldn’t be able to climb back up. A large enough drop that you couldn’t talk to the others unless you shouted which wasn’t safe beyond the Wall. So now, it was just you and Jon. Together. Alone.

“This is your fault, you know?” you comment as you brush the snow off of yourself.

“My fault?” Jon scoffs, “I’m not the one who decided to take a tumble off the cliff.”

“You’re the one who distracted me!”

“So you admit you were distracted?” he raises a brow, making you scowl.

“Because of you.”

Jon grumbles something you can’t quite make out before he starts walking again. You struggle to match his fast pace and he seems to notice, slowing down ever so slightly to give you a chance to catch up.

“Were you carrying rations?” he asks and you shake your head, “we’re gonna have to hunt then.”

“Seriously? Can’t we get warm first?”

“There is no warmth out here, but you’re right, it’s going to get dark soon. We should make a small camp. We’ll sleep in shifts and hunt in the morning.”

“I guess there’s a first for everything.”

He stops completely and turns around to face you with an exasperated look on his face, “You’ve never gone hunting? Not once?”

You shake your head again.

“Shot a bow? Hell, ever held a bow?”

You grin and he groans.

Jon finds shelter for you both near some rocks, it was still frigid but at least you were away from the wind.

The moment the sun began to rise, Jon shook you awake. You hadn’t even realized you had gotten so close to him in your sleep but you supposed your body was subconsciously attracted to the warmth. You were on your feet in a second, your face beginning to flush and not from the cold.

You shift on your feet awkwardly, not saying anything and neither does he. He just observes you before sighing.

“C’mon, we need to get moving.”

Nodding, you follow behind him. You had both gotten lucky that his bow hadn’t been destroyed during the fall and that neither of you were impaled by his arrows.

Jon was going to teach you how to hunt. Or at least, you were going to watch him hunt. And you quickly realized that waiting in one spot was the hard part. You felt as though you were going to freeze in place, at least when walking you could retain some body heat.

A small bunny came out in front of you and in a split second Jon had drawn his bow back and fired, instantly hitting his mark. After grabbing the bunny he came back to crouch down beside you, he hands you the bow.

“Your turn.”

“What?”

He laughs a bit, “I’ll help.”

He places his hands over yours, his warm chest brushing against your back making your heart race. He helps you knock the arrow, draw the string back… and wait to fire. Another rabbit appears.

“I know you’re not Simon," he says quietly, right in your ear before releasing the string. And if he hadn’t been controlling the bow, you would have completely missed the shot.

“What?” you ask quickly, eyes panicked, “What are you talking about? I’m Simon.”

He shakes his head and stands up, going to grab the second rabbit, “No, you’re not.”

“Yes I am.”

“No. You’re really not,” he holds out the two rabbits for you to hold.

You take them, “Yes, I really am.”

Jon laughs and begins to create a small pile of wood before striking a piece of flint with his knife to make a spark.

“Why are you laughing? I am Simon.”

The fire lights quickly, Jon obviously had experience due to his upbringing in the North. He looks at you and scoffs. He brushes the snow off of a log and sits down, patting the spot next to him. You don’t sit and instead hand him the animals.

There’s silence as Jon begins to cut open the rabbit as if it were second nature. Your mind races as you try to think of any way to defend yourself or prove your false identity.

“I know you’re a girl,” Jon says bluntly.

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m Simon, a boy, a man of the Night’s Watch.”

Jon stops and stares at you, he looks you up and down before raising a brow, “I don’t know what your name is but I know it isn’t Simon.”

“I—“

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone. Who would I tell now anyways? The snow? The trees?” he gestures around, “And my father raised me proper, I’d never intentionally put a lady in danger.”

Reluctantly, you sit down, “How long have you known?”

“I’ve had my suspicions… you hide away from everyone, you don’t talk much unless it’s around a select few people but even then you’re quiet, you take your showers when everyone’s asleep, you tense up anytime Grenn starts talking about girls, and uh…you get a bit grumpy once a moon…I’ve also seen you clutching your stomach during that time as well…”

You fidget with your hands before speaking quietly, “I’m Simon’s sister… his older sister. Simon is young and sick, he would have died the second he felt a cold breeze…I couldn’t let him go.”

Jon’s gaze softens as he fully sets down the animals, "They'd kill you if they found out, and some of the men of the watch… they’d…”

“I know,” you snap, “but he’s my little brother, I couldn’t let him go. Not if I could do anything about it.”

You’re both silent for a moment, just staring at each other before Jon lets out a sigh.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, the other men just think you’re another pretty boy.”

“And… what do you think?” you can’t help the nervous butterflies in your stomach when you ask.

“Pretty, but not a boy,” he grins.

“Not nearly as pretty as you,” you tease.

Jon laughs and rolls his eyes before pushing you, making you flop back into the snow. He begins to laugh harder at the offended look on your face but his laughter quickly fades when you toss snow at his face. It was your turn to laugh as he wiped the snow away from his eyes.

“Oh you’re done now,” he narrows his eyes playfully as he grabs a handful of snow.

As selfish as it was, you wanted this moment to last forever. You had not been yourself in so long, not since you arrived at the Wall, or maybe before then. And even if it was just with Jon, it felt good to be yourself again.