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coming soon !!

recent post !!

byf !!

about me !!

my lovely anons !! : 🧸 🧀 🐈‍⬛ 🫐 🩷 🦦 🐠 🌵 🐱 🧃

ive had this experience a few months ago that made me wonder if i might be plural, so id like to get an opinion from actual systems

ੈ✩‧₊˚ hi, my name's lacey! 21, they/she. this is my digital journal! ♡ slow request replies ♡ minors and ageless blogs dni!!! this blog is nsfw. i mainly write for top/dom reader. reqs are open!

'*•.¸♡ navi about me & tags ✿ byf & request rules ✿ masterlist

I have tried talking to the social worker about these feelings, but she can't or won't understand. She thinks that a roof will fix what is wrong with me, and won't acknowledge the betrayal I experienced in getting here, the harm done to me by my family and friends and people I thought I should have been able to trust. She thinks that I shouldn't be unhappy or reluctant.

Maybe she's right, and that my feelings aren't normal or understandable. But I talked to another person who lost their home in a similar way and even he couldn't say that being housed in a place that was his healed the hurt that had been done to him. There is a hole inside my heart that is shaped like my first real home and the good and the bad that came with it.

Is it ungrateful to feel like this? Am I wrong? Am I overreacting and making something out of nothing?

My situation could have been worse. But I am angry that the social worker refused to take me seriously about the abuse my grandparents put me through, at the anger I felt in having my home taken from me because of their vile behavior.

My Pharma portrayal has a sort of Jekyll & Hyde thing goin on. There's Pharma (original Pharma, the one who was sent to Delphi) and Dr. DJD (the one who left delphi and was active during the Tyrest events) For sake of easy writing, on this blog Dr. DJD will be given the nickname of "DD"

As someone who is diagnosed with various mental disorders, including dissociative identity disorder, i know all too well about the strange ways that the mind will try to cope with incredibly stressful and traumatic situations. Pharma couldnt cope with what he had to do, and therefore he split an alter ego who could do all the things that were necessary at the time. However the more he gave in to DD, the less present Pharma himself was. By the Tyrest event, DD is more or less in total control. Pharma, after being revived for my blog, sort of had a hard reset. Pharma is now mainly in control again, but DD will never fully be gone, more so lurking in the back of Pharma's mind until he gets opportunities to pop out.

They can switch in and out depending on triggers or situations, and they are similar but not the same. Pharma, while having various issues with Ratchet, cant bring himself to fully hate Ratchet. Hes too obsess with him. DD however, feels less towards Ratchet, viewing him as part of the problem they ended up alone on Delphi in the first place. DD is instead more obsessive and clingy towards Tarn, whereas Pharma absolutely despises Tarn and wants nothing to do with him.

☆ 𝙄'𝙢 𝘼𝙡𝙞/𝘼𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙖 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙊𝙘𝙩𝙤/Hornet 𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤! 𝙈𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙚/𝙭𝙚/𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧

☆ 𝙄 𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙/𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙬 𝙢𝙮 𝙤𝙘𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙮𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙞𝙭𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨! 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙤𝙡

☆ 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙡𝙨𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙡! 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙣𝙞 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 <3, 𝙄 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙄'𝙢 𝙖 𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝

☆ 𝙄'𝙢 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙛𝙚𝙬 𝙛𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙢𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚/𝙨𝙬𝙖𝙥 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙩! 𝙈𝙮 𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚: 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙠𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 (main one atm), 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝, 𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙚, 𝙘𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙞𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙣 (main one atm) (I don't support devsister), 𝘿𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙮'𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙, 𝙝𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙨, 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙘𝙚, 𝙋𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙣, 𝙩𝙖𝙙𝙘, 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙨, 𝙥𝙥𝙩2 (𝙄 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙖𝙬!!! 𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙣1 𝙛𝙖𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙛𝙪𝙣𝙯𝙞𝙚𝙨), 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙈𝙔 𝙊𝘾𝙎!!! 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙚𝙨 (𝙄 𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚)

𝘽𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬:

☆ 𝙈𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨

☆ 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙜𝙤𝙧𝙚

☆ 𝘼𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙨𝙠, 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙞𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛. 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙚𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙘𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪

☆ 𝙋𝙢𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙪𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙨!

𝘼𝙬𝙚𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬:

☆ My awesome girlfriend @strawberrycandy014 !!!

☆ 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝙢𝙤𝙤𝙩𝙨: @23kokushibo17 (sister fr fr) @hxvncry (who put this one here bro...) @spookykittyzzz @sillylunaa

𝘿𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩:

- 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨

- 𝙉𝙨𝙛𝙬 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙨

- 𝙓𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙨 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙨

- 𝘼𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙨

- 𝙅𝙖𝙭 𝙭 𝙂𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚/𝙍𝙞𝙗𝙗𝙪𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨 (Personal trigger)

- Yandere supporters/enjoyers

- Vivziepop supporters (I don't mind if you just fw the characters or the story, I just don't like the hellaverse + vivzie glazers)

- 𝘽𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙘 𝙙𝙣𝙞 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙖

If you don't respect my boundaries I will block you.

𝙎𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙨:

𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙢: _𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙡_𝙤𝙘𝙩𝙤

𝙩𝙤𝙮𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙚: 𝘼𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙡_𝙤𝙘𝙩𝙤

𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩: 𝘼𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙡_𝙊𝙘𝙩𝙤