I need to start a countdown to 12:00am Dec. 1, 2024 because that's when my grad school applications close and I'm free to turn my brain off for a couple weeks to play veilguard before I have to start polishing my audition music again, because wow I am neurotic as fuck right now!
(to anyone unfortunate enough to try to interact with me between now and then, I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE if I don't respond or give you incoherent nonsense, I have one brain cell currently and it is consumed by Audition Prep for pre-screenings. ;-;)
I am Longing for that old man!!!! Amor amor!!!!
(pls don't send me spoilers tho this is my carrot I am dangling to get my shit done ๐ )
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7 things Iโve learned during my surgery experience (1 month perspective):
1. I *do* actually have severe anxiety, and panic attacks are significantly harder to work through when alone in a strange place. (Damn you, pandemic)
2. At my base functioning level, I am truly obsessed with sparkly things (ie. the nurseโs nails and the glittery water cup they gave me); I have decided this is a reflection of my true self. โจ
3. Depeche Mode is still my favorite band even when Iโm totally loopy and seconds away from being unconscious. Muse and Dune were my honorable mentions.
4. Narcotics are terrible to be on. The hydro was slightly less terrible, but both kinds made my head spin horribly, and oxy made me feel like my head was being slammed in a locker repeatedly. 0/100 would recommend, stick to OTC.
5. Nausea pills are a godsend and I wish they were more readily available... Because vomiting is an awful experience, and I really appreciated something that made the whole sensation of dread for impending suffering just...stop. True magic.
6. Drains suck. Literally and figuratively. It was like an unavoidable corset that was stuck under my skin for 10 days. Absolutely the worst part of surgery.
7. Sometimes insurance miraculously does actually work. I was expecting to pay $13,000+ but only had to pay $560. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful.
In spite of last minute anxiety screaming doubts in my head, I was in fact totally ready for this and feel 1000% better than I did going in, even if Iโm still sore after a month. Life feels hopeful and worthwhile now, instead of a constant slog through pain.
no one asked but if khai doesnโt get his shit together rl quick iโm hoping pโun is into men and encouraging my boy third to explore other avenues.. he doesnt have time for thisย
ok so maybe im in the minority based on what im seeing everywhere but I actually find silvery gale hot as fuck. the otherworldly shimmer. something about the glowing eyes and bare feet. the uncanny valley of humanity. the way his face is a little too composed. the way he still gives you that proud little smile if you go with him. gahhhh. you ever just look at a guy and feel something stirring deep in your bucket of kinks and go 'ah shit here we goโ' that was me when my dude showed up in the epilogue.
ah shit here we go. hallelujah, praise god. i am only a hole. ๐๐๐
(don't ask why i am the way that i am ๐ verily i do not know.)
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Hello! I saw you reblog that post about the smallest people remembering you today, and I just wanted to say Iโm one of those people. I really admire your work and what I can see of your personality through various online platforms, and it always makes me happy to see you around even though weโve never talked. You donโt have to respond or anything; I just wanted to let you know!! Youโre super cool and creative and I love your writing, and you have made me feel welcome in the DA fandom.
It took me forever to answer this because I was so touched and I got weepy every time I looked at it.
I wish there were words for how much this meant to me, anon. I'm in such a huge creative slump right now, and reading this was so uplifting. Thank you for thinking of me, thank you for your kind words. I hope somebody today brings you as much joy and good vibes as you brought me when I read this. โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
Whenever I am crippled by imposter syndrome, I remember this quote and think okay you know what maybe my plotting isn't so bad. I want it tattooed on my arm where I can see it every damn day.
Firstly, I'm double posting these today because yesterday I got overtaken by the most manic handers muse I've ever experienced and spent literally the entire day writing and neglected everything else. Oops.
Anyway.
I'm the kind of person who just sort of absorbs inspo from around me wherever I can find it. It's kind of shitty sometimes, because occasionally bad things happen and my brain's first response (sometimes I wonder if it's a weird knee jerk defense mechanism I've developed) is to distance from it a little and be like "ok but how can I work that into a narrative theme" while the rest of me is beating at myself with a rolled up newspaper like dude this is NOT THE TIME.
So in reality there are way too many things to name. But in terms of general themes, I mentally break down a lot of the things I read if I think they're really good and try to pinpoint the things about it I find appealing, and then I try to find an excuse to work it into a WIP somewhere as soon as I can so I can seal it into my memory.
The only big specific thing that is coming to mind though is from songs. Oh boy. SO much of my writing is built around music. Yea I'm one of those people. So, fun fact about Diz: I took a film scoring class in college and barely passed it because I am Very Bad at being a student, BUT one of the things I learned in it was the difference between diagetic and non-diagetic music.
(Lots of links and examples below the cut btw. Definitely check these songs out if you haven't heard them. They're great.)
If you're unfamiliar with the term, diagetic music is music in the score that is an active part of the scene. If it's playing from a jukebox in the scene for example. That Dawn Will Come scene from Inquisition, that's an example of diagetic music. As opposed to ambient music that sets a mood but isn't an active part of the scene. This doesn't actively translate to writing obviously as the music isn't actively playing, but loosely speaking:
I've done this before in Your Arms Feel Like Home: the mages at the big protest in Kirkwall stand in a circle around the memorial garden and sing Will the Circle be Unbroken and I used the version from Bioshock as inspo because it was just super great. And I don't think I'd learned to embed in ao3 yet, but that's the song and sound that I had in mind.
Recently I also did this in Lonely Sons and Daughters when I talked about the modern version of the Joining the way the Ferelden branch does it, and I incorporated the song Sons and Daughters (from where the title is taken) by American Spirit because I heard it and was like JESUS CHRIST THAT'S PERFECT. So in the scene they all beat the drum beat on the tables and sing it after the new recruits drink from the cup.
I also took the words from Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier and made them a bit canon for The Place Where I Belong. I write Malcolm Hawke as this like, dramatic and larger than life person (almost definitely a Leo) who always has Iconic Quotes that his recruits always rib him for but admire anyway. (I based that on a band director I had in high school actually.) The line about never taming your demons but always keeping them on a leash became one of those sayings that he said a lot to Hawke as she was growing up and learning how to control her magic.
Shit, the entirety of The Place Where I Belong is literally built around a Faunts album called Feel.Love.Thinking.Of. So much of my writing wouldn't exist without these songs propelling them through the ether.
