I'm tried and I despise moving( the packing-boxes kind, not the physical go-for-a-walk kind). I crave something that will refill me. I want to laugh and feel warm waves of happiness radiate throughout my body... but I can't seem to figure out how to make that happen.
It's been a long year. It's been a long semester. It's been a long week. I'm terrified that I'm loosing touch with myself although it's difficult to tell whether that is actually what is happening or if I am simply becoming more aware of the fact that I NEVER really knew what it meant to "be in touch with myself".
Maybe if I can articulate it properly.Â
I know such lovely people. I am so, SO, lucky to have this kind of support. But why is it that I still feel disconnected, distant, exhausted and alone?
What is that? Surely it's a fault within myself.
Maybe if I stopped taking the little orange and blue nugs in the morning. Or if I amped up the dosage. Or if I got enough sleep. Or if I ate raw foods. Or if I was better about picking up the phone and talking to people. Or if I did more yoga. Or if I read more books. Or if I threw away everything I owned and lived minimally....
I'm overwhelmed and adrift.Â
Choosing is difficult. Commitment is difficult. Patience is difficult. Complaining is easy.Â
I can't have conversations with anyone that I haven't already had with myself. Bleck.