RadishPatchKid

The title isn't mean to be selfish, its just a way of letting me know where my head it at and what I want out of life. I think people go on about life way to willy-nilly and just go with the flow. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, if that's what you want to do. However, I think a majority of people in their lives have a certain want or desire... but I think that's all they have...a desire for something more but not something concrete, no real idea of yes I want happiness but no definition of what happiness is to them. I think if people identified exactly what they wanted in life they would be able achieve it. I think if people have a strong enough passion for something and really zone in on their desires and block out all that's unnecessary then I think they can achieve their dreams. People talk a lot about having money, wanting money, and how money will solve all of their problems. They don't really answer why they want that money, what they are going to do with it, or what plans they have to achieve it. I think being vague sucks, I think having a desire is great....but having a plan to obtain your desires will get you there. If anything, know exactly what your desire is. Money is a desire for some, but wanting money...won't make you money, wanting to do something you are passionate about will make you money...because you are the only you that will believe in you, and if you strongly believe in you...slowly other people will too. My friends and boyfriend tell me I am very specific in what I want - and they are right. My end goal of designing my own house doesn't just stop at " I want to design my house". It goes further than that, I have the exact factors I want for that location, what kind of house it will be, where the garage will be placed....and I know that before I can just design my own house the exact way I want it I will most likely have to work my butt off for it and will most likely have to start my own venture. I want to start my own venture and I know how I will do it and the approximate time I need in the field to gain the correct experience for it. I may be crazy to have really strong desires and really weird commitments to myself, but hey I think they will work and if I believe in them..slowly others will too. I think from last year to this year what has changed is that I finally got a taste for freedom and I now yearn for it. Being out on my own was probably the greatest thing that happened to me and taught me who I really was. It also allowed me to get a bunch of shit out of my system, like partying, or staying up until 7am just "hanging out", having blackouts, going to raves etc. As much fun as that was, I am over it. I think everyone should have a a period of experiencing the weirdest shit just so they can get it out of their system and learn what they like and dislike. Most of my friends still like to party and rave all night, but I am kind of over it.....it was great while it lasted but I think I want to go back to my original ambitions. I rather not black out and enjoy the night, I rather save my money and put it towards a memorable experience. I want to continue traveling, and learn different cultures and taste the flavors of the world around me. I want to do more. I want to do more of the things that tell me who I am, partying told me one thing, but continuing to do that isn't going to bring up any new acknowledgements. I know what I want, all that's holding me back now is time. Forget money - that'll come but ...it's not what matters.

No i hadn't, but thank you for that!

I am so tired of my insecurities. everything is a what if this what if that and being scared of the unknow future and being mad at the past....always looking for things and ways to dissapoint myself and tell myself that this is not destined to work. I think I look for the gloom or for reasons to tell myself that you shouldnt get your hopes up, you shouldnt let go of reality and you shouldnt put your eggs in one basket. I dont want to be the girl who devotes all her time into one thing only to be let down...those girls get washed up and shoved down through the hell hole of society....or they grow and bloom into happy and fullfilled girls...although I havnt seen too many of those. So where do I go? What do I do? Where do I stand? Do I give all my time and hope in and just pray that it doesn't crush me at the end? I am tired of not knowing or not having something to hang onto that sures me that I have a secure future. The future scares me and I dont like being scared...I dont like being insecure and I dont like the vivid nightmares I have that lurk with me until the morning sun. Putting yourself on the line is hard, and I command those that do, and salut the fallen that have the courage to continue on upwards. It's hard I know, and I've been let down...coming up is the hardest part even with those that only mean well.

I actually can't wait to get my ears on his new album. Througly enjoy this track...its been a while since i've heard a good 8min long track. Godbless!

So you live with what you have and you live with yourself. And that too eventually become too much and you turn into this crazy crab that goes around clamping it hands at everyone and everyone just thinks oh what a bother and toss it away and its dissmissed or eaten...

The credits may role, but it doesn't mean the story will end. 

Deep Sea Baby, I'll Follow You. 

Kind of in love with this song at the moment, and the video itself is something that strikes me. Give it a listen. 

I wish I could be as careless as my brothers mopy bedhead. We both watched a movie together and one of us gets up to leave with no other thought then sleeping and one with no one thought... but all of them. What remains in my head is a civil war where right fights with left and left with right. Very similar to the brain and the heart. I took a test to see which side would win and the right took over by 1%. Just 1%. It even shows on paper that my mind works in a way that is so equal and as great as that is ...it leave me in a state of nowhere. Unable to choose sides and constantly weighing the pros and cons of the situation. Not one side leads and if they do decide to lead its always in opposite directions. The other day I tried to tell a simple story of the past but couldn't stop thinking about the future, it drove me insane and drove me to tears. How I evaluate my future will be judged by my past experiences and to let walls down there will be uncertainties behind them. Its who deals with them that matters and how they deal with them that will determine where they stand. I'm lucky and have been blessed with someone who can mange the sifting and understands that there will be uncertainties behind these walls. He knows me and can help to fix this waging war, but at what price and how much before I infect and inflict. Its one thing to battle your wars and another to involve someone in them. I've tried to keep everyone at a safe distance where they don't have to muddy themselves in the dirt... but this time I'm letting that 1% lead. Soon enough I too will walk around with bedhead and I can't wait for the day I do.

I think the smartest thing I've ever written is "Money can't buy you happiness...but time can". 

Flight Facilities 

why cant you just give in?

I wish I had the opportunity to just shoot for a living and make enough money to sustain my lifestyle.