#dirtyovercoat

Not only is the world a completely different place, but her sons, her babies... they’re not babies anymore. They’re older than she is.

She pulls her duffel higher up on her shoulder and looks around as she walks.

The woods are dense and they’re the kind of dangerous that sets Mary’s spidey-sense on high alert. Sam and Dean don’t really live that far from town but they live far enough out in the middle of nowhere that she doesn’t even see another car when she gets to the gas station.

The bike from this morning is still there. 

Mary eyes it uncertainly, glancing in between the convenience store and the bike.

Dean pointed out the cameras the first day they stopped here. He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, that him and Sam always park in the far corner because the camera’s can’t see the Impala’s license plate.

That means the bike is in the blind spot too.

She goes into the convenience store and grabs some essentials. Two water bottles, a lighter, another phone, a canister of salt and something called a taquito. It looks halfway between disgusting and delicious and she’s just hungry enough not to care. 

Dean gave her a credit card to use. She’s not sure how long she’s going to keep it but she doesn’t have any cash right now.

She goes up to the guy at the counter and he’s distracted by something on the television that’s mounted to the wall. There’s an orange man who looks vaguely familiar on the screen. He’s waving his hands around as he talks and he looks ridiculous.

She clears her throat when the man still hasn’t turned around. “Hello.”

The man - a kid, she realizes. He can’t be more than 20. He’s got a shock of blue hair at the front of his head and his earlobes are stretched an almost comical amount. He looks, and she means this not unkindly, ridiculous.

“Oh sorry! I was just -” He snorts and shakes his head as he rings up Mary’s items. “This election, you know? It’s wild, dude.” 

She doesn’t know but she laughs like she gets it. “Yeah. Wild.” 

He tells her the total and smiles and he kind of reminds her of Sam. She wonders what he was like when he was this age.

“Thank you,” she says when he hands the bag over.

She stops for a moment when she gets outside and uses the hood of a car with no front wheels as a table. She takes one of the waters out of the bag and the taquito but drops the rest of her stuff in the duffel. 

When everything’s zipped up and away safely, she takes a bite out of the barely warm snack and hums, pleasantly surprised.

The car makes a half decent bench to sit on for a few minutes while she eats.

The thing is, she hadn’t really thought this far ahead. The world in 2016 is a hell of a lot different than it was in 1983. She has no idea how to navigate this.

She takes the phone that Dean gave her out of her back pocket and frowns at the black screen.

She hates this thing. She kind of wants to throw it into the river that’s behind the bunker but she can’t - she can’t completely abandon them. Her boys that aren’t her boys anymore. 

Dean told her that all she has to do to unlock it is set her thumb on the little circle in the middle of the bottom. 

The screen comes to life with a generic picture of waterfall as the background and a lot more tiny pictures than she really cares for. 

Technology is overwhelming for her but she’s smart and she always has been. It took her 20 minutes of fiddling around with this phone to decide that she hates it and how to use emoji’s. Those are kind of amusing.

The contacts button is the one right next to the phone icon and she clicks on it.

Dean had put in a few names and numbers for her and she knows none of these people but he swears up and down they’re good people. 

She scrolls through the list and stops for a moment to stare at one in particular.

Castiel, (Dean’s Angel Friend)

She almost presses it. Almost.

But she keeps scrolling until she lands on a name that Sam mentioned when he looked at the list out of curiosity the other day. 

Sheriff Jody Mills (Alex and Claire’s Kinda-Mom)

She’s not sure what a ‘kinda-mom’ means but it sounds like something she can relate to. She presses the tiny phone icon and brings it up to her ear. 

It rings once, twice, and then there’s a kind voice at the other end.

“Dean? What the hell are you calling me for?”

That catches Mary by surprise and she actually laughs.

“Oh, I guess Dean gave me one of his phones. Is this... Jody Mills?”

Jody’s hesitancy is palpable even through the phone and Mary’s heart seizes for a moment. She’s winging this whole thing but Jody suddenly plays a key roll in this working out.

“Yeah,” Jody says, her defenses up. “Who’s this?”

It’s Mary’s turn to hesitate for a moment.

“I... I guess Dean and Sam haven’t talked to you for a while.”

“Almost a year now.” 

Oh.

“Oh, well, ah...” She hates this. Fuck, maybe this was a bad idea. “I need... I guess I need some help. They, uh... they said you were good people.”

Jody is quiet for a moment, “You a hunter?”

Mary smiles sadly and looks up at the sky, “No, not for a long time now.”

“Good, I don’t need the girls hanging around anymore hunters,” Jody hums. Mary can hear people talking in the background and papers being shuffled. 

“I know the feeling.” She laughs a little. She wonders if it’s obvious how nervous she is.

“You never told me who this is, by the way. I’ve got a policy about not helping people who won’t give me their first name.”

Oh shit. This is gonna be the hard part.

“I... Mary. Winchester.”

Jody yells at the people in the background to shut up for a moment. Mary holds her breath.

“As in Sam and Dean’s mom?”

“Yes.”

“You’re calling me.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re not dead?”

Mary looks down at herself to double check, something she’s been doing a lot since she got back, “Not anymore, apparently.”

Jody’s quiet for a solid minute and a half.

“I wish I was more surprised than I am,” is what she finally settles on. “Okay Mary Winchester, mother to the two handsome pains in my ass that pop up once a year - how can I help you?”

Mary laughs, unable to pretend she isn’t relieved, “I... I kind of need a place to stay.”

Jody starts to say something but Mary cuts her off quickly. 

“Not - not permanently. Just for a few days, until I figure - until I figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

“What?” Jody asks, trying to keep her tone light, “Sam and Dean run out of rooms at that bunker of theirs?”

The comment sends a painful zing through Mary’s chest and she laughs, hating herself a little. “No no, I just... I need to figure things out. Without them.”

Jody’s quiet for a few minutes and Mary wonders if it’s possible for your heart to spontaneously leap out of your chest. Who knows at this point, honestly. Sam showed her a video of a car parking itself yesterday. 

“I... think we can work something out.”

Mary slumps in relief and quietly mumbles, “Thank you.” 

Jody gives her the address and Mary quickly scribbles it down on the palm of her hand. It’s at least half a day’s drive and, well, Mary doesn’t have a car at the moment. That presents a problem. 

“I...” Mary lets out a breath when it seems like their conversation is over. “I will let you know when I’m close.”

“Sounds good,” Jody says, her voice finally sounding warm. “I’ll have dinner ready and waiting. Or breakfast.”

Mary snorts inelegantly, “Thank you.”

“Okay then. See you soon, Mary Winchester.”

She starts to hang up but Mary hears herself blurting, “Jody?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we...” She swallows, suddenly nervous again. “Can we keep this between ourselves for the time being? You know, mom to mom?”

Jody sounds tired, “I don’t like lying to people.”

“I just... I need some time. To adjust and wrap my head around all of this. And I love -” Mary has to take a deep breath, hating herself a little more. “I love them. Sam and Dean. In this weird... abstract way. I think I’d love them if they were 80 years old. But I don’t know them. They’re... men. They’re strangers. They’re not my little boys anymore.”

She’s quiet for a few moments. Mary holds her breath.

“I don’t like it... but okay.”

Jody huffs a laugh, “I mean, it’s not like they call.” 

Mary smiles to herself, “Thank you.” 

“You better get going. It’s a long drive.” 

Mary hangs up with another thank you and Jody tells her to stop thanking her before she changes her mind. 

She looks at the phone until the screen goes black and feels the knot in her chest loosen a little. Okay, well - at least she has part of a plan now.

She looks over at the bike that’s still sitting there and smirks. 

It’s been a while since she hot-wired something. 

She’s somewhere in Nebraska getting gas for the bike when she hears someone clear their throat behind her.

Mary turns around expecting it to be some creep to comment on her bike (again). It’s worse than that.

Castiel is standing there looking... sad. Disappointed. She wants to run.

“I spoke to Dean.”

He doesn’t bother with pleasantries and Mary, despite knowing that Castiel is kind and good and Dean’s family, wonders if he is going to hurt her.

“I’m not angry with you,” he says after a beat. “I think I understand your decision... but I disagree with it.”

Mary looks down with her own sad smile, “That’s your prerogative, right?”

Castiel hesitates, “Dean... is hurt. Maybe angry, for the moment."

“I know,” she sighs, guilty. “He wouldn’t... he didn’t even hug me. I went in to hug him and he backed away from me.”

Understanding and sadness flashes over Cas’ face.

“Dean is very good at pushing people away,” he says after a moment. “But he’s not very good at letting people go. And he’s not very good at people going.” 

Castiel looks Mary in the eyes, “He’s had a lot of people leave him.”

“Listen, you don’t have to make me feel shit,” Mary snaps a little. “I get it. I’m their mom and I’m leaving them. I get it.” 

Castiel shakes his head, “You misunderstand. I’m not here to make you feel guilty -” His eyes look sad and uncomfortably understanding considering they met less than a week ago. “I know you don’t need any help with that.” 

She huffs bitterly and shoves the gas nozzle back into its holder, “Like mother like sons, right?”

He smiles sadly, “Something like that, yes.” 

Mary stares at him, calculating and trying to figure this... being out. “Why are you here, then?”

This time, his smile isn’t sad. It’s warm and almost amused.

He gestures to his truck that’s on the other side of the pumps, “I needed gas.” 

“And...?” She arches an eyebrow at him, using her mom look.

When Dean was four it used to get him to fold in ten seconds. Now, it feels a little ridiculous. 

“And... I’m heading home,” Castiel admits a little sheepishly.

Suddenly he’s the one that looks nervous. And everything clicks for her. 

“Castiel...” She takes a step closer to him and crosses her arms over her chest, slipping back into mom-mode in a way that startles her. “You said you’re still not sure if you belong here.” 

A truck passes by in the near distance and the horn blows. 

“You do,” she assured him once it was quiet again. “You belong here. On earth. With my son.” 

If he’s surprised that she knows, he doesn’t show it. 

Mary smiles kindly at him, “He loves you. And maybe I don’t completely understand it, but I don’t have to. My son thinks the world of you and that’s all I need to know.” 

Castiel looks a little embarrassed. It’s a good look for him. 

“Castiel, do you love my son?” She doesn’t see a point in beating around the bush. 

He, however, looks surprised. 

She lets him flounder for a moment and it’s a little satisfying to know that she got an angel of the lord all flustered like this. 

When he collects himself he nods very seriously, “I do. Very much.” 

“Good,” she smiles. 

Mary rubs at the back of her neck for a moment, “I have no intention of this being... permanent.” When she looks up again she can’t really hide how sad she is, “I just need time, Castiel. I need time to figure out how to do this. How to be a mom to two boys who are... older than me.” 

She sets a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it, “Take care of him for me, okay? Take care of both of them.” 

Castiel nods somberly, looking very, very serious, “Of course.” 

Mary hesitates for half a second but she just leans up and kisses his cheek, “Thank you.” 

She turns back to the bike and grabs the helmet. 

“Mary,” Castiel says quickly, like he’s afraid he’ll lose his nerve. “I understand if you don’t wish to talk to Sam or Dean but...”

He looks like he has to steel himself to say it, “Be safe.”

She smiles, “I will, Castiel.” 

She pulls the helmet over her hair and starts the bike up. She gives Castiel a small wave before pulling out of the gas station quickly, heading back for the highway. 

Mary knows she’s doing the right thing for herself and in the long run, for her boys. But she’s still their mom and she can’t help but feel guilty.