Back on April 1st, we released three shorts previewing the upcoming novel Lungbarrow by Loomlight (coming out April 23rd). you can read them all here, for free:
The Fall of Lungbarrow
Lungbarrow? Can You Use That in a Sentence?
The Hands of Lungbarrow!
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You are cordially invited to the first ever Arcbeatle Press writing workshop, hosted by the greatest of all auteurs... Auteur. Please bring
You are cordially invited to the first ever Arcbeatle Press writing workshop, hosted by the greatest of all auteurs... Auteur. Please bring any materials that you need, and an open mind. A free ebook, on this April 1st.
I think my little short vignette in here is the thing I am most proud of writing ever in my entire life, and everyone else's vignettes are absolutely mmm noodles amazing,, too,, so you should give them a read!! All free!!
https://www.arcbeatlepress.com/news-and-updates/the-noodle-man-available-now
Mm yes tastee,,, very tasty noodles, come buy my back!!! Haha wow amazing book over here! First one for free!! Wowee, aren't arcbeatle amazing for,, amazing for giving you this plate of noodles? You should read it,, read the noodle man's book, mmm, haha wow amazing noodle book!! Haha
In October 2021, I ended my association with Bill Baggs and his company, BBV Productions. So did many other people. The tale of the rise and fall of âNew BBVâ in 2021 is a complex and blackly comic one â and not what Iâm here to discuss.Â
No; I just want to make a record, for posterity, of some of the BBV projects that could have been, but now wonât be. Some of these have already been discussed by their creators, in such places as the den of inequity that some call Twitter; others had never been disclosed to the public.Â
Strap in for eight glimpses of the Faction Paradox, P.R.O.B.E. and more that could have been! Including a special treat for #8⌠The very long post is under the cut. Note that many other projects must have existed â indeed, I know of a few more, which Iâm keeping mum about because the odds are good that theyâll still come out in the foreseeable future⌠just not at BBV!Â
1. Faction Paradox: Dionusâs War: The Diplomat by Aristide Twain
After James Hornbyâs standalone Faction Paradox short story Eternal Escape was released as the first of BBVâs new FP audiobooks, someone somewhere made the call to spin off its protagonist, Gallifreyan deserter Dionus, into his own series, Dionusâs War. So far, so good.Â
In parallel to my work on Sabbath and the King, I started work on a Dionusâs War story which would expound on Dionusâs life prior to his desertion, eager to flesh out the character as well as that of his wife, Susit, who was not much of a presence in the original Hornby tale. It was going to be strange; lighter and wittier than Sabbath and the King, but maintaining a clear sense of a slow-motion cataclysm in the backdrop. Characters clinging to happiness in the face of the world ending in equal-parts stupid and terrifiying ways seemed like the right sort of thing for Faction Paradox to be tackling in 2021.
Eager to get it right, I took my time working on it, and before I knew it, Dionusâs War got going without me, under the pen of the enigmatic J. T. Mulholland. Instead of straightforward audiobooks, his two Dionus plays were narrated in the first person by Dionus himself, with the part being taken on by none other than Bill Baggs. (If there is one thing that Bill Baggs cannot be accused of as a producer, itâs being too hands-off⌠heâs just hands-on in all the wrong ways.)Â
Incidentally, I created the covers for these two stories, Call Me Ishmael and The Healerâs Sin, which meant it fell to me to decide what Dionus looked like. As seen in the never-before-seen concept art above, I decided Dionus would resemble Bill Baggs without quite being Bill; higher cheekbones, darker hair, a narrower mouth. I was rather happy with the result, which I got the chance to showcase on the Healerâs Sin cover. (Then, after all that, Phil Shaw just painted him as a photo-accurate Bill Baggs for Me & My Ghost, the fourth and final Dionus audio. Dammit.)
Anyway, I still hadnât handed in my script when the Great Calamity occurred in October, leading Hornby to withdraw the rights to the character of Dionus from Bill Baggs and prematurely ending Faction Paradox: Dionusâs War. Dionus might pop up again (albeit in a different incarnation), but itâs unlikely that further Dionus-focused FP stories will be the name of the game where the brand is headed next, and quite right too. Therefore, Iâm afraid âThe Diplomatâ shall remain untold.Â
That is â untold in an official, definitive context, because hereâs the plot breakdown.
The Homeworld, at the very start of the War.Â
Most polite society among the Great Houses still canât quite believe an actual War has actually started. Least of all Dionusavarnapexiandal and one of his oldest friends, Susit, a (male) fellow member of the Homeworldâs purely ceremonial palace guard. Susit, we learn, is on his last life â soon heâll die and retire into the Great Housesâ personal Underworld. And heâs looking forward to his rest. Dionus points out that his valorous deeds have more than earned him a few extra lifetimes, but Susit is refusing to ask for them. âDi, Iâd sooner marry you than remain corporeal a minute longer than I have toâ. (A/N: Well, a line to that effect, but less⌠unbelievably clunky.)
In fact, most Sun Builders still think this conflict will resolve just like the Great Housesâ friction with the likes of the Osirian Court or the Space Lords of Fractallax: with some pro forma sword-rattling and the signing of a treaty.Â
Thus, most everyone is welcoming when a mysterious man in clinking golden armour shows up at the gates of the Capitol, demanding to bargain on behalf of the Enemy. Assigned to guard the foreign dignitary, Dionus and his partner escort him around as he blusters and threatens various personages, makes arrogant demands, misses the immortal politiciansâ subtle wordplay, and generally acts the part of a callous spawn of the lesser-species to a T.Â
However, when the âDiplomatâ starts asking a lot of pointed questions about the Housesâ Prison Planet, Dionus and his partner realise that the man is a charlatan â a representative of a minor cyborg warrior race, the Hyperspace Tyrants. Trading on the Housesâ wariness and lack of information on the Enemy, he actually came to the Homeworld to reclaim his clone army, which a routine House Military patrol had recently frozen in time and plucked out of the Spiral Politic, viewing it as little more than pest control. The Tyrant takes control of the time capsule meant to convey the imprisoned army to the Prison Planet; Dionus and Susit sound the alarm; the Tyrant shoots Susit and takes off.
The dying Susit is tended to by a panicking Dionus. Heâs strangely serene. The real War is coming, he says, the dayâs events will look like childish amusement in a few years. And if a joke like the Hyperspace Tyrant could rob him of his final life, Susit reflects, perhaps itâs just as well he wonât live to see the real thing. Dionus, having none of it, transfers one of his own lives to Susit, allowing him to reincarnate one more time into a younger, female versionâŚ
âŚWho opens a clenched fist to reveal the unique biodata key necessary to unlock the pod containing the clone army. Susit filched it from the Tyrant! The pod he stole is useless; the army might as well still be in the Homeworldâs custody. They celebrate; Susit finds sheâs no longer in such a hurry to let herself die, now that she feels all the youth and possibility of a new lifetime ahead of her. Dionus gives her the last nudge she needed to commit to staying alive: she has a promise to keep. After all, she promised to marry him sooner than regenerate⌠so in point of fact â sheâs late!
Epilogue: the wedding. Sweet, goofy â a pair of minor deities whoâve been around overacting the part of two heterosexual human beings, with a pantomime ceremony, but thereâs genuine fondness behind it. The world might be ending, but theyâre going to try and have fun while they can. Just as theyâve said their vows, the announcement comes in that the Enemy have launched their first full-scale attack, on the planet DroâŚâ
Reading it again, there are probably some things Iâd do differently today. In fact, thereâs probably things that would have changed before the story made it to the production stage, had I kept working on it. The title might have been one of them, actually â I kept feeling that âThe Diplomatâ, combined with a start-of-the-War setting, might make people expect me to tackle that âidealistic House diplomatâ who got killed on the first day of the War⌠you know, him, with the blue box and the screwdriver. Which is of course the absolute crassest thing you could do with FP, especially if youâre just starting out a new series.
But sod it, I still like it, and itâs still canonical in my heart. I donât suppose the question of how Dionus met his wife keeps many FP fans up at night, but, well, if you have wondered, hereâs your answer.
I didnât get as far as designing a final cover, but I did create this Return to Shada-slanted visual of a very non-NuWho-ish capital city of the Great Houses, with an eye on using it on such a cover. I liked it. So it goes.
2. Doctor Omega and the Monsters from Earthâs Core & Doctor Omega and the Moon Men by Cole Hrusovsky
Itâs almost surprising, isnât it, that BBV, never slow on the uptake where there was a legal opporunity to Doctor Who without the Doctor Who license, never did anything with Arnould Galopinâs coincidental William Hartnell lookalike, the eccentric Doctor OmegaâŚÂ
(Not that Galopinâs book is lacking in literary merits, for a H.G.-Wells-lite romp! Too often are Omega revivals slandered as only caring about the character due to his posthumous Doctor Who connection; no doubt it is the reason for his unexpected second wind, but it is far from the characterâs only appeal.)
Anyway, in 2021, under the pen of Cole Hrusovsky, a series of full-cast BBVÂ Doctor Omega stories was in development. I understand Cole has not given up on making it happen in some shape or form, a luxury afforded to him by the public-domain nature of the Dr Omega character â although at present he is focusing on a different, entirely original audio project.
Hrusovskyâs series would have (or will?) reintroduce Professor Helvetius, Omegaâs âmysterious colleagueâ from the original book, reimagined as a villain â âessentially an equivalent of the Master, with a dash of the Meddling Monk⌠an equal and rival of Doctor Omegaâ, characterised as âgenerally playful, but as the plot intensifies he becomes more serious and dangerousâ.Â
The seriesâ point-of-view character would not have been Denis Borel, Doctor Omegaâs main companion in the original book, but a new sidekick, Edmond, meeting the good Doctor for the first time. âEdmond's role as the companion will be explored over timeâ, Hrusovsky promised; âearly on he will discover that Doctor Omega has had multiple companions in the past, and fear the worst for his fate own based on the mysterious reasons as to why these companions are no longer aroundâ.
Though further stories were loosely sketched out, including historical adventures and the aforementioned face-offs with Professor Helvetius, only two BBV Doctor Omega episodes were synopsized to any serious degree: Doctor Omega and the Monsters from Earthâs Core, and Doctor Omega and the Moon Men.
The former, inspired by Journey to the Centre of the Earth and At the Earth's Core, as well as Doctor Who stories Spearhead From Space and Doctor Who and the Silurians, would introduce Edmond as â a miner (âŚ) whose world is turned upside-down when a bullet-shaped spacecraft crashes into the minesâ. This craft is the ship of Doctor Omega; teaming up, the two discover that beneath Earth's crust, there exists âa civilisation of intelligent amphibious creatures that now wish to rule the surface worldâ. Instead of the genocidal conclusion of Doctor Whoâs original Silurian tale, the end of the story would have seen the amphibians taken to another planet to inhabit as Edmond began travelling with Doctor Omega.Â
The second episode, Doctor Omega and the Moon Men, took the newly-formed duo of Doctor Omega and Edmond to the Dark Side of the Moon for a wry riff on a mishmash of retro conspiracy theories: Hrusovskyâs titular Selenites were âshape-shifting lizard creaturesâ who impersonate political figures and broadcast nefarious âradio signalsâ to Earth in an attempt to mind-control the population. One wonders why they bother with the impersonation business if they have mind-control rays, no? But then, you might as well wonder why Doctor Omega takes jaunts to the Moon instead of writing scientific papers about that unknown species of sapient amphibians he discovered last weekâŚ
3. Lupan Evezanâs Cyberon series
After my very good friend @drleevezanâ authored an outstanding novelisation of Cybergeddon, one of BBVâs vintage Cyberon audio dramas, Bill Baggs wrote to Lupan, asking them if they might be interested in planning out an entire series of original Cyberon books, which Lupan did. Quoth Lupan, few of these are much more detailed than "short story collection" or "ongoing series of novels" because âI just couldn't extract, despite my questioning, anything resembling a sense of what Baggs was actually looking for, (âŚ) so I figured I'd go for pitching series structures and flesh out plots and such once I knew which he likedâ.
Lupanâs loose plans for the prose continuation of the Cyberon series were as follows:
Cyberon Vignettes Book
A book featuring a collection of short stories each focusing on a different character or group of characters coming into contact with the Cyberons (e.g., someone affected by the drug trial seen in Cyberon, an original native of the planet Aurichall, a soldier in the Cyber-Wars, etc.). Would serve to demonstrate the wide impact of the Cyberons and give a full view of the Cyberon universe. Could be written entirely by me, or some of the stories could be pitched by other authors if thereâs interest.
Sequel to âCyberonâ
A sequel to the original Cyberon film/novelisation, featuring Lauren Anderson post-Zygon as she struggles to adjust to her new life as a shapeshifter while also trying to ensure that thereâs no Cyberon left on Earth (possibly making contact with other people and organisations, such as P.R.O.B.E., with similar goals). Andersonâs struggle with her shapeshifter identity could be contrasted with the erased identities of the Cyberonâs victims.
Cyber Wars books
Either a series of books or an anthology (whichever makes more sense to produce) set in the future during the Cyber Wars, continuing from Flight of the Cyberons, Cyber-Hunt, and Cybergeddon and starring someone who has joined the fight against the Cyberons (possibly Lauren Anderon, seeing as she was established to have survived into the 31st century in Barnyard of the Cyberons, or possibly an original character), journeying across the galaxies and encountering the Cyberons in various situations. I could write the first book/story (and potentially others), and we could accept pitches for other stories in the series, perhaps. There would be more freedom to create completely original, episodic Cyberon stories for this project, possibly with a central plot thread running throughout â something in the mold of the Doctor Who New Adventures series, maybe.
This particular incarnation of the âCyberon revivalâ, however, fell through even before the October scandal: âAs it transpired,â Lupan explains, âhe also wanted me to write all of these books myself, which was not originally clear (I'd figured he just wanted me to plan the series and find other contributors) â and wanted me to start with one of the few ideas that I didn't feel up to writing myselfâ.Â
The book in question was the untitled direct Cyberon sequel featuring Lauren Anderson. Quoth Lupan: âI put that one in only because it was very clear (in fact, it was the only thing that was clear) that Baggs believes that the core appeal of the Cyberon concept is not the Cyberons, but Lauren Anderson.
But, while I could try, the tone of the original Cyberon novelisation is, I think, a bit outside my usual range, and I really didnât think they'd end up meshing (âŚ) I told him as much.â
Bill didnât write back to Lupan afterwards. But he hadnât given up on his dream of creating further original Cyberon prose without Arcbeatle Press⌠bringing us to the next item on my list.
4. Minalopa by Callum Phillpott
With Lupanâs Cyberon ideas stalling before theyâd really started, Baggs turned, in mid-September (on 9/11, in fact, in a rather bizarre detail), to Callum Phillpott, author of the other BBV-published Cyberon novel, Cyber-Hunt â a much-expanded retelling of Nicholas Briggsâs original audioplay of the same name, which cleverly wrote âFredâ out of the line-up of BBC Doctors without denying that he did use to be the man in the blue box. It did so through the mysterious figure of the âMan in Blackâ, written with the intent that he might just as easily be the Master/War King, the Genesis Time Lord Messenger, Death itself, or even, he assures me, Nyarlathotep.Â
(Wait, isnât Nyarlathotep the Doctor? Well, itâs not as though my story brushing on this topic was actually what anyone would call canonâŚ)
Given that Cyber-Hunt itself clawed its way to the extended family tree of licensed DWU spin-offs through its licensed references to Faction Paradoxâs Amazolian System and its planet of Aurichall, the recurrence of the Man in Black in Phillpottâs planned sequel would doubtless have made it one of the lucky few among the Cyberon catalogue to earn its coverage on Tardis Wiki. An interesting thought to ponder.
Anyway, here is Callumâs own account of the writing of Minalopa, the Cyberon novel that wasnât. Sounds like itâd have been a doozyâŚ
Around a month ago, Bill asked me if I had a pitch for a sequel to Cyber-Hunt. I didnât, so I came up with a couple on the spot.
The one that won was given the working title âMinalopaâ which featured a Holiday planet getting taken over and converted by the Cyberons. When I started working on it proper, I changed it to Minalopolis, and the Holiday Planet became more like Disneyland.
A summary of what I managed to write in the first draft:
Prologue: After the events of Cyber-Hunt, the Cyberon King is pissed. Why is there a Cyberon King now? I dunno, sometimes I just add things to see if I can get away with it, thatâs basically what the Man in Black was. They were going to be this like giant Cyberon lich-thing with 6 brains, I suppose I wanted a sort of big Disney Villain vibe but honestly I donât know if the King wouldâve survived in the secd draft.
Chapter 1 basically introduces all 4 heroes: Derren, a janitor who unwillingly works at Minalopolis so he doesnât get drafted by the Tellurian Alliance; Zeek, a refugee from Corupus who has definitely been traumatised by the Cyberon Wars; Hayley, a laid-back drug store cashier; and finally, returning from Cyber-Hunt, the mysterious robed man I added for⌠(checks notes) literally no reason. I just thought itâd be fun for people whoâd already listened to the audio. Insistently called the Man in Black because I had lyrics to âMan at C&Aâ on the brain.
Then the next chapter introduced us to one of the villains, Gruber Minalopa. Heâs basically inherited the role of Walt Disney and desperately wants to move away from the silhouette of Ozzie Hare and into city planning (hence why he colonised and entire dwarf planet). Oh yeah, and I of course gave him some knockoff mascot characters, this time based on Oswald-era Disney stuff instead of Mickey stuff just to be unique (though I did at one point consider Larold Lemming). They included Ozymandias âOzzieâ Hare, the Mad Doctor Ohm, and Peta the Gorilla. I was sort of inspired by Walt Disneyâs proposed city plan when I was making it, except somehow worse (as if a town where youâre encouraged to move out, people in the theme park next door can watch you, and you canât vote can be worse)
But how does he manage to keep this place exempt from Tellurian Alliance drafting? Arms dealing, also maybe inventing new weapons for them (I just thought it was funny to have him offhandedly say âThe Imagineers have made you a new nukeâ).
Anyway, so the chapter perspectives alternate between Gruber and one of the 4 protagonists (mainly Derren or Zeek). Derren and Zeek slowly grow close to each other; meanwhile, Gruber is forced to help the Cyberons. See, he also deals weapons to the Cyberons to keep them away. And so they kinda have him in their pocket. They send over a Lear, âOswaldâ, to instruct him on what to do. Lears were basically going to be spies constructed by the Cyberons to look like what they think a human looks like (itâs slightly off, and sometimes theyâre a bit too weak).
The intent was to sort of build anticipation, âoh no, when is the horrible Cyberon invasion going to effect the main charactersâ⌠who knows if it actually worked or if it just came off as an interesting story getting interrupted by a boring story. This would all culminate in the sort of âpoint of no returnâ event where the Cyberon invade a party and the true horrors of conversion begin. Meanwhile Derren, Zeek, Hayley and the Man in Black run away.
Beyond that, Iâll admit I didnât have plans. I mean, I knew I wanted things to happen like Gruber getting converted into the Cyberon Leader of Minalopolis, probably some character drama, theyâd see some of the rides Iâd named after Who episodes, etc.
I did have an outline with a finale, but by the time I started writing I decided the proposed finale wouldnât work and still hadnât replaced it with anything. Thus end my ramblings, now I can finally take all those post-it-notes down, making room for Kasper and the Sea Prince.
5. P.R.O.B.E. Case File: Faction Paradox by James Hornby
Most of you, by now, will have learned that the Faction made their very technical live-action debut in BBVâs P.R.O.B.E. Case Files: Volume 2Â in two short subjects written by James Hornby, and visualised in typically cheap fashion by Bill Baggs and Warren Lewis.Â
What may not be obvious is that, as scripted, these two fairly insubstantial near-encounters between the Faction and the Preternatural Research Bureau were intended as buildup for the âseason finaleâ of Volume 2, which would bring things to a head via a video call between Giles and an actually, properly live-action FP member. Below is a costume test for the character in question.
The story would reveal the Faction with whom P.R.O.B.E. had been interacting as a group of Post-War survivors (which only makes sense, as several clues in Out of the Shadows made it clear that the Arcbeatle-era P.R.O.B.E. stories are set in the Post-War Universe, concurrently with the Welsh Series). After some back-and-forth and mutual outwitting, Giles and the Faction splinter-groupâs leader would agree to a treaty comparable to the Gregorian Compact, giving the Faction the chance to build a new Eleven-Day-Empire-esque home base out of the lost time of Englandâs daylight savings.
This fairly lofty projectâs late scrapping is probably to blame for Bill having âmade up the countâ of Case Files on the Volume 2 DVD with Legend, a scrapped trailer for The Brigadier Adventures that makes for quite a poor tenth and final entry in the Volume. But thatâs what you get when you alienate all the people interested in helping your companyâs output be, er, good.
The project was ambitious by the standards of the Case Files â although one hopes that if and when more definitive live-action Faction content than whatever this is surfaces, it will be bigger and bolder still!Â
Mind you, it was surely dwarfed in scope by the project of a direct-to-DVD anthology of horror shorts from the worlds of Faction Paradox, loosely adapted from Obverseâs Wallowing in Pessimismâs Mire. Bill, for once, had a decent budget lined up for that one, and had even managed to sign up a semi-prominent Doctor Who actor to appear in one of the shorts. That one actually collapsed the day before the October scandal, as, on the morning shooting was supposed to begin, Bill was assaulted in the street by a masked man who tore the script from his hand and ran into the distance. (I know this sounds like an outrageous tall tale, but I assure you itâs every bit as real as the Obverse anthology. Hereâs some evidence. Also the unlisted YouTube upload of the demo theme tune. Seriously.)
6. The Rani Adventures by James Hornby, Aristide Twain & others
As independently confirmed by Obverseâs Downtime, Pip & Jane Baker wrote multiple further scripts for BBVâs Rani audio series, which would have continued to star Kate OâMara. Unfortunately, the poor sales of The Rani Reaps the Whirlwind put an end to these plans. However, as Micah K. Spurling was novelising the aforementioned story, Bill began considering digging up those old scripts and adapting them in prose format, turning the novelisation into a backdoor pilot for a new series of Rani Adventures.
Since Kate OâMaraâs Raniâs likeness rights are another kettle of fish entirely from the rights to the Rani character, the assumption was that the novels would star an original Rani incarnation, postdating OâMara as well as Big Finishâs Second Rani. Matching its real-life status as OâMaraâs last hurrah, the novelisation of âŚReaps the Whirldwind was reworked into the final chronological adventure of the original Rani, ending with her regeneration, a special scene written by Hornby as an epilogue to Spurlingâs novel. This was, pro forma, a regeneration into what was implied to be Big Finishâs Second Rani, meaning that the Third Rani novels wouldnât have followed on from it quite as directly as âTHE RANI WILL RETURNâ might have implied â but the spirit was there.The true ânew Raniâ was meant to be a younger, South Asian incarnation â a mysterious girl, keeping the fierce intelligence and cold efficiency of Kate OâMaraâs portrayal but very much striking out in a new direction for the character.Â
Knowing Billâs occasional unreliability in these matters, we advised him to get in touch with Pip and Jane Bakerâs heirs â despite his claims that his original agreement with the Bakers should allow him to adapt the scripts theyâd produced at the time, albeit decades later.Â
To his credit, for once, he listened to us and did get in touch with the Bakersâ surviving relatives, who put him in touch with the agent handling the Rani copyright. Negotiations seemed, at the time, to be going well: âwe have scripts by the characterâs creator already, we just want your go-ahead to produce themâ is a pretty compelling bargaining position.
With the hope growing that BBV would get the rights not just to adapt the Bakersâ scripts, but to then continue to spin the Third Rani into wholly original content, plans began to be drawn.Â
Among the novels loosely sketched out was my own Helix, an eerie tale of genetic engineering inspired by the Island of Doctor Moreau, where the Third Rani and an innocent âcompanionâ character (a lad in his late teens, probably from some human-like alien species rather than a human) would end up âcast awayâ on a planet that the Rani had used as a dumping ground for mutant experiments in a previous incarnation, and which had developed, over centuries, into its own psychedelic closed-loop ecosystem, with two main intelligent races, one of blue ape-creatures and another of giant, moth-like insects. They both remembered the Rani (the original Rani, that is; OâMara) in their makeshift religions, in a cargo-cult sort of way, but one side had her as a harsh-but-fair Creator figure, while the other pictured her as a kind of Devil. I didnât get as far as truly plotting the thing out, but, of course, theyâd have met the Rani-worshipping side first, leading the real thing to make some very reckless assumptions and identify herself openly to the other side when she ran into themâŚ
Anyway, another idea floated around was that the Rani would join the Doctor the Optimistic Diplomat from Drornid and the Master the War King in the Faction Paradox series. I had my own ideas of how that should play out, which Iâll keep to myself for now, but things started going wrong when it turned out that Bill himself did, and heâd started writing a FP Dionusâs War story himself. In fact, he got so excited that he went and released his rather lackluster effort before negotiations with the Bakers had concluded, scraping off the serial numbers to turn âthe Third Raniâ into âNariâ. Which is embarrassing in itself, but itâs probably for the best that the real Rani didnât have to be associated with the disgrace of an audio in question, Me & My Ghost.
Itâs likely that such unprofessional behaviour would have turned the Baker heirs off the deal anyway â but after the scandal and BBV being dropped by its other licensors (e.g. Hannah Hatt), I think itâs clear the solo adventures of the Third Rani are no longer on the table. Itâs pity â I think Helix would have been a good book⌠And the last trace of the plans in officially Rani-licensed media crumbled when Hornby asked that his Rani regeneration be taken out of The Rani Reaps the Whirlwind before it went to print.
7. Faction Paradox: The Night War Came To Luparia by Christa MactĂre
The night The Halloween Apocalypse aired, debuting Chris Chibnallâs race of dog-like âLupariâ, was a fun and infuriating one if you happened to share a Discord server with Christa MactĂŹre, long-time writer of a Thirteenth Doctor Adventures fanfiction series prominently featuring a species of wolf-like humanoids called Luparians.Â
All at once, the fanfics found themselves unexpectedly canonised, and any chance of the originals being approached on their own terms by new readers disintegrated. Not unlike that fateful day Russell T. Davies decided that his Ninth Doctor would be reeling from a great Time War that ended with him destroying Gallifrey and its Time Lords⌠but not quite like in the EDAs.
History might have been repeated itself a lot closer still â because a month or so prior, Christa was working on an audio story that would have brought Luparia into the official Faction Paradox cosmology, as the location of a remote Faction outpost.
The people of Luparia have not known conflict since deposing their last king five hundred years before, when an enigmatic traveler arrived to plot revolution. But that time of peace is coming to an end: a war unlike anything the universe has ever seen is raging. Luparia is caught in the crossfire⌠and they have no idea of the danger that lies ahead.
One night, a member of a shadowy organization known as the Faction crash-lands in the backyard of a Luparian widow, and as they are nursed back to health, a strange partnership is formed. And in the process, Luparian history will change forever. War is coming, and they will need all the resources they can get if they are to survive a War of Time.
This one didnât have time to go very far â I donât recall if Bill Baggs ever saw the pitch, although I believe James Hornby did. Still â an interesting might-have-been⌠I understand Christaâs wolf-people might pop up in the official DWU, although theyâll likely have been forced to go through some kind of name change by then!
8. P.R.O.B.E./The Brigadier Adventures: The Paimon Affair by Charles P. Murphy
I thought it was the only fitting that Iâd save for last this story by the steadfast Charles E. P. Murphy, given that it came closer to âreally happeningâ than any other. Unlike our last six items of interest, this storyâs script was fully-written, and on the brink of being recorded by Bill when the scandal broke and Charles withdrew it. It will now doubly not happen, given that it starred the Brigadier, being intended as the full crossover between the Brigadier Adventures and P.R.O.B.E. Case Files ranges that Gilesâs appearances in the framing device of the former already implied.Â
But that doesnât mean you canât enjoy Charlesâs script online for free, by special arrangement with the man himself, who was also kind enough to write up the behind-the-scenes of it all especially for this post! Go read the story, then come back forâŚ
The Annotations of Paimon!
The germ of the story was the mental image of Giles doing one of The Brigadier Adventures read-throughs and suddenly realising that this was related to a P.R.O.B.E. case: the shocking discovery that things hadnât actually been resolved and the threat has had fifty years to fester. And if itâs had fifty years to fester, how much worse is it going to be to face? You may have no choice but to runâŚÂ
It seemed like a clever way to tie both series together. It would also mean The Brigadier Adventures would be shown to âcountâ more, we werenât just doing stories squeezed into the continuity gaps but could do things that affected the modern day.
I very cheekily pitched this as a two-part story. The first audio would be a Brigadier Adventures story where he seems to have stopped Paimon, and then youâd get a surprise cliffhanger for next monthâs P.R.O.B.E. Case Files. My idea was that it would be a big thrill to anyone listening for the first time, and that it would help sales, and primarily that I would get to write two things instead of just one thing. James Hornby requested I turn it into one audio so it wouldnât alienate the customers.
The original vague idea was that âPaimonâ would be a real entity who was trying to alter mankind so we could fight off alien invasions. Once there were enough sociopathic psychics among us, theyâd take over for our own good. That ended up being massively scaled down to fit one audio and I think I prefer it this way: no grand conspiracy with grand aims, just grubby bastards doing grubby things. (It would also have meant, if it came out, nobody has to wonder why nobody else runs into Paimonâs forces â whereas anybody could slot Mortown into the background of a story, on a government committee).Â
Originally, Iâd thought of specifically stating this is happening the week after âthe Schädengeist Affairâ â meaning Candy Jarâs The Showstoppers, where Lethbridge-Stewart gets his promotion. That was dropped so we didnât step on any toes. The brief reference to the Korean War and the Brig gathering information & connections for his group are meant as subtle nods to the Candy Jar series. While The Fall of Shield Sentai was about someoneâs account of meeting the Brig, this time I wanted to try writing it from his POV â or at least, how heâd write things up. In retrospect, his descriptions of telekinesis and pyrokinesis are a bit clunky but I was pretty sure Alistair wouldnât know what the hell that was and would assume his boss didnât either.Â
I did like the idea that the Brigadierâs pretending âoh yeah itâs witchcraft, mateâ as his cover story. The surnames for our baddies (and Marric) are taking from the many pen-names of writer John Creasey. I forget why I decided on that⌠probably just âI know a source of surnamesâ. Regina Blanc was a warping of Jean Grey, as the four-guys-and-a-girl setup fit the original X-Men roster. âWeird happeningsâ is a nod to Paul Cornell using the term in the Wisdom comic, which is itself taken from Excalibur having a Weird Happenings Organisation (WHO) with a Brigadier Stuart and her brother Alistaire.Â
Summerfield was here to help build up the Brigadier Adventures micro-continuity. The very first audio, Peelâs Memories of Tomorrow, had introduced Captain Summerfield as a long-time valued sidekick of Alistairâs. In that case, I felt, he should appear in things set before then. Hornby asked Peel if I could use him, Peel kindly gave permission, and so hereâs Lt. Summerfield, new to all this but showing himself to be a cool operator.Â
Marric the muckrakerâs book about the Brig is meant to make him a crap version of James Stevens in Who Killed Kennedy. Much like Stevens does, heâs writing about this odd Lethbridge-Stewart man and his sinister UNIT force, but unlike Stevens heâs a venal little git.
Hereditary peerages ended under Tony Blair, while Black Rod is the official who keeps order in the House of Lords. âNobody in Geneva or Cardiffâ ties to U.N.I.T. and Torchwood both being shut down in recent Doctor Who, âthe ghouls in Department C4â writes out Nimrod and the Forge as allies, and P.R.O.B.E. having no ties to the U.S.A. or the E.U. is just to emphasise nobodyâs coming. Alas, the P.R.O.B.E. anthology Out of the Shadows says they do have ties to an American group and have a French equivalent! Ah well, assume the former canât help them and the latter are occupied.
Once the crossover became one story, I could directly compare Alistair and Giles. That allowed for character work and mean the Brig remained as a presence in the middle of the story. The âserial killer on the moorsâ is from Hornbyâs The Brigadier Adventures: New Pastures.Â
Thereâs a few places in this where I wanted to play around with the audio format. Due to budget, the Adventures were always going to be narrated prose but I wanted to use tricks that would only work in audio. So, you have the end credits starting early, you have dialogue edited out, you have it suddenly becoming a live broadcast as baddies attack, and Giles recording bits and pieces over different times. (Similarly, in Shield Sentai I wanted to make use of the Giles-tells-us-about-files-he-found format to mess about with the narrative: multiple documents have to be used and theyâre not complete, heâs reading a translation.)
Gary Russellâs Vault now belonging to P.R.O.B.E. was established in the Cyberon novelisation-slash-anthology.
I think the ending couldâve worked a bit better, but I wanted the resolution to be grounded in something from P.R.O.B.E.âs own stories. Maxie was that something as she seemed the most recurring character in the P.R.O.B.E. Case Files and her skin-dyeing meant that she could sneak around in disguise.
The Duke de Richleau was the hero of The Devil Rides Out, which had a film out the year before.
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The Book of the Snowstorm â Readthrough/Review Part 5
Framing Story (Scenes 12)
David Tennant? And the TARDIS Data Core?
Only one scene this time so not much review but Coloth is still fun.
Trauma and Tinsel
Poor Miara, Iâm glad they got through to her in the end. (Also fascinating condition, effectively perpetual regular forced regeneration but obviously not actually that). Dionus is a character Iâm familiar with by name, because of BBVâs Dionusâs War audios, but this is my first actual experience with them as a character. They seem nice. Also saw references to âV-Timeâ and âUlyssesâ in there too. But the main thing is the piece was sweet.
Love & War
Not to be confused with the VNA Love and War or the BF adaptation Love and War of the VNA Love and War.
Ok so this is literally an immediately pre-War Cult of Skaro Dalek story. How did you get away with this? Explain. Literally had the Genesis Ark and void ship in it and everything.
Also the citations, direct citations to real books (Including one to my work which I was not expecting).
Mathematical Bureau lore and FASA War Chief lore aside, this weighs in on literally everything from âwhich homeworld is the main oneâ (Romana IIIs is the âFirstâ but War Kingâs is the âPrimeâ) to âWhen did the Doctor and River Song marry?â (With this story implying Dionus and Susit got married after Dionus resurrected Susit using some of his regeneration cycle).
Short review session this time, but I got cut off, just under half way through the book now.
I like to imagine that that time that "The Nari" showed up in that Dionus audio that it wasn't even a rip off of the Rani or a clone or an amnesiac Rani or whatever, it was just a lady named like Kylene or something who was pulling an elaborate prank that went too far, and then ran off after it got too serious.
Just like "sweet going to absolutely prank this Dionus guy"