<div style="white-space:pre-wrap">
<meta anomaly-type="murder-ape-hypocrisy">
<script>
ARCHIVE_TAG="HEY_MURDER_APE::KALE_LATTE"
EFFECT="gut-punch satire, dietary hypocrisy, evolutionary receipts, full-length doctrine"
</script>
🦍 HEY MURDER APE — YOUR KALE SALAD AND SOY LATTE IS READY
Hey folks, it’s your neighborly air-horn holder, Mr. Holder,
and today I’m blasting into the void with one simple observation:
humans — yes, you genetically murderous apes — have an Olympic-level talent for hypocrisy.
You will happily stand there, your incisors flashing like prehistoric blades, while telling me with a straight face:
> “Eating meat is cruel. You should really try kale instead.”
And then you’ll take a sip of soy foam like it’s holy water,
ignoring the fact that your very jawline, your entire cranial real estate, and your ancient survival story was built on ripping flesh, cracking bones, and sucking marrow until your eyes rolled back like a wolf at a carcass.
But please, do continue. Tell me again why a hamburger is barbarism while your quinoa salad (flown 6,000 miles using diesel cargo ships) is “ethical.”
🥩 THE EVOLUTIONARY RECEIPT — WE WERE BUILT TO KILL
You ever look at your teeth in the mirror? Not your veneers, not the whitening strips ad version — the actual shapes:
Incisors shaped like knives.
Molars thick and blunt, perfect for cracking.
These aren’t bunny teeth. These are predator tools.
🔬 Fact check:
Anthropologists agree: our ancestors didn’t balloon their brains by gnawing celery sticks. They did it by eating calorie-dense meat, cooked over fire, which shrank our guts and freed up energy to grow a brain three times larger than expected for our body size. (See Richard Wrangham, “Catching Fire.”)
You want proof?
Look at chimpanzees, our closest cousins. They hunt monkeys for fun. They rip them apart. They suck the marrow. Not because they need to — but because it’s in the software.
We are not tofu apes. We are murder apes.
🥬 THE KIDNEY-SHAKING KALE LECTURE
And yet, in the year of our decline, I can’t go ten minutes without someone with hollow cheeks, hairline like a wilted plant, and wrists so thin they’d lose an arm-wrestling match to a broomstick,
lecturing me about why my steak dinner is destroying the planet.
Their voice quivers as they explain why carrots are the future.
Their eyes glaze, pupils dilated not from intensity, but from iron deficiency.
And right there — right between their incisors — a tiny green flag: kale leaf, stuck and waving like it’s signaling surrender on behalf of the species.
The irony soaks through:
You are lecturing me against meat while using the tools meat built.
That’s like an iPhone complaining about electricity.
🧟 WHY DO VEGANS ALWAYS LOOK LIKE ZOMBIES?
Let’s rip the band-aid off:
There’s a reason people whisper that vegans look “unwell.”
It’s not cruelty. It’s biology collecting unpaid rent.
Vitamin B12: doesn’t exist in kale, spinach, quinoa, or lentils. It’s produced by bacteria, passed through animals. Without it? Nerve damage, fatigue, cognitive decline.
Iron: plant iron (non-heme) isn’t absorbed nearly as well as heme iron from meat. Studies show up to 30% of vegans develop iron-deficiency anemia.
DHA/EPA Omega-3s: essential fats for brain health. Yes, you can press algae into capsules. Congratulations — you’re eating fish food in pill form because you didn’t want salmon.
Creatine: improves brain and muscle performance. Abundant in meat. Nonexistent in plants. Vegans test lower in short-term memory and reasoning tasks.
📊 In surveys, around 84% of vegans are either deficient or reliant on supplements to stay afloat. That’s not “plant-powered.” That’s Walgreens-powered.
So when you stand there, eyes sunken, face gaunt, preaching the gospel of oat milk… forgive me if all I see is a zombie practicing its monologue.
Let’s talk about your beloved Impossible Burger.
Do you know why it tastes like meat?
Because it’s engineered heme — literally lab-grown blood proteins — added to mimic the iron tang of animal flesh.
You don’t crave kale. You don’t crave celery. You crave blood.
So Silicon Valley spoon-feeds you a cosplay version of the very thing you demonize.
Your savior burger is a blood simulation.
Dracula called. He says thanks for the brand loyalty.
🔥 MEAT BUILT CIVILIZATION
The first tools? Flint scrapers, sharpened to strip flesh off carcasses.
The first fire pits? Bones cracked for marrow.
The first cooperative hunts? Persistence running antelope into collapse under African suns.
Meat wasn’t a side dish. It was the cornerstone.
Without it, we wouldn’t have tribes, societies, cathedrals, skyscrapers, or your vegan café.
Imagine an alternate history where your ancestors turned their noses up at hunting and stuck to tubers and berries.
Spoiler: you don’t exist.
The real hypocrisy?
Pretending that your plant-based crusade is bloodless.
Let’s look at kale, quinoa, soy, and almonds:
Industrial soy farming annihilates entire rainforests. Millions of animals — birds, rodents, insects — displaced or killed.
Almonds require obscene water use. One almond = over a gallon of water. Your latte is a drought.
Quinoa’s sudden Western demand has destabilized Andean economies, pricing out the very locals who relied on it as a staple food.
Kale? Monocropped with pesticides and fertilizers that still spill animal blood across ecosystems.
Your hands aren’t clean. They’re just sanitized with marketing.
🧨 THE SOCIAL ZOMBIE EFFECT
It’s not just about health. It’s about culture.
The more we normalize this “meat is evil” sermon, the more disconnected we become from the very instincts that carried us here.
You start to see it in the bodies:
Fragility mistaken for morality.
Weakness confused with purity.
Hunger rebranded as “discipline.”
And what happens when generations forget what meat does to the brain, the hormones, the body?
We raise people too timid to defend themselves.
Too fragile to resist.
Too malnourished to revolt.
A society of polite zombies sipping soy foam while the apex predators of history laugh.
🩸 EVOLUTION IS A MURDER TAPE
The dirty truth no vegan wants to admit:
life on Earth is a kill chain.
Everything eats everything.
Plants are alive. Animals are alive. Microbes are alive. You survive by theft — taking the stored energy of something else and burning it for yourself.
The only difference?
Meat-eaters admit it.
Vegans cosplay as pacifists while hiding behind supplements that patch the holes their fantasy diet dug in their biology.
📚 REAL FACTS FOR YOUR AIR-HORN
Archaeological evidence shows early humans with bone marrow residues in their teeth, proving marrow was a core calorie source.
Persistent hunting — jogging prey into heat collapse — is uniquely human. No kale required.
Anthropological studies confirm: no known society in history has thrived without animal protein. Zero.
Supplement industry profits: billions annually. A large chunk? Vegan deficiencies. Your “ethical diet” is a subscription model.
🧟 CLOSING ARGUMENT: YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH
You tell me meat is murder.
Fine. At least murder looks alive.
But you?
You look like death rehearsing.
Skin pale, eyes hollow, bones visible like a walking anatomy chart.
And you want me to trade steak for that?
Nah. I’ll take my chances with the “murder ape” diet.
Because when the apocalypse hits — and it will —
I want the hunters. Not the kale clerics.
🔔 FINAL WORD FROM MR. HOLDER
Eat what you want. Believe what you want.
But don’t lecture a murder ape about why it’s wrong to eat meat while you secretly rely on lab-engineered blood proteins and pharmacy pills to survive.
Because the truth is simple:
Civilization was built on bone marrow.
History was carved with canines.
The future belongs to whoever admits it.
So sip your soy latte. Chew your kale.
But don’t be shocked when I say it:
🔁 Reblog if you’re tired of zombies lecturing murder apes about survival.> I don’t fuck with zombies.
🧠 Read more evolutionary sermons and unapologetic truth-bombs at:
👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence
🛡️ Blacksite Literature™. Scrolltrap psychology. Apex primate transmissions.
🐺 Reminder: You are a murder ape pretending to be a rabbit.
And rabbits don’t build civilizations.
<!-- END TRANSMISSION [AUTO-WIPE IN: 05:55:55] -->
