#devyn simone

#5. Show Up Late If you showed up late to a job interview, your potential employer would think you didn’t care about the job. Well guess what? Same thing applies to a date. If you saunter in 30 minutes late, you’re sending the message that you think your time is more valuable than your date’s time—meaning that you don’t respect him. Showing disrespect before you’ve even said hello will keep you single for a very long time. If you’re prone to being late, aim to get there 15 minutes early and enjoy a walk around the block if you have time to kill.

#4. Use Your Cell The reason why dating today is harder than it was fifty years ago is because singles not only have to contend with other singles, they also have to compete with distractions. Texting, talking or watching viral videos on your phone during a date sends the message that you’re not really interested in getting to know the person. (The only exception is if you’re a mom or caretaker, in which case you can kindly let your date know that you might be getting an important call and put your phone in your lap on vibrate.)

#3. Get Hot & Heavy Physical chemistry is important for a relationship, but it’s not the main foundation. Hooking up too soon in the dating process can cloud your judgment. One steamy moment between the sheets and the next thing you know you’re ignoring all the warning signs of why he may not be good for you (and why he won’t be calling for a second date, anyway). In a recent survey, 42% of men and women said that they’ve had a first date hook-up which they later regretted. Hooking up with someone before you’re ready may lead to a happy ending short-term, but not the long term one you’re looking for.

#2. Lose Self-Control Have you ever done something on a date that you knew was wrong but you just couldn’t help yourself (monopolized the conversation, ranted about an ex, had so many drinks you started singing into your silverware)? No man will tell you this, but I will: When it comes to a partner, one of the number one qualities he’s looking for in a woman is self-control. A woman with self-control is powerful, mysterious, and an asset. A woman who can’t control her behavior is a liability. Liabilities end up in the “call for a good time not a long time” category. So keep the drinks (and your mouth!) in check. Think before you speak.

1. Limit Your Availability Imagine if someone called you one day to say a single sentence, then hung up. Then they called you the next day with a sentence, and hung up again. You’d think they were crazy! So don’t let someone do that to you with messaging. Once you’ve had one or two full conversations online, tell your prospect that you’ve enjoyed meeting him and would like to get to know him better, but you don’t access your profile often, so the phone is the best way to reach you. Then sign off and wait for a call.

2. Talk on the Phone I know that these days, many people would rather be bitten by a tarantula than talk on the phone. But it’s 100% necessary, and here’s why: When someone speaks to you on the phone, your conscious mind is keeping up with the conversation, but your unconscious mind is analyzing his tone, his way of speaking and a host of other clues to figure out if you’ve got chemistry. I can’t tell you how many times I saved myself from a terrible date by having a phone call beforehand! You don’t have to feel sparks—you just shouldn’t feel like you’re ready to run. Plus, he needs to know that you have standards: You are not going to go out with someone who can’t take the time to call you first. Respect and effort are key.

3. Do Not Revert! The natural progression is for a real date to follow that phone call. But if you go back to messaging, you risk getting stuck back in that flirtationship. Make it clear once you’ve spoken that you’re available on the phone or in person—that’s it. If a guy is interested, he’ll choose being with you every time. And give yourself a timeline (I won’t say “ultimatum”) to meet up. If you can’t find a single hour to grab a coffee in, say, the next two weeks, you’re just not prioritizing each other—and I hate to say it, but you’re doomed from the start! Let go and move on.

#7. His photos are well-rounded. Pictures are worth a thousand words for good reason. A guy who has a diverse collection of photos—himself with family, friends and pets; doing activities he enjoys or looking suave at work—is more likely to have a life, be interesting and know how to balance the important things in life—a key ingredient to building a healthy relationship!

#6. He’s positive on his profile. Close your eyes for a second and think of the last time you were upset. Now imagine how much better you would have felt if a strong, sexy guy had wrapped his arms around you. A loving partner may not be able to change a tough situation, but he can help you weather through it. If he has a positive outlook on his profile, chances are he’ll bring that that same energy to your relationship.

#5. He keeps it short, simple, and thoughtful. While a profile should give you insight to the person, it should not detail his whole life story starting from the cold wintery morning from whence he was born. If you have to take two days off work just to read his profile, run! He’s either trying too hard, has too much time on his hands, or obsessive (about himself and potentially about you—no need to find out!). Look for a man who writes just enough to leave you wanting more.

#4. He messages you with something that relates to your profile. We get it. There are literally millions of options online. But online dating isn’t supposed to be a conveyer belt, churning through dates. A guy who’s just looking for a hookup will send generic “hey what’s up” messages to any woman with a pulse. A guy who’s serious about you will make the effort to stand out by tailoring his messages and highlighting your potential connections.

#3. He asks you out on a date within the first week of messaging. Once you guys have a rapport going online, Mr. Serious About Finding Love will be serious about taking you on a real date. This isn’t the movie HER, no one should be falling in love with their computer screen. And if he’s dragging his heels about meeting in person, he might be having a tough time juggling his two families! No thanks.

#2. He asks/agrees to call you before the first date. To be fair, we’re such a text-happy society these days that most guys are unaware of this step, so you may have to tell him that you’d prefer to speak on the phone before your first date. But this Dating 101: Speaking on the phone is a good way to weed out the weirdos and see if you have a connection. Besides, if a guy can’t take 5 minutes out of his day to call you, why should you take 10 minutes out of your day to brush your hair and put on lip gloss to meet him? If he’s serious about you, he’ll be happy—even excited—to accommodate. And finally, #1…

#1. He follows through with a smile. If you only remember one thing from this article, this is it: A guy (or any person, for that matter) naturally prioritizes the people they value most. So if he wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make you a priority. A man with no follow-through is a man who doesn’t really want to be with you. For your relationship to begin, grow, and flourish, you need two people to be committed to the process. If he’s not committed to getting to know you in the beginning, he’ll never be fully committed.

How did you and Clinton Kelly come together? Clinton and I actually became friends because he is a huge Challenge fan and he contacted me years ago after seeing my first appearance on The Challenge. From there we became Twitter friends, and then drinking buddies, and now real-life dinner friends and co-hosts together.

So what made you decide to work together? We developed the idea about a year ago over cocktails — probably one too many cocktails — and I was just telling him about a date I had just gone on the night before from Tinder. He was like, "What's Tinder?" So I'm showing him my Tinder profile and showing him all the messages. And then we started looking at all the women's profiles, and we're like, "Oh my god, I can't believe they're wearing that. What are they doing? I can't believe they're posting that." And then it was like, "Wouldn't it be great if we had a show where we could help these women? Oh my god, genius!" So we contacted TLC literally at dinner that night and flew out a week later, pitched the show, and now, here we are with Love at First Swipe.

That actually happened pretty quickly. It did! It was August 11, 2014, because the guy I was telling Clinton about on my Tinder date — that's now my boyfriend.

So we know you've tried dating on reality TV (ahem, Eric!) and Tinder, but what makes you a dating guru? You would bring that up, wouldn't you? [Laughs] As a kid, I was always fascinated by relationships. I was that kid who would get their allowance and instead of buying toys and dolls, I was buying relationship books and self-help books, some of which I still have, just analyzing the dynamics of relationships. I took specific classes in college based on sociology and the psychology of dating. My own dating experiences: old, young, rich, poor, American, and foreign, I've dated it. I've been on a date with it. I probably met it online. I've been there, done that. And the combination of all of those things means I can provide a firsthand experience with dating — specifically with online dating — that even some of the celebrated matchmakers and relationship gurus can't because either they're married or they haven't really been in the whole dating app and online dating scene, whereas I've been through the trenches. I get every woman's struggle because I've been there.

Is there a certain philosophy or method you're hoping to impart on the women on the show? Not really. My biggest thing is just pushing for women to know what they want and to have a strategy, much like they would with a career. … The same happens with relationships, especially the older we get. Yeah, maybe in high school there are high school sweethearts that wound up getting married and it fell into their lap. But as a whole, you sort of have to have a strategy to get there. Most women get online dating and just think, 'Oh, I'll find love,' but they have no idea what they're looking for, no idea what their plan is, and then they fall flat.

Are you worried about people saying that you and Clinton are asking people to not be themselves? This is really about bringing out people's personalities … and we tell them from the get-go we're not trying to make you like everyone else. We're not going to put everyone in a pencil skirt the same way I'm not going to make everyone's profile the same. This is your sizzle reel and it wouldn't work if it's not you. But what we are going to do is play up the assets and the attributes that are going to get you the kind of man you want. So if you want a struggling musician, you're going to market to that very differently than you are a banking business exec. It's a very different fish that you're trying to catch, so you have to use different bait.

We're so used to seeing fights on The Challenge — are we going to see you and Clinton fight at all? We have a lot of the same goals and there are things where we definitely align. But there are things where we don't, 110 percent, and we have no problem vocalizing the fact that we don't agree.

How would Clinton do on The Challenge? On Battle of the Seasons, where [teams of four] went through that desert and I thought I was going to die, Clinton emailed me after I got back and he said, “[A grand prize of] $250,000 divided by four people equals kiss my ass. I don't know how you survived.” One exciting thing about this show is that there will be no more T.J. [Lavin, the host of The Challenge] moments, there will be no more mountains to climb. The biggest mountain I'll have to climb is what to post on someone's profile from this point forward, so I'm very excited about that.

Does that mean you're done with The Challenge? Oh my gosh, I'm so far done! Unless I came back to be a co-host with T.J., which would be super-fun for one season, or as a sideline commentator where I could just make fun of the people I know on the show that are doing crazy things. I would go back and make a pop-in… but no more physical activities.

 falling in love with someone they did not initially find attractive. While attractiveness may bring two people together it certainly won’t keep them there. A strong partnership requires a deeper look at common values and the ability for your potential mate to be a team player. 

What does that mean for you? The next time you meet someone who doesn't look like a contender for “The Sexiest Man Alive” title, don’t be quick to dismiss. While he may not have the dreamy good looks he may just have everything else you need to form a relationship others dream about.