hi this is JEFF from the Overwatch Team, and it’s been a while since our last developer update. we hope you’ve all been enjoying season 8 of competitive, we really think it’s our best season yet now that all the torb and symmetra mains have been banned and mercy is approaching her inevitable and well ⁻ deserved end. now all my dps mains are free to rank up without those pesky healers getting in the way and i will finally be able to dig my way out of plat without those mercy mains countering the picks i get every thirty seconds. i want all my hanzo mains to know that i keep advocating for a lower cooldown on scatter ⁻ arrow but every time i bring it up they bribe my intern karen to spill hot coffee on my lap and i can’t afford any more skin grafts.
now i know what you’ve all been waiting for is coming : the new cosmetics created by our design team. i can’t wait for everyone to get out there and buy lootboxes, and in anticipation of this, we’ve raised our lootbox prices permanently. we just thought that all these new cosmetics are just so high ⁻ quality, and that my office needs another gold ⁻ plated toilet seat because the buns really start to chafe on silver. a single lootbox now costs three dollars, and you can do the math from there. or maybe you can’t since none of you could put two and two together and understand that i hated my own playerbase from the beginning. this is just what’s best for overwatch and with all the money you’re pumping into the new league skins we needed a way to turn the flow back to us.
speaking of the overwatch league, another exciting update for all of you e ⁻ sports fans : viewing of the overwatch league games is now mandatory. you can see the league schedule by clicking on the appropriate tab in your menu screen, and we hope that you will organize your play around our brand new feature, which superimposes ongoing overwatch league games over your comp sessions. we have a highly ⁻ specialized team of genetically ⁻ enhanced monkeys tracking all of your activity so we will know if you’re not tuning in to all the games. missing three games will result in a season ban from competitive.
that’s all we have time for in this developer update, but we hope you enjoyed the holidays and are excited for our next lore event, which will be about the beautiful budding relationship between zenyatta and a sentient payload.
