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sometimes i just wish i didn't have such exaggerated sleep problems like,,, it is literally affecting my ability to do my work, go to school, and have actual relationships with other people. im so tired. i just want to sleep normally. why is that so hard.
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wanting to write but having 0 attention span and -200 working memory is suffering
uhhh i've been working on this japanese writing assignment for so long my eyes are bleeding it should be easy but uh. anyway if u see any glaring errors yell at me. it's supposed to be in short/plain form.
私の夏休みはすごく面白くなかった。家族はそこに住んでいるからバージニア州やメリーランド州に行きたかった。でもガスが高かすぎた。その代わりにうちの犬とあそんだりテレビお見たりした。ハンドレㇱドを見た。それはとてもわるかったが、とにかく好いた。また、うちの犬を散歩した。 名前はグースで、とてもかわいいよ。私たちは新しいパークに行きたかったので、キーザルパークに 行った。キーザルパークに行ったことがなかった。グースはパークを楽しかったよ。だから夏休みは楽しかった。
im camping with my sibling. they're asleep, and im just kind of sitting on the lakeside waiting for the storm that the weather app on that cheap phone i've got promised me. last time, we heard the rain swooping across the lake before it hit us, and that was sort of frightening in a really wonderful way. anticipatory. im hoping it happens again.
its quiet. the water laps at the trees because the water line is high from the rain. im tense in that way i get when everything is silent and there's nothing to distract me from that need to move i've got deep in my bones. just that sentence seems like too much. i get a need to run, like there's somewhere im supposed to go, but not necessarily somewhere im supposed to be. actually running helps. i might try it.
its loud. im noticing all the sounds that are really here, the ones i dont notice because im so wrapped up in all the noise im making i forget to shut up. and stop. and look up. im so afraid of this feeling i get, like im vibrating out of my skin, that i just keep moving and consuming and making so much noise that i cover up the noise in my brain. in the process, im losing all of these noises too. this bird that's incessantly chirping. trees creaking and settling. the aircon in someone's rv. the waves.
im trying to be okay with this feeling. im trying to battle the urge to run. im trying to hear these noises again. im trying to be present. this too is frightening, in a wonderful sort of way.
so now on top of the flu my ear hurts horribly and I ran a hot bath so the steam would help but the hot water turned to ice so it's not hot enough for that, and of course I started my period today too and had to deal with racists at a protest I went to and im so loopy that i basically kind of want to cry god bless america
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I look 10/10 today guys but whenever I try to take a selfie it’s 6.5/10 at best 😢
my fucking car is behaving like it's got a vacuum leak, so I replaced all the hoses because it needed it anyway, and it was fine for bit but now it's doing the same fucking thing all over again, complete with that obnoxious vacuum leak noise, idle surge and eventually dying at idle fuckin why this
I had a good day at work but I'm literally laying in my bed trying to recover from being stuck in terrible rubbernecking traffic for an hour
