#depressionblows

Despite how the day has been I am sticking to it. I did my run. Now off to bed. #ilikeme #iwillgetstronger #thyroidhealing #depressionblows #cavedweller (at Poulsbo, Washington) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7-CnuHFqgS/?igshid=t2da5a8nakkl

I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest Who'd have known I traced the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time I hurried up The choice was mine I didn't think enough I'm too depressed To go on You'll be sorry when I'm gone #AdamsSong #Blink182 #DepressionBlows https://www.instagram.com/p/BrGVesegU-Pfm5bM6DNj-LbglNECPBt77-XbTI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1d8c7ag13rid9

Been stuffed up with a cold had an ok birthday wishing someone sweet and wonderful would’ve been there but wasn’t oh well and on top of that getting blocked by said person you know I just wanted to talk and see how your doing since your another year older my mood is still the same the current time is still hurts from one who really motivated me to get better about myself 4:53 am

.....but when you're down....

Depression is a bitch! The feeling of hopelessness and inadequacy running through my brain 24/7. Gahhh before I would usually just brush it off and try to immerse myself with friends to compensate the sadness, but now that's not even working. Everything I do to feel better just makes everything worse leading to the point where I just want to give up. This summer was such a rollercoaster, with more downs than ups. I still can't believe that it's been almost 2 months since my parents left, and almost a month since you left. One of my biggest fears in life is being alone, and that's slowly becoming a reality. Yeah I have friends, but still I just feel like everything is different. I slowly pushed everyone away to cope with my depression because I feel like no one understands what I'm going through. Yeah talking about my feelings helps, but it doesn't solve anything. Sigh, I wish you were still here with me by my side. You were the only one that could keep me from thinking and letting those negative emotions from getting into my head because you immersed it with all the happy memories we made. Sigh, too bad I did this to myself and fucked it up. Thinking about it, I guess what my Big said is true. I am the only one that can change the way I'm thinking, but it's coming to the point where there's so many negative thoughts in my head that I'm becoming desperate to try to get away from it. Forcing myself to be content with how my life is going, forcing myself to hangout with friends, and forcing myself to see other people. Forcing happiness into my life is getting overpowered by the hopelessness that has shadowed me for the past couple months. Seriously FML. I hate where I am right now. Like it doesn't even feel like my birthday is in a couple days too because I feel like I have no one to celebrate it with, even though I really do. Fuck I need some meds or something because it's coming to the point where the only thing I look forward to every day is getting ready for bed. I purposely sleep in the entire day so I can just sleep through most of the day so I would have less time to think throughout the day. There's nothing to look forward to anymore. 

I don't know why. But lately I've been really emotionally unstable. I just feel sad. Someone even told me that I cry at the drop of a hat. I honestly wonder if I'm alright. And by alright, I mean...I don't even know.