#denile

Despite Jenna’s advice, I spent the next two years hiding my soulmark. My family knew of course, and a few close friends, but I wore long sleeves year-round, and didn’t tell other people about it. I used the excuse that my soulmark was personal, and people didn’t press any further when they asked to see it. It was a quarter through my junior year, and still none of my classmates knew what my soulmark looked like. 

One morning, Brendon bounded over to me, clutching his soulmate Sarah’s hand. “Sup, Y/N? Did you hear about the two new transfer students?” 

I shut my locker with a bang as Jenna joined us. “Why should I care?” I asked him, lifting a brow. 

“I’m hearing rumors that they’ve got these huge soulmarks on their arms. They’re the talk of the school.” 

I clutched my arm anxiously, “What do they look like?” 

Sarah shook her head, “We don’t know yet, we haven’t seen them. Apparently one of theirs covers their entire arm.”

I shared a nervous glance with Jenna. Brendon and Sarah didn’t know what my soulmark looked like, so they didn’t notice the exchange. Jenna just smiled at me encouragingly. She’s always wanted me to meet my soulmate. I just didn’t know why I was so nervous about it. It was supposed to be a happy thing, but I was anything but. 

Mercifully the bell rang, and we all dispersed to our classes, promising to meet up for lunch. 

I rushed into my first period class, getting a stern look from the teacher at being late. I shrugged sheepishly and sat in my seat, preparing my books for the class. 

“Alright guys, we have a new student joining us today. Joshua, if you could come up here and introduce yourself?” 

I glanced up from my desk with surprise, I hadn’t even noticed the new student standing off to the side as I entered. A tall boy dressed in a black hoodie and black ripped skinny jeans walked to the front, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

I was taken aback by his appearance. He had cotton candy pink hair, a nose ring, and black gages, and he was- well- he was absolutely stunning. I felt my cheeks burn as his brown eyes met mine, before quickly looking away. 

“M-my name’s Josh. Uh- I just moved here. My buddy Tyler did too actually. Our old school lost funding so we ended up having to come here. Which is wild if you think about it. Um, I-I like to play drums, and I don't really know what else to say...” he trailed off, clearly uncomfortable with being the center of attention. 

“Show us your soulmark!” one of the other students piped up from the back. The teacher shushed him, saying that that was inappropriate. 

Josh blushed furiously, but complied anyway. “Oh! Uh- okay.” He pushed up the right sleeve of his hoodie, and my heart jumped into my throat and my stomach dropped. It was the tree. My tree. On his arm.

Josh was my soulmate. 

I suddenly felt nauseous. 

The class erupted, marveling at the size and color of the soulmark. Even the teacher seemed curious now. “Josh, were you the one who selected your soulmark?” Josh nodded, eyes focused on the ground. “If you’re comfortable, can you tell us why you chose such an elaborate design?” 

Josh looked at his exposed arm, as if trying to figure it out himself. “I just thought that the colors were gorgeous, and I love trees and space and stuff. I figured that this was such a happy looking soulmark, and I wanted my soulmate to feel that. Whenever things got dark or lonely for them, that they could look at their arm, and see how beautiful and bright it was, and they would know that things would get better. That not everything is dark. I wanted them to be bold and comfortable with who they are, unlike me, and wear it proudly for all to see. And to know that I would come find them, and love them with all that I am.” 

Josh blushed again as his voice trailed off, suddenly feeling like he shared too much. He glanced around the room, taking in everyone’s expressions. My classmate’s mouths all hung open in wonder, and even the teacher had to subtly wipe away a stray tear. “That’s beautiful Joshua, thank you for sharing that.” 

I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. That was his reason for putting this huge piece on my arm. I suddenly felt like the biggest asshole ever, never once interpreting my soulmark that way. Instead I had been ashamed of it. Josh deserved someone so much better than me.

“You can sit in the empty seat next to Y/N. Welcome to our class Josh.” the teacher directed. 

I felt my pulse pick up. No, no, no, this was bad, I couldn't handle this. I wasn’t ready.

Josh scooted into the seat next to me, giving me a shy, yet warm smile as he did so. “Hey, I’m Josh.” he held his hand out for me to shake. In my panic, I ignored his hand and just nodded, before turning away. My chest constricted at the look of hurt that flashed over Josh’s face. Why am I acting like this?

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a text from Jenna. 

Jenny Bean 9:15am

I think I just met my soulmate.....

I quickly tapped out a reply.

Me too....

When the bell rang, I rushed out of class, desperate to get away. Josh had kept glancing at me all through the period, and my soulmark had itched furiously at his proximity. 

Josh didn't have any other morning classes with me, but I still couldn’t focus on my lessons with thoughts of him swimming through my mind. I should be happy that he was around, and that he seemed sweet and thoughtful, if his interpretation of our soulmark was any indication. So why did I feel like I was the wrong one for him? That the soulmark had appeared on my skin by accident?  

I shook my head, feeling nauseous again. I should be happy damn it! It wasn’t until I plopped down next to Jenna at our lunch table, that I noticed the two new additions to our group. I glanced up from the table to see Josh sitting right across from me, studying me quietly. Jenna was turned away from me, her head lowered as she and another new boy whispered to each other. Huge smiles were spread across their faces, and they were sitting way too close for people who just met. This must be her soulmate. One look at his bare left arm, and my suspicions were confirmed. 

The two were completely oblivious to their surroundings, which tended to happen when soulmates began bonding. 

“That’s Tyler,” a deep voice told me. I glanced over again at Josh, who smiled tentatively. “He’s my best friend, but I guess I’ll have to share him now that he’s found his soulmate.” Josh chuckled and my stomach clenched at the sound. Why was everything about him so attractive? 

I didn’t reply and just nodded. Josh’s face fell again, and I mentally kicked myself for being such a dick. 

Brendon clapped an arm over Josh’s shoulders, “That’s Y/N, she takes a really long time to open up to people, so don’t be too offended by her silent nature. The only reason she hangs out with me is because I sort of forced myself on her. She just can’t escape all this goodness.” Brendon’s eyebrows wiggled as he gestured over his body. I couldn’t help but laugh, and Brendon’s face lit up with the victory. A smile played at Josh’s lips as well. 

“Oh okay, I’ll try and be patient then.” Josh said, glancing at me again with a small smirk. Butterflies decided to dance around my stomach then, and my arm itched. I scratched at it the same time that I noticed Josh scratch his. He noticed this as well and lifted a brow. “What’s your soulmark? If you don’t mind me asking...”

“Oh- it’s uh...” I looked anywhere but at Josh as I tried to decide what to do.

“Y/N doesn’t like to show her soulmark, it’s too personal for her. Even Brendon and I don't know what it is, and we’ve known her for years.” Sarah piped up. I was silently grateful. 

Josh tilted his head, “Aren’t you afraid you won’t find your soulmate if you don’t show it off? What if they walked by you but never knew you were theirs because they couldn't see the mark?” 

I glanced down at Josh’s arm, he had his right sleeve pulled up slightly, showing off some of the brown and green of the mark. Mine itched again, but I ignored it. 

“I’m afraid to meet my soulmate..” my voice was barely above a whisper, and Josh had to lean forward to make out what I said in the loud cafeteria. 

“Why would you be afraid?” he asked, his voice dripping with concern. 

I looked away from him, my eyes not really focusing on anything. “I don’t know I just, I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough for them. Or they’ll be disappointed that it’s me.” My eyes finally met Josh’s again, my cheeks burning. His eyes were filled with a sort of sadness, but also some understanding. 

“I get that. But you know, the universe chose you two to be together for a reason. Your soulmate would be able to look past all the things that you’re insecure about, and probably wouldn’t even see them as flaws.” He looked down at his lap, playing with his fingers absentmindedly. 

“A-as far as I can tell...there’s nothing that you should be insecure about....” he stuttered. Josh’s cheeks flushed as he looked away, as if unable to believe that he just said that. I coughed, trying to release some of the tightness from my throat. 

“T-thank you.”

It was then that Jenna and Tyler joined our conversation, some of the initial soulmate bonding energy subsiding. Conversation flowed easily between the group for the rest of lunch. I learned some more about Tyler and Josh, but elected not to speak at all on it. I instead chose to sit quietly, stealing glances every so often at Josh. More times than not, when I looked up at him, his eyes were already on me. 

My soulmark itched. 

Breadbin 4:08pm

Yo. I’m having a party tonight at my house. You’re coming. You don't have a choice. 

I groaned slightly as I plopped down on my bed. 

Do I have to? 

My phone buzzed instantly. 

Breadbin 4:09pm

Bitch, what did I just say?

I typed out a quick “fine” to Brendon before going to get ready for the party. 

By the time I got to his house, there were already a ton of people there and loud music blasting through the speakers. Didn’t people realize this was a school night? 

My arm itched again and I knew Josh must be here. I found Jenna and Tyler over by the drinks, and weaved my way through the crowd over to them. Jenna’s face lit up when her eyes fell on me, and a smile eased over Tyler’s mouth as well. The pair were holding hands and practically glowing, their matching soulmarks on full display. It was freaking adorable. 

“Hey lovebirds.” I greeted. Jenna giggled and Tyler moved so his arm was around Jenna’s waist, before planting a kiss on her cheek. I always marveled at how quickly soulmates bonded. These two looked as if they had already been dating for a few months with how comfortable they were with each other. 

“Where’s Josh?” Jenna asked Tyler. I narrowed my eyes at her, knowing full well what she was doing. 

Tyler shrugged, “Dunno, he’s around here somewhere. I’ll go look for him.” Tyler left the two of us, but not until he placed another kiss on Jenna’s cheek. 

“What are you doing?” I demanded. 

Jenna just shrugged, a huge smile on her face. “He’s your soulmate Y/N. I’m just trying to bring you two together.” 

I glowered at her, “You know I’m not ready.” 

“No, I know you think you aren’t ready. But the universe has brought him into your life, and I’m not going to let you waste this opportunity.” 

“Jenna-”

“No. Listen to me Y/N. Josh probably already feels the pull towards you. He was in a few of my classes today and kept asking about you. He even asked about your soulmark again- I didn’t tell him, calm down!- but he’s a good guy, and he deserves to know. Both of you deserve to be happy.” 

I stared at my shoes for a moment after she was done, taking in what she said. “I just, I don’t want him to hate me...” I could feel the back of my throat burning and tears stinging my eyes as they threatened to spill over. 

Jenna’s voice softened and she brought me into a hug. “Y/N you are smart, funny, talented, and so so beautiful. You’re even a joy to be around once you open up to people. There’s no way Josh could be disappointed that it’s you.” 

I let her hold me for a minute as my thoughts swirled in my head. When I quietly nodded, she released me and gave me a reassuring nod. “Thanks Jenna.” 

She smiled warmly. “I’m always here for you bud.” 

The two of us went and found Tyler, who still hadn’t seen Josh, but didn't seem worried about it. Instead we mingled a bit, introducing Tyler to some of the people from our school. His hand never left Jenna’s. 

At one point I found myself sitting alone on the couch in Brendon’s living room. He was uproariously dancing on the coffee table, face flushed from the alcohol. I laughed as I watched him, feeling myself relax in the familiarity of his antics. 

The couch dipped beside me, and I looked over to see Josh. He smiled at me, waving slightly. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

We fell silent again, both our gazes wandering to Brendon. “So uh- how are you?” Josh asked. 

I shrugged, glancing at him, “I’m alright. How are- are you settling in? A big party is probably a lot to deal with after just meeting all of us.” 

Josh laughed, and I tried to ignore the way my heart skipped a beat at that. “That’s alright. I like being around people, and it’s probably better meeting everyone all at once this way. Like ripping off a band aid.” 

I nodded at that, chuckling to myself. “I suppose so.”

After another small silence, Josh asked me more about myself, like what my interests were, and what type of music I liked. We both bonded over liking the same bands, and he suggested some new ones to me, as well as the fact that we both loved cats, the x-files, and cereal was most definitely it’s own food group. I lost track of time talking to him, it was so easy, and I felt some of my walls dropping. My soulmark itched the entire time. 

Suddenly, Brendon plopped himself into my lap, planting a sloppy wet kiss on my cheek. “Y/N!” he yelled, slurring slightly, “Come dance with me!” Josh laughed as Brendon hopped off my lap and grabbed my wrists, pulling me up. We stumbled, and the sleeve on my right arm pushed up slightly. The three of us froze, the colors on my arm clearly visible. 

My eyes flew to Josh, who’s gaze was fixed on my mark. My stomach coiled tightly. 

“I-is that?” Brendon began, his eyes drifting from my arm to Josh.

Before anything else could be said, I shook myself free of Brendon’s grasp, and bolted from the house. I heard Josh call my name behind me, but I ignored him and kept running, my insecurities running wild inside my head. 

“Y/N, please! Stop!” Josh shouted, his footsteps echoing on the empty street behind me. He finally reached me, grabbing my elbow to pull me to a halt. I refused to make eye contact with him, not turning around. He released me when he was sure I would no longer run. The two of us stood there, in the chilly night air, our breaths coming in rapid huffs. 

“Can I see?” he asked quietly. 

I shook my head, but turned around to face him, eyes still focused on my shoes. 

“Why?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

It felt stupid, but tears began to fall, burning my cheeks as they slid down. “Because I- I’m not good enough.” 

I could see Josh shake his head in my peripherals. After what felt like an eternity, “Please.” he whispered. “Please, I’ve been waiting for so long... Please don’t hide from me.” 

I didn’t respond, but I didn't pull away when Josh gently took my arm. He slowly pushed up my sleeve, each second feeling like an hour. Finally the entirety of my mark was exposed, and I could hear Josh’s breath catch. A sob escaped my lips.

This was it. He would hate me now. He’s probably so upset that it’s me that he gets stuck with. This ugly, weird, awkward girl, who’s not good at anything or worth much. I wouldn’t be surprised if he walked away right there. 

But Josh didn't walk away. Instead, he surprised both of us and crashed his lips into mine. Hands gripping desperately at my hips and lower back, drawing me against him. Stars exploded behind my closed eyelids, and my stomach did somersaults. I kissed him back, marveling at the taste of him. There was mint and coffee, and a little bit of sweetness that I couldn't place. He smelled like cinnamon and wood smoke, and heat bloomed in my lower abdomen. 

My soulmark no longer itched, but instead burned lightly. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, it instead felt so, so right. 

When Josh finally came up for air, he leaned his forehead against mine, hands not letting me escape his closeness. “You are the most beautiful, and perfect person that I have ever laid my eyes on. I had a feeling-” He pulled back, tilting his head up to look at the night sky, a wet gleam in his eyes. “I had a feeling, that moving here would be good for me. That something was waiting for me.” He brought his eyes down to meet mine, and I couldn’t look away. “Then when I saw you in class- it sounds so stupid- but my mark itched, and I hoped that it was you.” 

I was crying harder now, and Josh gently wiped away the tears that fell, still clutching me tightly to him. “I’m so sorry, I just, I let my insecurities get to me, and I couldn't bring myself to-”

“Shh, it's okay. We all have our insecurities. But I want you to know,” he placed a kiss on my lips again, butterflies jolted through me, “that I will do whatever I can, every day, to show you how perfect you are.” 

I nodded, burying my face in his chest, relishing his warmth around me. I mumbled into his chest, and he leaned down, his warm breath on my ear. “What?” he asked gently. 

“Is it too early to say that I love you?” I asked. 

He laughed, clutching me tighter, as impossible as that seemed. 

“You’re my soulmate. You can love me whenever you feel like. And honestly,” Josh cupped my face in his hands, bringing my eyes up to meet his again, “I think I’ve loved you long before I met you.” 

I smiled, and met his lips in another kiss.