writing a blog with a specific subject and a different route, something not usual to what i do.
currently living in a world full of chaos, damage, and negativity but somehow it is filled with love bc of a specific person. she is not just a person but someone very special, someone valuable in ways i cannot even fully explain.
the signs were there but the feelings were denied. it was a crowded november night filled with people celebrating something i can barely remember now. but what i do remember is how my heart suddenly started racing out of nowhere when i got home. it was not heavy, not weird, just something quietly itching inside my chest, something that stayed with me the whole night.
that feeling was discarded for the rest of the year. or at least i tried to. it worked but did it really?
it is march now and there it was again. the same feeling from that november night came back, only stronger. an ache, but not the kind that breaks you. it was softer, deeper. an ache that reached my stomach. butterflies, maybe?
discarding everything felt like the safest choice. i was scared of ruining what we already had. things were going well, better than well actually. the late night talks, the random chikas that seemed simple but somehow meant more than they should.
and then the feeling grew.
first week of april. it took one specific event, one drunk night, for everything to become louder. i act like i do not remember it, but i do. i know exactly what happened. the way our hands touched, the way i laid my head on her shoulder. my heart was beating so fast but i could not fully appreciate it, my system was too clouded with alcohol.
but when i woke up, it was the first thing on my mind.
i went home and told myself i would disregard it again, bury it like before, because i do not want to ruin everything. but suddenly things felt different. something shifted. i think she knew, or maybe i am just assuming. i do not want to assume, but there is this quiet feeling that she does.
and still, i do not know.
she is the most special girl, someone beautiful not just on the outside but even more within. a smart girl full of goals, full of light, full of positivity. someone who feels like she belongs in better, brighter places. a kind of beauty that feels almost heavenly.
how can i not fall?
and somehow, in the middle of everything, going to school and dealing with life, just seeing her makes my day. just one glimpse of her and everything feels a little lighter, a little easier, a little more okay.
