#deidei

Anxiety took the better of you. Your body stiffened and yet trembled as if you’re shivering from a non existent chill. Tension arose from your spine and up towards your neck where the tiny hairs stuck up on end. Breathing became shaky no matter how hard you attempted to ease it with steady breaths. Your heart felt full of pain and yet so empty at the same time. Times like this you didn’t know what to do, fight it? endure it? run from it? scream? cry? Who knows at this rate. Your heart begged you to call for help but your mind wanted to feel strong and tackle this matter alone. Pacing up and down your bedroom didn’t help either, it only made your shoulders ache from rigidness. Your mind was always so harsh on you in times like this and you have slowly grown to accept it, sometimes giving in, other times letting it boil up until the brink of explosions; regardless, the outcome was always unhealthy. But this time you needed to tackle this, for you. Taking place at the centre of your rug, back straight and legs crossed. You touched knuckles, forearms resting on thighs and thumbs connected by the tips.

Three deep slow breaths in and out will help you thought,

In ...and out.

In ...and out.

In ...and out.

Your eyes naturally closed, at first you squinted them shut out of habit as you focused on your painfully shaky chest and breath, hoping and begging for it to calm.

A knock on your door startled you, you told yourself to ignore it.

Now is the time to focus on me, I can’t let it take over, nor can I let anyone see me in this vulnerable state. I don’t want to be weak anymore.