#deformisia

Tw for SA, slut shaming, and transphobia

I have rosacea and constantly got teased and made fun of for “blushing” because I was the fat kid and they found the idea of me having a crush on someone amusing.

I got called a whore as a preteen because I was fat “ugly” and started developing big breasts around age twelve. Specifically with the stereotype of the fat prostitute in mind. That really put me off bright colors, shorter cut clothes, and makeup for years. I’m ashamed to admit that up until a few years ago I had some pretty bad issues with misogyny.

A friend’s mother said to me that “at the very least, you have your breasts” when I admitted to being insecure about my skin. I was thirteen.

I was constantly made the butt of jokes and expected to take it because otherwise people wouldn’t want to be friends with me. There was a period of time where the running joke was that I was a dog. I was told I looked and sounded like a pug. I had severe anxiety and undiagnosed asthma.

I was taken advantage of romantically and sexually on numerous occasions during my late childhood, teens and young adulthood because I was ugly enough that they “figured I didn’t get enough attention and was desperate.”

I got told I was being a creep for making the same jokes and saying the same things that my “friend” group at the time did.

After I came out as trans, I was told “is that your excuse?” in regards to my appearance.

“Well at least you’re safe,” said in response to me (a child at the time) worrying about a neighbor who was rumored to be a predator. (He wasn’t actually predator, it was the mother. See the “friend’s mom” thing I said earlier. I just want to clarify.) I’ve also been told “you’re not that pretty” when trying to complain about a customer creeping on me.

Having jokes made at my expense about putting a paper bag over my head or turning out the lights before getting it on.

Having a coworker with her own insecurities only back off from bullying me when I made jokes about my own appearance and weight.

This is lookism, fatphobia, transphobia, deformisia, misogyny and SA.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. You were just a kid.

Not to mention the societal presumption of "Ugly = drug addict = poor = domestic/child abuser" that gets you turned away from most job opportunities.

It's like the snake eating its own tail except it's just you constantly being accused and mistreated for things outside your control (i.e., genetics) and suffering because of it, which leads you to appear unhealthy and therefore even more "ugly."

This is lookism and clasissm.

This comes from the knowledge that most of the facets that are deemed as ugly are "fixable" if you have enough money.

Wrinkles? Expensive creams and cosmetic surgery (ageism). Obesity/fatness? Ozempic, fat removals and expensive diets (fatphobia). Darker skin? Skin bleaching (colorism). Non western face complexions and afro/curly hair? Cosmetic surgery, hair relaxers/treatments and real hair wigs (racism). Face deformities? Plastic surgery (deformisia). Acne/acne scars? Skin care and expensive treatments (deformisia).

This is lookism and deformisia working hand in hand.