#deep grief

As long as you live, you will get to feel it. And you can do something about it, everything changes all the time while living. And all the time you fight against the changes, you cling to what you have, what you know, as if that's how it should always be.

What a waste of life you live when you fight against change and resist pain.

Don't waste a single minute trying to control what is happening or trying to resist change. It's just a waste of time!

Live in the present, don't live in the future, don't live in the past. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and the past only exists if you think about it.

Appreciate what you have and every resistance you face teaches you something important about yourself. You are much stronger than you think, spread joy, spread love, don't spend time on things that take your energy but rather things that fill your mind with creativity and knowledge!

Finding my own happiness

I’m honored to be a part of a new series about living post loss. Please follow the link at the end of this post to learn more about #OnComingAlive. I didn’t fall in love and then become happy again. My story is bigger and deeper than that. I used to believe my happiness came from my relationships. It took me losing my husband to understand that happiness comes from within. Once, I found that,…

    I stood at the side of a casket too small to accept. Pink roses were draped everywhere. And I watched my mom as she lay across the casket. Within that casket laid part of her heart, so quiet and so still. Her little girl was gone.

    It was the type of loss that cuts a heart so viciously it forever defines you. A loss called “deep grief.”

    I remember standing paralyzed at the funeral. Just days before we were doing everyday things; suddenly it all stopped. People were everywhere. Soft chatter filled in the gaps of our stunned silence. Eventually people went back to their own lives, and we carried on with ours, bound in deep grief.

    I desperately longed for God to fix things. To take away my bloodshot eyes. To take away my anger toward him. To take away my guilt for being the one that lived. I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy, ever again.

    This is the reality of deep grief. Even when you love God and believe in his promises, healing takes time.

    It takes wading through an ocean of tears.

    It takes discovering one day that the sun still shines and it’s okay to smile.

    It takes prayer, and a decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective.

    Then one day you take off the blanket of deep grief. You fold it neatly and tuck it away. You no longer hate it or resist it. For underneath it, wondrous things have happened. Things that can only come about when Divine hope intersects with a broken world.

    And finally you can see years stretching before you once again. You look up, blow a kiss, wipe a tear and find it’s still possible to dance.