#debilitating

I get alot of throat held anxiety that makes me feel kinda sick so I'm making it my mission this week to do more breathing exercises and pilates!! I'll still do my morning jogs <33 plus I'll drink tea too cus that helps me relax tensed up muscles. I gotta find a way to survive this week >.< I have therapy again next monday with a new provider!!! And I'm so so excited 💗💗💗 I'll prob be able to tell her more deep stuff about myself this time. Wish me luckkkk🍀🍀🍀 whenever I dont have therapy now I end up in a piss poor mood

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I'm posting this so you can read it for research purposes... Or sth idk

My mercury is in pisces in revati pada 1

So it's not exactly a full debilitation, but I've read that it still has a part of the effect.

Now i do have neechbhang raj yoga so it makes stuff more interesting.

The good:

I'm quite intuitive and have a natural, intuitive problem solving ability. This means i can quickly sense the solution to a problem without having to think logically about it first. Im very good at philosophy and logic, as well as finding holes in logic. I often find issues in my own logic and beliefs before others point it out so I can self correct. I'm artistic and have original ideas and unique solutions to problems. I'm also good at reading between the lines, noticing patterns, psychology.

The bad:

But im not the best with memory or paying attention. Im often distracted and in my own world. Im not very good with wayfinding or money calculations. I didn't have much issue with studies growing up, but once stuff got hard, like in higher standards, and i couldn't rely on my natural skillset, it got HARD hard. I used to tell myself to get up at 5 am. to study, but I would just lie on my bed. Cause I mentally couldn't get myself to do stuff on time. And it would feel like I've put so much effort and felt drained, but the results were average.

But since im so good at other stuff, sometimes it's very baffling to me how I struggle with such simple and obvious things. Like in my mind, it seems doable, but then I attempt it and find a mental blockage. This happens with stuff like following instructions(😭), being mindful, or doing practical stuff.

The weird:

This is really weird, and this might be my rahu conjuncting mercury, but I sometimes let myself be misunderstood if I can skip explaining myself or wasting time. Like conciously saying something blatantly wrong so the other person is more motivated to quickly tell me the right answer without me having to ask and waste emotional energy. I only do this sometimes, and it makes me feel like something possesses me to do this.😭

Since I'm good at noticing patterns in people and reading between the lines, I tend to underexplain myself, thinking others can do the same. This has got me in some trouble, as you can imagine, as my intentions are often misunderstood. So i can be quite bad at explaining myself.

The "I'm working on it":

I chose academically challenging subjects at every point in my life. I even chose my specific field of work so I can learn how to use my strange brain better and learn to apply my creativity in a practical way.

Due to the huge phase of my life where I was learning how to study, I now know how to maximize marks in a short period of time and study very strategically during exam times.

Regarding the memory and attention span stuff, I think the main thing I do is just try to be more "aware" in my life. Of people, of my surroundings, of life themes and all the jazz.

I try to make life choices that push me out of my comfort zone, like putting myself in leadership positions or in the spotlight, which makes me properly communicate with others. Or even making blogs like this that make me express myself in a very clear way to an audience whose communication preferences and biases I don't know.(I might not be doing the best job rn esp with phrasing cuz it's the end of the day and I'm tired)

I have a big self-improvement mentality. I'm a constant work in progress, and this is not out of self-hatred, but fueled simply by the innate hunger to improve. This might be the neech bhang yoga working.

i have been stricken with the unquenchable desire for a burger

i’ve spent far too many nights not being able to fall asleep because my muscles have grown into webs of knots and pressure my nerves so much that i feel it in my throat. not my neck. my throat. and my lungs. i’ve had breathing issues for years.

and i have a slew of other medical issues that have gone unattended because in comparison to that pain, it’s nothing, even if that pain is what’s causing it.