#topgun

He's so damn glad that he got into Top Gun, but he has been so spacey, and the only time you ever get him to pay attention to you is when he wants something. If this relationship had been just casual it probably wouldn't have been an issue but that's not what this is this is supposed to be a full-blown complete relationship, he has completely ditched you on dates last minute because he's been focusing on work, there's been several nights he's come over in the middle of the night and left by the morning before you'd even woke up.

You told him over and over that this isn't a life and it's like dating a ghost, but he didn't listen. He thought it would be fine, just like every other time that he's done this. You've been breaking, and he just hasn't seen it because he doesn't want to.

So just like any other night, he doesn't text or anything; he just comes over to your apartment. Jake tries his key, and it doesn't work; his brows are fraught with confusion, and he goes to call your phone, but it goes straight to voicemail. He goes to his text messages to text you and see what the hell is going on, and he sees a text he hadn't even noticed

My Guardian Angel 😇🙏🏻: "Jake, I love you, and it's killing me to do this, but I can't keep going on like this. You mean so much to me, but it's so clear that I'm not your priority... Don't come look for me because I don't want to be found. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. I don't want to do this, but I think we need some time apart."

His heart sinks, and he knows now that you're not at your apartment. Jake knows he's fucked up; when he tries to respond with a text, it won't go through. Did you block him? Is he out to lose the best thing that he's ever had because he's neglected her for so long? Jake gets into his truck, dialing Phoenix, but she doesn't pick up, instead shooting him a text.

Phoenix 🐦‍🔥: "Go fuck yourself, Bagman."

Hangman 🤡 : "Please tell me where she is, Nat."

Phoenix 🐦‍🔥 : "Even if I knew where she is, which I don't, I wouldn't fucking tell you. You know you're such a selfish asshole. Even though I am working just as hard as you are, I find time for her and everyone else I find important. Is this job even worth it if you have no one to go home to?"

Jake's heart sank into his ass because she's right; who would he go home to if not you? All this hard work and for what, the possibility that he might fly this single mission? The mission is always important, but if something fails or he can't fly anymore...what's left? He blinks a few times as his vision starts to blur, starting the truck up to look anywhere and everywhere he can. Jake calls your mom, voicemail. He tries to call Bradley and only gets a middle finger text message back.

Where could you be? Your mom's... he drives there rather quickly, speeding way past the speed limit; the trees blur as he shoots past them down the road. Jake doesn't notice it yet, but his hands are shaking, and he's so damn scared that you won't want to see him again, that it's all over because he decided to neglect you on something you had inspired him to do. His head fills with the memory of how it had happened.

You had sat on his lap with the computer in your hand, "Baby, I know you can do it. I don't understand why you just won't apply."

"I mean, that's a big deal, and I don't know that I can do it." He rubs your thighs and buries his face in your hair; you've always been so supportive of him even when he thinks he can't do it. The only person he ever would think to take his guard down around.

"If you don't apply, then I'm going to do it for you. I mean it scares the shit out of me thinking of you out there, but I know you want this and I believe in you. I know you'll always come home; no one's a better pilot as you always tell me." You gently set the laptop on the couch beside you both and rub your nose against his, pressing your forehead against his as well.

"If you really think I can do it, I'll sign up, Darlin." Jake grabbed the laptop and started to fill out his application to go ahead and try to be in the Top Gun program.

The memory fades as he pulls up to a stoplight, his hands gripping the steering wheel harder and harder. Everything he's done, he's done for you... At least that's what he's told himself, but in striving to be the best. He's put you on the back burner, the one person that would bend over backwards for him, and he's treated her like complete garbage. Another memory comes forward.

"Babe, what the hell? You said we were going out tonight. You promised. This is like the third time this has happened." You're all dressed up, and you look amazing, and it's clearly taking you quite a while. Several times you asked him if he was getting ready, and he said yes because he's not paying attention.

"Mav says-"

"Oh, here we go. Mav says...Baby, I love you, but Mav's not fuckin here right now! This is supposed to be me and you, you and me, not you and him! I'm tired of being a fucking convenience for you to just want whatever is convenient, or you just want sex! You go out with the guys all the time, but you never fucking make time for me!" Tears have filled your eyes, and you've thrown up your hands with annoyance, your lip trembling as your heart shatters, but he let his ego fuel him and told himself he wasn't the problem. He heard the door slam, but he didn't get up. The memory fades, and Jake picks up the phone and texts Bob.

Hangman: "Please, for the love of God, tell me you know where she is."

Baby On Board ⚠️: "I do."

Hangman: "Tell me where she is."

Baby On Board ⚠️: "She told me not to."

Hangman: "Is she at least okay?"

Baby On Board ⚠️: "She's alright. Just give her some time, Jake. She's pretty broken up."

Hangman: "I'm not going to push her... I just wanted to know I love her and I hope it's not too late."

Baby On Board ⚠️: "Listen man, I'm not even supposed to talk to you about her. I mean, you've kind of been ditching her a lot. For us...For the job... I'm not going to go against her wishes, especially right now."

Another memory flashed in his mind. "Where are you going?" He had seen you all dressed up, looking like a goddess personified. Jake didn't know this til now, but you were doing this on purpose to try to get his attention. You were trying to make him jealous just so he would pay attention to you, but he didn't.

"Oh, I'm just going out to the bar." You had smiled that same sort of smile you gave him when you had initially seen him all those years ago, flirty. The kind of smile that had made him and every man in the vicinity weak in the knees. He didn't even fully notice it, and he just waved you on your way. Unbeknownst to him, you didn't go out that night; you went over to Phoenix's place for some comfort because he had yet again refused to notice you as he studied on his laptop with a beer in his hand.

Hangman: "Yeah, I suppose you're right. Look, man, I'm really sorry for getting you involved. I guess I'll just go home and give her some space. And if she's truly done with me, just let her know it's not her fault. If I had done more, maybe she wouldn't be gone."

~ A Few Weeks Later ~

You sat there with black streaks of mascara running down your cheeks, spaced out as you stayed in your car wondering how you were supposed to get through this funeral, burdened with guilt. Was it your fault he crashed? Is it your fault he's not here anymore? Every time before a test flight or mission, you'd always wish him luck, and being how you've been, you didn't tell him that.

Going through the motions, your feet just move on their own, and somehow you're now sitting down in front of a large coffin...with his photo beside it. You've bitten your fingernails down to the point they're bleeding, but you need something to distract you from this pain...the entire funeral was a complete blur. They're the tightness in your throat, and it feels like you can't breathe. You're freezing even if his jacket rests around your shoulders.

Is it your fault that this happened? Was he distracted because you left without saying goodbye? Your whole body is shaking, and your face is so puffy. Tears roll down your cheeks, down your neck to the extra set of dog tags that gave you...The tears darkened the deep voided color you're wearing. This isn't how this was supposed to happen... The two of you were supposed to get married and get a house together... fight over stupid shit like whoever forgot to take the laundry out of the washer, fight over whose side of the bed was whose, even though you knew he wasn't going to let you sleep next to the door... You were supposed to have all those small, trivial moments that every couple hates and takes for granted.

Were you so wrapped up in your own self and your own problems that you just didn't even remotely take the time to see him and his perspective until it was too late? A sudden gunshot has you jumping out of your seat...Every single shot in the volley after making the hole in your chest even larger and your throat even tighter... You can't even sob at this point because you can't breathe. His sisters and his mother wailing like all hope has just dried up even as his father tries to comfort them...

You look up as you hear him call your name, and then you feel sudden pain in your chest and a loud noise. Looking down, there's nothing but blood, and you realize you've been shot.

AH AH AH AH AH

The alarm blares as you wake up fully, sitting up abruptly. Your nails are digging into your palm, and you've made yourself bleed a little. Face extremely puffy, and your pillow is soaked with tears. Running your fingers through your hair, you decide to sit up more fully even with the pounding in your head... taking a few deep but shaky breaths.

You look over at your phone on the charger, several texts from Jake that you've been avoiding, but he keeps on sending them because he knows you unblocked his number.

1 Week Ago - My Devilman 🤭: Thank God you unblocked my number. You should have seen the flight today; it was fucking crazy. Of course, but because it's yours truly, I had no issue."

1 Week Ago - My Devilman 🤭: "You know it's all cause of you that I've succeeded the way I have; if you never pushed me to be something greater than what I thought I could be, and if it wasn't you that put up with my bullshit every day. I know you're mad at me, and you have a good reason to be, but I love you, and I'm not gonna stop loving you even if the feeling isn't mutual anymore."

6 Days Ago - My Devilman 🤭: "I went out with the boys tonight...I stopped myself from asking them how you are, even if I wanted nothing more than to know that you're okay. I fucked up, and I miss you so much."

5 Days Ago - My Devilman 🤭: "You know every time I close my eyes I see you... Thinking of you is the only reason I can sleep at night. I don't think I can thank everyone else enough for taking care of you, Angel."

3 Days Ago - My Devilman 🤭: "I know you're seeing my messages because I can see that you've read them. I'm just letting you know in case you want to turn that off. Maybe I'm just overthinking, but I'm hoping that it means maybe you want to try again even if it isn't right now."

1 Day Ago - My Devilman 🤭: "Happy birthday, My Angel. I'm sorry I've been such a jackass... I used to think it was part of my charm, my ego, but turns out I'm just an asshole. I hope you have a good day, and I hope you know I care about you and you're not alone."

.... ..... .... typing

You instantly picked up the phone and called him sobbing...You didn't know what to say or how to say it, so you just sat there on the phone crying. "Hey- Hey, Honey...Are you okay?" His voice sounds so remorseful, and just the tiniest sound of him has you sobbing even harder. "I know... I know, Sweetheart, I've been an asshole...Are you all right? You don't got to tell me where you're at; you just got to tell me you're okay, Baby."

You broke down sobbing even harder..."I- Is...Is this..." You choke on a sob, your throat still tight. "This..."

"Take all the time you need...Breathe." His voice is so gentle and so soothing, and it's the one thing you need at this moment besides an overwhelmingly tight bear hug, to bury your face in the warmth of him, the sound of his heartbeat, and the smell of him.

"Is this real? Are you?" You ask yet again, choking on a sob. This isn't the first time you've had an extremely realistic nightmare about him dying. It's not the first time that you've had to call him to make sure he's real and he's alive. The last time was because you couldn't get a hold of him; no one was answering their phone, so you just had to spiral for several hours, and so he told you, if you need to know, always just ask him if it's real.

"Yes, Angel...I'm real...I'm alive, Honey. Do you want me to come pick you up? I mean, I have no idea where you're at, but I'll cuss out Mav if it gets me there to you....If- If that's what you want." He's trying to joke about doing something he never does, like cuss out Mav, even as he's so desperately worried for you.

"I'm at Bradley's..." You sniffle and hold the phone tighter. He's not even remotely mad at his colleagues; Jake's glad they gave you a place to stay. All this bullshit being his fault, he's not surprised every single one of them was pissed off at him even if they understood a little, and he's glad they are because this situation isn't even remotely your fault. You tried so many times to get him to pay attention, to see how badly you were struggling, and he wishes he would have realized a lot sooner... it would have saved you both a lot of pain.

"Don't worry, I'll be there before you know it." He didn't say anything else, but he didn't hang up on you either...You hear him ask Maverick if he can leave; of course, he knows about the, and he feels for him because he knows he's done the same type of shit, so he lets him go... You hear him race to his truck, the door to the vehicle opening and closing before he turns it on...the keys jingling...driving to you...hearing the sound of the tires on the road...

You try your best to calm yourself and work through breathing... even as your hands shake and you have to tighten your grip on the phone just so you won't drop it. You're freezing, and it's not even cold in here, but before you know it, you hear a knock on your door as the phone call ends.

"Pizza Delivery Service." You hear Jake's voice; he's joking to try to make the very heavy moment lessen in tension. The corner of your mouth turns up just a little before you bolt to the door, throwing it open and hugging him as tightly as you can.

"I don't actually have pizza; that was a lie." He again jokes as he wraps his arms around you tightly and buries his face in your hair; He hasn't realized it until now, but he's shaking too. Jake's so goddamn sorry for everything that's happened...He picks you up around the waist, letting you wrap your legs around him...your body trembling as you let out silent tears and sobs. He sits down on Bradley's couch, pulling you into his chest as he rubs your back.

"Darlin, I ain't ever leaving you again. I'm never letting you feel like that again... I'm so goddamn sorry for making you feel like you were anything other than a priority. You're the best part of me...and if you let me, I'll be the rest of my life trying to prove to you how sorry I am, Angel." He kisses your forehead, silent tears falling down his own face. Jake's honest; he almost lost the one true thing that he's fully cared about, and he wouldn't let almost become fully realized as actuality.

Song Inspo: She Wouldn't Be Gone - Blake Shelton, Just A Dream - Carrie Underwood, The Man I Want To Be - Chris Young