#dearyoungerself

If only you saw what I see now, maybe you would have loved yourself sooner. I want to thank the parts of me that have helped me along the way so you recognize what you had back then.

To the eyes that that don’t seem open enough at times. The almond shape and the dark color, sometimes I wonder if people even see you? For such a small body part, you sure do hold a lot of power. Thank you for guiding my way and letting me witness sunsets, cities, nature, and those I love.

To the mouth that doesn’t know what language to speak at times. Never stop talking. Let your voice be heard. Let the smallness of your lips be a surprise to those who hear you out. You have more to share than you think.

To the hair that has always received compliments, your roots will always be glossed in black, from the Asian culture you come from. Those roots never let you forget that; no matter how much bleach and dye is put into it.

To the arms that could never reach the top, you found your own way to the top. Without you, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to hug another, or to reach for the stars, and to carry those who have fallen.

To the hands that were never “normal”; they have gone through so much trauma and to accomplish all you have with them, I am forever grateful. Thank you for not limiting me and my abilities. I wish I had appreciated you more and realized my self worth. I am sorry for defining myself through you to some degree.

To the legs that tried to keep up with the world, you were never behind. You made your own strides and went your own way. Though there were bruises and bleeding along the way, your strength is what kept you going.

To the feet that keep me upright, you carry more weight than you know. Thank you for keeping me standing even during the storms.

To the heart that has felt everything and is still beating. That is strength.

To my younger self, I wish you saw how valuable all these parts are and how they would influence you sooner. I hope you appreciate what you have and learn to love yourself as I am continuing to do so even today.

~ Yours Truly,

Hi little freak, this is future Vincent …

I know that you were born as a nerd back in the day. Aku ingat ketika kita masih SD, kau pernah berjalan dengan penuh percaya dirinya membawa koper bukannya tas ransel. Kamu tau seluruh anak melihatmu dan menertawakanmu pada saat itu, tapi kamu ga peduli. You just trying to be yourself, which one thing that i proud of from you.

Apakah kau ingat juga ketika kau berkata ke ibumu waktu itu saat kamu lihat ibu pengemis tua dipinggir jalan bahwa ‘jantung’ mu terasa sakit? Don’t be afraid, cause I still feeling it till now. Its just a sign that we both have a good heart. Yang mana itu sangat langka di dunia sekarang ini, jadi ketika kamu mengalaminya, make sure you don’t resist it. Dengan begitu, kamu tau alasan dan tujuan kamu hidup.

Sepanjang hidupmu, kamu akan membuat banyak sekali kesalahan. Tidak heran. Tapi bagaimanapun itu, kamu akan belajar banyak hal karenanya. So, be brave, don’t be afraid to make one.

I know you’ve been struggle to earn trust inside your family, and its giving you a hard time. I know that for sure, its not easy. Tapi kamu harus tau, kalau keluargamu mencintaimu. Ingatkah ketika awal itu semua terjadi, kesalahan besar yang kamu buat. Ayah ibumu tidak memarahimu sedikitpun. Secara tidak langsung mereka mengajarkanmu untuk selalu berbuat benar, walaupun orang disekitarmu tidak melihat atau bahkan percaya kepadamu.

Pesanku yang penting berikutnya adalah, don’t get too hard at your mom, because sometimes she just confused. Beliau terbiasa mengajarkan seperti guru bukan sebagai seorang ibu, you should now that. Seringkali perang dingin terjadi karena kalian berdua sama-sama keras kepala. Maka dari itu, kamu harus belajar untuk lebih sering mendengar agar dapat mengenal perspektif yang berbeda dari tiap orang. Aku juga tahu kamu sangat ingin membuat ibumu bangga, tapi setelah semua yang telah atau akan kamu lakukan, ibumu akan selalu tampak tidak bangga terhadapmu. Untuk itu janganlah kecewa, just do the best for yourself.

Tentang kehidupan romantismu. We’ve both know that we are not quite good looking. Tapi jangan terlalu kuatir, kamu akan lebih sering diselamatkan oleh kata-katamu. Sometimes it makes you real charmer, but don’t get to cocky, because you have to be careful with that. Kamu harus bersiap pada segala hal yang akan terjadi dan semua hal yang kamu inginkan belum tentu akan kamu dapatkan. Sakit hati itu pasti, tapi karena itu belajarlah untuk tidak menyakiti hati orang lain.

Terdapat satu kejadian dimana kamu akan mengalami yang namanya near death experience. Its okay, and you will survive. Peristiwa itu akan membuka matamu dan menyadarkanmu akan hal penting di hidup ini.

Dari semua itu, dan segala keanehanmu. I just wanna say, that I proud of you. Eventhou everybody has doubting you, including me (most of the time). But that’s okay. Kamu harus belajar menyayangi dirimu sendiri karna kita berdua tahu, kita sering kali memperdulikan orang lain tanpa memikirkan diri kita sendiri. You’re perfect, you just don’t know it yet.

“Everything I’ve gone through has brought me to this point, and made me a man who I am today”

Stop hoarding everything. You will never use it, you will never clean it up, and you will never keep it tidy.

Also, stop eating chips for meals. It’s not right.